Chasing Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “That’s not right!” I argue.

  “Sorry to ruin your day, sweetheart. But it’s right.” He winks at me, making my insides melt. “And the one getting roast beef? They’re fattening him up to be next.”

  “There is no way that’s true. Who would make up a nursery rhyme like that?”

  “Lots of old nursery rhymes have hidden meanings. They were created during dark times.”

  “Don’t listen to him, Maize,” I turn and tell Maize who has no idea what’s going on. But I like to pretend she does and that we’re on each other’s side anyway. “Your daddy’s just bitter that this is a green and gold household now.” I tickle under her chin to get another little smile and giggle out of her.

  “Keep pushin’ me, Mila,” he taunts, poking me in the side. “And you’ll be out on your ass like the trash you’re wearing.”

  I gasp, my eyes widening at his little threat. “Better watch that filthy mouth, Daddy,” I tease, glancing over at Maize who’s watching us. “You’re so lucky I won’t be here for football season. I would crush you!” The words slip out of my mouth, and I playfully punch him in the shoulder, but his mood goes somber.

  “Why won’t you be here?” he asks. My heart drops to my toes, and I’m grateful Maize uses that exact moment to scream her head off.

  Picking her up, I wipe her face with a burp rag and start moving around the kitchen to make her a bottle. John is still standing, watching.

  “So what’s the occasion for the jerseys anyway?” he finally asks, digging around the fridge.

  “There’s a special on tonight featuring Rodgers and all the kick as—er—butt records he’s dominated.”

  John grabs a beer and takes a swig as his eyes continue staring into my soul. He chugs half of it before he sets it down.

  “Well, I better take Maize off your hands then. You’ll want to be able to focus for those twenty seconds,” he taunts, reaching out to grab Maize from my arms.

  “Pretty big sh—er—crap talker for someone who roots for a team whose best record is for having the most player arrests without getting suspended.” I place my hands on my hips, daring him to talk his way out of that one.

  “Damn,” John howls. “You go right for the jugular.”

  “Hey…you mess with the bull, you get the horns.” I mimic a set of horns with my fingers and point them at him. “But not you, Maize,” I tell her sweetly, wrinkling my nose at her while John holds her. “You’re way too sweet to be a Cowboy’s fan.”

  “Didn’t realize I had a football guru in my house.” He snorts, taking the bottle from the counter.

  I walk around him and look over my shoulder. John’s studying me, and I catch his eyes on my ass. “I’m not all long legs and boobs, ya know?”

  He clears his throat and starts feeding Maize her bottle to distract me from the fact he just got busted. “Don’t worry. Your smartass mouth hasn’t gone unnoticed,” he retorts, his lips slightly tilting up in a mock smile.

  “And neither has your bad taste in football teams.”

  Chapter Twenty

  JOHN

  As I was walking back from the barn, I decided to sneak into the house and see Maize. One of the benefits of working at the B&B is seeing my baby girl anytime I want. I walk through the front door and see Maize on the floor. I crawl down to her level and give her some kisses. As soon as I get back to my feet, I hear Mila chatting on speakerphone with someone in the laundry room. I stand there for a moment, contemplating if I should interrupt or not, but she’s so caught up in her conversation I decide not to. Instead, I go into my bedroom to grab a clean shirt. Jackson needed help unloading a horse, and somehow, I ended up with shit all over me.

  After I change shirts, I head into the kitchen for something to drink and can overhear Mila’s conversation as she sits on the couch. Just as I’m about to let her know I’m in here, the person on the other line asks Mila about teaching jobs and if she’s had any calls for interviews. When Mila responds that she has a voicemail for a job opportunity in her hometown, my heart shrivels like a raisin. I realize how much of a dick I’ve been this last week as I avoided her.

  Why hadn’t I asked Mila what her future plans were? I knew she wasn’t from around here, but I hadn’t anticipated the probability of losing her as a nanny this soon. By the tone of her voice, I know it’s not something she wants to discuss right now. Before she turns around and catches me eavesdropping, I make my way out the back door with a racing heart.

  I walk down the back porch and find Jackson sleeping on a bench. I nudge him until he rolls off and hits the ground with a thud.

  “You’re the biggest dick I know,” he tells me, rubbing his face.

  “And I have the biggest one too.” I laugh. “Hate to interrupt your naptime, but can you watch the B&B? I need to go talk to Mama really quick.”

  Jackson huffs. “You ruin all the fun.”

  “Learned it from you, bro!”

  As Jackson walks toward the B&B, I hop in my truck and drive over to my parents’ house. Anytime I need someone to keep me grounded, Mama’s the best person to talk to. She has a way of helping me understand things no one else can, and right now, I need some of that logical advice.

  As soon as I walk inside the house, she’s up on a step stool dusting a ceiling fan.

  “Hey honey, what’s the occasion?” She brushes the hair from her face with the back of her hand and steps down from the stool.

  “I just need to chat with someone who’s not going to judge…too much,” I say with a small smile.

  Mama sits on the couch and pats the spot next to her. “What’s on your mind?”

  “I think Mila is going to leave soon,” I admit. The thought makes me sick.

  With a small smile, Mama nods. “I knew this day was gonna eventually come. Her grandma said something about Mila applying for teaching positions back in Georgia before I even asked if she’d come work for us. I can help you look for a replacement. There’s a woman in my book club at church who has nanny experience. She watched her grandchildren, and the last one just started school this past fall, so I could always ask her if she could. Now that Maize’s on a schedule, you probably don’t need someone to stay twenty-four hours a day anyway.”

  “No, Mama. It’s okay. I’ll figure it out on my own this time.”

  Shaking her head, she grabs my hand. “You knew Mila wasn’t gonna be a long-term solution.” Mama searches my face, and that’s when I watch her features soften. “Oh honey, you’re in love with her.”

  I swallow hard. “You know how I feel?”

  “I see the way you two look at each other. A person would have to be as blind as a bat not to notice. And I know it complicates things even further with her leaving so soon, which means your time is running out.”

  My eyes widen, and it’s the first time I’ve heard it said aloud. I enjoy Mila's company, love being around her, and can’t imagine her not being in Maize’s or my life. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before—not even Bailey. The realization almost takes my breath away, but without a doubt, it steals my words. The thought of her leaving nearly cripples me, and as much as I want to be selfish and ask her to stay, I’d never stop her from following her dreams and keep her in Nowhere, Texas, with me and all of my emotional baggage.

  “I can’t ask her to stay, Mama. I’d feel terrible for holding her back.”

  She smiles again. “Mila’s a smart girl, and she’ll do what she wants, but you have to break out of your shell and tell her how you really feel before someone else snatches her up. If she leaves, there’s no guarantee she’ll ever come back. I know that bull saying that if you let something go and all that, but why would you even risk it? Don’t be stubborn, son.”

  Running my fingers through my hair, I suck in a deep breath and exhale through my nose. I can’t stop thinking about Bailey and how I should’ve told her how I really felt, how I shouldn’t have given up so quickly. Though the cancer was inevitable, at least then I could’ve
been there with her to the end, giving her the love and support she needed. I’ve lived with so much regret ever since I read her note. Regret that’s buried so deep in my soul that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get over.

  Relationships haven’t really been my thing, and now with Maize in the picture, they’re the last thing I need. But it’s not like that with Mila. She’s already a part of the family, and when I watch Maize look at her and smile, it slowly builds a bridge from the dark place in my soul that’s full of regret to where Mila’s standing in the light. The woman has changed me for the better. She loves to give me hell and doesn’t take my shit, and each time I get a sprinkle of her sass, it makes me smile.

  “I’m scared. I’m scared what this will mean for us. I’m afraid of holding Mila back and asking her to stay here with me. What if it doesn’t work out? Mama, this could be a Bailey situation all over again, and I don’t know if I can handle losing someone else that means so much to me.” I feel my walls crumbling, and it takes everything I have to keep my composure. The exhaustion from the past few months may have finally caught up to me, but I’m thinking more clearly than before.

  “Honey, this isn’t another Bailey situation. I don’t know much about you and that girl, and I don’t want to know the details, but you created a beautiful little baby who’s loved by so many. I know it’s a different situation, though, just by everything I’ve witnessed. What happened to Bailey was very tragic, and it breaks my heart, and there’s nothing I can say to ever make it better. I pray for her family, as much as I don’t really like ’em, and I hope that one day they can find peace. I hope one day you can find peace too, John.” Mama’s sincere when she speaks, keeping her voice soft.

  “I will eventually, Mama. It’s just going to take time, I think.”

  Mama stands up. “You need a drink.”

  I follow her to the kitchen, and she takes a glass from the cabinet, then pulls the whiskey from under the counter. My eyes widen when she pours two shots’ worth in the glass and hands it to me.

  “Time is something you don’t have right now. It’s running out. You know what you have to do. And if I know my son, you’ll do the right thing for the both of you.”

  I hold the glass in my hand, look down at it, then drink it dry. It burns going down, a pain I welcome but haven’t felt since Jackson’s Friday night whiskey parties at the house. I let out a chuckle, looking at the empty glass, then set it in the sink.

  “Thanks, Mama.” I walk to her, giving her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She squeezes me hard.

  “Love you so much,” she tells me as we loosen our embrace. “I’m always here whenever you need me.”

  “Love you too, Mama.” I know what I have to do. I give her a smile, then head toward the door. My heart breaks a little when I think about Maize not having a mother to speak to like this; someone who always makes her feel at home and loves her unconditionally no matter what. I’ll have to be both parents for her as best as I can, and I’ve got one of the best examples to follow on the planet. Each day, I’m thankful for Mama and Dad. They showed us what it meant to love and be loved, and that’s something I promised myself I’d teach my daughter.

  I walk out onto the front porch and look up at the sky. Instead of going to my truck, I go back inside and find Mama tidying up.

  “Mama,” I say, and she jumps.

  “I thought you left! Scared the crap out of me.” She points the duster right in my face.

  Taking a step back, I let out a laugh. “Can you watch Maize tonight?”

  Her eyes meet mine. “Sure, honey. Bring her over whenever you’re ready.” My smile stretches from ear to ear, and I give her another hug before rushing out. The grin on my face doesn’t falter as I drive across the property toward the B&B. I relieve Jackson of his duties, and of course, there’s attitude and words exchanged as usual. The day seems to move as slow as molasses, and by the time my shift is over, I’m practically running home. In my heart, I know what I have to do, and that’s going to happen tonight.

  Once I’m parked, I try to get my nerves together. Letting out a laugh, I suck in a deep breath and walk up the steps to the porch. I pause for just a moment before turning the doorknob and walking inside. Mila is on the couch intently watching Aaron Rodgers’ touchdown passes, and I groan. I find myself taking a mental snapshot of how beautiful she looks without even trying. She turns and looks at me, waves, and I give her a head nod before walking to Maize and giving her a big kiss on the cheek. She’s wearing a sleepy face, and I leave her there because I know any moment she’ll doze off, as Mila obnoxiously, but quietly, swoons over the Packers.

  I look through my closet and find something nice to wear and throw it on the bed. A few minutes pass and Mila knocks on my bedroom door. I tell her to come in, and wearing a smirk, I turn to face her with my arms crossed over my broad chest. She walks past me with Maize in her arms, who’s practically already asleep. Mila looks at the clothes laid on the bed, a button-up shirt, slacks, and of course, my special occasion boots.

  “Are you going somewhere?” she asks with a smile as she lays Maize down in her crib.

  “As a matter of fact, I am.”

  “Oh, who’s the lucky lady?” I see something flash in her eyes—jealousy maybe? Instead of breaking the news to her that she’s to be my date, I decide to play it out just a tad longer so I can watch her squirm. Payback for the whole going on a date with Jackson the first week she was here.

  “Someone special.” I grin, watching her fidget with the bottom of her shirt.

  “Yeah? Well, good for you. What time are you leaving? Just so I know about Maize,” she quickly adds. I can almost see her begin to boil over.

  “I’m taking her with me,” I say nonchalantly. “So I’ll need an overnight bag packed for her if you wouldn’t mind getting one together for me while I finish getting ready.”

  This takes her by surprise, and her mouth almost falls open, but she catches it. “Oh. Um. Okay. Sure, I’ll get right on that.”

  Mila walks past me, and when she does, I grab her hand and lightly pull her to me. Her chest presses against mine, and when she looks up at me, her warm breath brushes across my cheeks. “Will you do me the honor of being my lucky lady tonight?”

  Her breath catches, and she smiles. “You’re a terror.”

  “Why?” I softly chuckle.

  She narrows her eyes. “You know why.”

  “Mama’s gonna watch Maize tonight because I’ve got a hot date. So pick you up at eight?”

  An eyebrow pops up, and she chews on her bottom lip. “Are you taking me out on a date? Isn’t that nepotism or something. Getting advantages from the boss?”

  “Technically, that only refers to relatives, and since you are definitely not my sister, it doesn’t count,” I tell her matter-of-factly. “Are you saying no?” I ask, but I already know the answer, just by how she’s looking at me with hooded eyes. It takes everything I have not to kiss her and remind her how perfect our lips match together, but I’m not trying to scare her away. It’s just I can’t ignore this feeling, or her, any longer.

  “No. I mean, yes. I mean, oh my gosh, yes, I’ll go.”

  “Good, I’ve got somewhere special I want to take you. I know you just put Maize down, but I’m going to get dressed, then take her to Mama. That’ll give you about an hour to get ready.” I smile because she’s grinning so big it’s contagious. I’ve not seen her this excited before, and it causes my heart to do somersaults.

  “Oh, what should I wear?” she asks, before leaving the room.

  “Anything as long as it’s not Packer related,” I joke.

  She narrows her eyes at me. “Guess I’m going naked.” She turns and walks away, but I know she’s smiling.

  “I won’t complain,” I say loud enough for her to hear.

  When she laughs, I feel the walls that’ve held us back for so long are slowly crumbling away. Soon, they’ll be dust. At least that’s what I hope.

  C
hapter Twenty-One

  MILA

  My heart is having palpitations. I’m confused, but I don’t know why. This is something I’ve wanted for so damn long, but I’m actually shocked it’s happening. I keep second-guessing everything, and maybe he just used the term date, but we’re really just going out, like as friends. I get so many mixed signals, and considering my history, I don’t know what to believe, though my heart is telling me this is not just a hanging-out situation. I’m going on a date with John.

  I hear the door shut, and I know John has Maize with him because he was opening and closing cabinets to pack her bag just moments earlier. I’m smiling a real smile, and my insides are squirming at what all this means. Excitement mixed with confusion means I need a drink. I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not living in fantasyland. Nope, it’s real. When it comes to dates, I’m a little rusty, so I text Kiera and ask for some advice since she knows the Bishop boys so well that she could probably write a manual on them.

  Mila: I NEED HELP!

  * * *

  Kiera: Holy Caps Queen. Is everything okay?

  * * *

  Mila: Yes…I think. John asked me on a date tonight, and I don’t know what to wear. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. I think I might be losing it.

  * * *

  Kiera: Calm down, sister. Dates are fun.

  * * *

  Mila: A dress? Nice jeans? Naked?

  * * *

  Kiera: Naked. Just kidding. Where are you going?

  I let out a groan.

  Mila: I have no clue.