Chasing Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “Shit, I’m so sorry.” I sit up, straightening my back to the couch. “I left my phone on my bed and then was too sleepy to move.”

  “Well, that’s much better than what was going through my head. I thought you were avoiding me.”

  “What? No! I was avoiding…reality.” I slump my shoulders.

  “Why? What happened with the interview?” John asks, sitting next to me on the couch. He shifts, so he’s facing me. “Didn’t go well?”

  I turn so I can look at him and frown. “It went really well.”

  His eyes light up. “I knew it would. I’m proud of you.” He leans in for a kiss, but I pull back. “What?”

  “They offered me the job.”

  “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised.”

  “I am,” I say honestly. “That position probably had a hundred applicants.”

  “Just goes to prove that you’re as great as I think you are.”

  “Stop looking so happy for me,” I whine, sticking out my bottom lip. “Or I’ll have to demolish the other quart of ice cream in the freezer.”

  John releases a throaty laugh and pulls me closer to him. “I’m happy for you because you deserve it. I’m sad as fuck it’s in Georgia, but this is your dream, baby. You should be excited.”

  “I know.” He’s right.

  I should be.

  But all I can feel right now is how I’m about to break my own heart if I leave and walk away from him.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  JOHN

  I force out a grin, though I’m finding it hard to do. I’m happy for Mila; however, I can’t help but think about what this will mean for us. My heart hurts for her as well because I know it’s not an easy decision, and the look on her face tells me as much.

  “They told me I could have a few days to think it over,” she adds.

  “It’s settled then. You have to call them back and accept the position tomorrow.” I grab her hand and kiss her knuckles. “Just think about your dream job. It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

  She frowns, squeezing my hand. “But think about what I’ll be giving up, John.” Mila is stern with her words. “How can I give up one thing to pursue another without feeling like I’m crushing my heart in the process?”

  I pull her closer and kiss her forehead. “Listen to me. There’s nothing to think about, so you might as well call and accept. I don’t want this opportunity to pass you up. Even you said yourself that tons of people applied for the job. What we have right now is new and exciting. I don’t want you to look back ten years from now and regret not taking it. You could resent me, our relationship, or no longer be happy once the newness of us wears off. You could think differently, and I don’t want you to think what if years later,” I tell her, hoping she understands where I’m coming from.

  She holds my waist tightly and squeezes. “I’d never. I’ve wasted enough time in my life wondering what if. I’m not going to do it anymore.”

  “I just don’t want you to regret anything. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be struggling to make this decision. I can’t let you do that. It makes me feel guilty enough that you even have to take a few days to consider it. It should’ve been an immediate yes.”

  Mila looks up at me with a somber look before letting go. She tries to walk away, but I grab her hand and pull her back to me. There’s no escaping this conversation, though I don’t want to be having it either.

  “Talk to me, Mila.” My voice is calm, and I wish I knew what she was thinking. I already feel tall walls being built around her, which is not what I want.

  “I feel like you want me to go like you’re already pushing me away.” Her voice wavers, and it’s a stab straight to my heart.

  “No, it’s not like that at all. I just don’t want to think you’re here because you’re obligated to be here. I need confirmation that we’re together because you actually went for your dream and it didn’t work out, rather than you not going at all and never knowing. There are too many what-ifs. And I honestly wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing otherwise. The thought of how your life would’ve turned out if you’d taken the job would always be in the back of my mind. And I know one day it’d be in yours too. This is your dream, one you’ve had for years, way longer than you’ve known me. Go for it, baby. You’re gonna do great.”

  She lets out a long breath. “And so what if I go and I hate it, and I’m miserable every single moment I’m away?”

  I give her a side smile. “I’ll make a deal with you. Accept the job, go to Georgia, and work for one school year. If it doesn’t work out or you truly decide you don’t like it, you’ll know where I’ll be. Come back here, and I’ll never mention it again. I’ll welcome you home with open arms, then I’ll lock you up and never let you leave again.” I laugh, but she doesn’t think it’s funny. She’s too caught up in her mind.

  I pull her closer. “I’m not going anywhere, Mila. I don’t want anyone else. We can put us on hold to give you time to pursue your career and see if being a teacher in Georgia is what you want. You’ll gain experience teaching and really know if it’s for you or not. If you do that, I won’t feel as if I held you back or got in the way of your passion. It won’t be a black cloud hanging over our relationship, which will help remove any future regret or resentment. And once you’re there, if you love it, I’ll completely understand. We can always FaceTime and text. It might be hard to travel with Maize, but we’ll figure it out. We can still keep in touch because no number of miles between us will ever affect the way I feel about you. I’d wait a lifetime for you to figure out what you want.”

  Hesitation is in her eyes as she looks at me. “I want both, and it sucks I have to pick between my heart and my career, but I understand what you’re saying. It just hurts a lot. I never expected things to end up like this.”

  Placing my fingers under her chin, I lean in and kiss her. Sadness fills the room, and the realization that she’s leaving already begins to set in. It would be easier to tell her to stay. Being together is what we both want right now, but who’s to say it’ll be the same six months from now or even a year? As much as I want to wrap my arms around her and keep her here with Maize and me forever, I can’t do that.

  “Why are you so perfect?” she asks.

  “I’m far from perfect. We both know that.”

  “You’re perfect to me.” Mila interlocks her fingers with mine, squeezes, then closes her eyes. She swallows hard, and I can tell she’s holding back her emotions.

  “Sweetheart. Please don’t cry,” I beg. “This is supposed to be a really happy time for you.”

  Maize giggles in her Jumperoo, pulling us both away from the moment. When Mila turns and looks back at me, I tilt my head and study her face.

  “I’m trying not to. I promise.” Her voice cracks.

  “It’s not forever. It’s just a trial run.” I smirk, referring to that first day she showed up and said she was the nanny.

  She narrows her eyes at me with a scowl, not amused by my joke. “I’m just afraid that if I leave, I won’t come back to the same thing we have now. Then I think…what if I love it? What if I hate it? What if I go to Georgia and you meet someone else and what we have right now fades away?” She continues, and I eventually stop her.

  “Mila. You’re not going to be replaced by anyone. The only way I’ll try to move on is if you do. I have the same worries as you, but I also have faith that what we have is real, and if we’re meant to be together, we will be together, no matter what. But I can’t have you going to Georgia worrying about me. That’s why I think it’s important for us to pause this. Who knows, you could meet the man of your dreams and decide to pursue that instead.”

  She slaps my arm and scoffs. “I already have. Truthfully, I worry about you and Maize both.” She glances at me before walking to the kitchen to prepare a bottle before we go to my parents’ for dinner.

  I chuckle. “Mama will make sure we’re both well taken care of. So no worrie
s about that. We both know the Bishops come together when someone is in need. Maize and I will be perfectly fine. We’ll miss you, but we’ll manage.”

  “Promise me something, John. Promise me if you find someone else, you’ll tell me. I don’t want to hold you back either.”

  I look over at her and realize she’s serious. “I’m not Jackson. I’m not looking for anyone else. I don’t need a replacement for you, but I promise.”

  She smiles. “Okay.” The air stills, and I check Maize’s bag to make sure there are extra diapers inside. We’ll most likely be at my parents’ for a little while since the whole family is showing up for dinner.

  “I guess we should get going if we want to make it on time,” I tell Mila. She nods, tucks her cell phone in her back pocket, then places Maize in the car seat. Mila lightly taps Maize on her nose and kisses her chubby little cheek. These are the moments I’m going to miss the most when my two girls are together. I already can’t help but think about Mila leaving and how different things will be without her in my everyday life.

  Mila doesn’t say much on the ride over, and I don’t push her to speak. Sometimes, it’s best to allow people to think, and right now, I know that’s what she needs. Leaving means big changes for her, and I know she doesn’t want to go because of what she’s leaving behind, but I can’t be the reason she stays without knowing she won’t wake up one day wishing she’d taken the opportunity.

  After I park, I walk around and grab Maize’s car seat. She’s growing like a weed, and I can feel her getting heavier. I glance over at Mila, grab her hand, and squeeze it. She gives me a small smile, and I pull her closer.

  “It’s not the end of the world. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to,” I tell her to ease her mind that I know is racing a hundred miles an hour.

  “It better work out the way I want it to.”

  I chuckle because I know we both want the same thing—each other. I love it when she’s fierce.

  We walk around the side of the house, and everyone is sitting around in the chairs on the back porch. Mama has the folding tables covered in plastic tablecloths with gallons of sweet tea placed in the middle. As soon as River sees us, her eyes light up. She goes straight to Maize, causing me to stop in my tracks and unbuckle her from her car seat.

  “There’s my pretty girl,” she says, holding Maize up and kissing her cheeks. “This bow is adorable.” She winks at Mila, knowing she was behind it.

  “Thanks! Courtney sent a truckload of them,” Mila explains.

  “Sounds about right.” River smiles at us both.

  Before I even make it up the steps, I can already smell the meat on the pit that Dad’s happily tending to. Jackson is arguing with Alex about God knows what, and Evan is busy chatting with Mama and Emily as Riley rambles on about dump trucks. The whole gang’s here, and it calms me in a weird way, taking my mind off Mila leaving.

  We make our rounds, telling everyone hello, and as soon as Riley sees Mila, he makes a beeline toward her. She picks him up, and she notices a bag of balloons sitting on the table.

  “What are these for?” she asks.

  “Oh, Riley loves balloons, so I brought a bag in case he gets bored. He likes to kick them around. It’s the cutest thing,” River explains.

  Mila grabs the balloon pump next to the bag before digging through it and picking out two different colored balloons. Riley watches her intently as she pumps air into the first balloon. She starts with a long, green one and we all watch as she twists it around in her hands. Mila then grabs a blue one, pumps it and then wraps it around a part of the green balloon. Mila then digs in her purse until she pulls out a black Sharpie and starts drawing on the balloons. Once she’s finished, she turns it around and reveals the dinosaur balloon she created. Riley squeals at the top of his lungs and claps, amused by it when she hands it to him.

  “Oh my gosh, Mila! I didn’t know you were a balloon pro!” River exclaims.

  “It’s amazing what you’ll learn helping the smaller kids at the church. I can make weenie dogs too.” She laughs.

  I place my hand on her shoulder completely impressed with her balloon making skills.

  “Well, I hope you’ll mark down Riley’s birthday party on your calendar, because the kids would adore this. If you wouldn’t mind, that is.” River smiles. “We have a bouncy house and some water games planned, too.”

  Mila grins real big, and I try to shake my head at River to stop the conversation, but I’m too late.

  “I’d love to. When is it?” Mila is so sweet to offer, but she has no idea.

  “End of July.” I watch River’s smile fade as she looks at Mila. She glances over at me, and I give her a somber look. I guess no one else really knew this was a temporary arrangement. It somewhat blindsided me as well.

  “What?” River drops her voice and asks, but at this point, the whole family is watching us.

  Mila swallows hard, aware that all eyes are on us, and she forces out a smile. “I’m taking a teaching position back in Georgia. More than likely I’ll have to leave the middle of July.”

  Though I can see the disappointment on everyone’s faces, they smile and congratulate her.

  “Good for you, honey,” I hear Mama say. “The kids are gonna love you.” That much is true.

  Thankfully, Dad announces the food is ready and serves kabobs and hamburgers. We each plop potato salad on our plates along with baked beans as Mama tends to Maize and Elizabeth so we can eat without interruption.

  The subject changes to the weather and then to horses, but I can’t think about anything except Mila. Once I’m finished eating, I grab her hand from under the table and interlock my fingers with hers. She glances over at me with big blue eyes, and I can’t help but kiss her.

  Everyone notices.

  “Get a room!” Jackson says from the other end of the table, and I don’t care, I kiss her again.

  At this point, I don’t have the time to hide how I feel anymore. Everyone already knows anyway, considering Jackson has the biggest mouth in the South.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  MILA

  A week has passed since I accepted the job position and announced to everyone I’ll be leaving soon. They pretended they weren’t shocked, but I knew better. It wasn’t an easy thing to say, but hopefully, the more people I tell, the more I’ll be excited about it, even though at this point, I doubt it.

  I woke up this morning wrapped in John’s arms, and it was hard for me to pull away. The only reason I did is because Maize needed to be fed. Even though it’s Saturday and I’m technically off the clock, I love our morning routines. Maize looks up at me with bright blue eyes, and though she has no idea what I’m saying, I talk about everything with her—my worries and frustrations—and she hears it all.

  John steps in, looking as sexy as sin in a pair of low-hanging jogging pants, and drinks his coffee with a shit-eating grin. He knows I love the way he looks in those, especially when he doesn’t wear a shirt. They ride low on his hips, leaving nothing to the imagination. It takes everything I have to focus on the sausage links sizzling in the pan and not on him. This is what I’ll miss the most—mornings when we’re worry-free and happy.

  Once we finish eating breakfast, and I hear every sexual innuendo about sausage, I throw on some comfortable clothes, my favorite Nikes, and put my hair in a high ponytail.

  “Are you heading out now to go to Kiera’s?” John asks, still shirtless and in his sweats, and I’m tempted as hell to cancel on her house packing party and hop back into bed. I run my fingers up his abs of steel until my hands cup his adorable face.

  “Yeah, I should get going before she sends me a million messages asking where I am. I’m not really shocked she’s moving in with Trent, especially after their romantic getaway,” I explain with a kiss, feeling him harden against my stomach. I giggle, knowing if I give any attention to it, my plans will be canceled.

  “Jackson’s gonna shit bricks. It might be best not to te
ll him for a while. I’m sure he’ll find out sooner than later though, the way the gossip train runs through town.” John laughs.

  I nod and try to walk away, but he grabs my arm, pulling me back to his chest. “Be quick. I don’t like sharing.”

  “We already know that.” I smile against his lips, getting lost in his touch one last time before I find the willpower to walk away. Each passing day makes the reality of leaving much harder. We’re trying to make the best of my time left here and pretend nothing will change, but we both know it will.

  “Already miss you,” he says, holding Maize in his arms, moving her arm in a waving motion. He knows Maize’s a straight shot to my heart.

  “Not working,” I lie, laughing at their cuteness. I force myself out the door and off the porch before I change my mind and turn around to hibernate inside all day. Kiera better be glad I like her because I’d cancel otherwise. My time left here is too precious, but I don’t want to flake on her last minute. Once I’m in the car, I reverse out of the driveway and head down the old country road that leads to her house.

  As soon as Kiera’s cute log cabin comes into view, I see her standing on the porch with her arms on her hips and a huge smile on her face. Once I get out of the car, she runs over and gives me a big hug.

  “I’m so glad you made it,” she tells me. “Everyone else basically ditched me. Apparently, Elizabeth isn’t feeling well today, so Emily thought it was best to keep her home, which I understand. Kat got called into work, and Trent had a house call, then there’s you. Who’s here. Thankfully!”

  I chuckle, and she glances back at me as I follow her up the steps. “What?”

  “I was five seconds from canceling,” I admit with a cheesy grin, as we walk inside. “Sorry.” I bat my eyes at her, hoping she forgives me.

  “I’m sure Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome had something to do with it.”

  All I can do is nod. As soon as I close the door, my mouth falls opened, and I’m amazed at all the beautiful horse photographs Kiera has framed on her wall. There’s a western theme going on, which doesn’t surprise me, but it looks more like an art studio with hardwood floors and warm lighting. I take my time looking at all the photos until I come across one on her mantel in a small frame. Picking it up, I see it’s her and Jackson in their teens. I turn and look at her.