Love Hate Relationship (a Colors novel)

by Jessica Prince

  “What text?”

  “The one I sent right after you told me you had company.”

  Walking past him, I snatched my phone off my nightstand and scrolled through our message exchange. Sure enough, there it was.

  “I was in the shower, Rowan. I didn’t see this. If I had, I would have responded.” I felt my level of frustration rising at the knowledge that he clearly didn’t trust me. “So, what? You convinced yourself I was shacked up with some other guy and came over here to prove a point? Was that it?”

  “No. Yes. Shit! I don’t know. I just…” He raked both his hands through his shiny black hair and plopped down on the side of my bed, elbows to his knees as he hunched over and looked up at me. “I was going out of my mind,” he admitted, embarrassment shining in his clear, icy gaze. “You didn’t respond and I lost it. I jumped to conclusions and didn’t think.” I couldn’t help myself. He just looked so… lost. While I hated that he hadn’t trusted me, I hated the fact he was so torn up over the ‘what if’s’ of our situation even more. “I may have over reacted,” he finished.

  “You think?” I laughed, coming to stand close to him. When I moved within reach, his hands went to my hips, pulling me between his knees so he could rest his forehead against my stomach. “I’m not her,” I spoke softly as I ran my fingers through his hair.

  He exhaled heavily, his breath leaking through the cotton of my shirt and caressing my skin. “I know.”

  “I don’t think you do,” I responded. Holding tighter to his hair, I used it to tilt his head back so I could see his handsome face. “I’m not her,” I repeated emphatically. “I’m not a cheater. I’m not a manipulator. I would never do that to someone I care about. You have to trust me, Rowan. If you can’t do that then we might as well call this off right now.”

  “No.” His tone held so much vehemence as he spoke that one word through gritted teeth.

  “Then no more jealous, Neanderthal bullshit. You got me?” I grinned down at him and his lips tilted up in response.

  “I got you.” As soon as the tension bled away, Rowan’s hands slid from my hips around my back, pulling me even tighter against him. My pulse picked up speed and my body heated. It was the same reaction every time he touched me. I couldn’t get enough of it. “So,” his grin turned wicked, “you care about me, huh?”

  I did. I really, really did. But I refused to admit anything beyond that.

  “Maybe,” I teased, holding my thumb and index finger less than an inch apart as I squinted. “About this much.” I squeaked and tried to squirm away when he gave my hip a hard pinch in retaliation. “Keep that up and I’m telling Carson.” I laughed. That got him to stop.

  “So, what now?”

  “Well, we’re going back out there and you’re going to kiss ass like you’ve never kissed ass before.”

  One corner of his mouth tilted up in a grin. “You really think that’ll work?”

  “Oh, hell no,” I answered with brutal honesty. “Carson’s going to hate you until the end of time now. But at least sucking up will keep him from trying to kill you in your sleep.”

  “Fucking brilliant,” he grumbled toward the ceiling, causing me to giggle.

  “Pucker up, baby.”

  For the first time in my life, things were perfect. I was enjoying my job, I had amazing friends, and I had been seeing a guy for over a month who I was one hundred percent completely in love with. And that relationship was going surprisingly well.

  But when you live a life where it’s guaranteed that the other shoe is going to drop sooner or later, it’s hard to sit back and relax. It’s impossible to bask in the joy of all the good because you’re constantly worrying, waiting for the day to come when it all blows up in your face.

  I wanted to believe that I’d reached a turning point in my life where the good outweighed the bad. I wanted to believe that things with Rowan had nowhere to go but up. I wanted to trust that I was finally getting the happy I deserved. I just couldn’t stop looking over my shoulder, nervously waiting for the inevitable to happen.

  I lowered my guard. I’d handed my heart over willingly so when that boom was lowered, it hurt so much worse than I had anticipated. I should have known better. I never should have gotten my hopes up. Because that just made the crash back down to rock bottom all the more painful.

  “Ouch, Harlow! You’re about to rip my damn hair out!” I whined from my place in front of the bathroom mirror.

  “If you’d sit still, it wouldn’t hurt so much!”

  “You’re pulling too hard!”

  “Just take a deep breath. I almost got it.”

  “Ow!

  Pepper’s voice spoke up from behind us and we both turned to see her leaning against the bathroom door. “You know, if I were a guy and had no clue what was happening back here, I’d probably be sporting a chubby right about now.”

  I rolled my eyes just before slamming them shut in pain as Harlow ripped the comb through my hair once more. “She’s trying to scalp me!”

  “Stop being such a baby,” Harlow complained. “It’s just a tangle. Ha! Got it!” she crowed triumphantly as the comb finally slid through my strands of hair unimpeded.

  “I hate you,” I grumbled, reaching up to touch the tender section of my scalp.

  “You love me. Now, shut up and let’s get you beautified.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I glowered at my reflection in the mirror. “I don’t understand why we have to go through all of this anyway.”

  “Uh, maybe because one of the hottest guys who’s ever graced our planet told you he wanted to take you out on a date?” Pepper asked sarcastically.

  “We’re already sleeping together,” I insisted. “And I’ve stayed the night with him, so he knows what I look like first thing in the morning.”

  “Doesn’t get much worse than that,” Harlow said under her breath, then, “Ouch! Damn it!” when I reached back to pinch the hell out of her arm.

  “What’s up with you?” Pepper asked as she studied me with a narrow-eyed stare. “It’s not like this is the first time we’ve made you over, and you’ve never been this bitchy about it. You’re going on a date tonight with one of New York’s most eligible bachelors. You should be excited! Women would literally kick your ass to be in your shoes.”

  I inhaled deeply through my nose before blowing out a deep breath. “I’m nervous,” I begrudgingly admitted. “I feel like I’m out of my element here. This whole thing has gotten so much bigger than I planned for, you know? I mean, first we hated each other. We went from enemies to friends, then to friends with benefits to dating so damn fast my head’s spinning. I feel like I’m not prepared.”

  “Ah.” Harlow grinned, leaning down to pull me into a hug. “Young love, it’s a beautiful thing.”

  I shoved her face away. “Shut it, whore.”

  “Just go with the flow, Navie,” Pepper advised. “Don’t overthink things. Just take each moment as it comes.”

  Pulling in another fortifying breath, I focused on my reflection in the mirror and willed myself to believe everything my girlfriends were saying.

  I could totally do this.

  I couldn’t do this.

  What the hell was I thinking, trying to set up a romantic date for Navie? I wouldn’t have recognized romance if it walked up to me and kicked me in the nuts. The longer I thought about everything I’d set up for our evening, the more I felt like a douche. I wasn’t really a romance type of guy. Navie wasn’t the typical hearts and flowers kind of woman. And the evening I’d arranged for us was a total cliché, right out of a poorly scripted chick-flick.

  “You’re taking me on a horse drawn carriage ride?”

  I could see the humor swimming in her smiling eyes as I looked down at her. Then it hit me.

  Son of a bitch! Why the hell did I think a fucking horse and buggy would impress her? She lived on a ranch in Texas, for Christ’s sake. I’m sure she rode horses all the damn time.

  “Uh…”
I stumbled, feeling like an asshole.

  “It’s sweet!” She giggled, but I got the distinct impression she was just humoring me as we climbed into the carriage. “This is fun. I’ve never done this before.”

  “I feel like an idiot,” I groaned, dropping my head against the back of the red-velvet cushioned seat.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because this is stupid.” I waved my arm around, indicating the carriage ride. “It’s like I stole every dumbass date from every cheesy movie ever created.”

  Navie’s head fell back in laughter as her hand rested against my thigh, the melodic sound combined with the heat of her touch warming me from the inside out. I was quickly becoming addicted to her laughter. Playfulness strung her words together as she asked, “Well, what else did you plan for tonight?”

  I glared at her from the corner of my eyes. “You can’t laugh.”

  She pretended to lock her lips together and throw away the key. “No laughing, I promise.”

  I hesitated before finally admitting, “A picnic in Central Park then a trip to the top of the Empire State Building. That’s it!” I harrumphed when she burst into a fit of laughter. “The date’s officially canceled. Get the hell out of my carriage.”

  “No, no, no.” She giggled hysterically. “I’m not… I’m not making fun of you.”

  “Could have fooled me,” I muttered, arms crossed over my chest as I glared out at the pedestrians we passed.

  “Aw, I’m sorry,” she cooed, reaching up to place her soft palm against my cheek so she could turn my face to hers. “I’m sorry, Rowan. I’m really not making fun of you, I swear. I can see how much effort went into putting this together, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. It’s just…”

  “What?”

  “This doesn’t really feel like… us, does it?” It was as if she’d just read my mind. I felt awkward and out of place. “Can I tell you something?” she asked with a conspiratorial gleam in her eye. “I was really nervous before you picked me up.”

  “What? Why?”

  She shrugged and gave me a self-deprecating grin. It was then that I realized that no matter what we were doing or where we were, as long as I was with Navie, it was impossible for me not to enjoy myself.

  “Things feel… different with us. I always have so much fun when we’re together and you’re not being a giant ass-face—”

  “Wow,” I deadpanned. “You really know how to make a man feel good about himself.”

  “You love it.” She winked, and Lord help me, but I was pretty sure I did. “Anyway,” she continued, “I guess what I mean is that this date kind of feels like the next level, you know? At least to me. I got worried that I’d somehow screw this up.”

  I was in awe of her honesty. Just when I thought I knew every aspect there was to this girl, she hit me with something else that had me even more spellbound. I had never experienced such a strong connection with another person before, where we seemed to connect on levels I hadn’t even known existed.

  “I feel the same way,” I told her in a low voice, reaching for her and pulling her flush against my side. After her confession, there was no way I was getting through the rest of our date without touching her in some way. Feeling her became necessary.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Griffin gave me shit when I told him what I’d planned for tonight. Believe me, I’m never going to hear the end of this. I guess I was worried about screwing it up, too, so I might have overcompensated.”

  “Just a little bit,” she teased. Unable to help myself, I leaned in for a taste of plump, berry-colored lips. Once I ended the kiss, she let out a dreamy sigh. “How about this? We’ll do everything you planned for this date, but we do it as ourselves. That means heckling and jokes, you occasionally saying something asshole-ish, and me relentlessly teasing you for your sudden and unexpected romantic streak.”

  “Deal,” I grinned then added, “and asshole-ish isn’t a real word. Maybe if you read something other than your porn books, you could broaden your vocabulary.”

  “There he is!” She laughed, giving me another kiss.

  The evening turned out to be more perfect than I could have imagined. We were us, no false pretenses, no need to put on a show and be someone other than who we were. I couldn’t remember ever having been on a better date. Navie was the perfect companion… even when she kind of lost her shit upon discovering that the guys from the cable show Impractical Jokers were filming in the park, insisting we do anything possible to get on TV.

  By the end of the night, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I could seriously fall for her. And the knowledge of that didn’t scare me the way it normally would have. I found that I was actually excited about the prospect of a future with Navie.

  It was unexpected.

  She was unexpected.

  My life was brighter just by having her in it.

  “Oh, fuck,” Rowan groaned, his head thrown back against the pillow. “Yeah, just like that. Ride my cock, baby.”

  Lifting up on my knees, I slammed back down onto him harder, each thrust pushing the air from my lungs as I drew closer and closer to that blissful edge. I clenched around him as I moved, loving each grunt that rumbled from his chest, knowing it was all because of me.

  “Rowan,” I gasped, my pace stuttering as I became lost in the sensation of him filling me over and over. Already in tune with my body, Rowan took over for me, one hand on my hip, guiding me back and forth, up and down, his long fingers spread wide, thumb pressing on my clit in a way that sent blood rushing through my ears. His other hand slid up my stomach so he could toy with my nipple, squeezing with the perfect amount of pressure. I was catapulted head first into sheer ecstasy.

  As soon as Rowan felt me come apart, his body shot up into sitting position. He moved his hand from my breast and tangled it in my loose hair, yanking my head back so he could take my mouth in a forceful kiss as he pumped his hips off the bed, driving into me and dragging out my orgasm until there was nothing left.

  “Shit. Oh, Christ. I’m coming, baby. So fucking hard.” With his lips still mashed against mine, he grunted and groaned his release. His cock twitched inside me as he came for what seemed like an eternity. When he finished, we collapsed onto his bed in a sweaty, panting heap of entwined limbs.

  “That was…” I heaved, still trying to catch my breath.

  “Holy shit,” he exclaimed and I looked over to see his forearm thrown over his eyes. “I think I blacked out.”

  I giggled as I rolled over, pulling the sheet from under me and wrapping it across my naked body so I could climb out of the bed, only to have Rowan’s muscled arm wrap around my waist and jerk me back.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Pinning my back to the bed, he leaned over me, his side pressed into mine.

  “I need coffee,” I replied. “You woke me up early for some nookie, so I need my fix.”

  “Mmm,” he moaned, lowering himself for a kiss. “Don’t act like you didn’t love it.” He grinned against my mouth.

  I grinned back. “Oh, I totally did. But I still need my java. I was thinking of hitting up The Bean. It’s early enough to beat the crowd. You want something?”

  He pulled back and stared down at me, unspeaking. The grin was gone from his lips, but there was something in his eyes, something I had never seen before when he looked at me that made my heart beat just a bit faster.

  When he spoke, it was low, soft, reverent. “You’re amazing. You know that, right?”

  Oh, God. OhGodohGodohGod. I’d never had a man look at me the way he did just then. His eyes held a combination of appreciation and awe. It was the most stunning thing I’d ever seen. It was… exactly the way Carson looked at Cassidy. My heart lodged in my throat as tears burned the backs of my eyes. My gut reaction was to say something flippant, to try and make a joke. I bit my lip to keep that reaction at bay. I didn’t know what was happening between us in that moment, but it felt important and I didn’t
want to do anything to ruin it.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, reaching up to trace his bottom lip with my thumb.

  He placed a kiss to the pad of my finger before saying, “I’m serious. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You just…”

  I lifted up and kissed him when he trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. “I know,” I told him. “I feel the same way about you, Rowan.”

  Something flashed across his face, something primal, something so fierce the air in my lungs escaped with an audible whoosh. As his face lowered toward mine, I had the distinct feeling that something epic was about to happen. It felt like we’d just crossed a crucial line in our relationship and there was no turning back.

  I was giddy with anticipation as his lips pressed against mine, when all of a sudden, the alarm clock on his nightstand let out a loud, piercing blare, announcing the start of the day and breaking through our special moment. I couldn’t do anything but laugh as Rowan let out a dejected sigh and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

  “Time to start our day,” he grunted unhappily.

  “You shower, I’ll get coffee.” I grinned, unwilling to let one tiny interruption ruin the mood I was in.

  He pulled away and raised one brow. “And a muffin?”

  “And a muffin.” I giggled.

  Begrudgingly, we climbed from the warmth of his bed and fell into our morning routine. The only difference was I couldn’t remember ever being happier.

  There was no possible way for me to know that in just a short amount of time, it would all come crumbling down around me.

  It was a gorgeous day outside so instead of taking a cab, I decided to walk to The Bean and back. I had just stepped off the curb and was crossing the street to Rowan’s apartment building when I saw a familiar figure pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  “Rowan, what are you doing—” I laughed, that was, until he turned to face me and I realized it wasn’t Rowan at all. “Richard,” I breathed.