Love Hate Relationship (a Colors novel)

by Jessica Prince

  He gave me an unsure smile and ran a hand through his hair. “Hi. Navie, right?”

  “Yeah,” I answered, feeling as hesitant as he appeared. The insecurity on his face didn’t seem to fit at all with the designer, three-piece suit he was wearing. It was a power suit in every way, a stark contrast to his visible nerves. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Oh, you know.” He chuckled awkwardly. “Just trying to get the nerve up to go talk to my brother.”

  I certainly hadn’t been expecting that. “Have you been out here long?”

  “No. Just a few minutes. I’ve been trying to figure out what I wanted to say and I keep coming up short. Jesus, I’m a fucking prosecutor, for Christ’s sake.” His demeanor shifted, his nerves giving way to agitation. “You’d think if I could stand in front of a packed courthouse and speak eloquently, I could figure out what to say to my own goddamned brother.” He laughed humorlessly as he continued to pace. “It’s pathetic.”

  I lifted one shoulder in a tiny shrug. “I’m not really sure what you want me to say.”

  “Did he tell you?” He changed subjects so quickly, my head started to spin. “I mean, did he tell you what happened with… why he cut me out of his life?”

  I refused to answer that question, feeling as though an admission would be a betrayal to Rowan. “Richard, it’s not my place—”

  “Can you just… fuck, I don’t know. Can you maybe convince him to talk to me? I know it’s a shitty thing to ask of you, but I’m at a loss here, Navie.” His brows dipped into a V, his expression morphing into one of pain. “Please. I don’t know what else to do. I just want to talk to him.”

  He looked so heartbroken, so beaten down, that I felt for the guy. I really did. Despite what he’d put his own brother through, I felt genuinely sorry for him. “Look,” I started, “I can’t make you any promises…”

  Suddenly, a smile spread across his lips. “That’s okay! I know he’s hard-headed—hell, I know better than anyone. All I’m asking is for you to try and get him to talk to me.”

  “I’ll try. But… don’t get your hopes up, okay? Just… wait down here. I’ll go see what I can do.”

  Richard’s entire body slumped in relief. “Thank you, Navie. God, thank you so much.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. Just give me a few minutes.”

  “Yeah. Okay. I can do that.”

  My stomach twisted into knots as I took the elevator up to Rowan’s floor. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to him or how he’d react to finding out his brother was downstairs, desperate to talk to him.

  Shooting up a quick prayer, I balanced the tray of drinks in one hand, holding the bag of muffins between my teeth, and pushed the front door open. “Rowan,” I called as I took the bag in my free hand and moved into the apartment. “You aren’t going to believe this but—” I let out a started gasp at what I saw, barely registering the items in my hand crashing to the floor as devastation rocked my entire body.

  Standing in the living room was Rowan, wearing nothing but a pair of black basketball shorts resting loose on his hips. But the thing that crushed me completely was the tall, insanely beautiful woman standing in front of him, her body pressed against the entire length of his, their lips locked together in a kiss. Her hands cupped his cheeks, his long fingers holding on to her delicate wrists.

  “Oh, God,” I choked on the lump that had formed in my throat. The vision of the two of them standing locked in an embrace blurred from the tears forming in my eyes.

  “Navie,” Rowan gasped, quickly untangling himself from the brunette standing before him. In a blink, he was moving. “Oh, shit, Navie. It’s not—”

  “No!” I shouted, taking a huge step back. “Don’t come near me. Don’t touch me.”

  “Rowan,” the woman, who looked like she’d just stepped off a runway, spoke from behind him. “Honey, who’s this?”

  At the sound of her calling him ‘honey’, I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

  “Jesus fucking Christ,” he spit out, his hands raking over his face before he turned to look over his shoulder. “Not now, Bree. Just—”

  I took another step back. “Bree?” I wheezed as my lungs deflated. “Oh, God. This is Bree?”

  I watched as his icy blue eyes widened as what he just said registered. “No! No, no, no, no. Baby, don’t think that…”

  And with that, I shattered completely. “You were just fucking kissing Bree!” I shouted so loud my throat hurt.

  “Navie, just listen to me!”

  “Fuck you!” I yelled. My world turned upside-down. I had given my heart to this man completely and he’d just ruined me. A devastation like no other wound its way through my chest, squeezing my heart and choking out every bit of free space. Those familiar memories from my childhood filled my head so completely, they were all I could think about.

  No one would ever want me. I’d never have a family because I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love. One person after another cast me out without a care in the world because I was just a sad, lonely little girl. I was so pathetic, my own mother didn’t even want to keep me.

  I would never, ever be good enough.

  Rowan’s arms pulling me against his body jerked me back into the present. “Navie, please.”

  “Let go of me,” I spoke in a low, heartbroken voice.

  “No,” he insisted stubbornly.

  “Rowan.” The sound of Bree’s voice pulled me from my anguished haze. Yanking myself from his hold, I stumbled backwards, tripping over my own feet and nearly falling to the ground.

  He came forward quickly, trying to steady me with his hands, but I slapped them away before he could touch me again. “I hate you,” I said through gritted teeth, speaking the three words I’d never said to anyone before.

  The way his face crumbled in agony would have killed me, had I not already been bleeding out.

  “Rowan!” Bree said again, her grating voice demanding attention.

  “Fucking hell!” Rowan shouted. “Just get the fuck out, Bree! Get out!”

  Her spine went stiff and her chin lifted into the air. “We have things to discuss.” She responded so calmly that I couldn’t help it. Something inside of me had snapped and I began laughing, the sound manic to my own ears.

  “Oh, please, don’t let me keep you, then. I was just leaving.”

  Spinning on my heels, I rushed for the front door as tears spilled down my cheeks.

  “You’re not fucking leaving!” Rowan snapped. I could hear his steps coming up behind me, but then there was a slip and a loud crash, followed by a booming, “God damn it!”

  Just as I cleared the threshold, I looked over my shoulder to see Rowan trying to climb off the floor, having slipped and fallen in the spilled coffee I’d dropped just minutes earlier. It granted me the short reprieve I needed to run to the elevator before he could catch up.

  I’d just cleared the landing of the building when a voice called out from behind me. “Navie?” I spun around to see Richard exactly where I’d left him what felt like a lifetime ago. “Shit. Are you okay? What happened?”

  That hysterical laughter started again of its own accord. “What is with you two, huh?”

  Confusion etched into his features. “What are you talking about?”

  I didn’t stop to answer him. I was on a roll. “I mean, seriously! Does she have a golden vagina or something? I’ve never heard of two grown men destroying their family over one woman the way the two of you have! The fact that y’all have such a disregard for your own blood disgusts me. Do you have any idea what some people would give to have a family? A brother? And you just ripped it apart. Over a fucking woman!”

  “Are you talking about Bree?”

  I felt an overwhelming sense of anger at the sound of her name. “Yes! She’s up there right now. Hurry along before she sinks her claws into your brother again. Wouldn’t want to be the loser this time around, would you?” I asked callously, not caring in the slightest
that I sounded like a raging bitch.

  He looked from me, to the building, and back again, the indecision written all over his face. But I was done. Without so much as a backwards glace, I walked away. Trying my best to hold on to what very little pride I had left.

  I needed to get home. I needed to call Lauren and request a new job and an indefinite amount of time off. I prayed she understood because what I needed the most at that very moment was over a thousand miles away in Texas.

  I needed my family.

  Her face.

  God. All I could see was her ravaged expression as tears ran down her cheeks. I’d never seen such heartbreak in another person’s eyes before. I couldn’t understand the severity of her reaction. If she would have just let me explain, if she would have just listened to me, I could have taken that look away. Why wouldn’t she just hear me out?

  My knuckles stung from where I’d just put them through the sheetrock in the wall next to the elevator doors. She'd gotten away. I needed to go after her. But first, I needed to get that goddamned succubus out of my apartment and my life.

  “Fuck!”

  Storming back into my apartment, I found Bree standing in the entryway, arms crossed over her chest, hip cocked, a put-out expression on her painted-on face. Pointing at her as I rushed to my bedroom to find a t-shirt, I hissed through gritted teeth, “Get the fuck out.”

  “Rowan, we need to talk,” she insisted, following after me.

  That was exactly what she had said when she showed up at my front door. And because I was the world’s biggest goddamned idiot, I’d let her in, thinking I could finally get the closure I ignorantly believed I’d needed.

  “There’s nothing to talk about! You’re the fucking devil, you know that?”

  I lost sight of her when I pulled my shirt over my head. It was just long enough for her to move in closer. “Baby, please. I know you felt the same thing I did when you kissed me.”

  She reached for me, placing her hands on my chest, and I cringed away from her touch. “I didn’t kiss you!” I shouted. “You kissed me and I can assure you, I didn’t feel a goddamned thing. You need to leave now, before I do something I regret. Do not make me repeat myself.” Shoving past her, I started for the front door, coming to a screeching halt when I caught sight of yet another nightmare. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I shouted skyward, desperate to know what I’d done to God to piss him off so badly. “I don’t have time for this shit.”

  Richard’s hands were held up, palms out. “Row, just give me two minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”

  “I don’t have two minutes! I need to get to Navie. Christ!”

  “Richard?” I spun around to find Bree standing behind me, staring at my brother with a soft, dreamy expression on her face. “What are you doing here?”

  Richard had always been the calmer, soft-spoken twin. When we were growing up, I was the one who acted before thinking. Richard was the one who always tried to do the right thing. And whenever I came up with some harebrained idea that would have either landed me in jail or the hospital, he was the one who had my back, either saving me beforehand or rescuing me after the fact. That was probably one of the reasons his betrayal crushed me as badly as it did. So seeing him standing there, looking like he was just seconds away from going Hulk in the middle of my apartment was unexpected, to say the least. And what he had to say was even more shocking.

  “I’m here to keep my brother from making the same mistake I did and ruining his fucking life.”

  Bree looked like someone had just slapped her.

  “Richard,” she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. In the past, just the sight of those tears would have slayed me, but as I stood watching her just then I realized something. I didn’t care. Bree hurting, clearly in pain, had no effect on me whatsoever. It was as though I was standing in front of a stranger, disengaged as I watched the scene unfold. It was nothing like the gut-wrenching pain I felt when I’d seen Navie so heartbroken.

  My gaze bounced back and forth between the two of them in confusion. “What the hell’s going on here?”

  Richard’s glare was full of hate as he focused on the woman behind me. “Do you want to tell him, lovely wife, or should I?” he asked caustically.

  “Tell me what?”

  “Rich,” she choked on a sob, her voice desperate and pleading.

  “Bree and I dated briefly while I was in law school. It wasn’t serious—hell, I never even brought her home to meet you guys. I was young and ambitious, and didn’t want to be tied down. It was just sex, at least for me.”

  “Jesus Christ,” I grumbled, squeezing my eyes closed and pinching the bridge of my nose. I had the distinct impression that shit was about to get a thousand times more complicated than it already was.

  “I was focused on finishing law school and starting my career. I wasn’t even thinking about a wife and kids. I broke it off with her when I realized she wanted more but for the next couple of years, I was stupid enough to hook up with her occasionally.”

  “Can someone please explain what the fuck that has to do with me?” I cursed, looking from Richard to Bree, who’d suddenly gone an unhealthy shade of white.

  “Well, brother, as it turns out, Bree here deserves a gold medal in being a manipulative bitch. I had no fucking clue you two were together when we were hooking up. She never once told me she was seeing my twin brother,” he spit at her, his voice laced with disgust. “If I had known that, I wouldn’t have touched her.”

  “You loved me!” Bree shouted through her tears. “I know you did!”

  Richard pushed on like he hadn’t even heard her. “You can imagine my fucking shock when she came to me one day saying she was pregnant and the baby was mine.” All of a sudden, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. There wasn’t enough oxygen and I couldn’t take a proper breath as he continued his story. “It wasn’t what I wanted, but I couldn’t just ignore the fact that I was having a kid. That wasn’t me, I always—”

  “Did the right thing,” I finished for him, unconsciously knowing exactly what he was planning on saying. “Fuck, Richard. You always had to be such a goddamned boy scout.”

  His smile was small and pained as those identical eyes matched my own. “If I was going to be a father, I was going to do right by her and my baby.”

  “So, you married her.”

  “So, I married her,” he repeated. “It wasn’t an ideal situation, and I wasn’t happy, but I tried my best to make it work. I tried to be a good husband. For five years of my life, I did my best. I suffered the loss of my brother, not understanding why the one person I was closest to my entire life suddenly hated me so goddamned much he refused to even speak to me. Five miserable years, trapped in a hell where every word out of your mouth was a fucking lie! There was never any baby.”

  Everything was moving too fast, my world was spinning out of control. I couldn’t keep up. In the span of a few short minutes, everything I’d believed to be the truth for the past five years was deteriorating around me. “What?”

  “Yeah.” He laughed humorlessly. “I heard her on the phone one night with one of her bitch girlfriends. When I confronted her, I finally got the whole twisted, fucked up truth from her. She knew I had a brother. She knew I was always too careful to get her pregnant. She saw an opportunity to trap me and managed to destroy both of us in the process. If she got pregnant by my twin, no one would ever question whether or not the baby was mine.” He looked back at Bree, his eyes cold and callous. “Isn’t that right, Bree? At least that’s what I overheard you admitting to on the phone.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I spoke quietly before rage finally took over, then I boomed, “Is this some kind of sick fucking joke?”

  “Believe me,” Richard continued, “I wish it was.”

  “I only did it because I love you!” Bree shouted, her whole body shaking and unnaturally pale.

  There was no sting, no ache in my chest at her declaratio
n of love for my brother. And it was at that very moment that realization came crashing down on me. I never really loved this woman. I’d been young and stupid. I was in love with the idea of being in love. It was never about her. What I felt for Navie completely eclipsed the memory of what I once thought I felt for Bree. I was completely, madly in love with her. What I had with her was something I had never experienced before. And I currently had two people standing in my apartment blocking my path to the woman I needed to get to more than I needed my next breath.

  I was officially done.

  Turning back to face the woman I once thought was everything to me, I felt nothing but hatred. “You’re a twisted fucking bitch,” I spit. “I’ve never hit a woman in my life, but if you don’t get the fuck out of my apartment in two seconds, I’ll be tempted to reconsider my stance on that.” Fear blanketed her face as she took a step away from me. “And you better pray I never see your face again, or so help me God, I’ll make you wish you’d never been born.”

  Richard didn’t so much as spare her a glance as she stormed by him and out the door, his eyes trained firmly on me the entire time. I didn’t know what to say. My brain was muddled and weighed down by everything I’d just heard. I couldn’t gain a firm grasp on anything. “There’s a lot we need to discuss, Row.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “I know, I just… I don’t have a clue where to start.”

  “Well, first, I’m thinking you need to go find your girl and work shit out, yeah? Everything we have to say to each other will keep until then.”

  Guilt and regret seeped into my bones as I stared into my brother’s face. Awareness of just how much I missed him enveloped me, leaving me chilled to the very core. I’d lost five years with the person I’d always been the closest to, all because I had been too prideful and stubborn.

  As if sensing where my head was, Richard stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re my brother, Row. Nothing ever has or ever will change that. Go make it right with Navie. Then we’ll work on our shit. Go.”

  Pulling him in to me, I held on tightly, slapping his back in a firm hug before stepping back and rushing out the door. He was right; what we had to discuss would keep. I needed to deal with getting Navie back now. Then I could work on repairing my relationship with my brother.