“Wanna go surfing with me?” I asked him.
“Oh yeah!” he shouted. Even after the accident, he still loved surfing, and could surf circles around me.
“Great. Go grab your things.”
“Will do.”
His grin wider than before, Cork released me and trotted back to the guest room. When he returned with his backpack, he hugged and thanked Fanny, and then we were off.
In the elevator, he asked a question out of the blue. “Are you still broken up with Saber?”
“No,” I said. “He made a special trip to LA. We talked about what went wrong, then I came with him in the van back to OB. He just dropped me off. He had to go help his parents, but I know he was sorry he missed saying hi to you.”
“I knew you two would get back together,” Cork said, his eyes shining. “He really loves you.”
“Saber and I are starting over,” I said in a cautionary tone, putting my hand on his arm. “It’ll be different from before. There are things we have to work on. I’m not sure we’ll be able to fix what went wrong.”
“But you’re together. You can’t fix what was wrong if you’re apart.”
My brows rose. “Wisely spoken. You’re right.”
“I’m right a lot of the time.” My brother looked down his nose at me and straightened his wide shoulders. “Right about the things that really matter—caring for others, connecting with them, loving you.”
His reciting wisdom from our father made tears prick my eyes.
“You’re right, Cork. Totally.” I reached for his hand and he took mine, clasping it firmly in his much larger one.
“I hit my head and some things got scrambled.” His brow creased, right along his scar. “I’m not as smart as I once was, but my heart’s still exactly the same.”
“In a lot of ways, you’re wiser than before,” I said resolutely. Adversity had taught both of us important lessons early on that most people our age didn’t yet know. “And your heart’s not exactly the same. It’s bigger.”
Lotus
THE SUN HUNG low in the azure sky, warming my back as the ocean roared soothingly in my ears. I bobbed on the undulating surface on my board, my legs dangling off the sides.
Surfing and gardening were where I was most content. Whatever free time I had, I spent it either on the water, or up to my elbows in dirt with my earbuds blasting my favorite songs. Growing things and writing poetry were my passions, but it was the sea that anchored my soul.
I glanced at my bighearted brother. Cork’s gaze was fixed on the horizon, his expression serene. Wet like mine and plastered to his head, his hair was so saturated with seawater, it looked like burnished gold.
Friday afternoon was our usual day to surf together. The time I had once carved out for my best friend in my youth now belonged solely to my brother. Fate had capriciously taken one away, but it had given me another, one who would never leave.
My heart swelled with gratitude for my brother. He might need me, but emotionally, I needed him every bit as much.
“Mine.” Cork lifted his arm in the air to call dibs on an incoming wave.
Paddling into it, he turned his board toward the shore at just the right time. He popped up into his stance, mesmerizing to watch as the energy of the wave propelled him along. When Cork surfed, it seemed like he danced on water. Dipping beneath the canopy of his wave as it curled, he emerged like a merman from the other side right before it collapsed.
Even when he’d hit his head, he’d still risen from the depths. That incident had transformed Cork, but he would always be one with the ocean he loved.
As his ride petered out, he stepped off his board and dropped back into the water’s embrace. His laughter drifted to me, and I smiled, so glad I’d gotten back early enough to spend time with him in the ocean today.
“It’s late, Cork. We’d better go in,” I said when he paddled near enough to hear me.
“All right.” His shoulders fell, and so did his expression.
“We should have gone in thirty minutes ago. I let you have more time, but I’m going to have to skip a shower and hurry to make it to Outside on time.”
“That last wave was a good one.”
“I saw that. You were amazing.”
“Thanks, Lotus.”
“You’re welcome, squirt.”
Cork rolled his eyes. I rarely called him that anymore. He was too big for the childish nickname, as he often reminded me.
“What kind of vehicle is that?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“There.” He pointed to a spot at the top of the sheer rust-colored cliffs four hundred feet above us.
As I looked up, I froze. It looked like Journey’s Scout, but of course it couldn’t be. “I think it’s an International Harvester Scout.”
“Cool. Those are old. They don’t make them anymore. I like the roll bars on that one. Practical for a surfboard.”
“Not getting you a car, Cork,” I said. “Even if you had a license, we can’t afford it.”
“I know. It’s just a cool vehicle. And I hate that you have to walk everywhere.”
“I don’t mind.” I swirled my legs in the water. “It’s good exercise, and I never have to worry about finding a parking space.”
“I know you don’t mind, but I wondered if you knew the guy who owns that vehicle.”
“Why do you ask?” I tilted my head.
“He was standing there nearly the entire time we’ve been out here surfing.”
“What did he look like?” I asked, even though I knew it wasn’t Journey.
He knew what town I lived in, sure, but he and I were a one-and-done deal. And even if we weren’t, how could he possibly know that I was here surfing at the cliffs in this spot today?
“Longish hair. He seemed tall. Couldn’t tell much about his features, really. He was too far away.”
“He was probably just looking at the view.”
“Maybe. I dunno. It seemed odd to me. He was there a long time, but now he’s gone.”
I considered that as we paddled in, dried off, and I changed clothes in the same little shallow cave I’d used as a dressing room back when it was just Storm and me. I braided my wet hair again and reemerged. Cork remained in his wet suit, though it was unzipped now and turned down at the waist.
“Can I go with you to the meeting?” he asked, not for the first time.
“No.” I shook my head. “Band members only, plus Ash and me. Sorry.”
“Okay.” Cork’s crestfallen expression made his disappointment evident.
“But I’ll watch a couple of episodes of What We Do in the Shadows with you later.”
“Promise?” Cork gave me a skeptical look.
He loved that farcical vampire show. I liked it okay, but in limited doses.
“Absolutely.” I patted him on the back. “Anything for you.”
“Anything for you too,” he said.
“Even wash off my board and wet suit for me while I head on into the studio?”
“Even that,” he said, grinning. “And I’ll carry your board for you up the stairs right now.”
I let him. I could do it, but my brother was being sweet, and our dad always insisted that the joy for the giver was in the act of giving. So I didn’t want to rob Cork of that joy by refusing.
Bounding up the concrete stairs, he emerged at the street level before I did. When I arrived, I told myself not to look for the Scout or Journey, but I couldn’t help myself. I did.
He wasn’t there, and neither was the vehicle. But there was an empty space where it had been. It must have just pulled away. As Cork and I walked along the perimeter of the road, side by side on our way back toward our apartment, I saw another car parallel parking to take the space.
When we reached our apartment building, I said good-bye to Cork, trying to act like I wasn’t worried to let him go the rest of the way to our unit alone. But I did worry. I wanted him to have as much independenc
e as he could. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t trust and believe in him. But thinking about what could go wrong always got to me.
From a spot up the street where he couldn’t see me, I watched him wash our boards and wet suits in the outdoor shower, and I remained watching until he loped up the stairs to our unit. Afterward, I headed to Outside, but I made up an excuse to call him.
“Hey,” Cork said, answering his phone after only a couple of rings that nevertheless made my heart race in panic. “What’s up?”
“Do you want me to bring you something home to eat from the Deck Bar after my shift?” I asked.
“Sure. How about a surfer’s teriyaki bowl with tofu?”
“You got it.” I ended the call with my brother as Saber walked up, Shield ambling alongside him. Saber was wearing what he’d been in earlier. Shield’s hair was wet, and he was in board shorts and an Offshore tank top.
“How’d it go with your parents?” I asked Saber, ignoring his brother.
“The way it usually does,” he said with a sigh.
That meant lots of yelling, and his mom deciding to stay with his dad after all.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“It is what it is,” he mumbled, which meant it was a stress that weighed heavily on him, but a weight that he didn’t want to share with me.
Throwing his arm around my shoulders, Saber pulled open the door, and we went into Outside together. The record label and the associated studios with it took up the entire bottom level of the same multilevel building that Ash and Fanny lived in. Hollie, Fanny’s famous sister, lived with Diesel on the floor just below them.
The receptionist was at her desk on the phone. When we stepped inside, she looked up, covering the receiver with her hand. “Ash is waiting for you in the conference room.”
“Thanks, Penny.” Saber nodded to her.
Down the hall, we went, Saber and I side by side, and Shield following. We passed one recording studio after another. The interior of the label was as familiar to me as Ash’s apartment. I spent a lot of time at both. Working for Ash and bartending at the Deck Bar were my biggest sources of income.
Since it was late, the doors to most of the recording studios were closed, but I knew the ones on this beach side were favored by the artists. They had wide views of the ocean and the OB pier.
Ash was standing in the doorway to the conference room when we reached it. “Good to see you, gentlemen,” he said formally, dipping his head. The co-owner of Outside was in business attire today, a crisp white high-thread-count button-down and light gray slacks.
“Hey, boss.” Saber released me to shake Ash’s hand.
“Gentlemen, my ass.” Shield snickered. “Dude, c’mon. We surf together.”
“Dudes then.” Ash’s ocean-blue eyes sparkled. He didn’t take offense. “And dudette.” His gaze shifted to me. “Looks like this is going to be a crowded meeting, but come on inside. All are welcome.”
Saber and Shield went in ahead of me while Ash held open the door for me.
“You sure this is okay?” I asked him. “Me being here, I mean.”
“Absolutely,” Ash said. “And thanks again for working the concert. You did a great job, as usual.”
“You’re welcome. Anytime.”
Turning away from him, I took another step inside the room and stumbled on my own feet. I would have fallen, but Journey caught me.
Storm
I HAD LOTUS.
Having her in my arms, even for a second, made me feel like I could breathe again. It was if a lifetime had passed since I’d had air in my lungs, as if days had gone by since I’d dropped her at the hotel instead of hours. My restless heart resumed a steadier rhythm, but she looked like hers did the opposite. Her uniquely shaped sultry eyes were bright umber.
She was excited, but there was something more than surprise in her expression. Unfortunately, she didn’t stay in my arms long enough for me to figure it out. Dropping her gaze, she twisted and freed herself from me.
Physically.
For now.
But this was so the fuck not over.
“What’s going on?” Saber watched both me and Lotus closely, his eyes narrowed with displeasure.
What I didn’t see was recognition. With the new shape of my jaw and nose, thanks to a bar fight and then plastic surgery, my longer hair, the tats, and a shit-ton of time that had changed more than just my eye color, should I really be surprised that I was unrecognizable to any of them?
When I left Ocean Beach all those years ago, I’d been a boy on the cusp of manhood. But now I was a man, a hard one. One who’d hurt a sweet woman who wore her tender heart on her sleeve, just like she’d done when I’d been her best friend.
I’d messed up with Lotus in LA, letting my curiosity and then my desire get the best of me, but I was here to fix the damage I’d done if I could. Maybe also to make amends with my brothers. Fuck if I really knew. I had an invitation from Ash to be here. But the deciding point for me was that I couldn’t stomach leaving things where I had with her.
Lotus was my best memory, and the most painful one.
Ash’s voice broke through the tension as he strode to the high-back leather chair at the head of the large oblong mahogany table. “I’ll explain what’s going down once everyone’s seated.”
His gaze locked and narrowed suspiciously on me, Saber rolled back a similar chair, taking a seat on Ash’s right. Shield moved into a protective position beside him. My younger brother was in lockstep with Saber. That put me on the outside once again, a familiar role for me.
Lotus glanced my brother’s way, then wrinkled her nose at Shield before she shuffled to take an empty seat on Ash’s left. I moved to her side of the table.
Of course I moved to her side. She was like the gravitational force of the moon, and I was the tide. Not a lot had changed there.
I knew exactly who she was when I saw her in LA, though she hadn’t known me. I should have kept my distance, but I couldn’t, and I hadn’t. So now there was more than just the gravity of the past drawing me toward her.
The scent of the ocean drifted from her hair, braided and wet, as I stepped behind her chair and rolled out the one beside her. She was in a different set of overalls than she’d been in when I dropped her off in LA. This pair was a chambray denim so worn it was almost white, and she’d paired them with a violet tube top.
With so much of her beautiful bronzed skin displayed and knowing how soft it was, how good her naked body felt against mine, my dick went instantly hard. No woman had ever overwhelmed my senses like she did.
After I sat, a glance at her confirmed as I suspected that she didn’t have similar thoughts to mine. Her expression was tight, her spine as straight as her surfboard.
Yeah, I was harsh with her, but did she give me a choice? She’d kept something significant from me.
“Okay, here’s the deal,” Ash said, and I shifted my attention to him. His eyes were on me, and they contained a speculative sparkle. “I’m making some executive personnel decisions regarding OB Hardy.”
Ash knew who I was. It was part of his pitch to me. He put a high value on family, but he didn’t know mine.
I’d almost dismissed him completely, though I thought it was cool and surprising that my brothers had formed a band. But why go backward when the same reasons I’d left in the first place remained? It had been such a struggle for me to leave, and then to get to a place where I had enough money in the bank that I could finally choose where I went, for how long, and with whom.
“Journey is here to try out for the position of guitarist in OB Hardy—”
“Oh, hell fucking no.” Saber interrupted Ash, slapping his hands on the table. “This is my band. I make the personnel decisions, and they’ve already been made.”
“Um, no, actually you don’t make autonomous decisions anymore,” Ash said, assuming the opposite of a confrontational stance.
Leaning back in his chair, he steepled his hands and p
eered steadily over them at Saber. He reminded me of Mary Timmons, the owner of Black Cat Records who had earned the title of ice queen with mannerisms like that.
“You signed an intent with Outside,” Ash said firmly. “OB Hardy is technically my band now, unless you have several million dollars lying around to buy your exclusive rights back.”
“You’re not a dude.” Shield leaned his elbow onto the table, his bicep flexing as he gave Ash an insolent look beneath tousled brown hair darker and not nearly as long as mine.
That nonregulation length must really chafe our old man’s ass. He hated the band for certain.
This career path for my brothers was not at all what I’d envisioned them doing. They were the favored sons, the obedient sons, though Saber being twenty-seven years old and Shield being twenty-two now, it was unlikely they lived under our father’s roof or were subject to his authority anymore. When I left, I’d always assumed they would go into the military to please our father.
Apparently, I’d assumed wrong.
“You’re the fucking man.” Shield spat out the words bitterly, shaking his head at Ash. “I thought you had our back, but you stabbed us in it instead.”
“Not true,” Ash said, frowning.
“True that we sold out to the fucking machine.” Shield glanced at Saber, obviously expecting his outrage to be backed up.
Saber didn’t do that, though he wore a contemplative expression. Whatever thoughts he had, he currently held them in reserve. I imagined he was waiting to see how things played out. That was what he’d done in the weeks before I’d left when the drama between my old man and me reached shouting level.
“We should have signed with Zenith Productions.” Shield plopped back in his chair, throwing up his hands.
“That would have been a mistake,” Ash said calmly. “Charles Morris would have been the man with you, for sure. I’m still a dude, though I’m also your boss.” Ash arched a sardonic brow. “And I’m a boss with a great deal of resources at my disposal. Resources I plan to employ on your behalf to afford you the opportunity to share your music with the world, and at the same time make it possible for you to earn a lot of money.”
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