SinSatiable

by Shelia E. Bell

  “You really don’t know me at all do you? If you think for one minute,” she spoke between crying, “that I would allow harm to come to any young lady at my studio or anywhere else, then you’re the psycho. Yes, I was a dancer at The Lynx. But I didn’t know anything about the illegal side of that place. I was there to make some money to save my dance studio and that’s it.”

  “Don’t put on the sad little girl act now. You were there to support your coke habit. That’s why you were there, baby girl.” His tone was evil and his words were wounding and full of sarcasm.

  Stunned again, Aisha hated Chandler at that very moment. How could he have known her secret name for coke or that she even had a coke habit? She never thought it was possible to feel like this toward another human being. She had always been taught to love others and have compassion for other people. But Chandler made her life’s teachings null and void. The sound of his cruel words wafted in and out of her mind. The more she listened and watched him, the more he looked and sounded like someone other than the Chandler she thought she knew. He continued his verbal onslaught. Like a photographer focuses and zooms in with his camera, her mind zoomed in on Chandler. Then it clicked. She pointed an accusatory finger at him. “It’s you. sure am. So you see. I know all about your little habit. I know what you’ve been doing at The Lynx. You can’t lie to me anymore.”

  “How could you? I hate you,” she screamed and jumped up and ran out of the cafe. Just as she made it to her car, Chandler was beside her.

  “Sorry to bust your bubble, Luscious. But like the good book teaches, my sista,” he mocked, ‘what’s done in the dark surely will come to the light.”

  “Where is Elisa?” Aisha shouted at Chandler. “Is she in jail? At least tell me that much.”

  “Elisa and Gabby are fine. That’s all you need to know. And if I were you, I wouldn’t waste my time trying to go to her place. You won’t find her there,” he smirked. “Now you go and have yourself a good night.” And with that being said, he turned and walked off leaving Aisha standing next to her car shocked and hurt.

  CHAPTER 33

  It was Thursday. Aisha called in to the studio and told the receptionist she wouldn’t be in until after her appointment. Usually she went to the studio first to check her messages or return calls up until it was time to leave for her counseling session with Minister Williams. But this morning she just wasn’t feeling it. She lounged around the apartment, sipped on a cup of hot decaf tea with lemon and listened to the morning news.

  The reporter talked about a murder that happened on the East side last night that was thought to be the result of a botched up robbery. Then the reporter followed up with something more pleasant. “Urban Knowledge Memphis bookstore is hosting a book signing event for New York Times Bestselling author Carl Weber Tuesday at six p.m.” the red haired reporter stated. Next, Aisha listened to the meteorologist tell about the weather. “Weather today is going to be breezy and mild with a temperature of 64 degrees. Temperatures will remain between a low of fifty-three to a high of sixty-three the remainder of the week with a forty percent chance of thundershowers on Saturday and Sunday.” The same red-haired reporter came on again after a commercial break.

  Aisha got up from her favorite tomato red chair. She halted when she heard the reporter mention The Lynx. “Ronald Shipley, former owner of The Lynx Association indicted last November for capital kidnapping, drug trafficking and human trafficking. was sentenced to thirty five years to life. The remaining three people indicted in the sting will stand trial in the next few weeks. It has been reported that a fifth accomplice, Elisa Santana, the prosecution’s star witness has not been seen since the reading of the verdict. Speculation has it that she’s been placed in the witness protection plan. Stay tuned to the five o’clock edition of News Channel 24, giving you up to the minute news.”

  So that explains Elisa’s sudden disappearance, Aisha said out loud. It all makes sense now. Maybe she’ll be able to make a decent life for her and Gabby now without fear of Ronald’s revenge. Take care of her God. Take care of her. Aisha clicked off the television and turned the radio on in time to hear Yolanda Adams singing In The Midst Of It All. She listened like she was hearing the song for the first time. “I’ve come through many hard trials…not because I’ve been so faithful…” God you have kept me in the midst of it all, she said. She listened to the rest of the song before getting up to dress for her meeting with Jackson.

  Aisha waved dryly when she passed the receptionist and continued her way to her morning session. She felt exceptionally down today and dreaded her meeting with Jackson Williams. If only she could have a hit of baby girl, she’d be fine. Most of her nights were spent tossing and turning and dreaming about the drug. When The Lynx was raided, her supply line was cut off. There were times when she considered going to some of the same drug infested neighborhoods where she once used to knock on doors and witness to people. Only she wouldn’t be witnessing about the Lord. She’d be searching high and low for her drug of choice. So far she’d resisted the strong urge to do it. If Elisa was here, she’d know where to get some without having to result to a street dealer. Dang, I miss her. What am I thinking? I’ve got to get a grip. She hurried along the familiar corridor leading to Jackson’s office. With each step the tug of desire for baby girl intensified. She stopped, turned around and went back outside to her car in desperate search for even a crumb of coke. She rambled through her glove compartment, under the seat cushions and floor mats. There had to be some coke somewhere. She was growing more and more frantic by the minute. When she caught a reflection of herself in her rear view mirror, she sat upright in the seat and then leaned back. She pounded her fists against the dashboard, jumped out of the car and strode back inside the church.

  Chandler watched her from across the street until she disappeared inside Greater Faith Community Church. For the past several weeks he’d been following her. Now that the trial had ended and Ronald Shipley would never walk the streets of Memphis or anywhere again, he could concentrate on finding out if Aisha had any secrets he should know about. He didn’t really want to see her go to prison, but if he discovered that she knew anything about The Lynx operation, he had no choice. He wouldn’t rest until she was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. He looked at his cell phone to check the time, wondering what she could possibly be doing at the church every week. Like clockwork, he watched her arrive at Greater Faith between 9:30 and 9:45 a.m. every Thursday. Maybe she was going before the altar to confess her sins.

  ♦

  Today’s session with Jackson left Aisha feeling somewhat invigorated. Almost as soon as she heard his voice, she dispelled any thoughts of her drug craving.

  “Aisha, we’re going to delve deeper into some personal issues going on in your life. Are you willing to open up a little more today?”

  “I think so. But I don’t know if you’re going to like what I have to say,” she answered nervously and rotated her fingers over and over again in a circular motion.

  “Like I told you, Aisha, I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to listen and give you Godly counsel. Now why don’t you start from the beginning,” he urged. He clasped his hands together and placed them underneath his chin. He didn’t want to stare at her and make her feel uncomfortable, but she was ravishing. He could tell that whatever her problem was it must be really working her nerves because while she was indeed beautiful, he saw dark circles underneath her round dark eyes. She was jittery too, like she had a whole lot on her mind. Out of all of his past relationships, none of them had been as lovely as Aisha Carlisle. During college and seminary he could have had his choice of women but staying true to his faith, he refused to be a player. He dated for the sole purpose of finding a life long mate instead of physical gratification. Being celibate was indeed hard, especially since he wasn’t a virgin. He’d had his share of sexual encounters but since he entered ministry full time, he vowed to God that He would present His body as a living sacrifice. He believ
ed that a major part of having a body that was acceptable to Christ was not subjecting it to activities that were outside of the will of God. Namely fornication, drinking, smoking and drugs. Though some of his friends of which some were ministers that smoked, indulged in sex and drinking, Jackson didn’t have the desire to do any of it. But he didn’t knock them for their habits because he believed that every person had a shortcoming. Just because some of his buddies smoked or had a drink from time to time didn’t automatically mean they were hell bound. It was all about if they believed and accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. That was what mattered. He fidgeted in his plush wide back chair and leaned back to listen to Aisha.

  Aisha was afraid at first but after several minutes of talking about her love of dance and telling Jackson about her studio, she began to feel relaxed and eager to tell him more. He watched the way she moved her lips in a pouting manner and resisted the urge to tell her how pretty she was to him. The more she talked, the more he wanted to hear.

  “The studio was my dream, my answered prayer,” she had told him.

  “So tell me, when did things take a turn for you Aisha?”

  “When the studio turned from a dream into a nightmare. You see, the owner of my building decided to sell it. But I didn’t have enough cash or assets to buy it. I couldn’t borrow enough money, which I wasn’t supposed to do anyway. And I didn’t have anyone who could loan me thirty-five thousand dollars.”

  “Wow, I understand your dilemma. But why didn’t you just find another location for the studio?” he asked in a sincere voice.

  “Because. My students are mostly inner city students. They already have enough trouble getting to practice. Moving the studio would have meant that I would lose a considerable number of talented students. For some it was all they had to look forward to. The other thing was my credit. It stunk. I had overextended myself and my debt ratio was really out of proportion. I had student loans, rent, car note, bank notes, credit cards, and anything else you can think of. When the realtor contacted me and told me the owner was going to sale the building I went into action.

  “What did you do?”

  “I petitioned for investors, went to my bank but I still came up short. So I did what I thought was best for me at the time.”

  “And what exactly was best for you at the time, Aisha?”

  Aisha thought of how genuine he sounded. His voice echoed compassion and understanding. She hoped her intuition was right because she was about to confess to him the double life she had been living. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at her shaking hands.

  ♦

  “I’d like to go into the sanctuary to pray. I won’t be long.” Chandler spoke in a low, reserved type voice.

  “Sure, go right ahead. You do know where to go don’t you?”

  “Yes ma’am. I think I know every square inch of this church,” he quickly lied.

  “Go on then,” she prompted.

  “Thank you,” he answered and tipped his hat toward her. In the massive sanctuary there were only a handful of people. An elderly man sat on the front pew with his head bowed and eyes closed. There was a young couple kneeling at the altar holding hands. Perusing the rest of the sanctuary and balcony he saw several other people but none were even close to fitting Aisha’s description. Just to be certain none of them were her, he quietly walked along the sanctuary and glanced at each person he passed. He did the same thing when he went upstairs to the balcony. Next he went to the other side of the church where the sign read Staff Offices with an arrow pointing straight ahead.

  ♦

  “Aisha, there’s nothing you can tell me that will make me think differently of you. So come on, relax and talk. Jackson coaxed.”

  “One of the parents of my students made me an offer I couldn’t possibly refuse. But, I should have. The money was not only good, but it was quick money and I didn’t have to do a lot for it.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at Jackson’s handsome face. She kept her head bowed and continued to talk.

  “I’m a private dancer at an exclusive men’s club. No, wait. Let me rephrase that. I was a private dancer until the club was shut down by the Feds. I had special clients who were extremely wealthy, I must say. They paid me a lot of money to dance for them.”

  Jackson stared at her. His thoughts were scrambled but his attraction to her was still in place. “Would you like to take a break before going on?” Jackson offered. “I can get you a soda or coffee.”

  “No, I want to continue while I can. Anyway, I accepted the job and my friend was right. The money was good. I made enough to buy the building, pay off my credit cards and then some. But that’s not all. I don’t know if I can tell you the rest,” she said in shame.

  “Don’t stop now. The only way to confront what’s attacking you is by talking about it and praying about it. I’ve been praying every day about you and your situation. But you’ve got to have faith for yourself and hope for your problems.”

  “Well, I’d never done anything like private dancing in front of men. I believed that a woman’s body should be reserved for her husband. As for being physically intimate with them, I didn’t engage in that. I’ve preserved my virginity but what I have done is to showcase my body in an undesirable manner that I know God is not pleased with. I was no more than a stripper. The only difference in what I did and what a stripper does is that I happened to work for extremely wealthy clientele. And while I’m confessing, I guess I’ll tell you the other part.”

  “What is it?” Jackson sat upright in his chair trying to prepare himself for what she was about to reveal.

  “I’m a cocaine addict.” As many confessions and stories he’d heard, Jackson Williams couldn’t believe that the woman sitting before him was an addict. He noticed that her eyes were dark and her body was frail but to be on drugs, no way. He definitely would have to pray for God to deliver her from such a powerful stronghold.

  “Do you snort it, use a pipe, a needle? What?” Jackson had to know. He had to find a way to help her.

  “I snorted it. I haven’t done it in a while now. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because they shut down The Lynx. That was where I worked. But anyway, I lost my connection when they were busted. I called it baby girl. I know that sounds crazy, but that’s one of the names some of the other girls called it. So I used it too. I didn’t mean for it to get out of control. I only meant to use it to help me relax before I danced for my clients. I started out with crushed Valium and that made me feel relaxed. Then I graduated to snorting coke. It kept me energized and less shy and reserved. Before I realized it, I was using it all day every day. I had an endless supply available to me at no charge at my place of work. The more I became addicted to baby girl, I mean cocaine, the less I turned to God and the church. I gave more and more time to my night job and my next hit of coke that I lost all perspective. I couldn’t even pray Jackson,” she started to cry. Before I came in here, I wanted a hit so bad that I searched around in my car like a car thief trying to hot wire it and get away before being caught.

  Jackson opened his side desk drawer and pulled out a box of tissue and passed it over to Aisha. He wanted to sit beside her and hold her. He wanted to tell her everything would be all right but she was in a fragile state of mind and he was too attracted to her to do such a thing. “Aisha, please don’t cry,” he begged. “I tell you what. Let’s stop right here. You’ve shared a lot with me today and by confiding in me, you’ve shown that you trust me. What I want you to do when you finish your day is to read some scriptures starting with Romans chapter seven, verses fourteen through twenty-five.” Jackson used his note pad to write down the passages of scripture for Aisha. She looked so hopeless and helpless sitting across from him. “I also want you to read Romans eight verses one through four. Don’t just read the scriptures. Meditate on them. Pray for spiritual understanding. It’s well and fine for others to pray for you Aisha, but you have to learn to pray for yourself too. You’re just as much a child of G
od as I am. And yes, you’ve made some mistakes and you’ve walked outside of God’s will, but it doesn’t change who and whose you are.”

  Aisha cried even harder. “I’m sorry, Jackson, I can’t help it. I hear what you’re saying but it doesn’t make me feel better about the decisions that I’ve made. It doesn’t change what I’ve done.”

  “Aisha, please stop crying.” This time he walked over to where she was sitting and kneeled down beside her. She could smell the scent of his cologne and the minty freshness of his breath as he spoke. Reaching for her hands, he looked her straight in the eye. “I promise you right here and right now that everything will be all right. Just don’t give up Aisha. Don’t throw in the towel. Allow God to do a new thing in you. It may not happen over night, but you have my word. No, I take that back. You have God’s promise that He is forever by your side, loving you just as much as He did before all of this.” Without thinking he reached up and pushed aside one of her fallen twists from her face. He grabbed a tissue and patted her cheeks until they were dry. Aisha stopped crying and began to watch the caring man kneeling before her. Her heart fluttered.

  “Will you read the scriptures Aisha?”

  Aisha didn’t respond immediately. But after several seconds of silence, she told him that she would do as he asked.

  “There’s one last thing I’d like you to do before you leave this morning. And that is to pray with me. Do you mind?”

  How could she turn him down? Between sniffles she answered, “Okay.”

  Jackson prayed and asked God to guide Aisha’s thoughts, her actions and her body. He prayed for deliverance from her addiction and for the guilt and condemnation she felt to be moved out of her life. When he finished his prayer, he got off his knees and sat down next to her. “Feel better?”