Out Of The Dark

by Arlene Gonzales

  Oh my god! I put my hands on either side of my head. Get a grip, Alexis! You are with Aiden. You love Aiden. Yes, I just have to keep telling myself that. But why would I have to keep reminding myself? What is going on with me? What’s wrong with me?

  There’s a war going on in my head. How did this happen? Is it possible to be in love with one man but also have feelings for another? No, this only happens in the movies. I am a normal, levelheaded person. I am a good person. I would never want to hurt anybody like that.

  Why did I kiss him? My hand comes to my mouth and I run my forefinger lightly over my lips, thinking of the kiss. I close my eyes and remember how soft his lips were, and how he tasted. Oh my god, I have to stop thinking like this! It’s not right. This cannot be happening. I can’t handle this right now. I need to talk to Shannon, the one person who will give it to me straight, the one person who will help me to see things more clearly.

  I look at the clock on the wall. It’s well past four in the morning. Maybe in the daylight this whole mess won’t be so complicated. One more glance at Chris, and then I go back to the waiting room to be with the man I love.

  ***

  Detective Miller asks us questions in Chris’s room.

  “Did either one of you see his face?”

  Chris and I glance at each other and shake our heads. I speak first. “No, he came up from behind and pointed the gun at the back of my head so I never got a look at him.”

  I watch Aiden and see the twitch in his jaw, the angry look in his eyes. I walk over from the window where I was standing and cup his face with my hands. “I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.”

  The worry is still there. He doesn’t seem to have slept much at all. He was watching over me all night. There’s a softness in his gaze, the love that he shows me. I turn back around and see Chris watching us from his hospital bed. Then I look at Detective Miller.

  He says to Chris, “So you didn’t see him either?”

  “No, he was wearing a mask.”

  “Were there any marks or tattoos you could identify?”

  Remembering, Chris says, “Yes, now that you mention it, he had an eagle tattoo on his right hand.”

  “Good, that’s a start. I think that is all we need for now, but we’ll have a marked police car going by both of your homes on a regular basis, just until we catch this guy.”

  Aiden has his hands on both my shoulders. “Alexis will be staying at my home till you get the man responsible.”

  Hoping Chris didn’t catch what he just said, I turn to face Aiden and lower my voice. “I cannot leave Shannon alone at the apartment. The police will be going by on a regular basis.”

  “Alexis, she can come as well, but I will not let you put your life at risk. You have to let me take care of you and not fight me on this.”

  “Fine, I’ll talk to Shannon and let you know.”

  He gives me one of his do not argue with me looks. “I am taking you home right now, and we will tell her together that both of you are staying with me until this whole mess is cleared up.” With that I know not to say any more.

  The doctor comes in and tells Chris he is good to go home. The X-rays came back clear and the nurse will be in with discharge instructions. I turn to Aiden.

  “I just want to thank Chris.”

  He takes a deep breath, closes his beautiful eyes, and lets it out. “Fine, I will be in the hall waiting for you.”

  He said that for Chris’s benefit as well as my own. I walk over to Chris and give him a hug.

  “There are no words to show you how grateful I am. I don’t want to think of what might have happened if you were not there. I am so sorry that you were hurt.”

  I let go of him and am about to walk out of the room, but he takes hold of my hand. “We need to talk about that kiss, Lexie. You can’t run away from this. It’s not just me who feels this way and you cannot avoid the subject for very long.”

  I try to look everywhere but at him. “Chris, it was a mistake. I am so sorry. I know it’s not fair to you, but I love Aiden. I am with him and that is not ever going to change. I’m sorry. I do not want to hurt you. Really, I don’t, but I don’t want to lead you on or let you think that there’s something there when there isn’t. I don’t want to lie to you.”

  “You’re lying to yourself, Lexie. I can feel it when you look at me, the way you act when you’re with me. I know that you’re with Aiden, but you deserve better.” His grip on my hand gets tighter. “He uses people and disposes of them when he no longer needs them. He’ll get bored of you as well. Just ask all the other women from his past.”

  I yank my hand from his hold and tell him in a more assured voice, “No, you don’t know him. He loves me and would never hurt me.”

  As I’m defending him, I wonder: Do I really know Aiden? Yes, he says all the right things to make me feel better, like how much he needs me, how beautiful I am, and how I bring new meaning to his life, but not once has he actually said that he loves me. It hasn’t really been that long since we met and everything has happened so fast. What do I really know about him?

  “Chris, I’ll check in on you later. Please get some rest and be careful.”

  The hurt in his eyes tears me up inside. This guilt and something else have me questioning things right now, but I’ll have to deal with it later.

  ***

  When we get to my apartment, Shannon isn’t there, so I tell Aiden I need to give her a call by myself. I don’t want her to feel like an outsider, because she is way too important to me. She has to know I would never put her feelings second to anyone else’s.

  “Alexis, I am not leaving you here alone. Call her to see where she is and when she will be home.”

  I go to the phone, but get her voicemail. I leave her a message to call me back. This is as good a time as any to find out all about Aiden’s past, or as much as I can.

  “Hey, can we talk?” I look down and start knotting my fingers together.

  “Sure, what do you want to talk about?” Aiden sits down on the couch and pats the area next to him for me to come sit.

  “I want to know about the women in your past, about the nightmares you have, and about how you said everybody leaves. I want to know more about you, Aiden, and I feel at times you hide things from me. If we are going to work out, then we shouldn’t be keeping things from each other.”

  He wraps his arm around me and pulls me tightly into his chest. “Alexis, you know more about me than anybody else.”

  In a low voice, I say, “I want to know all of you. The good, the bad, everything.”

  “I’m trying to open up as much as I can, but you said you would give me time.”

  “I am, Aiden, but you have got to meet me halfway. I’ve told you the worst things about my past. You know my deepest thoughts. You know everything about me, but you can’t or won’t give me anything.”

  He closes his eyes for a minute and then takes a deep breath. His chest rises and falls. Then he opens his eyes. “I can’t tell you everything right now, but I will try to tell you as much as I can.”

  I reach for his hand. “That’s all I’m asking, that you start to trust me the way I trusted you when I told you about the night that changed my life forever.”

  “All right, ask away…”

  “Why me, Aiden? Why are you with me? I don’t look like any of the women you’ve dated in your past. They were all tall, really skinny models with long legs, they all knew how to work the runway and pose for the cameras, but I am nothing like them. Why me, when you can have your pick of any woman in the world?”

  He lets go and turns me around to face him. “Alexis, you really do not know how bellissima you are, do you?”

  I look down, trying my hardest not to cry. With one hand he tilts my chin up so that I can gaze into his eyes.

  “No, Alexis, you do not look like any of the women I have dated in the past. You are much more beautiful. You are in a league of your own.”

  “That is how I think of y
ou, Aiden.”

  “I love the way your hair blows in the wind, all long and soft. I love that in the sunlight it looks like it’s on fire, burning brightly. I love that your eyes show every emotion you are feeling, whether it is good, bad, happy, or sad. The way they dance and sparkle when you smile or laugh or the way they shine when you are sad and crying. I love the way you sound when you laugh or even just giggle, with so much love and life in you. I love the way you show people you care about them in different little ways and in the things you do for them. I love how your lips are so soft to the touch and how they look when you pout and the way they make an O when you are about to come. It makes me want to kiss you all the time. The fact that you are not too thin so I do not fear I will break you when I want to hug you tightly, or even when I want to fuck you hard—which, by the way, is all the time.”

  Watching Aiden speak about me in such a loving way, makes me want to tell him, Admit it, you love me. Why can’t you just say it already?

  “I love your body, how soft it is, and the way you always smell so fresh. I love your neck, I love to be able to nibble on it and to see how it makes you react. The curves you have are all in the right places, I love the shape and feel of your ass. It is those curves that make me want to run my hands all over you. Those curves make me crazy. I love your legs just the way they are, so smooth and soft; I love them especially when they are wrapped around me. I love the way you make me feel when you are with me, knowing that you are not using me only for the cameras or for the fame that comes with them, but just because you really want me. Your love of life makes me want to love life as well. Believe me when I tell you that I have never met anyone like you before and that you are the one I have been waiting for my whole life. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” He looks at me and smiles a warm, genuine smile. “Alexis, I will move Heaven, Hell, and everything in between to be with you. I will do whatever it takes to make you feel special, to make you feel safe, to make you feel wanted.”

  Chapter 20

  Everything he is saying makes me feel just as he says. “I need to ask one more question, Aiden, is that okay?”

  “Yes, Alexis, ask away.”

  “Carla once told me that you would throw me away once you were tired or bored with me. That you told every woman the same things while you were with them, things they wanted to hear. Then when you were done you would simply push them aside, not wanting anything to do with them again. You’d always go back to her and I was just a shiny new toy, so please, Aiden, please…If you plan to do the same with me, then please let me go now. Yes, I will still be hurt, but maybe not as much as I’ll be hurt later on if you keep telling me you need me and that you can’t be without me. It’s just that I’ll get used to hearing that, and if down the road you leave me for somebody else, I will be broken and I don’t know if I will come back from that.”

  “Alexis, I will never tire of you. I will never push you aside for somebody else, and no, you are not a shiny new toy. I dated Carla a long time ago and thought she would be the one that I would marry. It actually now seems like a lifetime ago.”

  My eyes grow large and a shiver crawls down my spine. “What? You were going to marry her? Were you two actually engaged?”

  He runs his hands up and down my arms. “Calm down, Alexis. I said I only thought about it. I never asked her, and it was several years ago. At the time I thought we were a good fit because we are both in the fashion industry. We both lived in the spotlight, so we knew how the business aspects of this works, but I quickly realized that she has no heart except for where she’s concerned. She has no regard for anyone else. To her it is all about the fame and fortune and how she can benefit from it. She does not love me; she just loves the cameras. She is like a plastic doll. There is nothing on the inside, no warmth. She has no soul. I actually feel sorry for her.”

  “Thank you for sharing that with me, Aiden. I know it is hard for you to open up and trust people. Can you please tell me about the nightmares that you have?”

  He suddenly tenses up and there it is, that twitch in his jaw again. He releases me and runs his hands through his hair. “I—I can’t.”

  My phone rings, interrupting us. I look at the screen. “It’s Shannon,” I say. “Hello?”

  While listening to her, I look at Aiden and watch the difference in him. He’s shutting down. I can see it in his face, the one reserved for the public. The one that he shows when he doesn’t want you to know what he is really feeling or what is going on with him.

  I tell Shannon that we need to talk and to come home as soon as she is finished.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I let her know Aiden wants us to stay with him till they either catch the man who mugged me and Chris or get some kind of break in the case. I brace myself for an argument of why we shouldn’t go, but she says the total opposite.

  “Lexie, I think that is an awesome idea.”

  I am completely surprised at her agreement to the whole suggestion. We hang up and I tell Aiden she’s happy to stay at his place for a while or however long it takes. He smiles and seems relieved.

  I look straight at him and say, “I don’t want to ruin your good mood, but are you going to share anything about your dreams?”

  He runs his hands through his hair again. “I would not call them dreams, Alexis. They are nightmares. They haunt me. They hurt my chest and they make me afraid of sleeping.”

  “Okay. I just want you to know that whatever it is, I will always be here for you whenever you are ready to talk.”

  He seems to be letting that sink in. I see a sadness come over his face. His brows bunch up, and in almost a whisper, he says, “Yes, but once I tell you, I don’t know if you will stay with me or if you will leave me too.”

  “Why would you say that? I’m not going anywhere.” Now I’m frustrated. “I will never leave you. I am in love with you, and even though you have not said it back to me yet, I know you feel it. I need to ask you something else.”

  His fists open and close and his jaw twitches. “What is it, Alexis?”

  “Why haven’t you said it to me yet…said that you love me?”

  Just then the door swings open. “I’m home!”

  We both look to see Shannon standing there smiling at us. “Boy, do I have news to share with you, but I can tell you all about it at Aiden’s place. We should get packed and be on our way.”

  ***

  When we arrive at Aiden’s penthouse, Shannon gawks. “This is nice. I mean, like really nice. Does it have a pool?”

  I roll my eyes and give her a glare.

  “Yes, Shannon, I have a pool. And yes, it is heated if you wish to use it. Plus I have a sauna room and a whirlpool. There’s a theater room, game room, and library. If you wish to relieve some stress, I also have a workout room, which is another good way to let off steam.”

  Shannon’s eyes fill with excitement and I turn to Aiden. “Can I talk to you for a minute please—alone?”

  He takes my hand and tells Shannon to make herself at home. Then he leads me into his room. Even though I have been here before, the place still takes my breath away.

  “What did you need to talk to me about?”

  “Alexis…”

  Just then there is a knock on the door. He opens it and reveals Ms. Miller.

  “I just wanted to get your bags to you, dear.” The smile she gives me is warm and loving. She covers my hands in her own and tells me, “Remember, he is a better man because of you and with you. Be good to each other and life will take you both on the best journey.”

  “Thank you, Ms. Miller.” I turn to Aiden. “I need to talk to Shannon and make sure she is all right and getting settled.”

  “You do that,” he says. “Then come back here, so I can show you just how glad I am that you’re here before Ms. Miller serves dinner.”

  I make my way to Shannon’s room and knock. “Can I come in?”

  Shannon opens the door. “Oh my god, get a load of
this room. It is so huge and the en suite is just as big. It’s almost the size of our living room. The bed is like sleeping on air, so comfy.” She jumps on the mattress. “Hey, did you ever think that the most gorgeous guy in the whole world would fall in love with you?”

  “He hasn’t said it to me yet, Shannon.”

  “Oh, Lexie, you just have to see the way he looks at you to know he has it bad. The guy is in love with you, and why wouldn’t he be? I mean, have you seen you?”

  I blush. “He tells me he feels the same way I do, but hasn’t actually said the words.”

  “Well, honey, some men just have a hard time expressing how they feel.”

  I shrug my shoulders and lie on the bed. Shannon lies next to me. We both look up at the ceiling. “I can’t pinpoint it, but something is haunting him. Something so deep that he has a hard time putting it into words, and I can’t get him to open up. All he keeps saying is that he is trying and to please give him time.”

  “Then that’s what you should do. Give him the time to work through things, and if he doesn’t open up to you soon, try talking to him again, reassuring him of your love. If that still doesn’t work, tell him you’ll leave him. He’ll come around.”

  The sound of someone clearing their throat draws our attention to the doorway. We both turn to see Aiden standing there; the look on his face tells me he overheard us. I feel guilty. He opens his beautiful home to us to keep us safe, and then he hears Shannon saying I should leave him.

  “Um, Aiden, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I was just telling Lexie to give you time to open up.”

  I give her a glare. “Shannon, please just stop.”

  “I’m just going to shut up now, but hey, thank you for letting me stay here in your beautiful home. I am really grateful.”

  I can see by Aiden’s body language he is not comfortable with me talking to Shannon about us.