Forfeiting Decency

by Rachel Schneider

  Her left eye is bloodshot, the lid swollen over. The bruising underneath matches her right eye, black with a tinting of yellow branching to her temples. A cut splits her bottom lip in half, scabbed over the swollenness. She seethes, tearing away from his hands. “I never said it was okay. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

  “What am I supposed to think, Kaley?” he snaps, angry.

  Kaley shoves past him and into the living room. Lilly and Justin’s heads both snap in their direction, Kip hot on her heels as she attempts to put space between them.

  “Don’t walk away from me, Kaley.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do. You don’t own me.”

  Reaching a breaking point, Kip grabs her arm by the arm and pins her against the nearest wall. Justin says Kip’s name in warning, alarmed. Kaley doesn’t react, waiting for his next move.

  “Is this what you want?” Kip seethes, hands trembling with thinly veiled anger.

  Kaley lets out a humorless laugh. “You have no idea what I want.”

  It’s his turn to laugh. “Don’t I? This is what you think you deserve?”

  “Admit it to yourself, Kip.”

  His chest rises and falls furiously. “Admit what, Kaley?” he says, voice wavering on tired.

  “You don’t love me, you want to own me.”

  He growls, punching the wall beside her head and shattering the sheetrock. Lilly yells his name. “Is this what you want? To push me so it’ll prove to you I’m just like them, the men who did nothing but use you?”

  His words make her body shake with rage. “It didn’t take much, did it?” But even as Kaley says the words, she knows Kip would never hurt her. One hand holds the back of her head and the other anchors her hip, holding her to the wall. But even in their positions, they are gentle. Strong, but steady. Commanding, but tender.

  His grip tightens momentarily, only to release a moment later as he steps back. She turns, meeting his gaze.

  His eyes are rimmed in red, a level of hurt in his eyes Kaley’s never seen before. “I love you for who you are,” he says, voice strained. “I fell in love with your broken, chaotic mess. And I fell in love with the girl I knew you could be, the girl you’ll be after you learn to love yourself, and the girl that’ll come after that. I fell in love with every aspect of who you are. Not just the broken parts and not just the perfect parts.”

  Much to Kaley’s horror, at the point of being unable to stop them, tears spill over his cheeks. Her gentle, strong, steady, commanding, and tender man is breaking before her, and it hurts her in the most unexpected way.

  A SOB ESCAPES MY throat, then another, and they continue as I sink to the floor before him. He follows, catching me before I fall, crying with me.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, voice trembling. “I’m so sorry.”

  It only makes me cry harder as he holds me, rocking slightly in his arms. He brushes my hair back with his hand, holding me tightly to his chest like he’s scared I’m going to disappear before him. I never knew breaking him would be so easy.

  Unsticking hair from my wet cheeks, he pulls back far enough so I’m forced to look at him. “Tell me what happened,” he says quietly.

  Lilly hands me a roll of toilet paper as she sits on the floor next to us, and I graciously take it. I hate she’s here to witness this. I wipe my nose gently, ignoring the dull ache it causes to flare behind my eyes.

  “I guess I need to start at the beginning. A few months ago, I had a client, Cody Landry, con me into sleeping with him for free.”

  Justin chokes on air. “Cody Landry, the state senator Cody Landry?”

  “You are correct.”

  “Oh, shit.” He drags a thumb over his bottom lip.

  Lilly’s face becomes white because she knows Justin doesn’t tend to freak out over pretty much anything.

  Kip becomes more alarmed than he already is. “Why, oh shit?”

  “Hudson’s is owned by a co-op comprised mostly of government officials. Cody Landry is one of them,” Kaley explains.

  “Not just one of them,” Justin says, taking a seat on the floor with us. “But the ring leader. Hudson’s is one of three locations across the country that provides anonymity for high-profile people to meet up with escorts. One in New York, San Diego, and here. Landry oversees them all.”

  “Okay, but what does he want with you?” Kip says.

  Here comes the hard part. “He’s mad I’ve been taking business out from under him. He slept with me to confirm his suspicions and demanded I work under him as an escort, or pay him back the money he feels like I stole from him.”

  Kip’s face screws up. “He’s a pimp,” he says, derisive.

  Justin drapes his arm over one knee, shrugging. “For a lack of a better word.”

  For clarification, Lilly says, “And when exactly was this?”

  Kip may tolerate discussing my past sexual history, but there’s still a part of Lilly that wants to protect her brother. My past and future is divided by one person. “Before Kip.”

  “When?”

  “Lilly, stop,” Kip scolds her.

  “No, it’s okay,” I say, knowing she needs the truth. “It was before I even showed up at your house, way before Kip and I ever got together.”

  This satisfies her, but a glance at Kip tells me he read between the lines Lilly didn’t. He swallows and wipes a hand across his mouth. “That’s why.”

  “What?”

  Kip pulls back, not enough to let me go, but enough to look at me with a new perspective. “That’s why you showed up out of nowhere after four years, because you needed money.”

  Justin and Lilly’s expression are mirror images as their eyes widen, landing on me and then Kip as he sits back.

  “I was just planning on asking for it, I swear,” I plead with him. “I didn’t even know you were out. But then Lilly was kind of distant when she saw me, then she graduated, and then she was engaged. It never seemed like a good time to bring it up, so I never did.”

  He leans back, giving himself a little space as he sorts through his thoughts. Settling on something, he looks at me. “How much is it?”

  I carefully lick over the cut on my lip. “A lot.”

  He unwraps me from his body and doesn’t say a word as he walks to the safe underneath the side table next to the bed. He retrieves a checkbook, grabbing a pen from the drawer, and looks up at me as he sits to write. “How much?” he says, steady.

  I begin shaking my head. “I don’t want your money, Kip.”

  Ignoring me, he scribbles on the paper, tearing it off and handing it to me as he walks to me. “Fill it out. However much you need.”

  I stare at the slip of paper then meet his gaze from high above me. “No.”

  Clenching his jaw, he shoves it into my hand. “Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be.”

  His face is hard, voice devoid of emotion, and it reminds me of the Kip from last night. The one who kept an emotional wall up because I had pushed him away. I don’t like it and I don’t want him to believe the money is the reason I’m with him, or the reason I even got with him in the first place.

  Standing, I hold the check out between us with both hands, ripping it down the middle as I hold his gaze. “You’re not my paycheck,” I say, feeling powerful in my act of defiance.

  If at all possible, I can almost hear his teeth grinding together as he reins in his temper. “We can end this, stop it in its tracks, if you just let me.”

  “Do you really think he’s going to let me go just like that? He’s not the type to give in that easily.”

  “Neither am I.”

  I take a step forward, placing a hand on his chest. “It’s more than you realize.”

  He doesn’t waver. “How much?” he repeats for the third time.

  “A hundred thousand.”

  Justin cusses and Lilly murmurs God’s name in vein, but neither of us look at them.

  Kip takes a deep breath, chest expanding under my hand. “It�
�s more than I have.”

  I had suspected so, but was unsure. At least, until now. “I figured.”

  Placing a hand over mine on his chest, he shakes his head at me, eyes questioning. “You encouraged me to buy the shop, to start my business, knowing it would eat up whatever money we had left.”

  I don’t have time to speak before he continues.

  “Why?”

  I thought the answer was obvious. “If I took your money, it wouldn’t be any different from taking it from Peter or any of the men at Hudson’s, and you mean more to me than that.”

  “Kaley,” he says, holding my face in his hands. “I know what you feel for me is real. You don’t have to prove it to me.”

  “No, Kip. I need to prove it to me.”

  Frustration plays across his face. “It’s not your fault I went to jail. It’s not even your father’s. You have to stop trying to right his wrongs.”

  I’m taken back, surprised by his ability to pinpoint my motive. “I didn’t do anything but encourage you to do what you love. There’s nothing wrong in that.”

  “It is if it came with a price of possibly losing what we have.”

  His words hit a soft spot in me and I give him a small smile. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He looks like he doesn’t believe me, but kisses me on the corner of my mouth, avoiding the cut in the center of my lip. “We’ll figure something out.”

  Justin takes the lull in conversation to speak. “What happens if you don’t do these things? Work for Landry or pay the money,” he clarifies, leaning against the back of the couch now. “What then?”

  “Landry kept using Peter as leverage, because he knew Peter would cut me off if he found out I was seeing other people. Once I finally ended things with Peter, I went to him and told him I wasn’t going to do it. Work for him, I mean. He demanded I pay him back for working potential buyers out from under him.”

  “Is that what happened tonight?” Justin says.

  “It was a warning. He had a few men kidnap me on my way to the store. They shoved me in an SUV.”

  “Why don’t we just go to the police?” Lilly asks.

  Justin shakes his head. “You don’t understand. Half the judicial system frequents Hudson’s. Even if we managed to convince the police to act, it wouldn’t go any higher than the local court system before it would be dismissed.”

  “And it would out Kaley as an escort,” Kip says.

  The weight of the entire situation hangs over us as they finally grasp the helpless feeling I’ve been wrestling with for months. Justin, especially, because he truly knows how corrupt the system is from the inside. His phone rings, breaking us from our thoughts, and he tells us it’s Lance as he answers.

  “Hey,” he greets him over the phone. “Where are you at?”

  Lilly stands and retrieves a beer from the refrigerator, holding up a couple in question for Kip and Justin. Justin shakes his head, but Kip gratefully takes the offering.

  “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you.” Justin pauses, looking to me before landing on Kip. “Something happened with Kaley. Everything’s okay, but you should probably meet us at Kip’s place.”

  Kip doesn’t object, taking a healthy swig of beer. Everything hurts as I walk towards the couch, and it’s the first time I’ve felt the pain my body shows. Keeping my eyes adverted, I clench my teeth to mask my discomfort, but it doesn’t fool Kip. He swoops me up in his arms despite my protests, settling onto the couch with me on his lap. I quit objecting when he runs his fingers over my scalp. Even my hair feels like it hurts, but the drag of his fingers soothes it.

  “Lilly, can you grab a bottle of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet and a glass of water?” I must fall asleep almost instantly because the next thing I know, Kip is nudging me awake. “Take these,” he says, dropping two pills in my hand.

  I know I was barely asleep for a few minutes, but the light is harsh against my eyes as I attempt to keep them open. Kip helps me drink some water and I immediately let my eyes close, resting my head back on his chest as he resumes running his hand through my hair.

  “Sleep. I’ll wake you up when…”

  “You’re telling me you had no idea.” Lance’s raised voice pulls me from sleep.

  Kip replies, “How was I supposed to know she was in this deep?”

  “I don’t know,” Lance says, sarcastic. “Common fucking sense.”

  “Lance,” Justin warns. “We knew she was working there way longer than he did and we didn’t have a clue.”

  Groaning, I sit up. “Stop arguing. You’re making my head hurt.”

  Kip’s at my side in a heartbeat, feeding me two more Tylenol and handing me a glass of water. “How do you feel?”

  I press a hand to my forehead. “My head is killing me.”

  Lance bites his bottom lip, attempting to conceal his reaction at seeing my face.

  Kip brushes back my hair. “Look at me.” I force myself to open my eyes all the way, and he takes in my pupils. “Are you dizzy or nauseated?”

  I shake my head.

  “Drink more water,” he says, pushing the glass of water in my hand. “It’ll help with your headache.”

  I take a swallow to appease him. “Where’s Lilly?”

  Right on time, she emerges from downstairs with a stack of pizzas. “She’s up,” she says, placing a box in front of me. “Just the way you like it.”

  I open the box, revealing a plain cheese pizza with pineapples. “What time is it?”

  “Close to twelve. You slept in most of the morning.”

  My stomach grumbles, and I waste zero time stuffing my face. My headache seems to dissipate with every bite, and Kip’s face fills with relief as I shove more food into my mouth.

  His momentary look of calm morphs into barely concealed annoyance when Lance sits on the coffee table in front of us. “Kaley, why didn’t you tell me everything when I came to your apartment a few weeks ago?”

  If Lance’s mention of coming to the apartment bothers Kip, he doesn’t show it. “At that point, I wasn’t working there anymore, so I wasn’t worried about it.”

  “Well that proved to be effective, didn’t it?”

  Kip shoots him a glare and Lance deliberately disregards it.

  “There’s nothing you could have done. There’s nothing anyone could have done,” I say, making it clear for everyone’s benefit. “Like Justin said, the police can’t do anything.”

  Justin looks up from the ground. “They’d be forced to if the media got ahold of it.”

  Lilly sits on the arm of the couch. “What are you saying?”

  “We go to the media,” he says simply. “Hudson’s is a gold mine as far as the media is concerned. With enough public attention, the police and court systems will be forced to act.”

  Kip folds his hands in front of his mouth before dropping them. “We can’t just call a news outlet and hope they listen. We’re going to need solid proof.”

  Justin nods. “We have to figure out a way to expose Hudson’s without Landry or anyone there knowing.”

  “Easy,” Lance says. “We get Landry on camera admitting to everything. He’s significant enough to garner national attention.”

  Justin continues to nod, biting his thumbnail. “Kaley, what’s the security like at Hudson’s?”

  “Extensive. You have to apply to become a member or be invited by a member who will vouch for you. You have to sign an NDA and undergo background checks. You’re required to leave all electronic devices at the door and pass through a metal detector upon entry.”

  “There’s no way,” Kip says, shaking his head.

  Lance rapidly sits forward. “We need Ethan.”

  Everyone looks at him, questioning.

  “There’s rumors circulating how the attorney general, Ethan Ramsey, has been looking for a way to shut Hudson’s down without pissing off the majority of the state’s officials. But if we get him on our side, then we can bring it to the public. It’ll
give us the resources we need and unties his hands.”

  “That might actually work,” Justin says.

  “Uh, yeah. That’s why I mentioned it.”

  Kip fights an eye roll. “So where do we go from here?”

  “I can make an appointment to see him as soon as I can tomorrow morning, and we’ll go from there, but I can’t imagine him turning down an inside opportunity to shut down the bar without his name being attached to it,” Lance says.

  “Should I go?” I offer.

  Kip shakes his head. “No.”

  As much as I can tell Lance wants to shut Kip down, he agrees. “You’ll raise too many red flags walking in like that,” he says, eyes downcast.

  “Lance is right,” Justin says, breaking the morose moment. “And we don’t want Landry to find out you’re talking with the person trying to take him down.”

  Kip grips my neck. “It’ll make everyone feel better.”

  I roll my eyes, but it hurts so I close them. “Fine.”

  Everyone says their goodbyes and plans to convene back here tomorrow after Lance talks with Ethan Ramsey. I peek my eyes open and wave bye, and am surprised when Lilly wraps her arms around me. We hold each other, and like our first hug after four years, I fight back tears. There’s something about Lilly that’s pure, and I’ve always wanted to be like her in that sense. She says what she means and means what she says.

  Kip holds a hand out for me to take. “Bed?”

  I don’t need to reply as he helps me up and leads me to the bed, situating my pillows for me so long that I have to force him to quit fussing around me. “Just lie down.”

  He looks like he wants to object, but something in my voice must convince him. He squeezes in as close to me as possible, positioning my head in the crook of his shoulder. Running his hands through my hair, he lets the strands fall between the gaps of his fingers. “You love my hair.”

  He repeats the motion. “It’s everything I’m not.”

  I tilt my head back on his bicep to look at him. “Pretty?”

  He smiles, diverting his attention from the ceiling. “Soft, messy…and pretty.”