by Jessica Ames
“Nice bike,” one of them, a teen with dark hair and glasses, gets up the courage to yell out. I can tell with a look that not one of them would survive an hour in my club.
Ignoring him, I put my bag from the store into the saddle bag on the back and pull my helmet on. I tug up the bandanna from around my neck, covering my nose and mouth before I throw my leg over the bike. The roar of the Harley pipes are loud in the quiet of the street and the lads let out a “Whoa!” as I kick the stand up and move out of the space. Then I take off up the street without a second glance back.
I ride to the clubhouse and park in my usual space next to the side doors. The change in lighting as I step inside the building has me momentarily squinting until my sight adjusts. I find the common room is busy as usual, even though it’s not even noon yet. I ignore my brothers and the club bunnies, seeking Fury out like a heat-seeking missile.
My sergeant-at-arms is sitting in a booth on his own, his dark hair is loose around his face, making him look a little wild. He’s playing with a knife, stabbing it between his fingers, going closer to his flesh each time. Crazy bastard.
He peers up at me as I approach, his eyebrows drawing together.
“Prez?” There’s question in his voice, and I’m not surprised it’s there. I’m walking a knife edge at the moment and I’m sure I’m channelling that rage physically.
“Sin’s gone. I need to know who the fuck was on the gate when he left.”
“On it,” he assures me, standing. His knife disappears under his kutte.
“Do it fast.”
He doesn’t question why, just nods. I head for the bar and beckon Kyle over with two fingers. The prospect moves towards me, jutting his chin in question.
I hand over the bag with a list of instructions to make sure it gets to Sasha and Lily-May. I then tell him to order food for her from her favourite takeout place. At least, it was her favourite three years ago. When I had her in my arms, I noticed how underweight she is. I need to rebuild those curves and get my woman healthy again.
For too long, she’s had to take care of everything alone. Not anymore. It’s my turn to take care of her. I want to make sure nothing touches her.
When I’m sure he understands, I head for my office. As soon as the door is shut behind me, I sag against it. I know what I have to do and I know why, but that doesn’t mean the weight of it isn’t sitting in my gut like a wrecking ball. I don’t care about putting another black mark to my name. I already have plenty, but killing Sin will take a piece of me I can’t put back.
It has to be done, though.
He can’t be allowed to live.
He signed his life away the moment he touched Sasha against her will.
Just as I sink down onto my seat, there’s a knock on my door. I think about ignoring it, but I don’t have that luxury as president of this group of misfits. It could be important.
“What?” I demand, and glance up as the door opens.
Nox steps inside and shuts the door behind him. His eyes scan my face, as if looking to see if my demons are out to play. I see the relief in them when he realises I’m not in danger of going nuclear.
“You spoke to Sash.”
It’s not a question, but I answer it anyway.
“Yeah,” I confirm.
“And?”
“And now my brother has to die.”
Nox nods, taking this information in as if I’m talking about the weather and not bleeding and killing my only remaining blood family.
“I’ve had feelers out all day, trying to work out where the little bastard went.”
“Any luck?”
“Not yet, but he can’t have gone far.”
If he has any sense he will have fled to the furthest reaches of the world. Even then, I’ll still find him and drag his arse home.
“She alone?” Nox asks and jealousy briefly rears its ugly head at his words. She’s my girl, my problem to worry about.
“There’s a prospect with them.”
Zack better protect Sasha and Lily-May with his last dying fucking breath. I’ll gut him myself if anything happens to them.
“If you need to be with them—”
“I need to find Sin first. Make sure everyone knows Sash and Lily-May are under my protection.”
Nox cocks his head to one side, his eyes boring holes into me. He doesn’t interrogate me, as I expect. Instead, he just says, “You’ve got it.”
Some of the tension in my chest eases a little at his agreement.
I’m going to find my brother, kill him, and make the world a little safer for my girls, but first, I have to find him.
16
Sasha
“Just try to eat something, baby,” I try to cajole my daughter with a bowl of porridge, but she shakes her head stubbornly and then sobs, her little fists rubbing at her eyes in a way that pierces my heart. I hate seeing her like this, suffering so much she can’t even eat without feeling sick or in pain.
Placing the bowl on the bedside cabinet, I run a hand over her head before pressing my lips to her hair. She’s tearing me apart and I don’t know how to make things better for her.
“Maybe try again later,” Jessa, the nurse standing at the side of the bed, says as she adds more painkillers to her drip, sympathy playing across her face.
I give her a small smile that I don’t feel. I don’t need her sympathy. Lil is my daughter. I should be able to give her what she needs and the helplessness that washes through me that I can’t shreds what is left of my strength.
I wait until Jessa leaves the room, then I break down. I move to the window, giving Lily my back so she can’t see my tears, my arms wrapping around my middle. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with my daughter being sick and my secret being out. It’s all too much. I’m too exposed, everything feels too raw.
Swiping angrily at my wet face, I turn back to the bed and peer at the little girl who needs me to be strong, and that gives me the strength to shut my emotions down. I have to do this for her.
The test will be back tomorrow and then we’ll know if she has a chance. I’m holding out hope Rav will be a match. Getting Sin tested is not an option now, not that I think he’d be selfless enough to do it anyway, but Rav will kill him the moment he sets eyes on him.
Pain slices through my chest as I try not to think about the possibility that Rav’s test might not come back positive. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. It isn’t the end of the line for Lily-May, but it’s pretty close to it.
There’s a knock on the door and I quickly wipe my tears away before saying come in.
Zack steps into the room holding a couple of packages.
“This just came for you.”
My brow draws together as confusion settles over me. “For me?”
“Yeah. From Rav.”
My eyes dart to his face before coming to the bags he’s holding. He places them on the table and gives me a smile. “If you need anything…”
His words disperse some of the pain in my chest.
“I’ll let you know.”
I wait until he’s gone to open the first bag. Inside, I find two tubs of what looks like Chinese food. I tug off the lid and realise it’s my favourite dish. Three years later and he still remembers. My heart gallops in my chest as I stare down at the vegetable Chow Mein, the delicious scents wafting up and making my mouth water. I can’t believe he did this for me.
I put the lid back on and open the second bag. I pull out a pair of pyjamas identical to the pair I bought Lily-May myself. These are in pale green rather than white and have little motorcycles on them. I can tell by looking they’re going to be too big, but seeing this makes my eyes fill with tears again. I dip back into the bag and pull out another garment. This one is a white tee with the club’s insignia—a crowned skull with wings—on it and the words ‘biker in training’ on the back. My hand flies to my mouth as I try to calm the ache in my chest. It’s an acceptance of me, of Lily-May. Rav’
s never been good with words, but these things say more than his words ever could. He’s trying to take care of us. I can’t help the smile that graces my lips as I fold the clothes and place them in the locker at the side of the bed, then open the vegetable Chow Mein again. It’s still warm and I’m starving. I can’t remember the last time I ate something that didn’t come out of a vending machine or the hospital canteen.
The first mouthful has me moaning as the spices and sweetness explode over my tongue. It’s been too long since I last had this and it tastes as good as I remember. It’s also been too long since I last ate properly.
“Mummy. Food for me.”
I look up to see Lily-May’s wide eyes staring at my food.
I hand her a piece of carrot and instead of her nose scrunching up, she nibbles on it.
When she’s finished with the carrot, I give her another piece, and she takes it, sucking it between her lips, a smile dancing on her face.
She holds out a sticky hand.
“More.”
I can’t help but laugh. Relief that she’s finally eating makes me a little giddy.
“You like that, huh?”
She nods and I swear in that moment I’ll get this dish for her every day, so long as she’s eating.
We demolish the food, barely coming up for air between bites. Then I clean her hands and change her into the PJ’s Rav sent for her. They’re a little baggy, as I expected, but she still looks adorable.
Lily-May settles down, dozing in and out, her full belly making her sleepy.
I sit back in the chair at the side of the bed, a small smile gracing my lips.
I never thought I’d see a glimpse of the old Rav—the old Tyler—but his actions tell me he wants to make amends, and I want to let him. I’ve missed him in my life. I loved him. I still do. That’s never changed. Being without him was a torture I struggled to endure. Without Lily-May to focus on I’m not sure I would have survived.
I don’t know how we go back to who we were, though. Things have transformed so much. Neither of us are the same people anymore. We’re both changed by what’s happened.
I sit with Lily-May for an hour or two as she sleeps, my thoughts on what Rav did for us. The tee might seem like just a tee to an outsider, but I see it for what it is. It’s Rav claiming Lily-May in the eyes of the club. Knowing she’ll have his protection settles me, makes the demons subside a little and lets me breathe easier for the first time in years.
I hear a ruckus outside the room and my feet move before I consider my own safety. I tug it open and see the corridor is filled with bikers, the Untamed Sons’ insignia of wings behind a crowned skull staring back at me. My stomach flips and fear shrouds me. What the fuck is happening?
Nox spots me and pushes through the group to come to me.
“What’s going on?” I demand, my eyes sliding past him. It looks like the entire club emptied out, old ladies, including the club bunnies, and Titch’s ex-wife, Rachel. I’m surprised she came. They had two boys right out of high school and got married as soon as they turned eighteen. The marriage didn’t last long, though.
“We’re trying to get the bitch on the desk to let us take the test.”
“The test?” I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.
“The one your kid needs.”
Tears prick my eyes and I force them not to fall. I won’t break down in front of Nox again, even though I want to.
“Nox…”
“It was Rav’s idea,” he says.
I peer around the group and see familiar faces from another lifetime ago. Daimon, Fury, Titch, Whizz. The rest I don’t recognise. They must have patched in after I left.
Daimon smirks at me, his dark hair dripping into his eyes as he tips his head forward. He makes the first move, gesturing for me to come to him.
My feet go before I consider what I’m doing and then I’m wrapped in his arms, smelling the scent of leather and cigarettes—a scent that is all Daimon.
I’m passed to Titch who squeezes me so tightly my ribs feel like they might break before Whizz has his turn. I pause at Fury, not sure what to do. The man doesn’t like being touched.
His brows draw together as he says, “You look different.”
A smile graces my lips. “You too, Fury.”
This right here is what I’ve been missing these past few years. Family. This is my family, and they’re all here for me and Lily-May. A lump settles in my throat as I raise my gaze towards Nox who is peering at me with soft eyes.
I don’t know how the fuck I walked away from them. I’ll never do it again. No one will ever convince me my place isn’t right here.
17
Ravage
The next morning, I head to the hospital early. We’re due to get the results back from my test. I’m on edge to find out if I’m a match. Fuck, I’ve never prayed before, but last night I got down on my knees and asked for help for Lily-May.
I want to see Sash before the results, so I get there a little before the appointment.
I don’t bother to knock on the room door, and when I push inside I find Sasha propped up in a chair at the side of the bed, her head tipped onto her upturned palm, her eyes closed.
My mouth pulls down into a line, an ache festering in my belly. When was the last time she slept? When was the last time she had five minutes to herself? I know she’s worried about Lily-May, but the black smudges under her eyes show me how tired she is, how much this is taking its toll on her.
I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t stop myself. I seize the opportunity and move over to the cot bed to peer down at Lily-May. She’s asleep, her head turned to the side, her thumb sticking out of her mouth. My lips turn up at the corners and I feel a hint of pride when I see she’s wearing the pyjamas I bought her. They’re hanging off her, a size too big, but they’re still cute as fuck, even with the wires snaking out from underneath them. Sasha putting them on her is an acceptance of me coming into their lives.
I stare at the baby, my mind a maelstrom of motion. As I look at her, I know she’s mine. I don’t know how, but I just know I’m her father, and not because I’ve claimed them both, but just because I feel this connection with Lily-May that goes beyond loving her because she’s Sasha’s. I’ve learnt over the years to trust my gut, and right now I trust what my gut is telling me.
I’m her father, no matter what some DNA test says.
I should be scared, but I’m not. I’m ready for this new challenge. I always wanted a family. Family has always been an important part of my identity, probably because mine was such a clusterfuck when I was younger. My father, who died when I was nineteen, was mostly absent in my life, too wrapped up in the club to notice his sons were drowning, and I haven’t seen my crack addict mother since Dad brought us to live with him. I created my own family, which is why Sin’s betrayal cuts deeply. He didn’t consider those bonds important when he attacked and hurt Sasha.
It makes me want that paternity test even more. Not for my peace of mind, but for Sasha’s. A paternity test might clear out some of the monsters chasing on her heels.
“What…?” Her sleepy voice has me glancing over my shoulder. Sasha is straightening in her seat, rubbing at her eyes, her movements slow. When she sees me, her brows draw together. “Rav?”
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She rubs at her neck and I expect to see wariness in her eyes, but that’s not what I get. There’s softness and need as she takes me in, and I want to see more of that.
“It’s okay,” she assures me, pushing up from the chair and coming to the cot bed. Her jeans are those skin-tight type that hug her figure, showing me just how much weight she’s lost. It has my teeth gritting. She needs to take better care of herself.
Sasha glances down at Lily-May, her expression becoming more tender. Then she does what I wanted to do and reaches out to run a hand over her hair.
“You’re here for the test results?” she asks, splitting her gaze between me and Lily-
May.
“Yeah.”
Her eyes shift to the clock on the wall. “The doctor isn’t seeing us until after nine-thirty.”
“I know,” I tell her and I watch her eyes soften as she realises I came early out of choice.
“Thank you—for yesterday. The clothes, the food. Lily-May ate for the first time in days.”
Her smile slays me and I vow to make her do it every fucking day from now on.
“That’s good to hear, sweetheart.”
“And thanks for getting all the guys here, too. It meant a lot to me and Lil.”
“They wanted to come.” It’s not a lie. When I told them what was going on, they all volunteered to do the test. They don’t know what happened between Sin and Sasha—only Nox knows this—and I don’t plan on telling anyone either. Sasha shouldn’t have to live with this shit trailing behind her.
“Even Fury came.”
I trace her face, committing every inch of it to memory. God, she’s beautiful. How did I go so long without her?
“Yeah. He wanted to.”
Fury hates hospitals and anything that might involve needles. The last time he needed a blood test, it took three of the guys to hold him down, so Whizz could get it from him. He still managed to cause a few black eyes. I was surprised he wanted to come down and take the test at all, but that crazy fucker was insistent. He always did have a soft spot for Sash. Thank fuck it was only a swab test.
She stares at me for a moment, and I wonder what is going through that head of hers. Then she says, “You don’t have to look after us.”
“Yeah, babe, I do.”
My gaze tracks her tongue as it dips out to wet her bottom lip before she tucks her hair behind her ears.
“We’re not your problem.”