Just a Memory

by Lois Carroll

  Carolyn thought he meant long hours of work. “What are you going to do now? About Charlie I mean?” She ignored the overall less-than-pleased look on Mac’s face and looked out the window at the empty slot in the driveway. “I think it was real sweet of him to want to help me get a new door.” She heard Mac’s “Hmph” behind her and turned to him. “Oh, I know it was all illegal, but he never hurt anything. He only wanted to make it right for us–for Terri and me.”

  Still not a word from Mac. He was putting on his coat and pulling his keys from his pocket.

  “I always wondered why nothing was taken,” she added weakly.

  No answer. Mac stood there scraping his fingernail along one of his keys as if to remove a speck of dirt.

  “Okay, he shouldn’t have done it,” Carolyn said in a louder rush. “But isn’t there something you can do without charging Charlie and putting that sweet old man in jail?”

  Mac sighed and raised his gaze to meet hers. He spoke softly but firmly. “Charlie broke the law.” She started to object, but his raised hand didn’t even allow her to begin. “I have to contact the landlord. There’s a chance that if Charlie makes restitution and nobody presses charges…” He shrugged his shoulders.

  “Well, I won’t press charges. I wanted to tell Charlie, but you scowled at me.”

  He studied her face for a minute. “Maybe you should think about it a little longer. He did break the law, trying to take matters into his own hands. Where would this country be if everyone tried to do that?” Mac stepped around the desk, and with his hands on each side of her waist he pulled her against him. “I’ll go see what I can do.”

  Carolyn knew he would kiss her and she wanted him to. She had wanted to kiss him since she walked into his office.

  “Mm, peppermint.” Mac chuckled, and his eyes sparkled like silver. “Kissing me back like that isn’t conducive to my going to the station and getting Charlie’s statement.”

  “Well, I guess I’ll have to stop kissing you then.” She moved her hands from the back of his head to his chest, but didn’t push away one little bit. “Mavis and Charlie did look so sweet together. I really hope there’s something you can do.”

  Then it was her turn to stop him when he started to object. She didn’t let him get in a word.

  “I understand what you have to do, Mac, honestly I do. But Mavis needs someone like Charlie. A real chance at happiness with someone later in life doesn’t happen often. I could never be the one to spoil it for them.”

  She realized her words could refer to herself too. Of course, she wasn’t that old, but was there a chance for her to find happiness with Mac? Or was she setting herself up for more pain when he left? “It would hurt even more to lose a chance at happiness at that point.”

  “Yeah, healing takes a lot longer when you’re older,” he said, slumping his injured shoulder a little. “But you can appreciate more what you have while you have it.” He kissed her gently. “I’ll do what I can for Charlie.” He turned to leave and stopped. “Oh, I wanted to tell you that I have to go to a sentencing in Albany that has been set for Wednesday. I’ll drive up Tuesday and I should be back Saturday.”

  “You won’t be in Lakehaven for Thanksgiving?” she asked, trying to hide her disappointment.

  He shook his head. “As long as I’m up there, I thought I’d make the rounds and see how things are going without me. And the doc wants to take a look at my shoulder Friday morning.”

  Carolyn nodded. “Sure. I understand.”

  They made arrangements to have dinner together with Terri that evening. The disappointment inside her was building because she’d hoped to share Thanksgiving dinner with him. She was glad she hadn’t mentioned it to Terri yet. When was she going to learn? She shouldn’t build any expectations.

  “See you for dinner then,” she said, hoping her voice sounded light.

  Carolyn watched him leave the shop, wishing she could do something more. She wanted to help Charlie, but most of all she wanted to help Mac. He had something gnawing at him. It was evident each time he referred to his previous job and trying to remember something about one of his cases. Maybe the trial being resolved would settle matters for him.

  It might help if he talked about it to her, but he never did. He didn’t seem to want to share that part of his life with her. She would be wise to remember there was a great deal she didn’t know about Mac and probably never would.

  She should remember what she did know: he was going to be leaving town as soon as a permanent Chief of Police was found.

  Carolyn slid into her coat to go get Terri from Judy’s. She turned her thoughts to the coming week without Mac. Thursday her shop was closed for Thanksgiving, but Friday and Saturday were the traditional starting days of the Christmas shopping season that she couldn’t miss. She locked up the store and headed for her car, thinking of what else she had to do to keep herself busy. There was plenty.

  The completed dolls for the charity Christmas party were coming in. Each fall anyone who wanted to dress a doll to give away to needy kids picked up the doll, made the clothes to fit, and then brought it to her store when finished. She’d volunteered every year to pack them each back into its box and see that they all got delivered to the community party where Santa handed them out.

  Carolyn had a lot of work ahead of her and she was glad. She hoped she would be so busy she would not miss Mac while he was gone from Lakehaven.

  Fat chance.

  She missed him already, and he’d only gone across town to his office.

  Chapter Ten

  Mac attended the sentencing and spent a couple of nights out with men he’d worked with over the years. Most of the predominantly male unit were not married, and for many the Thanksgiving holiday was just like any other day except for the better ball games on television. He joined them for the casual occasion, but for Mac, nothing felt the same as before he had left.

  At headquarters Mac got the friendly slaps on the back, gentled by consideration for his shoulder after the first one made him wince. The men asked questions reflecting their concern about how he was doing, but he somehow felt as if he’d become a stranger, an outsider to the group.

  “Macdonald, is that the back of your ugly head I see?”

  Mac turned to see Bob Morris entering the room behind him. His hair was bleached a lighter color than Mac had ever seen it though all the men knew the color was never his own. “Yeah. I’m just slumming,” Mac announced, forcing a grin as they shook hands.

  “How’s it going?” Morris asked. “Where ya been hiding?”

  “Hey, what can I say? I’m working in a quiet little town for the time being. Not much happens,” Mac said with a non-committal shrug.

  “That so? How’s your head? Hey, some of the guys have big bucks riding on when you get your memory back.” He laughed, but no one else joined in.

  Mac felt as if he’d taken a physical blow. Had they all made bets on whether his memory would return? He looked from Morris to the other men in the room. Some concern they showed.

  One of the men cleared his throat and walked over to Morris. “Here’s that report you wanted to see,” he mumbled before beating it back to his desk.

  Morris thanked him. “Well, I gotta go. Take ‘er easy, Mac.”

  “Yeah. Sure,” Mac responded. “You too.” He looked around at the other men again, but not one made eye contact with him. They all seemed hard at work. Mac felt as unwanted as a fly sitting in the middle of a bowl of stew.

  He didn’t belong here anymore. What surprised him was not the fact he felt like an alien, but that he didn’t feel upset about it. He was surprised he actually felt comfortable with the fact it was time to move on to do something new with his life.

  What choice did he have? That’s what the doctor had told him to do, too. With every shot of pain the doctor’s tests had put him through that morning, he was finally willing to face the fact his shoulder would never be strong enough to pass the rigorous physical for the speci
al force again. He still hated the idea that he would never be one hundred percent his old self again.

  “I’ve got to send an updated report about you to the director,” the doctor had told him.

  “Yeah,” Mac had said, knowing the report would trigger his reassignment from the special force.

  “I’m sorry,” the doctor added.

  Mac could do nothing but nod as his mind raced to consider the options open to him. When he got back to Lakehaven, he would tell Sandi to get the owners to make up their mind on the house on the lake. He hoped they would sell it to him. On second thought, he wouldn’t wait until he got back to talk to her, and he would do anything he could to get them to sell. He stopped at the first pay phone he found and called Sandi long distance.

  “You can move in as soon as you get back to Lakehaven,” she told him. “They’ll rent it to you until arrangements can be made for you to buy it.”

  Mac felt elated. Sandi had arranged everything. After he learned all the details from her, he wasted no time calling the storage warehouse holding his furniture from his old apartment. He arranged for everything to be delivered to the lake house the following week.

  Until that could be accomplished, he would sleep on the floor. If he could spend all night sitting in a car on a stakeout, he could sleep on those deeply carpeted floors with no problem at all.

  When he bought new bedroom furniture for the lake house, he wanted Carolyn to help him pick it out. He would ask her first thing when he got back.

  Then, once he was set up in his home on the lake, he could figure out what to do next with his life.

  But there was no big rush.

  “I just got in. I want to see you, Caro, but Hines and I have some work that must be done tonight.”

  Not knowing exactly when Mac would return, Carolyn was surprised to hear his voice when he called from Hines’s apartment Friday night. “I thought you weren’t coming back until Sunday.”

  “Things changed and I finished up.”

  “I missed you,” she said and held her breath.

  “Me too,” Mac replied, and Carolyn let out her breath. “Caro, I was thinking,” Mac added hesitantly. “I’ve got a lot to tell you. Could you get someone to run the store for you tomorrow? I need you to go shopping with me and we can talk while we shop.”

  “I suppose so, though it’s awfully short notice to find someone. What do I have to help you shop for that won’t wait?”

  “Well, I didn’t intend to tell you on the phone, but I’m moving into that house on the little point on the lake. I’m going to buy it, in fact. I’d love it if you would help me buy some furniture for it.”

  “Oh, Mac! How wonderful for you!” He’d shown her around the house on one of their Sunday afternoon drives. With no key, they couldn’t go in, but Carolyn loved what she’d seen from the outside.

  Mac had said he wanted to buy the house so he would always have a tie to a place near Lakehaven. Carolyn’s hand flew to cover her rapidly beating heart. So near and yet so far…

  “Carolyn?”

  She started. “Sorry, Mac,” she said as casually as she could manage. “I got sidetracked. Sure. Shopping for your furniture would be fun.”

  “Then of course there’s the matter of Christmas presents for the officers at the station,” he added hesitantly. “I really hate shopping. Will you help me, please, please?”

  Carolyn laughed at his dramatic pleading. “Okay, okay. I can’t stand to hear a grown man beg. I’ll see if I can get a sitter on such short notice. If I don’t call you right back, I’ll be ready to go in the morning.”

  “Wonderful.” There was a pause. “Caro? Could the sitter stay the night? When we get back from shopping, I want to take you to the house. Hines and I are moving my stuff over there tonight. The view of the lake by moonlight should be spectacular. I’ll make sure the first night there will be one you’ll remember the rest of your life. I promise.”

  Carolyn felt goose bumps rise when she thought about the house on the lake, the moonlight, and Mac. They set the time for their excursion to begin and ended the call.

  She called the temporary personnel service she sometimes used and arranged to hire a clerk who had worked for her before. All she had to do was deliver the shop key and change for the cash register to their office. The service would handle it from there.

  This was one time her meticulous efficiency at work paid off royally for Carolyn. She always left the shop ready for the next day’s business before she went home at night. Knowing the temporary clerk would have no problems, she also knew from working with her before that she knew what to do. She wouldn’t get the dozens of things done that Carolyn did in between customers, but the shoppers would be waited on with pleasant efficiency. And with Thanksgiving now over, costumes would be coming back in, not going out. The temporary clerk should have an easy time of it.

  Next, Carolyn called Judy. “Oh, this is great,” Judy told her excitedly after hearing what Carolyn wanted to do.

  “You think it’s great that Terri will be there for another sleep-over?” Carolyn asked.

  “If it means you’re going out with that hunk of a man again after all these years of being alone, yes, I want Terri over here again.”

  “You don’t think I’m making a mistake?”

  Judy was quiet for a few moments. “Only you can decide that, but if the wonderful times you have together are as great as I think they are, they are worth taking a gamble on what the future might bring.”

  “I hope it turns out that way because I can’t say no. I want to be with him more than anything. When he leaves Lakehaven, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

  “All any of us can do is take one day at a time,” Judy offered.

  “Thanks, Judy.” Carolyn sighed. “I really appreciate you taking Terri again,” Carolyn told her, a relieved smile filling her face.

  “What are friends for?” Judy replied.

  Carolyn and Mac left early for the long drive to the biggest regional shopping area–Syracuse. They breakfasted at a little diner she suggested on the way. The walls of the diner were decorated for the holidays with handmade ornaments with embroidered detailing. On the counter by the cash register, a tall Dickensian caroler doll stood dressed in a red velvet gown with fur trim and a little fur muff on one hand. Behind her was the male counterpart in his three-piece suit with a long-tailed coat. A plaid cape and tall top hat completed the costume. Their mouths were painted open in ovals as if singing ‘Deck the Halls.’

  The breakfast was delicious and the service friendly and quick. Even though Carolyn had suggested the restaurant, Mac seemed surprised when the waitress and the owner called her by name. Carolyn thought Mac stared at the owner oddly. He’d given Carolyn a hug to greet her, and when he came to the table he put his hand on her shoulder. Mac had shifted in the bench seat. As soon as the owner went back into the kitchen, he asked, “Do you eat here so often they know you well?”

  Surprised, she responded, “No, they’re one of my best customers. I’ve known Hal and his wife for years.”

  Mac’s body relaxed against the tall back of the booth as he listened.

  “When the costume-making business is slack, which is most months but October, I make costumes for standing dolls like those and sell them to stores and restaurants who want something special for display.” Her words trailed off as she realized she was complimenting herself.

  She continued when Mac said nothing but nodded in agreement. “I really love creating them. I design the costume and make it from scratch. I made a dancer for a new Thai restaurant and used real gold leaf for the ornate headpiece. I can do whatever the customer wants. Most of the time it takes longer to make the doll’s dress than it would to make the same thing to fit a person. It sure is a lot more handiwork.”

  Mac reached for her left hand over the cleared table and ran his thumbs across the backs of her knuckles. “You have very talented hands.”

  Carolyn felt her cheeks warm when she tho
ught of what she’d done with her hands when they made love. She stared at him and felt a new warmth spreading lower. Studying his face, she thought he might be thinking of that too. “Thanks.”

  He paused his stroking and looked at her hand. “You’re not wearing your wedding ring,” he said softly.

  She shook her head and looked down at her bare ring finger. “No. I put it away for Terri to have some day when she’s older.” She looked up and her gaze locked on his. “I’ve discovered the ring was like a security blanket for me, and it tied me to the past.”

  “I’m very glad you aren’t tied to the past anymore,” he said softly.

  The waitress broke the mood by dropping the bill on the table and pertly wishing them happy holidays. Mac paid at the counter and they got back on the road.

  In Syracuse, they headed right for the furniture stores where Mac first picked out a comfortable king-size mattress set. Carolyn felt embarrassed at his insistence that they both lie down on it to test its firmness. The sales associate assured her that she and her husband would love it. That embarrassed her even more.

  Mac seemed oblivious to anything being wrong and made no effort to correct the sales person. “I like the bedroom suite too, don’t you? It’ll look great in the master bedroom. I can put my old bedroom set in the guest room,” he told Carolyn. He turned to the clerk waiting on them. “We’ll take this bed, and the dresser, and that bookcase for the master bedroom. Oh, and the bedside tables too.” The clerk went to get his order pad. “I like to read in bed and I like the lamp right beside me. But when I look at you, reading is the last thing I want to do in bed. Maybe I should cancel the order on the tables.”

  Carolyn grinned and hugged his arm.

  In other departments they found a kitchen table and chairs they liked and an enormous sofa and matching oversized recliner for in front of the massive fireplace in the living room. Mac wanted to sit on it in the store with Carolyn on his lap and see if it was comfortable to neck in, but she skittered away from him, laughing.