Eating Cupcakes in a Cemetery

by Shelley Dawn Siddall

  He stopped and took a breath.

  “We still have about a dozen bags to go. Should we just leave them and get the hell out of here? I don’t like the way that woman is looking at me; it’s like she knows me or something.”

  “Sounds good Tony; you ride with the driver and I’ll meet you at the garage.”

  “Are they leaving?” Hailey asked incredulously.

  The couple had left the door to their storage unit open. Tony Taylor had hopped in with the truck driver who had carefully backed out of the storage facility, pass the gates and out onto Kingston. The woman hopped in a black SUV and roared past them.

  “Was it something I said?” Hailey asked as she watched the SUV tear around the corner after the truck.

  Hailey and Sean walked into the open storage unit and immediately ran to the duffel bags and began opening them.

  “I’ve got money!” Hailey shouted as she opened a bag.

  “We’ve are having even more money!” Sean said as he opened a bag.

  Hailey stopped what she was doing and walked over to Sean.

  “That’s right. We. We are having even more money.”

  Sean put his hands on his hips and looked at Hailey suspiciously.

  “I am thinking you are accepting my proposal.” He pretended to doff a cowboy hat. “Let’s put these doggies in the car and ride on outta here,” he drawled.

  “What about that hole?” Hailey pointed to the pass through to the other unit.

  Sean reverted back to his regular voice. “We do not want to be leaving our fingerprints inside number thirty-five for the FBI to find.”

  “Crap. Good thinking Sean.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Grandmother, you are on the speaker phone. I have Miss Hailey beside me, and we are thinking our first child should be called ‘Lucky’.”

  “Did that Jamal get her pregnant?”

  “No Grandmother,” Hailey said, “I am not pregnant, but I am rich. Let me change that, your grandson Darvesh and I are filthy rich. We are going to fly you out to, where was it Sean?”

  “We are going to fly you out to India, and you will come to our wedding at Mantra, in the middle of Bangalore!”

  “This is a most excellent location, but there is one thing that must be done first.” Grandmother said.

  “Yes?”

  “Your cousin Parmella wants her gun back and her five percent.”

  ***

  Gary continued to decline.

  The paramedics had stuck Gary with an epi pen immediately and transferred him to the back of the ambulance where they took off the fake nose and began cleaning the cosmetic glue off his face.

  Bev remained standing on the front steps, holding Gary’s wig. When the ambulance took off to the hospital, siren blaring, she started to cry. Her sister came over and hugged her.

  “Hop in the car, Bevy, I’ll drive.”

  The twins sat in the car while Belinda tried to put the key in the ignition. She kept missing.

  “I don’t mean to criticize,” Bev began, “but shouldn’t you use my car key and not the house key?”

  “How about you drive?”

  They changed seats and Bev took off after the ambulance. When they got to the hospital, she couldn’t find a parking space.

  “Drive around again,” Belinda suggested.

  Bev drove around and around and finally pulled into the driveway of a private home across from the emergency room entrance.

  The homeowner came rushing out. “Can’t you see the huge sign? No hospital parking?”

  Bev held up Gary’s wig and began crying again. “This is my boyfriend’s hair; they took him in the ambulance. We didn’t even get to say good-bye.”

  Belinda was crying too. “They had to take his nose off!”

  The homeowner was horrified.

  “Okay girls. You can keep the car here. Go! Go see your boyfriend.”

  They raced into the hospital, but Gary had already been taken into intensive care. The twins were shown to a waiting area, where they sat down and passed out.

  ***

  In the quiet field office of the FBI, Don Halverson was talking on the phone.

  “Yeah Jakob? It’s Don. Apparently Hailey’s gone back to Seattle for some reason. I don’t know why; don’t get on my case. I went to Belinda Nichols’ place and that’s what some guy told me. I don’t know who; some guy. Where’s Jamal? Um, I don’t know, Lisa went to go pick him up. You know Jakob, I don’t appreciate your tone of voice. Fine. I’ll call you back when they get here.”

  He smashed the phone down. That was one thing about having an antiquated phone system, Don thought, you could smash down the receiver if you wanted to.

  ***

  “Lisa?”

  “Yes Jamal.”

  “Lisa Stopford-Perkins, what brings you to my door?”

  “My car. It’s over there.” She pointed to the visitor’s parking area outside Jamal’s townhouse.

  “I mean why are you here? I’m on suspension.”

  “Don wants to talk to you. He wants me to drive you to the office.”

  “What if I don’t want to talk to him?” Jamal said as he turned so he could see his television.

  Lisa shrugged.

  Jamal motioned for her to come in as he ran over and pressed pause on the remote.

  “Can I get you anything?” he asked.

  “A glass of white wine would be nice,” Lisa said automatically, completely forgetting that this was work, not a date.

  Jamal went to the kitchen and squeezed out the last glass of white wine from the box in his fridge. He gave it to Lisa and then began to give her the backstory of the show.

  Lisa wasn’t really paying attention as usual, but she settled onto the couch with him and gave her stock reply, “So interesting.”

  ***

  “It’s five o’clock somewhere!” Margaret said as she looked for her bottle.

  It wasn’t by the cot in the back and it wasn’t under the bathroom sink. It was in wastepaper basket and it was empty. Margaret debated calling a cab to bring her some booze; after all she was working major overtime and would have money to spare this month, but then snapped her fingers.

  “Bev’s bottle!” The morning Bev had woken up in the cemetery next to the dead guy; the day she moved out; she had dropped off a gift for Margaret. Bev had stopped her Tercel, left it running and practically threw the gift at Margaret, then took off.

  It was pretty difficult to figure out what it was.

  It looked like a bottle stuck in a black knit sweater. And it was. Margaret stuck it in the lost and found for the time being and forgot about it.

  Until now. She went to the tiny storeroom and pulled out the cardboard box and found the bottle. As she unwrapped it, several pieces of paper fell on the floor. Margaret didn’t notice because she was focused on the booze.

  Wouldn’t you know, Bev had drank half of the bottle of whiskey. Still, there was some left, so Margaret brought it out to the counter where her glass was.

  Something shiny was at the bottom of the bottle.

  She poured herself a glassful of whiskey determined to empty the bottle.

  “On second thought,” she said as she picked up the plastic watering jug they sometimes used for the dusty ficus, “why don’t I use this?”

  Margaret slowly emptied the booze into the jug.

  “Holy Hannah!” she yelled as a huge diamond earring dropped out of the whiskey bottle.

  She put the jewellery in her ear and toasted Bev repeatedly that night.

  All calls to the Shady Rest Motel about the music blaring from the office that night went unanswered. Margaret had gone back to the lost and found to see what else was in the box she could take when she noticed the paper on the floor. She bent down and started picking up one hundred-dollar bills.

  She spent the rest of the evening drinking and dancing with a large black sweater on. The sleeves were weird lengths, but she didn’t care. Not only could she
pay her rent, but she could get that sixty-inch television she always wanted. And cable. Definitely cable.

  ***

  “So what’s the deal with the old guy?” the ER Nurse asked the cop.

  “He was trying to shoplift a chocolate bar and ended up getting shot in the shoulder by my partner.”

  “For shoplifting? Yousa; that’s some strict store policy!”

  “Well, the eyewitness reports are all over the map. Some say he was trying to choke the Store Manager; other’s said his cufflink was tangled in her lanyard. He ended up knocking her unconscious. Fortunately, they have video that can be reviewed.”

  “You know what’s funny about the whole thing?”

  The cop shifted his weight. A routine call at the end of his shift turned into a mess due to his trigger-happy buddy. At least he had a chatty Nurse to get his mind off his sore feet.

  “What’s funny?”

  “Well, not funny ha-ha, but weird. The guy regained consciousness in the ambulance and insisted he was Vincent Millar, the CEO of the store chain he was shot in. The paramedics went through his wallet and sure enough, he is! Why would he shoplift in his own store?”

  “One thing I’ve learned in this profession. People do the strangest things. Was he on something?”

  “We drew his blood; it’s gone to the lab. But he didn’t smell like alcohol.”

  “What’s up with his shoulder?”

  “Yeah, it’s shattered. Apparently he was on his way to go golfing.” The Nurse shook his head. “I’ve seen injuries not half as bad as this and those patients never swung a golf club again.”

  “Can you guys do the surgery here?”

  “Nope; we’ve pumped him up with pain meds and we’re just waiting for the med flight to take him to a bigger centre. The thing is, they are trying to find an orthopedic surgeon. Once they find one who’s available, we’ll send him off. Meantime, he’s ours.” The Nurse pointed to bay five. “He’s in there calling for Suzanne and telling her how much he loves her. The thing is, I phoned his wife, she’s next of kin, and her name is Linda.”

  “Did the wife show up yet?”

  “Not yet; and you know, he’s been here for hours.”

  The cop shifted his weight again. “I hope they find a surgeon soon so I can stop this guard duty gig.” He looked thoughtful. “I wondered if his wife did show up; heard him yelling and then took off again.”

  Further down the hall, two redheaded women were being awoken by another Nurse.

  “Ladies, you can go in now. He’s stabilized and would probably like to see some familiar faces.”

  Bev was used to waking up and having no idea where she was. She quickly looked around the hallway, gathered a few clues and asked the Nurse, “What room is he in?”

  “Bay four. Call if you need anything.”

  Belinda tugged Bev. “Are we here to see somebody?”

  Bev shrugged. “I can’t fully remember; but they’re in Bay four.” She pulled back the curtain and saw Gary, smiling and sitting up in bed. Her memories came flooding back and she ran over and hugged him.

  “Guess what?” he said, “I have my own nose back!”

  Belinda was still confused. “Did you give it to somebody?”

  ***

  Tony and Luna had locked the garage and had gone to a nice Italian Restaurant for fettucine.

  “You are going to have to cook for me!” Luna said. “Anyone that enjoys food this much, must be a good cook.”

  “I am. Wait until you taste my Fettucine Al Pomodoro; the secret is fresh basil and fresh sun-ripened tomatoes.” Tony was having the time of his life. The prospect of visiting even one of the places on his list thrilled him.

  “Tony; I had a wild idea. What if we go to Italy tonight and linger there while we get our shots before we go to the falls?”

  Tony dropped his fork and grabbed his phone and started searching flights.

  As Luna watched him, she realized she had been holding her breath. She had to get out of this country. A random thought struck her.

  “So if Serafino was your first cousin; you said his Dad and your Dad were brothers, how come your last name isn’t Napoleone?”

  “Dad and Uncle Aldo didn’t get along. Dad said he was a bad apple; so he changed our name years ago. And then Dad and Mom died, so Uncle Aldo and Auntie Gertie took me in. Serafino taught me how to ride a bike.”

  Luna put her hand over Tony’s. “You must really miss your cousin,” she said.

  “No. Not really. He hadn’t been a nice guy for a long time.”

  ***

  She stomped over to the next bay and ripped back the curtain.

  “Enough with this Suzanne business! Some of us are trying to sleep.”

  “Suzanne, baby I love you!”

  Belinda gave up. She sat by Vincent and held his hand.

  “I’m here. Now you be quiet and go to sleep.”

  “Suzanne! I know I can always count on you!”

  “That’s right; now hush and go to sleep.”

  “But, I have to get you to do something for me.” Vincent tried to sit up, but the pain dropped him back on his bed again. “You have to go to A-1 storage and shut it down.”

  He mumbled. “You have to shut it down.”

  Belinda patted his hand. “Okay, okay sweetie, I’ll go shut it down.” She started to tiptoe out, but Vincent called out, “Number seventeen; take all the money out and then shut it down,” and then he dropped off to sleep.

  When Belinda was back with Bev and Gary she was more herself and starting to develop a killer headache.

  Gary was still on oxygen.

  “Look bud, we’re just going to go home for a bit, and we’ll come back later. See you soon,” Belinda said.

  “Not if I see you first!” Gary said and waved goodbye. He was weak, but over all felt pretty good. He nearly died and his girlfriend saved him. Life couldn’t get much better than that could it?

  As the twins walked across the road, Bev was happy to see her car was still there.

  “At least there are some people in this life you can trust,” she said. “I don’t know her name, but I can trust her. Look! She didn’t take my bottle!”

  “Change in plans, Bevy, we are going to investigate a clue I received from the old guy. Drive to A-1 Storage.”

  “You bet!”

  Bev backed out of the driveway and burned rubber as she tore off down the road.

  “Do you know where it is?” her sister asked surprised.

  “Nope, but it sounded like you wanted to get there in a hurry, so I stepped on it.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Bev and Belinda were parked outside the gates of A-1 Storage. A ten-minute trip had taken about thirty as they continually stopped and asked for directions. They were finally there but the gates were locked.

  “Should we just honk?” Bev asked.

  “That’s right, we’ll just honk, and the gates will magically open.”

  “And now we return to the sarcastic part of our evening. Come on Belinda, there might be a little guard in a little guard house who will let us in.”

  “Do you see a little guard in a little guard house?”

  “Nope.”

  Just then headlights shone in their eyes; a vehicle was coming out. As the large gate slid open and the vehicle exited, Bev waved and drove in. The gate automatically closed behind them.

  “Do you think Gary will get worried if we don’t show up?”

  “What makes you think we’re not going to get out of here? We got in didn’t we?”

  They drove around until they found number seventeen and parked.

  “Well this is a conundrum if there ever was one,” Belinda said as she eyed the locked door.

  “Nice noun usage!”

  “Think Bev. The old man told me to shut it down, but the unit is already locked.”

  Bev crossed her arms, pursed her lips and tapped her chin with her index finger. “Do you suppose of all the keys you have; one
might open it?”

  “Who’s sarcastic now? Oh right, the heel keys. Sorry Bevy, I forgot.”

  “There’s a lot of that going around. I think Gary had a good idea. You get drunk one week, and then I get drunk the next.”

  Belinda was trying the keys. “Or we could try to stay sober?”

  “Like a project? Could do.”

  The padlock opened with the third key Belinda tried. She pushed up the roll top door and looked inside.

  “Empty.”

  “Shine your phone at the back wall. It’s a cabinet with a lock and we have keys!”

  ***

  “It’s your choice kids, stay for another week to go to Dad’s funeral, or leave tonight.”

  Carmen’s four children looked at her like she was nuts and then they, as a group, ran upstairs.

  Carmen was confused. Were they really grieving their Dad? Did she cross a line and they were all upstairs in their rooms bawling their eyes out?

  She heard a thump thump thump on the stairs. Nella walked down the stairs dragging her suitcase.

  “I beat the boys! I got packed before them.”

  ***

  “We’re spelunking! That’s what were doing Bell!”

  The twins had opened the cabinet on the far wall and climbed into unit thirty-five. Bev found the light switch.

  Belinda started listing the furniture. “Chairs, tables, bags of mail, money counting machine and a cabinet on one side and a hole in the other wall. Intriguing. Not what I would expect to find when I go spelunking.”

  “We got bags over here!” Bev said excitedly as she found the pile of spare duffle bags. She kicked them. “Empty.”

  “Empty here too,” Belinda said as she shone her phone into unit thirty-six.

  “That just leaves this baby. Keys please Belinda.”

  Bev unlocked the cabinet and climbed into unit thirty-four.

  “We got full bags of what I’m hoping is money.”

  A few minutes later the twins had opened the six duffle bags. They looked at one another.