by Susan Vance
“I’m sorry. I guess we lost our minds a few times. I swear to you there’s no reason for you to worry. I promise it won’t happen again. I’ve been extremely careful and have always used condoms in the past. I swear to you. I hope you believe me. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t even think about protection. All I cared about was being with you. I’m so sorry.”
“I wasn’t so worried about, well you know what I mean, right? I didn’t think there was anything to worry about as far as disease. I believe you wouldn’t make love to me if you had some disease, right?”
“No, I wouldn’t ever hurt you like that.”
“I could get pregnant. We need to be careful,” she sighed. “I don’t have experience with this stuff.”
“Emma, please forgive me. I promise, from this moment forward to always use protection. I’m sorry,” he said taking her hand.
Emma was embarrassed. She didn’t want this to come between them, but she knew it had to be said. Emma was cold and she sank back down in the hot steamy water. She was having a hard time looking at him. She wasn’t sure what to say next.
Jason was the first to speak and Emma was relieved. “Are you getting hungry? Why don’t we dry off and go back inside.”
Jason prepared a vegetable stir-fry while Emma showered. She had noticed earlier a basket of strawberries in the fridge. She was hoping there was whipped cream too.
“What can I do to help?” she hollered out coming down the stairs. “Something smells wonderful.”
“You can sit your pretty little butt down next to the fire and I’ll get us a glass of wine. I want you rested and willing. Believe me I have thought of everything.”
“Ah, so you think this butt is pretty, do you?” She was relieved that their discussion of protection was over and done with. She really didn’t want it to continue. She knew he was sorry and she was just as responsible for it as he was.
“Actually I do. I love that pretty little butt of yours.”
Emma thought he was about to say more, but suddenly he stopped. Was he going to say he loved me? she wondered.
He handed her a glass of wine and sat down next to her. “Are you ready to eat?”
“Yes, I’m hungry all of a sudden. You’ve really helped me work up an appetite.” She blushed.
“Let’s eat then. I’m hungry too. I have a surprise for dessert,” he whispered.
Emma thought she better confess that she already knew about the berries. “Strawberries?”
“You peeked. Just for that I’ll have to find another way to use the whipped cream.” He raised an eyebrow. He seemed to enjoy teasing her and she was enjoying every minute of it.
“I can think of a few ways we can use the whipped cream, too,” she exclaimed surprising herself for her boldness. She was feeling very comfortable with Jason and felt she could tell him anything. She found herself saying and doing things she had never said or done before. It was so easy being with him.
After dinner they settled on the couch and listened to music. They drank more wine and Jason brought in the bowl of strawberries and whipped cream. Emma wanted to experience this with him again, but she felt she needed to tell him who she really was. She knew she needed to tell Jason about the stranger. She needed to tell him about her wild imagination. She needed him to know all about her if they were to have a future together. If she was having schizophrenic tendencies then this might turn into a rocky relationship. She worried that if she became too ill it wouldn’t be fair to include Jason in on this madness. She had to tell him and she was afraid. She wasn’t sure if he would let his feelings get in the way. Would he take her seriously? She worried and fretted, but she took courage and trusted her feelings that he would understand. She listened to her heart and not her fear.
“Jason, I need to talk to you about something very important. I guess you’d better put the strawberries back in the fridge because this could take awhile.” Emma saw the look on his face and knew he was concerned.
After he returned the strawberries to the refrigerator he sat next her and looked towards the floor. Then he raised his eyes to meet hers. “Emma, what is it? Is it about us? Are you still upset about the condoms? I’m so sorry about that. I though you understood.”
“It isn’t about the condoms.”
What is it then?” he asked sounding confused.
“Jason, it isn’t about us, but it could affect us. First, I want to say that the condom issue is dead. Okay?”
“Okay, sure, but then what’s wrong?”
“This is about me. I need to tell you something. I’m not really sure how to begin, but I am having strong feelings for you and I feel you are having the same feelings for me. It looks like we are going to be spending a lot more time together, so you need to know a few things about me before we start making commitments about the future.”
“Emma, I am having very strong feelings for you,” he said softly. “I’ve never brought another woman here, to this cabin. I can only hope that you feel the same way about me. We’re already committed to each other. I see how you look at me and I can feel in my heart that this is special between us. I want–”
“Please, let me try to explain,” she said stopping him mid-sentence. “I don’t like talking about this. Actually I haven’t, but I need to tell you about what happened to me. What I am about to tell you are things that happened, but I don’t have any recollections of it. I told you that my parents were killed in an automobile accident, but that wasn’t true. I’m sorry I lied to you. I really am, but that’s what I tell everyone. I never have wanted to talk about it before.”
“You don’t have to tell me this. I can see it’s causing you pain. It’s okay.” He reached over for her, but she continued her story.
“When I was three years old my entire family was murdered in their sleep. I was the only one that survived. I hid in a closet and the murderer didn’t know I was there. It was a robbery, but something must have gone wrong. Maybe he thought there wasn’t anyone home. I don’t know. He murdered everyone. This man was arrested a few weeks after the murders. I’ve had nightmares since I was small and most all my life I have seen this man in my nightmares. After I got to be a teenager the nightmares almost went completely away. I stopped seeing him in places like parks and playgrounds. So it wasn’t just while I slept, I would see him during the day, too. The problem is, I’m the only one who has ever seen him. He’s just someone my mind has made up. I’m told it’s all in my imagination and that he really doesn’t exist. There was never any evidence that there was more than one person who murdered my family. I have seen him in my dreams, forever. Sometimes I get really mixed up and think I see him when I really don’t. I get so scared. I don’t remember anything. I’m repeating myself, I know, but it gets worse. For instance, I attacked my neighbor across the street from the flower shop. I accused him of bothering me and stalking me, and a few days later I did it to him again. It was my neighbor, Mr. Elliot all the time, but when I looked at his face I saw the man from my nightmares. Now I see him walking down the street. He even applied for a job at the shop. I truly believe this man is real and so therein lies the problem. If he isn’t real and I still see him then I have a huge problem. Whatever I went through as a child has caused some psychological problems and I might not be up for a relationship. It might not be a good idea. I want to be with you forever. I am so afraid that maybe I’ll get worse. I can’t make him go away. I see him all the time and my parents already think it is getting worse. I hear them talking and lowering their voices around me. I’m terrified of the sight of blood. Just the sight of it can cause me to lose consciousness.” She started to sob. She couldn’t go on. It was so hard to tell him these things. She tried to read his face, but couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
He was quiet for what seemed like a long time, but when he finally looked up at her, he was smiling. “Whatever’s going on, I’ll help you face it,” he said reaching for her hand. “Let me be the calm you seek.”
“Jason, I don’
t think you understand what I’m trying to say. I might have deep rooted emotional problems. Who knows what might happen. It scares me so much to think I might be schizophrenic,” she said with tears running down her face.
“What, oh come on, you’re not schizophrenic. You’re not. You’re perfectly normal. Do you hear voices or something? Has anyone told you that you’re schizophrenic?”
“No. And I don’t hear voices, but I sure see things. It’s been getting worse every day. Lately I see this man everywhere. He even came to my flower shop and wanted a job. Oh, I told you that already, didn’t I? Well, he blows kisses at me from the park across from my doctor’s office and I see him driving behind me on the street. I know it sounds crazy and it is, but I swear he seems so real. I pretend he isn’t there because they all tell me he isn’t real.”
Jason took her in his arms. He wiped the tears from her eyes and he kissed her tenderly. “Emma, I know you think I will run, but it only makes me want you more. I will protect you. When did you see him last?”
“What difference does it make?” she cried. “I saw him today as we were getting in your car to come up here. He was watching us. I pretended not to see him. I tried not to look at him, but it’s so hard. It scares me so much.”
“If this becomes more of a problem then we will deal with it. I’m not saying I’ll be able to help you, but I have to confess I am falling for you and I’m not letting you go. Sorry, but you’re stuck with me,” he said kissing her gently. “I’m in love with you and I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Fifteen
Monday morning at the flower shop just wasn’t the same without Becky. Marie came in early to help Emma get ready for Sam. Jason called to say he would bring lunch for them and Marie told him to go ahead, saying she would tell Emma later. Jason brought over salads and bread. Marie was delighted. She loved bread more than anything.
“How about we have dinner tonight?” Jason asked when they were done eating. “We could have Chinese again.”
“Sure. Dinner sounds good, but let’s get Mexican if you don’t mind? I’m feeling like cheese enchiladas.”
She was smiling and Jason looked relieved.
“Okay, young lady, Via La Enchilada,” he said with a laugh.
Emma looked at Marie and giggled, “Please, don’t even ask,” she said shrugging her shoulders.
She was laughing as Jason gave her hug.
“I’ll leave you two alone. I have work to do.” Marie smiled, giving Emma a wink.
As soon as Marie left Emma’s office Jason took her in his arms and kissed her. She responded and he kissed her again.
“Does your door have a lock?” he teased.
“As a matter of fact it does. Why do you ask?” she said teasing him back.
“Is it safe?”
Emma locked the door. Standing in front of her desk, she unbuttoned her blouse and sent it flying across the room. She tore at her jeans and stepped out of them and her underwear at the same time. She sat down on the edge of her desk. Jason’s mouth was still wide open as she motioned for him to come closer. Jason was a little more careful as he climbed out of his uniform. He never took his eyes off of Emma as he laid his clothes neatly on a chair. As he reached for her, she boldly laid back on the desk knocking things to the floor. Her heart was pounding as she reached for him.
She couldn’t have imagined this any better. She was in love and he had said he loved her too. She pictured their lives together and she drew it out to be a perfect picture. This would be the start of a happy life for both of them, together. She could have stayed behind this locked door all day with him.
“Okay, young lady,” he said when they were done. “I have to get back to the station. See you tonight.” He kissed her quickly and walked to the door. “Thanks for dessert. It was as sweet as I could have imagined.”
* * *
Becky showed up for work after school and relieved Marie, who went home.
That evening at closing time Emma said, “Go on, Becky, I’ll be fine. I’ll leave in ten minutes. I have a few things to do first. See you tomorrow, kiddo.”
“Good night, see you tomorrow,” Becky said as she headed out the door towards her sister’s car.
Emma noticed Mr. Elliot standing across the street, but this time he really did look more like the stranger. She was confused. Was it her neighbor or was she imagining she was seeing the stranger? He was looking right at her as she was locking the door and he blew her a kiss. Emma wanted to open the door and yell at him to go away, but she didn’t know if he was real or not. What she did know is that if it were Mr. Elliot he wouldn’t have blown her a kiss, so it had to be her imagination once again. Will this ever end? He looks so real. It has to end sometime. I can’t keep going on like this. I just can’t. Oh God, don’t let me be crazy. “Please don’t let me be crazy,” she cried.
All the way home Emma kept a watch in her mirrors, but there was no stranger. She took a hot shower and found that she was very calm now. She decided not to tell Jason about seeing the stranger again. She just wanted to get on with her life and be in love.
She dressed for dinner and fed Sam while she waited for Jason to arrive. She gave Sam a pat on the head and then went into the living room. Emma heard Jason at the door and she ran to let him in. She was feeling brave and confident and she reached for him, practically dragging him in. She gave him her best sexy look as she reached to lock the door.
“Does this mean we aren’t having dinner tonight?” he asked raising an eyebrow.
“Well, maybe later, but right now I’m hungry for you,” she said kissing him and pulling him towards the bedroom.
They emerged hours later, hungry.
“I’ll go get dinner, unless you feel like going out,” Jason said.
“Why don’t we stay in tonight. We can watch a movie if that’s okay with you?”
“Sure, sounds fun. Call and order the food, I’ll be back soon. Do you want extra salsa? Tell them if you do.” He paused at the door. “Hey, I love you.” With that, he was out the door and on his way to the Mexican restaurant to pick up their food.
Emma picked up the phone and called the restaurant. She ordered their food and hung up the phone. The door opened behind her.
“Jason?” she called out, turning to see what he forgot.
“Nope. It isn’t your precious, Jason.”
Emma froze. It was the stranger and he was in her apartment. How could that be, she wondered. He’s not real. Or is he? She’d heard him open the door. Was her imagination now audible as well? Emma felt sick as the truth hit her. “I knew you were real,” she screamed. “I knew it. Get out. Get out of here. What do you want from me? Leave me alone.”
Emma was terrified. She backed up as he moved towards her. He reached for her and caught some of her hair in his hand and pulled at it. She screamed, but he put his hand on her mouth and muffled her cries. She felt sick at the smell of his hand over her mouth. His breath was putrid. His face was just inches from hers and he was spitting as he was yelling at her.
“Shut up. Shut up before I kill you,” he growled. “I should have killed you when I had the chance. If I had only seen you hiding in that closet I would have killed you first—you little bitch. If you tell anyone about me I’ll come back and kill you. Then I’ll kill everyone that means anything to you, starting with your precious, Jason. What a little whore you’ve turned out to be. I see how he comes here and stays late. I know what you are doing, you little whore. Stop telling people you’ve seen me. I can watch you all I want, but I swear, if you tell anyone—you’re dead. I’ll be watching you.” He pulled her hair another time and shoved her against the wall.
Emma was frozen. She couldn’t move. He began to laugh then he let her go. He took his hand and ran it down the front of her chest. Emma felt ill. She thought she would throw up at his touch. As his hand came across her breast he pinched it. Emma thought he was going to rape her. She let out another scream and he put his hand back over her mo
uth.
“Shut up, Emma. I can kill you right here if I wanted to.”
He took his hand away from her mouth and she fell silent. Her legs were trembling and she felt as if she would fall to the floor. He reached for her hair again, pulling out several clumps then he shoved her onto the couch.
“Did that feel real,” he scoffed. “Did my touch feel real, you little whore? How could I be real? You can’t tell the difference anymore, can you? I’ll be close by. Just go to your mind and find me, but remember the next time you call for me I will have you. You will be my whore, forever.”
Then as suddenly as he’d appeared, he turned and left, locking the door and closing it behind him. Emma sat there trembling. She stood up and the room began to spin and she fell to the floor. She began to whimper softly.
Twenty minutes later Jason was back. He knocked on the door and when Emma didn’t open it he knocked harder. He could hear her inside sobbing.
“Emma, open the door. For God’s sake, open this door. Emma? Emma?” Jason couldn’t wait any longer. He tried to bust down the door. He kicked it wildly and rammed it with his body. It wouldn’t budge. “Emma?” he screamed. “Emma?”
Finally, after one more kick he busted through the door. Emma was huddled in the corner on the floor. She was sobbing and shaking her head from side to side. She was pulling at her hair. He could see a few clumps of hair on the floor. He ran to her, but when he tried picking her up she started screaming. She was waving her arms madly as she tried to protect herself.
“Emma, what happened? Oh, God, Emma, talk to me,” he begged.
Emma looked at him, then slowly calmed down. She put her arms around his neck and held on. She was trembling and crying. “He was here. Oh, Jason, he was in my apartment. He’s going to kill me.”
“Who was here? Honey, what happened?”
“Jason, can’t you hear me? That man was here. He walked right through my door and said he was going to kill me and kill my family.”