Hollow (Perfect Little Pieces)

by Ava Conway

  “I thought we were going to be with the dogs today.” Not that I wasn’t disappointed. I hated those damn dogs, even told my mother as much, but the commotion they caused would have been the perfect distraction to keep Jayden at arm’s length.

  “They were pulled, Lucy.” Dr. Polanski frowned at me from behind her glasses. “Your mother called and pulled the Howlistic Healers from our program.”

  “Oh.” This was difficult to digest. I had told her to do this during my parents’ visit yesterday, but I never really expected my mother to follow through. All of my life she had been doing things her own way. To have her actually listen to me was a little mind-blowing.

  “So, since we don’t have the dogs, I now need to come up with something else for our patient volunteer program. We’ll also have to go back to our regular routine for Rec Therapy.” Dr. Polanski nodded toward the box. “Today is music lessons.”

  I slid my gaze away from hers and toward the box. Iris was already there, picking out a triangle. Lovely. I walked over and knelt beside the musical instruments. I was a little late in coming, so there weren’t too many left. I choose a tambourine and looked for Iris.

  She was sitting to the left of the group, close to Jayden. There was one seat between them. So much for avoiding him. I frowned at Iris, who shrugged.

  I took the seat between them. As soon as my butt hit the chair, Jayden leaned over and whispered in my ear.

  “Missed you at lunch.”

  My heart immediately sped up at the sound of his voice. Desire raced through my bloodstream. I shifted in my seat, trying to relieve some of the tension in my lower abdomen.

  “I wasn’t hungry,” I whispered back.

  He leaned back and studied my face. “You’re avoiding me again, why?”

  Damn him for being so astute. Thankfully, Dr. Polanski chose that moment to speak.

  “Good afternoon, everyone…” She droned on about the how the dogs wouldn’t be coming back and how we had to settle for the instruments.

  It was hard not to roll my eyes. The good doctor made it seem like it was my fault that the class couldn’t have the stupid mutts. She said that they’d find some other type of volunteer work to help prepare patients to re-enter society and that they’d take things on a case-by-case basis. I felt a flash of guilt over having taken Jayden’s volunteer work away from him, but it was short-lived. The doctor would find something else for him to do and the less I was reminded of my parents, the better.

  Besides, a small part of me, a very selfish part, didn’t want Jayden to re-enter society. If he left this place, then I’d be completely and totally alone.

  “I’m sorry, these were the only chairs left in the circle,” Iris whispered as the doctor began to sing.

  I ignored Iris and tired to focus on the class. It was difficult with Jayden sitting next to me and radiating testosterone. The man was too smart for his own good. I knew that he’d want some explanation for me avoiding him. The honest answer of ‘I’m afraid if you knew about my past you’d leave me’ probably wouldn’t cut it. What was I going to do?

  Somehow I muddled through the class, singing where I was supposed to and keeping silent when appropriate. Jayden had a wonderful voice, a soft tenor that would bring any girl to her knees. When he sang, it took a lot of willpower not to sit there and gawk at him like a schoolgirl. Did he have to be so perfect?

  As the last song ended, Mia stepped into the room and waved to me. I mumbled a quick “See ya” to Jayden, tossed my instruments into the basket and intercepted her advance.

  “Let’s go down to the visitor station for coffee.” I grabbed her elbow and pulled her out into the hall. I didn’t have the points for coffee downstairs but knew that they were letting me go into the hole for visiting with Mia. What were a few more points for a decent cup o’ joe? Besides, I needed to get Mia off this floor, before Jayden talked to her and learned something about my past.

  She glanced over my shoulder at the rest of the group. “I though that we could sit up here and you could introduce me to some of your friends.”

  “Maybe some other time. I could really use some good coffee—not the dirt water they make up here.” I tugged on her arm and glanced over my shoulder at Jayden, who was staring at us with a puzzled expression on his face.

  “Okay, I guess.” She let me lead her from the room and down the hall. Once we were out of earshot of the common area, I finally let myself breathe again.

  “Is there something wrong?” Mia asked.

  “No, why?”

  She glanced down to where I gripped her elbow. “Because you’re acting a little weird.”

  “Oh, sorry. Just nerves, I guess. I was never good with crowds.”

  “No, I guess not.” Mia didn’t seem to believe my excuse, but to her credit, she let it slide. We stopped off at the reception area, where I convinced the receptionist to let me go deeper into point debt just this once. At this rate, I’d be going to Tai Chi for a month to make up the deficit, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get out of there.

  “Just make sure she’s back in an hour,” the receptionist told Mia.

  Mia agreed and we made our way to the elevators. I pressed the button and glanced over my shoulder. Jayden was coming down the hall toward us, Iris in tow. Thanks a lot, roomie. I steeled my jaw and pressed the button again.

  “Lucy, are you sure you’re all right?” Mia asked.

  “Couldn’t be better.” I watched the numbers as they blinked on top of the elevator door. Come on…

  The receptionist stopped Jayden as the elevator door opened. I grabbed Mia’s arm and slipped inside. My friend gave me a puzzled look but didn’t say anything. Tension filled the elevator as we started our descent.

  I knew I had to say something, but I wasn’t ready to talk about Jayden. At least, not yet.

  “How did the interview go?” I asked instead.

  “Good,” Mia smiled. “I got the internship. Isn’t that great?”

  “Yeah.”

  She frowned but said nothing. The elevator opened, and we went to get our coffee. She got a latte with extra froth, I had my usual black. We found a table by a window and sat. Soon an awkward silence descended upon us.

  “Are you okay with me working here?” she asked after a moment.

  I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I don’t know.” She warmed her hands on her cup. “You’re just not as excited as I thought you’d be.”

  Excited that she was using my sickness for her own personal gain? Gee, why wouldn’t I feel happy about that?

  Mia sighed. “Look, if you don’t want me here, then just say it. I’ll find another internship.”

  “I don’t want you here.”

  “Lucy.” The hurt expression pulled at my heartstrings—or what was left of them. I took a sip of my coffee to cover my guilt.

  Mia ran her fingers under her eyes and rested her head in her hands. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why do you keep pushing me away?”

  I shrugged. “Because I’m not worth it.” I stared at my coffee and blinked the tears from my eyes. “Let’s face it, Mia. You’ve moved on and I’m still stuck in the past. I’m not worth your time.” I sniffed. “I’ll only drag you down.”

  “Oh Lucy.” Mia reached out and covered my hand. “You are so worth time.” She patted my fingers. “And sometimes looks can be deceiving.”

  Against my better judgment, I squeezed her fingers. “You’re wrong, but thanks.”

  Mia sighed. “I never told anyone this, but…” She let go of my hand and straightened in her chair. “I’ve always felt guilty that I was sick that night.”

  I frowned at her and took another sip of coffee. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “No, Bethany and Kyle were my friends, too. You all needed me, and I wasn’t there for you.”

  I shook my head. “You had the flu.”

  She stared at me for a long moment. She looked as if she was abou
t to say something, but then changed her mind. “Yeah, there was that.” She looked down at her latte and played with the paper cup’s edge. “It doesn’t matter. I should have been there.”

  “What could you have done?” I leaned my elbows on the table. “Bethany was an emotional basket case and Kyle was out of control.”

  “I know.” She looked up and met my gaze. “I could have driven Bethany home. Given you and Kyle some alone time.”

  I shook my head as the memories flooded back to me. “No. She didn’t want to leave Kyle’s side. She was worried about him—and me, I guess. She never would have left us alone.”

  “But you and Kyle—”

  “We had a fight and weren’t speaking to each other.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as tears stung my eyes. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing would have changed.”

  “Maybe, maybe not.”

  I nodded, unable to say more.

  “What happened that night?”

  I focused on my cup. “Kyle and I had fought, just like we always did at those parties. I had gone off to cry and he went off to drink.”

  “Oh honey.” Mia put her fingers over mine. “What did you fight about?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the tears.

  “Bethany was supposed to be the designated driver, right? But something happened and she end up in the back seat,” Mia said.

  “Yeah, she did.”

  “I wish I was there. I could have driven you both home and left Kyle’s obnoxious ass at the party.”

  I chuckled. “Me, too. I could have really used a friend that night.”

  She reached over the table and squeezed my hand. “I’m here for you now, Lucy. I want to help you, but you have to let me in.”

  I opened my eyes and stared at Mia. She was right, of course. I could see by the way her eyes watered and her mascara ran that she was hurting too. I was a fool to think that I was the only one who suffered from Kyle and Bethany’s deaths. Mia suffered, too, and I was a fool for not letting her in.

  I squeezed her fingers. “Thank you.” I glanced over her shoulder and saw Jayden staring at us. He was standing in a corner, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. He watched us with concern in his features.

  Mia wasn’t the enemy, she was my best friend, and it was time for her to know what was going on in my life.

  I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and stood. “Come on, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

  Mia stood and glanced over her shoulder at Jayden. “Oh, he’s cute.”

  I smirked as I disposed of my coffee cup. “He’s damaged.”

  “Aren’t we all.”

  I smiled and looped my arm with hers.

  “Hey,” he said as we approached.

  “Hey.” I nodded toward my friend. “This is Mia.”

  He nodded at her, and then refocused on me. “Are you okay?”

  “Better,” I said as I glanced at Mia. “Much better.” I squeezed Mia’s arm. “Mia’s a friend from college. She just got an internship here. Isn’t that great?”

  “Nice to meet you.” Mia held out her hand.

  Jayden hesitated then shook it. “Any friend of Lucy’s is a friend of mine.”

  Mia unlooped her arm from mine. “I have to run.” She gave me a hug. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

  “I won’t.” I hugged her back. For real this time. It felt good.

  “Bye.” Mia wiped the last of her mascara from her cheek. I watched her walk away, a smile hinting on the edge of my lips.

  “Martinez took a turn for the worse,” Jayden said when she got out of earshot.

  I turned back to face him. “What happened?”

  “The drugs they gave him weren’t working. It’s like he’s had Sedation Therapy so much that his body is building up a resistance to the drugs. He attacked some staff members and in the process of trying to get him under control…he hit his head.”

  “How bad?”

  Jayden ran his hand over his face. “Between his head and the extra meds…he slipped into a coma.”

  “Shit. That’s bad.”

  “If only I was there. I know I could’ve calmed him down. If he could only stop being so damn aggressive…” Jayden pressed his lips together for a moment in thought. “They took him out of Confinement and put him in with the rest of the sick patients.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

  “Is he going to make it?”

  Jayden’s expression looked hollow and haunted as he stared at Mia’s retreating form. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve been trying to tell you but…” His voice choked on emotion.

  But I had been avoiding him. He couldn’t say it, but he didn’t need to. Just like my mother, I had been too self-absorbed to realize what was going on around me. Damn it, couldn’t I do anything right?

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

  “No, not anymore.” He shook off my hands and took in a deep breath. “I want to show you something.” He grabbed my hand and led me from the coffee shop.

  “But Nesto—”

  “I don’t want to talk about Nesto, or Flynn or anything else in this damn place right now. I want you to come with me.”

  “I-okay. Where?”

  He ignored my question. “Come on.”

  He took the stairwell, so I was a little out of breath when we got to reception.

  “Lucy,” the receptionist said.

  I tugged on Jayden’s hand and made him stop.

  The receptionist nodded down the hall. “Your mother called. She wants you to call her back.”

  “But I don’t have any points.”

  “She sounded worried. Since she is immediate family, we can make an exception.”

  I glanced at Jayden. Normally I’d have blown her off, but she did get rid of the dogs for me. Perhaps she was trying to reconcile.

  “Go on,” Jayden sighed and let go of my hand. “I’ll wait.”

  I hugged him. He was so understanding. My guilt returned over taking his volunteer work away. Sure, Dr. Polanski said she’d find something else, and he didn’t seem too upset by it, but I felt guilty nonetheless. Jayden was a good guy and deserved better than me. I’d have to make it up to him. Somehow.

  As I backed away, the arm of his T-shirt slipped up and I caught a good glimpse of his tattoo. It was a Celtic design, and the intricate pattern wove around a single name. Jess.

  The word felt like a punch to the gut.

  Tears filled my eyes. I turned and headed to the phone area before he could see them. Who the hell was Jess?

  I wasn’t in the mood to talk to my mother, but there was no avoiding it. She’d just keep calling me or worse—she’d show up at the hospital uninvited. No, it was better to head this off at the pass.

  I sat down, picked up the receiver and dialed with shaking fingers.

  “Hello?”

  I sat there for a moment, trying to speak. No sound came out.

  “Hello?”

  “Mom? It’s Lucy.”

  “Oh Lucy, thank goodness. I’ve been trying to reach you.”

  “I know.”

  An uncomfortable silence followed. I glanced around the near-empty room, wishing that things didn’t go so horribly wrong with my parents. What I wouldn’t give to have a real mother right about now. Someone who understood me, someone who loved me.

  “We removed Howlistic Healers from the hospital,” she said.

  “Thanks.”

  “I really had no idea that you’d dislike them so much.”

  “I appreciate it.”

  More silence. And then— “I just want to help you, but I don’t know how.”

  Did she? I wasn’t so sure. I had a lifetime of manipulation that said otherwise.

  “Our last visit really upset your father.”

  “It did?”

  “Yeah. It would mean a lot to him if we got along.”

&n
bsp; It would mean a lot to my father…but what about you, Mom? “I see.”

  “I was wondering, perhaps I could come and visit tomorrow. We could, you know, have a girl talk or something.”

  “I don’t have any points.”

  “I’ll explain to Dr. Polanski. She’ll understand.”

  What could I say? My gut was telling me that my mom was lying. There was some ulterior motive to her wanting to see me, I could feel it.

  But what if I was wrong? What if she really did want to reconcile? What if she was truly sorry for hurting me? As her daughter, I had to give her that chance.

  “Okay, how about tomorrow afternoon?”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful.”

  We set up a time and said our goodbyes. I was still unsure of this, but there was this little girl part of me that was hopeful that things might finally be looking up.

  I left the communications room, my heart lighter. Jayden was waiting for me outside. He brushed his hair out of his face and I caught another glimpse of his scar. Once again I wondered where he had gotten it. Then there was that tattoo… There was still so much I didn’t know about him.

  Without thinking, I slid my gaze down to his arm, to the sleeve I knew covered up the name ‘Jess’. I wanted to ask him who she was. Was she still important to him? Was she waiting for him outside of the hospital?

  I wanted to ask him, but he flashed me his handsome grin. I decided not to ruin the moment. Besides, I was curious to see what he had planned.

  “There’s my beautiful girl.” He grabbed my hand and led me down a side corridor.

  “Where are we going?”

  He glanced over and winked at me. “You’ll see.”

  Chapter Ten

  It seemed like we’d been climbing forever.

  Jayden had me change into scrubs once more, then took me to a nearby stairwell. He kept dragging me up the stairs—first one floor, then two. By the time we reached the top, it felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest.

  He stopped in front of a large metal door and turned to face me. I wanted to make some snarky comment, but I was still catching my breath. He put his finger to his lips in the universal sign of quiet and grinned. His eyes sparkled as he winked and turned back to the door. A few flicks of his wrist, and we were up on the roof.