Covert Desires

by Sondae Bennett

  The pain of his betrayal tore through her, creating a gaping hole where her heart used to be, leaving her in agony in the process.

  The way he’d held her had made her think she’d finally found a place to belong, a place to feel safe. Made her feel as if she’d finally found someone to weather the storms of life with. But in the end, he’d just been one more wave in an endless sea of grief.

  Her car fishtailed as she swung too fast onto the dirt road leading to her cottage. A bitter laugh crossed her lips, blending in with a sob. Her cottage. She’d actually begun to think of it as hers. Because she’d pictured starting a life here.

  What an idiot. The people here weren’t special. They were cruel and evil just like the rest of the world.

  Slamming the car door made her feel marginally better. But not much. Grief choked her. She needed to get inside, to start the shower so it would drown out the sound of her tears. Because she was moments away from truly breaking. Once she did, she just hoped she’d be able to put the pieces back together again.

  She hadn’t quite reached the steps, when a wolf came tearing out of the woods and planted itself firmly between her and her house. She remembered the rabid wolves who’d tried to bust into her house and knew she should feel fear, but there was no room for fear inside her. Oddly, a sense of relief hit her, and the tears became harder to hold back. This was it. Now at last, the pain would end.

  The wolf let out a howl, somehow echoing her agony.

  The wolf began to contort. Cracks filled the night as his bones jutted out from behind a thin layer of skin. Fur receded revealing pink human flesh and shining brown eyes.

  Danny’s eyes.

  Her mind reeled, trying to make sense of it all. Earlier, when his siblings had joked about magical people who transform into wolves, she’d thought… Well, frankly, she hadn’t really thought about it at all. Euphemism, maybe. Or inside joke. Certainly not truth. Things like this didn’t happen. Men couldn’t change into animals. That was mere legend. Like vampires or demons. Oh God, did this mean those things were real, too?

  Memories flooded her. Danny growling when he got frustrated or angry about something. Or turned on. His almost unnatural strength. His comment about the scent of lemons. Hell, even his raw burger on their first date.

  One more thing he’d kept from her. She threw him an accusatory glare.

  “Amber,” he whispered into the night.

  She hated him. Not just for the things he’d kept from her, but because even now, as hurt and as betrayed as she felt, she still wanted him. And for that he had to pay.

  “You son of a bitch.” She swung her leg up, catching him around the ankle and pulling him off balance. But he didn’t fall as so many others would have, and she hated him for that, too. For showing her that she wasn’t as strong as she thought she was. For showing her what it was like to depend on someone, and then letting her fall flat.

  Tears of rage filled her now, spilling down her cheeks as fury swept over her. She wanted to make him hurt. Why should she be the only one to suffer?

  Her fist landed on his diaphragm with enough force to knock the wind out of the toughest of men. But he just stood there, calm as ever, pleading with his eyes.

  “Damn you!” she yelled, punching him even harder.

  The move forced him back a step, but looked as if it hadn’t hurt him at all. “Honey, stop. Please. Let me explain.”

  Amber didn’t want to hear any of it, his explanation, his endearment. All of it reminded her of her foolish schoolgirl dreams. As if happily-ever-afters ever happened in real life. As if there was actually one out there for her.

  “Shut up. Just shut up!” She threw more punches at him, aiming for his shoulders and face. Then not really aiming at all as tears clouded her vision.

  Why wouldn’t he fight her? If he hit her, just once, maybe she could use the pain to ground herself. To pull away from the brink. She needed the physical pain as a distraction from the heartache tearing her apart.

  “Fight,” she raged, catching him across the jaw with her fist.

  “Never,” he whispered, standing with his arms at his side like an idiot while she struck him over and over. The sight only made her angrier.

  “Fight back, damn you.” Her fists pounded against his chest.

  “We can do this all night, and I will never raise my hand to you.”

  She continued to beat on him until the sobs came in a constant stream, preventing her from doing any real damage. She fell to the ground as they emptied out of her, tears pouring down her face. Her only wish was that Danny would leave. That he wouldn’t see the breakdown she was incapable of stopping.

  Suddenly, his arms encased her, pulling her against his hard chest. His scent surrounded her, and he whispered endearments in her ear. She felt herself being lifted and then moved as he sat on the porch steps. The misery threatening to destroy her from the inside out grew. Because he was offering her the comfort she’d always wanted and had once envisioned finding in him. But she knew this comfort was from pity, maybe even regret, but not love. This comfort was only temporary.

  * * * *

  Danny rocked Amber for agonizing heartbeats as her tears tore her apart. Tore him apart. A few tears fell down his own cheeks into her hair. Anything. He’d give anything to spare her this pain. Pain he’d caused.

  The knowledge that he’d done this to her was unbearable. All he’d wanted to do was love her and keep her safe.

  He should have told her sooner, but damn it all, he couldn’t. Not with everything at stake. He couldn’t have risked it until he knew he could trust her. None of that made this any easier.

  “How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me and pretend to–” She broke off on a sob.

  “None of it was pretend,” he said fiercely. “Not even that first day. I tried to hold myself back from you, but I couldn’t. And I’m glad I couldn’t.” He gripped her, adjusting until he could force her gaze to meet his. “Every minute together was real. What’s between us is real. How can you even think that I don’t care about you? Don’t you know how I think the sun rises and sets just for you? Damn it, I love you, Amber. With everything I am.”

  Well, that seemed to shock her into silence. He saw her swallow and wondered if he’d once again ruined everything. So much had happened in the past hour. It was a lot for anyone to take in. He wouldn’t be surprised if she needed time to think. Alone time. But damned if he wanted to give it to her. Letting her go when the threat of losing her forever existed would be torture. He’d be nothing without her.

  “You love me?” she whispered.

  “More than anything.” He spoke from the heart, knowing there was no point holding anything back from her now.

  Her hands opened and closed on his bare chest. “So, you do care?”

  “Have you been listening to anything I said? Of course I care. Hurting you nearly killed me.”

  A tentative smile broke across her face, and he breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to be okay. “I couldn’t stand deceiving you.”

  “Me either,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

  They sat like that, connecting in a way beyond words as Amber’s tears dried on her cheeks. She shifted on his lap, bringing to focus just how close she was and how good she smelled. Danny groaned when her butt swept over his dick.

  “Uh, Danny, you’re kind of naked.”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t have time to find my keys. Shifting was faster, and I couldn’t let you get away.”

  She brushed the hair away from his forehead and he leaned into her touch.

  “Does the wolf thing freak you out?” He wasn’t certain he wanted the answer, but he had to know.

  She sighed, staring at a place above his head. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ve really processed it, yet. I feel as if I’m dreaming or something, as if this can’t be real.”

  “Will you promise me that you’ll come to me with your questions?”

 
; She finally nodded.

  Silence descended again, both content to remain exactly where they were. Amber brushed her hand casually through his hair as she rested her head against his shoulder.

  “Do you want me to go?”

  At first, he wasn’t sure she’d answer. He held his breath, waiting.

  “Stay,” she whispered a minute later.

  Happiness flooded him. All was not lost. It might not be perfect, but it would be. He’d make sure of it.

  Chapter 14

  Amber woke up reaching for Danny, searching for the comfort of his arms. Disappointment settled over her when she found herself alone.

  Maybe it was better this way. Would give her time to gather her thoughts. After everything she’d learned the night before, she had a lot to think about.

  But his warmth still lingered in the sheets and on her skin. She sank deeper under the covers, imagining they were his arms.

  Nothing she’d seen or heard last night had diminished the blinding passion she felt for him. The rational part of her brain insisted that she proceed with caution. That she should be freaking out. Certainly about the fact that Danny wasn’t human.

  She snuggled with his pillow, breathing in his scent. That wasn’t true. The Danny she knew was human. He was just something more, too. More than human. And somehow, that made acceptance easier. Just like dating one of the Wonder Twins.

  Should she go back to sleep? Or maybe just laze away in bed for another hour? But the scent of bacon grew stronger. Guess it hadn’t been in her head. Which meant Danny was still here. And cooking her breakfast. That, or the kitchen was on fire. Either way, she should probably get up.

  With a groan, she threw off the covers and stumbled into the other room. He’d already set the table and everything. Quite an improvement from her usual routine. Most days she was lucky if she ate before noon.

  “Smells good.”

  He turned at the sound of her voice. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, drawing her gaze. She almost stepped forward to kiss him, but stopped herself before she could.

  Uncertainty clawed at her. They hadn’t kissed last night. Hadn’t done anything but hold each other. And now, she couldn’t help the awkwardness crawling over her.

  Seeming to sense her discomfort, he cleared his throat and gestured to the table. “Good timing. It’s ready. I may not be able to bake, but eggs and bacon I can manage.”

  She settled at the table as he put a plate in front of her. It didn’t just smell good, it looked delicious. But she was no longer hungry. She wished he would say something or do something. Explain maybe. Because even though the wolf thing didn’t freak her out as it should have, she had questions. Lots of questions. But she wasn’t sure how to ask them without insulting him.

  “Do I frighten you?” Worry, sadness, and something else swept across his face.

  “Should I be frightened?” She’d been hurt listening to him last night. Crushed even, when she thought his feelings had been fabricated. But never afraid. In her heart, she must have known Danny would never hurt her.

  “Because of what I am.”

  Sympathy swamped her at the insecurity in his voice and eyes.

  “Frightened, no. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Are you…like a werewolf?” Amber held her breath, hoping she hadn’t insulted him. But the wry smile on his face assured her she hadn’t.

  “Not exactly. In the movies werewolves are always half-man half-wolf beasts. We call ourselves shifters. Because quite literally we shift forms from human to animal.”

  “But you are kind of half-wolf, half-mannish. Right?”

  “Yes, but…how do I explain?”

  She wiggled in her seat as she tried to be patient while Danny gathered his thoughts.

  “Me, here in front of you, is all man. The wolf is here, too, inside me. Just as the man is always a part of the wolf when I’m in that form. But I’m all man. One doesn’t change the other or make me less of one. Does that make any sense?”

  He looked so earnest as she sat there blinking at him. So she ran the thoughts back through her mind, trying to make sense of them. All man…wolf and man…not half and half, but both there.

  “Not at all,” she finally admitted, then burst out laughing.

  After a moment, he joined her. The absurdity of the situation was too much to bear without letting out a little steam. But it served its purpose. She no longer felt at odds with the situation.

  “I guess I’m not doing a good job of explaining this.”

  “It’s okay. I’ve decided I’m just going to think of you as a superhero and call it a day. And hey, if I have any enemies I need you to bite, I know who to call.” She wiggled her eyebrows, but her thoughts halted. Something about that should concern her. Enemies? No, that wasn’t it. Bite… “Oh my God, you bit me when we were… Does this mean I’m going to be like you?”

  She had been feeling a bit funny the past day. Almost as if she shared a consciousness with another being. A wolf of her own, maybe? She wasn’t sure if the thought disturbed her or thrilled her. Did she want to be a wolf? Not that she had a choice now. She’d either turn or she wouldn’t.

  Danny’s deep laugh cut into her thoughts. When she glanced over at him, she saw him clutching the table for support.

  “Are you laughing at me?” she demanded, trying to keep the smile off her face. “This is all new to me, you know.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh.” He grabbed her hand where it rested on the table, and squeezed her fingers.

  She rolled her eyes, but didn’t pull her hand away.

  “No, you won’t start getting furry. You are what you were born.”

  “So you were born a shifter?”

  He nodded his head.

  “Does this mean your whole family are shifters?”

  “All except my dad and Julie.”

  She started at that. “Julie, your sister?”

  Danny nodded in confirmation.

  “Why isn’t she one of you?”

  “She is one of us. But she didn’t get the shifter genes. No one knows why.”

  Thoughts whirled through her brain. “Last night, your siblings were referring to me as your…what was it…mate? Because we slept together?”

  His cheeks reddened as he glanced down at his food. “No, not because we slept together.” He was silent so long she thought he wasn’t going to say anything more on the matter. “Shifters are born with the biological need to find a mate. Sort of like a marriage, but more binding. The magic, or genetics, or whatever it is that allows us to shift into animals, also allows us to tie ourselves to another. To form a bond, mentally, with another…when we release an enzyme into their bloodstream…through a bite.”

  His eyes rose to meet hers at this. Possession shone in his eyes. But she didn’t just see it, she felt it. Felt his possessiveness of her. He didn’t have to say anything more.

  “A bond…mentally?”

  “Yes. I can feel some of what you’re feeling. If the emotions are strong enough. And you’re probably reading some off me, but it might take a while to distinguish them.”

  Already she’d been sensing them, but had no idea what they were or what had caused them. The strength of her lust when she’d seen him again the morning before, after he’d bitten her, came to mind. She reached up to finger the bandage over her bite mark and his eyes followed her hand, then hardened.

  “Do you regret biting me?”

  “Of course not.” He opened his mouth to say more but stopped, seemed to think, then continued, “It bothers me to see my mark covered.”

  A long moment passed. Then her fingers found the edge of the bandage and pulled it off. Through whatever bond connected them, she felt his happiness and his pride in her. Followed by the surge of desire that filled him.

  With a wicked grin, Amber stood and yanked on his hand until he stood as well. Then she tugged him behind her toward the bedroom. Lust flared higher through their bond as he ca
ught her intent.

  A hard arm slid around her waist, halting her in her tracks. The heat from his front brushed against her back as he stepped forward. A shiver chased down her spine at the whisper-soft caress of his lips against the nape of her neck.

  She moaned, tilting her head to the side. He brushed his lips downward, light as a feather, to the juncture where her neck met her shoulder. When they paused at the bite mark he’d left the night before last, her stomach clenched in longing. She remembered the unmatched pleasure when his teeth had sunk into her flesh. And the closeness she’d felt with him.

  The craving for him to bite her again overwhelmed her until she could think of nothing else. She tried to turn, but his arm kept her firmly in place. She writhed against him, needing him more than she’d ever needed anything in her life. Needed him to fill her until there was nothing beyond the two of them together.

  “Danny, please,” she begged, too far lost to care about anything beyond her need.

  “I was so afraid you’d never let me touch you again.” His voice was rough with passion and she almost collapsed as it rushed over her. But Danny held her up.

  Amber gripped his arm, beyond words. Suddenly his mouth became harder, hungrier, on her neck, sucking deeply. One of his hands slid upward until it cupped her breast, while the other slid toward her hip, tugging her tight against him.

  Sensations swarmed her, pulling her in all directions. The bulge of his erection pressed insistently against thecurve of her ass, his fingers plucking her nipple, his teeth scraping against the sensitive skin of her neck.

  The hand at her hip curved around her front and down, catching the hem of her sleep shirt. Her breath hitched as his hand started back up. She spread her legs as much as possible as his fingers brushed against her underwear. He growled at the restriction, the sound fluttering against the skin of her nape and sending goose bumps down her arms.

  The fabric pulled at her as a rip split the silence of the room. Air brushed against her pussy and she gasped at the suddenness. Then his fingers were there, thrusting inside her as his thumb swept against her clit. His other hand became more insistent on her breast, pinching and tugging on her nipple and causing ripples of desire to shoot downward, centering on the bundle of nerves his thumb continued to tease. She reached behind her and clasped her arms around her neck.