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Testing Oscar's Will
It has been the time for the testing of wills both inside and outside the home.
Even some Superiors need to know their place in the scheme of things, and not all Superiors are at the same level. For instance you could say I'm a Superior Superior because I know my demesne and rule it...in a benevolent way of course. Though inside the home each Superior is the boss undoubtedly, outside the home I tend to be the one who decides what we will do. It just fell naturally to me.
It was during the light time before today hat young Thomas decided he was Superior enough now to make the decisions for my group. He is large and was quite aggressive when we found him you may remember. But since we found him a new place to live in which he is Superior it seems he thinks himself big enough to take over outside too. Smokie, Gizmo and Tiger may well have let him do this but Ginger had other ideas as my deputy. If anyone is to take over Ginger thinks it should be himself. I of course know that I'm not ready to concede any power yet. In the battle that ensued young Thomas proved to be too strong for Ginger yet Ginger was not ready to give up. I shouted to make myself heard “Enough!” and then seeing Thomas off balance as he looked round batted him with my paw so he toppled over. “Stupidity” I said, “ how can we be Superior if we fight amongst ourselves and not with our enemies. We must stick together as always.” Smokie, Gizmo and Tiger saw the sense in this and seeing his audience lost Thomas agreed reluctantly. Ginger had no choice if he wished to remain my deputy.
Divide and conquer works well.
At home my problem was slightly different. Whilst my paws were bad my 'The Him' has perceived me as weaker than usual. Though there has been much I have not been able to do I have still maintained my seat on the new chair and not allowed him to share. It was funny watching him sit on the floor to speak to guests because I unsheathed my claws when he came to sit with me. He understood the meaning and backed away sharply. But, while 'The Her' has been ill I've not been able to curl up on her as usual and have allowed myself to be moved. This reached a point last dark time when I decided to curl up with 'The Him' instead. He didn't seem keen on my using my claws to soften the space I chose nor on moving to accommodate me. It was necessary to give a reminder of who makes the rules so I walked up the bed and lay across his head. As I lay down I made the usual softening motion across his scalp. He squirmed a lot and even yowled before I walked back down and took up the spot I'd previously held. He didn't seem to mind as much any more. I passed a happy dark time and found him quite comfortable.
Training is everything.
I believe I have established that my will prevails and I am definitely a true Superior.
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Oscar's Lessons
I write to you week in week out to let you see just how Superior we are as beings. How we rule the Longlegs without them actually realising it. There is a saying you should bear in mind here. Man thinks he rules the world, Cats KNOW they do.
You really must learn to be firm in your directions whilst retaining subtlety. It's no use talking to Longlegs these days about how hungry you are. You must direct them to your empty dish so they will understand.
If they are not quick enough to renew the litter in your tray, make sure you kick the old and used litter out onto the floor in order to use what's left. They'll soon get the message.
I was asked by young Thomas about laps. Do we stay there if placed there by a Longlegs? The answer is, only if you feel comfortable. If not, you must get off but you must also give a quick swipe with your paw as you go to let them know you go onto laps at your whim not theirs. There are times I get so disheartened to hear that some of you forget who is in charge and allow yourselves to be manhandled. Maybe I should write a book on this? I'm sure Wise Cat would help with an opinion.
BEDS. Now, this is important, pay attention. During the light time the beds are of course yours to do with as you will. Sleep being the obvious choice. But dark time seems to confuse many of you. I can't understand why. It's exactly the same as the light time, they're yours. OK, you may let the Longlegs share them in the dark time but the main point is they must share them AFTER you are comfortable. Don't let yourself be bullied into giving up your spot.
I know some of you like your Longlegs and treat them as pets but you really must remember that they are only there to see to your needs really. Give them an inch and you'll suddenly find you've got a ruler. You can like them, even Love them and tolerate them but don't ever forget who is the Superior and giving the orders. Why do you think you were given such a wonderful set of claws if not to use them to train and chastise your Longlegs. Be fair with them but don't let them take advantage. Share your furniture with them but only after you've reserved your place.
Remember above all else that a Longlegs is for life or should I say for your life. They must make you comfortable and feed you the best of everything in order to earn the right to stroke you. Don't give in too easily and you can expect a long and comfy life.
Oscar.
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Oscar and the Fox
It has rained here for two light times now. After the first one I was bored of staying at home especially as my 'The Her' brought in the white coat to clip my claws. How effective are they going to be now? I can't continue my training of 'The Him' with blunt claws, and it's not always easy to find an open space to bite since he wears so many of the Longlegs skins.
Anyway, this light time I was going out, raining or not raining. I’m glad I did.
I had left the house through the bedroom clearway and was sitting on the outer wall when I saw Ginger sheltering under the trees at the edge of the wood. I was just about to shout hello to him when I saw a flash of colour, and there was Ginger in the mouth of a fox. It had grabbed him behind the neck and he couldn't turn round to fight. I was off the wall like a shot. The fox saw me coming and bolted but of course he was neither as quick nor as agile as me....partly due maybe to the weight of poor Ginger, anyway it didn't take long to catch up to him.
I grabbed at his leg with my claws only to find it had no effect because my claws were of course currently decorating the carpet at home where they'd been cut.
With a magnificent leap, superb even for us Superiors, I jumped again and locked my teeth about the fox’s back leg. He howled and as he did so dropped Ginger who bolted. My teeth currently round the fox's back leg I couldn't shout to Ginger to support me and the fox was shaking me from side to side to dislodge me. I thought if he did so I might end up in Ginger's last known position. But, as luck would have it with a final shake I fell free of the leg and the fox decided not to stop for lunch and shot off....no doubt to tell his wife of the ferocious animal who'd taken their dinner away.
I walked back to my wall and yes, I allowed myself a bit of a swagger. I know that's something hard to believe, a Superior swaggering, but I'm afraid I did. At the wall, there was Ginger with Gizmo and Smokie and with his back to me I could hear him telling them how he'd fought off a dog fox single handedly and how he was sorry but they probably wouldn't see me again as the fox had taken me as his consolation prize......I coughed.
Ginger knew the sound and stopping mid-sentence turned towards me. “Oscar” he cried, “ so glad to see you safe. I would have helped you but you were out of sight so quickly I couldn't find you.”
“Yes” I responded, “ I suppose the gap between us did open up pretty quickly didn't it?” He at least held his head low at that remark. I turned to Gizmo and Smokie and said “ Doesn't look as though Mr. Fox gets any dinner today then!” They laughed but we all knew we'd have to deal with the fox before long to stop him taking any Superiors and inviting them to dinner...as the main course...again. A few bites and scratches ( yes, not by me until the claws grow again) from us should make him look for a different prey in future.
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Oscar and the Pampered Puss
She came into my life this light, and wi
thin minutes I was wishing she hadn't. I suppose I'd better explain.
'The Her' was excited. It seems an old friend from long ago is going to visit and I heard her say to 'The Him' that they had lots to catch up on. I could also see quite clearly with my Superior senses that 'The Him' was not as pleased as she was no matter how often he bared his teeth for her, smiling I think they call it. Perhaps he was jealous that he would lose some of her attention. I certainly was.
I had lain down on 'The Hers' bed ready to snooze when a terrible screech disturbed me. I was so surprised that I jumped with shock about a foot in the air. Through the open clearway I could see 'The Him' had suffered the same and was only just landing again. Not as delicately as me of course.
I left the room to look for the source of the noise catching up to 'The Him' heading in the same direction. At the large clearway stood my 'The Her' in the grip of a bear with the sound of “Daaahhhling” which was the noise that had disturbed us. She didn't seem upset or worried which was strange and she suddenly let out a screaming“Letitia Deahhh, how lovely to see you.” I thought it a strange name for a bear.
The bear moved backwards and I could see it was actually a Longlegs dressed in one of the funny skins they wear. And, stranger still, one of the arms had eyes. The Letitia bear moved forwards and approached the him putting it's face up to his and nearly putting it's lips on his face. “David” it said without warmth " how are you?”
“Hello Letitia Dear” replied my 'The Him' removing the skin from her at which point I realised the eyes on her arm belonged to a Superior. Not of a type I'd seen before but very attractive. Very short hair and a lovely cream colour with black face and ears. Mmmm.
Letitia bear was ushered through to the lounge and she sat in MY chair. I wasn't too keen on that as no-one had asked me but it brought the new Superior down to a better level. I wandered over casually expecting a stroke from Letitia bear but she didn't seem to notice me at all. Neither did the Superior in her arms. That didn't please me as I'm not used to being ignored. I jumped up on my 'The Hers' lap and edged onto the arm of her seat and assumed a relaxed position. I saw the stranger glance in my direction. “Hello, I'm Oscar” I said, “ fancy a walk while the Longlegs talk?”
“Valk” she replied, “I don't valk anyvhere. I is Princess Jasmine and the Longlegs they is for carryink me.” I was a little doubtful that I'd get a Longlegs to carry her alongside me for a walk though perhaps my 'The Him' might in order to avoid staying here with Letitia bear. However there was no way of asking him and I was no longer sure I wanted to walk with her anyway.
I settled down to sleep. In a very short time I was woken by a hissing. “You there. Ocsar, I vant food, bring me some.”
“Firstly my name is Oscar not Ocsar , and secondly I don't take commands. But, if you wish you can join me and share some chicken.”
She looked at me and said “Very vell, I shall join you, but I sink you is rude to a superior who comes from the Royal Court of Siam.” At which point I knew she was a fraud as there is no Siam anymore. She slithered down off the Bear's knee and followed me to my dishes where she tried to barge in and eat my chicken without sharing. I was not allowing that and stuck my head in the dish which forced her out. She cried “Pig” at me and ran off whining. As I re-entered the lounge she was sitting on the Bear's knee again telling her “The peasant won't share with me.” It's good sometimes that the Longlegs can't understand us properly. But perhaps I was wrong as Letitia bear was saying “And what did that scruffy cat do to yoou Dear?” At which point both My' The Her' and 'The Him' spoke up. “Scruffy cat! I hope you don't mean Oscar who is a pedigree cat and not a terribly pampered puss like yours.”
“Ach” said the bear, “ I've never been so insulted”
“You obviously don't get out often then” said 'The Him.
“Where is my coat?” she asked, “ I won't stay here to be insulted.”
“Oh, where do you prefer to be insulted?” chipped in 'The Her' bringing the coat which Letitia Bear slipped on, placed the pampered puss upon her arm and left.
“ Sorry Dear” said 'The Him', “ I know she was your friend but the woman is intolerable.”
“Actually David” she replied, “ I was scared of her at school because she was a bully but when she got in touch I thought she'd perhaps changed.”
“OK Oscar, lets go sort you out some fresh chicken as a reward” said 'The Him'.
And for once I did as he suggested.
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Oscar and the Bouncer
I've heard it said over the years that the Longlegs consider we Superiors to have nine lives. I don't know if that's true, but if it is I have to consider that I'd be pushing my luck to get into any more scrapes after this light time. This time might be one scrape too far.
I was with Ginger at early light and we decided it might be fun to test our hunting skills were still working fine. The best way to do so is to creep up on those stupid pheasants and pounce on them. You should see them run when we do that. We headed for the woods to try. Of course we need to see which one of us can manage to pounce the most but those birds are so stupid they forget moments later that you were there and you can do it all over again.
Anyway, all was going well and I had already pounced as many times as I have claws on two legs. It was fun. Ginger was only one behind me and I didn't want him to catch up. We were actually quite close to the edge of the woods at this point. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Turning round I saw some young bouncers helping themselves to the lettuces growing in the field which ran up to the woods. Now, bouncers are notoriously difficult to catch but I was sure we could manage it as we'd proved to be on form so far.
“So Ginger” I said, “It's close run between us and I'm only just ahead. Shall we see how many bouncers we can lay a paw on?”
“Good idea “ said Ginger and putting his belly low to the ground started creeping up on the nearest one. He was within inches when the bouncer must have sensed him and with a flick of it's white tail was off. It's strong back legs giving it the bounce it was named for. Ginger looked very disappointed.
“Just give them a minute to settle again” I said “ I see the farmer has just come out and is watching so I hope he doesn't disturb them and spoil the fun.”
The farmer was standing at the end of the field and it looked like he was just leaning on his stick. The bouncers settled down again. “ My turn” I whispered to Ginger and settled as low as I could and started creeping towards a large one engrossed in eating it's lettuce. I got as close as was possible and lowered myself even further ready to pounce. Up I sprang and landed squarely on the back of the bouncer as I heard an almighty ROAR. I felt stunned and a wind passed over me stinging my back. The bouncer bolted leaving bits of fur in my claws and I fell, erm stepped to the ground. I looked up and the farmer had his stick to his shoulder so I realised it was a killing stick. Another ROAR and I saw a bouncer slump to the floor and a dog came running up to get it. I hissed in case it was thinking to collect me too but it just picked up the bouncer in it's jaws and ran back to it's master. Huh, MASTER, you won't catch a Superior saying that.
As the dog turned and ran I looked up to see where the farmer was and he still had the stick to his shoulder so belly low I crept back to the woods. “Ginger!” I called, and he appeared from somewhere as far away from the edge of the wood as he could get. “Ah Oscar, I thought he had you for a minute” he told me.
“Not this time” I said “but he was very close.”
“Closer than you think “ he said “you've got blood on your back.”
“Well, I'd better go home and get that bathed”I said, “'The Her' will be able to do that. At least we proved we still have all our skills and I think I win because I touched a bouncer.”
“ I didn't see that” said Ginger, “ I ran as soon as I heard the shot in case it was coming my way.”
“ I still have his fur on my paws Ginger so you can't argue with that.�
�� Reluctantly he accepted I had won and we walked back to the village. My back was stinging but I couldn't show him that. But as soon as I got home I cried for 'The Her' to come and fix me up. I told her I won't be taking any more chances and would become a house Superior from now on.
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W C A T Radio Interview with Sir Oscar
This is W C A T, the Superiors’ Radio Station in the United States of America. It has come to our attention that a remarkable Welsh cat, Sir Oscar Prosser, had a glorious adventure last Tuesday, escaping death by an inch. We are happy to tell our loyal listeners that Sir Oscar, a cat of great courage and style, has consented to give us a short interview, and we traveled all the way to faraway Wales for the privilege of speaking to him. So here we are at the local station. Welcome to our Station, Sir Oscar!
Oscar
It’s a pleasure to be here, Miss… er…
W C A T
My name is Beauty, Sir Oscar.
Oscar
And well it fits you, Miss Beauty.
Memoirs of a Superior Page 10