by C. M. King
These weren't questions Stuart wanted to ask about his father, because how much of it applied to him as well. Maddie would never be either of them. She acted nothing like their father. Maddie had never doubted who she was. She had always just known. She never worried about him destroying her. She wasn't breakable, and her effort to keep herself intact in the wash of their father's control had made her a very strong woman. Maybe Aunt Genna had given Maddie her strength.
When Stuart escaped, it was unspokenly agreed that it was Maddie's task to look out for their parents. He hadn't felt guilt over this because Maddie knew enough to stand up to their father and survive.
"Why can't she break loose?” Maddie's voice cracked with pain. Stuart didn't know why his mother was weak. Maybe it was the confusion of her childhood. Maybe it was just a piece of who she was. She had given him a little of that weakness, but spared Maddie from it.
"Aunt Genna had always been so important to her.” Maddie gave a tight frown. “Remember after Dad's falling out with Uncle Harry.” Stuart had always rather liked Uncle Harry, Mum's older brother. London at Christmas with his Uncle Harry was still one of Stuart's most cherished childhood memories, but there came a time when Harry had disliked Stuart's father's actions, much as any older protective brother would have.
"When Aunt Genna was the only family of Mum's who visited,” Maddie continued. Uncle Harry wasn't welcome. Aunts Grace and Clare didn't have the energy to put up with their father. Great Aunt Genna though would not be pushed away or denied access. She had the strength to meet their father face on and win. She was probably the strongest person Stuart had ever known.
"How can he still be mad about that?” Maddie asked. “It's been almost twenty years. Who holds a grudge for that long?"
"A MacEwan,” Stuart answered in his head.
"Who denies an old dying woman the wish to see her favorite niece one last time?” Maddie asked.
It wasn't a question Stuart wanted to answer. Did a man have to be evil to do that? Did that mean his father was evil?
Maddie gave a big sigh. Her anger exited with the breath. “Sorry, ‘bout that, really turned into quite a rant.” She gave an apologetic smile. Who else would she have been able to complain to about their father and his actions? They had long ago got to the point that for the most part they didn't share with others the problems that they had with him.
"Anyway,” Maddie continued. “Mail Aunt Genna. She would love to see you in person, but a vid mail will have to do."
Stuart frowned at the image of his sister. He really should have made the time to take that holiday last year.
"Mail Aunts Grace and Clare while you're at it,” Maddie added. “They want to know you're alright.” She paused for a moment. “Mail Mum, Stuart. She misses you.” Maddie's voice grew soft. “They both do. Dad really isn't taking to retirement well. What does a MacEwan man do with spare time?” She gave a shrug, an excuse for their father's actions as they were used to making.
"Take care out there, Stuart. Remember we love you.” She gave a smile. Maddie had never had a problem knowing who she loved and didn't. “Well, hopefully hear from you soon, until then.” The look of uncertainty on Maddie's face made it impossible for Stuart not to write her a response.
"Goodbye, big brother.” Maddie gave a small wave, and then the vid message fell silent a moment before the screen fell blank.
Stuart stared at the empty screen. He envied Maddie, her strength, her confidence, that her soul was made of sterner stuff than his ever would be. He still questioned himself over so much. He had no idea about what to make of his current situation with Rieko and he knew that with every passing day her heart desired more of him.
She once promised that she would wait for him to grow into it all. He trusted that she would, but that didn't mean that his inaction on the matter was making things easy for her. Was he cut of the same cloth as his father? Would he make the same mistakes? Was he capable of the same actions against those he cared about? Would he ever be able to deal with the past between him and his father? Would any of his successes ever please his father?
His father's look of longing for Stuart to be like all his cousins was something so familiar to him. His father was doing it so long; long before Stuart joined Earth Space Fleet and finally crushed any lasting hope that he may be the son his father wanted.
Were his father's actions evil? Aunt Genna would be denied seeing her favorite niece because of her fearlessness toward his father. Aunt Genna's truthful words about his father's actions that still echoed over years. His father would continue to hold that grudge long after his great aunt was in the ground. Yet, Aunt Genna had already forgiven his father his actions thinking only about their mother and the destruction his father had done to her.
Was his father evil? From such a small age his father had shaped and molded Stuart into what he was today, so many of his actions still reflected his father's wishes. Stuart was as weak as his mother and had been as easy to tear down and remake.
All those years of harmful words: he wasn't good enough, he wasn't smart enough, or strong enough, or big enough, or brave enough, devoted enough, loyal enough. His father's anger at him for wetting his bed. He still remembered being six and cleaning his bed in the middle of the night so that his father would still love him. He remembered the pain of playing that last half of a soccer match with a sprained ankle at seven to show his strength. He remembered the long nights studying to get good grades when nothing in school made sense.
All those years of expectations of what a MacEwan should be echoed in his head:
"MacEwans don't cry.” They weren't weak.
"MacEwans don't give up.” They don't stop playing rugby when they are sixteen because science classes are taking up too much time.
"MacEwans don't shirk their responsibilities.” They marry good British girls and have blue eyed sons with old-fashioned names.
"MacEwans have salt water in their veins.” They don't find themselves speeding through the vacuum of space in a starship.
Stuart had failed at all of those expectations. All those years of control: the corners of the bed must be completely tucked in, his collar must be straight, his shoes shined, his wispy hair all in order, his plate must be cleaned, his grades must be good, his toys must be put away.
His father would haunt him for the rest of his life. How was it Stuart had ever escaped his father's control long enough to leave? Had his realization about his lack of love for his school sweetheart Chloe been a part of it? How fake and empty his future had seemed and how Stuart wished for something real?
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Chapter Fifteen
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The beep at her door at a late hour, surprised Rieko. She was just about to head to bed. She opened the door to find herself face to face with a lifeless Stuart. Without a word, he entered her room. His blank eyes clouded like the sky before a coming storm.
"What's wrong, Stuart?” Rieko moved to put an arm around his waist. He just stood silently in her room, and stared off at the far wall. “Stuart?” Her worry showed in her voice. She drew his limp body into her arms. He continued to stare at something beyond seeing.
What was wrong with him? Was this about the video mail chip he had gotten from home? He was still private enough that she hadn't asked if he knew who from home might be writing, or what it might be about.
Rieko ran a hand through Stuart's neat hair. Absent and lost in thought, he was still as neat and tidy in appearance as ever. She continued her hand's actions down his cheek. It felt cold to her touch. She cupped his rough jowl and tried to give him her life and warmth. He made no move to caress her, and showed no sign that he even felt them. Rieko reached up, took the other side of his face in her other hand, and gently turned his head to look at her. His stormy eyes stared through her, beyond her.
"Stuart, what's wrong?” Rieko's voice came out a whimper. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. What had th
e news been? Had it been that bad?
His eyes focused on hers and slowly the lifeless void in them filled with a growing intensity of confusion and question. She noticed his lips began to tremble, his body slightly shook in her arms.
"She's dying and he has the power to deny her last wish,” he whispered through pale lips. Rieko wondered who was dying, hopefully not his mother? “Why must power and control always matter to him?"
Rieko brought Stuart closer into her embrace. She felt him reach out an arm to her. He leaned his face closer.
"She was always Mum's favorite, my Great Aunt Genna,” he whispered. Rieko assumed that must be the dying woman. “She was stronger than him, and he hated her for it."
His father would hate people who challenged his precious control. Rieko was thankful that Stuart used that same instinct for good to protect the Resolution and her crew. He looked on the verge of crying. His face distorted with anguish and his eyes held such a look of confusion. She knew that he wouldn't let a tear from his wet eyes fall.
He tightened his grip on her, lowered his head to her shoulder. He buried his face in the loose hair at her neck. He shivered in her arms. She softly cooed to him and ran her hands along his back.
* * * *
"Is he an evil man?” Stuart whispered against Rieko's soft skin. Her arms enfolded him, and he felt safer than anywhere before in his life.
Was his father an evil man? Did his father love him? Stuart knew he felt devoted to his father. He had always needed his father so much, just like his mother still did. That was how his father controlled them. It was why she did not leave, because what would her life be without his father?
The thought hit Stuart how much he loved his father, how much he always would. There was no pain the man could inflict that would ever take away the deep love he had for the man. Stuart raised his head, and looked into the love and concern for him streaming from Rieko's black eyes.
"I love him, you know,” he said.
Rieko softly nodded her head. “I know."
He loved his mother no matter what she was like today. Of course, he loved Maddie also. She was the only one who had any idea what his childhood had really been like. Looking into Rieko's beautiful face, a thought swiftly hit him like a crash into a brick wall. The reality of what he felt in his heart for the woman in his arms. He gripped her tighter and wished to be even closer to her.
"I love you, Rieko.” He wanted to get the words off his heart and into the real world that lay here with her.
She smiled back at him. Her face beamed in the dimmed light of her room. Her dark eyes glowed with life.
He loved Rieko with the same kind of devotion he had given his father all these years. His statement rang through his heart that his intentions were good.
Stuart was not the same man as his father. He would never allow himself to be, for Rieko's sake if nothing else. He could never inflict the harm on her that had befallen him. He loved her, with all his heart and soul, and the very strength of his being, and he would be the happiest man in the universe if only she would let him cherish her and love her for the rest of his life.
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Chapter Sixteen
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Stuart followed Rieko into her quarters. They had excused themselves early from the evening's card game with some rather knowing looks from those around them. Had they been giving off signals that strongly? Rieko really hoped not.
As the door closed out the rest of the ship, Stuart wrapped his arms tight around her and turned her to face him.
"I love you,” he spoke. He planted a gentle kiss on her lips.
It was just last night that he had first told her that he loved her. He had rested in her arms for a time after that. He let her hold him, and told her more about the news that the letter from Madeline had brought. That conversation had contained more about his family history than he had ever shared before. Last night he had wished to only talk, but tonight...
His hands smoothly ran over the fabric of her uniform. He touched her back, her shoulders and her butt. Stuart broke the kiss with a promise of so many more to follow. His bright, alive eyes drank in the very essence of her. How exactly had anything changed since yesterday, she wondered.
"I'm staying the night.” He made one more small step toward her.
She smiled up at him, and pulled him farther into the room and nearer the bed.
"Good.” She placed a hand on the back of his head to bring his lips to hers for another kiss.
He enfolded her in his strong arms, and walked her closer to the bed. His lips moved to her cheeks, down her neck, back up to an ear. He unzipped her uniform and she wished she had thought of slipping into more casual clothes before the card game.
He lowered himself with the zipper, and ran lips over her clothed body. He knelt on the ground to remove her shoes and socks. He lifted each foot and graced them with a small kiss. He stood again and pushed the uniform down her body. His warm hands traveled over her undershirt and the bare skin of her legs.
She kicked the garment free of her feet. She pushed him back and unzipped his uniform, while he tugged off his shoes and socks. She lifted the black uniform shirt from his torso, and then ran her hands over the cotton of his blue tank underneath. He watched her movements, and his eyes filled with love and desire.
She ran her hands down the muscles of his chest. Her fingers floated through all the grooves. She tugged the fabric up and off when she reached the bottom. He grabbed her waist, and brought her mouth in for another kiss, this one more passionate, but still calm and sweet.
Stuart took off her shirt. He gave a soft sigh at her choice of underwear, small black lace panties with a matching bra that did very little justice to actually covering her breasts. He cupped his hand over one lace covered breast, while his other ran over the back of her panties. Rieko's skin tingled with anticipation. She dipped her hand between their bodies, and gently rubbed the hardness she knew was already there.
They reached the bed and he gently lowered her onto it. He leaned her back to lie down. His hands ran everywhere. Tonight would be slow, they would make love fully, completely, and then fall asleep in each other's arms. Fast and quick could wait for later.
"Shame Shawn won't let us do that lunchtime nookie anymore,” Rieko said. She had really liked that, the adventure and riskiness of it all.
"Doesn't mean we can't have just as much fun other times of the day.” A smirk filled his face, and his eyes gleamed.
"Stuart, you can have such a naughty mind.” She gave him a grin.
"Not tonight.” He lowered himself to kiss her passionately. His hands undid the clasps of her bra and ran smoothly over her delicate skin. He moved his lips down her neck, her shoulders. He took one nipple into his mouth as his fingers rubbed the other.
Then, he moved lower and trailed kisses down her waist, on a bare hip, and up each inner thigh. He leaned back and grabbed her panties. Rieko lifted her hips to aid in him removing them. His hands once again roamed over her, joined now by his lips and tongue. He explored every inch of her body and caressed every curve.
Rieko used her weight to gently flip them over so that she was now on top. She brought her mouth to his for another deep kiss. Now her hands explored and caressed, followed by her lips and tongue. She lowered herself and slowly removed his briefs. She ran a hand and then her tongue along his length. She looked up to find him smiling down at her. She crawled up his body until her lips once again met his.
Stuart flipped them back over, and placed his hips between her open legs. With a gentle thrust, he entered her setting a slow pace. Their bodies rocked smoothly in synchrony. They continued their enjoyment of each other and controlled their passion for the moment.
Leaning in closer, he tightly enfolded her in his arms and then flipped them back over. Stuart let her set the pace for a moment. She straddled his waist, and quickened their actions. She leaned back as his hands drifted ove
r her body.
He leaned up on his elbows and added a bit more force to his thrusts. They let their love making linger languidly for the moment, content with just being so near each other. He sat the rest of the way up, and shifted her onto his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist.
The pace grew quick and strong. They held tight to each other and rode the waves of passion. Their moans grew even louder. Their actions grew faster. The passion between them even stronger, until they reached their orgasm peaks. Their bodies convulsed with their final release.
Their motions slowed. Their bodies grew limp against each other. Stuart held onto her tight. He whispered into her ear, “I love you, Rieko."
"I love you too, Stuart,” she replied. The afterglow of their love making still coursed through her.
He lay back down on the bed, still holding her in his strong embrace. Her head lay on his chest. She felt his hands rubbing her back and wondering through her hair.
"I can give you forever if you want.” He promised her how deep his love could go, and maybe how deep it already was.
"Really?” she mumbled into his thin covering of chest hair.
"Yes,” Stuart spoke more certainly. He moved them so that his body spooned against hers.
His strong arms held her tight and protectively. A smile grew on Rieko's face. She knew his love was worth waiting for.
* * * *
Rieko dried off her hair with a towel, all dressed for the day, excluding her uniform itself. Stuart had rolled over from where she had left him earlier. He now lay on his back, covers seductively low on his waist. One hand draped across his chest. The other flung out to the side. His chest rose and fell with the gentle breaths of sleep. His smooth face looked younger than usual. She really hated to wake him, but he was running short on time to get ready. Who knew Stuart would be so hard to wake?
Rieko moved to the bed and gently tapped his shoulder. “Stuart, you need to get up."