Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?

by Fujino Omori

  “Goddess, this way!”

  “O-okay…!”

  We take a quick turn off the main road, in a completely different direction. This one goes up at a steep angle, but it also has branches. I pull the goddess into the closest turn. We’ve changed directions again! Change again and again, how many times now?

  Did we lose it…?

  We keep changing direction. Maybe it took a wrong turn and got lost?

  I take a look over my shoulder, past the goddess. It’s not there. Maybe now I can finally catch my breath…

  “—”

  Something doesn’t feel right.

  Small vibrations are traveling through the walls. I hear bricks cracking…

  They are still a long ways off… a shadow?

  Son of a bitch!

  I can see a blotch of white on top of a building in front of the sliver of blue sky. That’s not a cloud…

  It climbed to the top! It must have ignored the roads altogether and jumped from rooftop to rooftop like a wild animal swinging through trees! It’s coming after us from above!

  It dives straight down like a bullet.

  “Gyaaaaahhhhh!!!”

  “!”

  “Ah!”

  A sneak attack from above! It’s going to land right on top of us! I have to let go of the goddess! It’ll crush us both!

  It hits the ground with a bang, debris flying in its wake. The goddess and I get out of the way, but the beast is between us!

  It’s facing me, and the goddess is backing up! Quick, before he turns around, I have to do something!

  “Uhhhaaaooooooorrrrrrrr!!!!”

  I take that blast of air and monster spit to the face. Nice teeth…

  “—Hyaiiii!!!”

  It’s not attacking… Was that a warning? Trying to scare me?!

  Well, it worked. I can’t move a muscle. Everything is clamped down. The beast’s feral roar did what it was supposed to:

  Scared the absolute shit out of me.

  “Ragyaaa!!!!”

  That thing isn’t fooling around. This feels like…

  The lower fifth, below another beast, roaring in my face. The Minotaur… standing over me, drooling.

  I can hear that mad cow’s howl… I just want to curl up, make it all go away.

  “—Uuhhmm… aaaahhh!”

  I’m standing at a fork in the road.

  An enemy is in front of me. An enemy I’m not strong enough to cut. In the shadow of despair, the Minotaur. I want to get away.

  There is a person over there. A very special person only I can protect. I can still feel her soft hand in mine, but it’s gone. I have to save her.

  I’m scared—

  Fear and duty. Cowardice and purpose. Instincts and emotion in opposition, unite.

  I’m scared—

  An undeniable impulse reaches out to a sense of responsibility.

  I’m scared, but—

  Even in the face of all of this…

  —I’m a man, aren’t I?!?

  … even the smallest part of a man’s resolve will not allow him to retreat.

  Go!

  Go!!

  GO NOW!!

  YOU HAVE TO!!!

  DO NOT LEAVE “HER” BEHIND!!!!!!!!!!!!

  “YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

  You listen to me, beastie. I’m not going anywhere!

  I have no fear. I feel only courage in my veins. Forward!

  Here I come, silverback!!!

  “Gyaahhhhh!!!”

  It’s moving to counter.

  Its tree-trunk-size arm whips forward, the chain still latched to its wrist like a whip. My body twists on instinct, dodging the blow. I thrust my head down. Its sweeping right fist goes just over my neck.

  I draw my blade. This is my chance.

  A clear shot at the ribs under its arm. Thrust with everything you’ve got!!!

  “Uhaha?!”

  But…

  Kishnnnn. My metal blade screams in pain.

  The shock of impact shoots up my sword arm, my right wrist jammed.

  My blade was rejected. It couldn’t pierce the beast’s white fur. For some reason, silver specks are sparkling where my blade hit.

  —The blade! It’s broken?!

  That realization hits me like a bolt of lightning. My blade is in pieces, floating away. The back of my throat is twitching…

  I can’t hurt it! My attacks aren’t strong enough!

  That moment seems to last forever, just me watching shards from my blade fall. Next thing I know, I’m in the air.

  “Dahhh!”

  The beast grabbed me with both of its hulking hands and pinned me against the wall.

  All the air in my lungs leaves on impact. Eyes open as wide as they can go.

  “Guruuuu…!”

  The silverback’s malicious face is just inches away from mine.

  It bares its fangs before I wrap my head around the situation. Its mouth is big enough to take my head off in one bite. Sheer terror floods my face.

  “Beeelllll!!!!”

  Is it going to end like this?

  Me squirming around and the goddess’s voice screaming in my ear? I twist my body over and over, thrashing my arms to break its grip.

  —My hand hits something!

  There’s a magic stone lamp just below me!

  No time to think. I yank the lamp out of the wall with one hand. I know the brightness control is on the back. Now if I can just reach the dial… There! Up to max output!

  The palm of my hand suddenly becomes as bright as the sun. I can’t even keep my own eyes open. I shove the blazing lamp into the beast’s eye.

  “GYIIGAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”

  The silverback roars in pain, letting me go to clutch its eyes. The monster staggers a few steps backward.

  I fall to the street with a thud, finally free of the thick fingers crushing my shoulders.

  My entire body is in pain, but that doesn’t matter right now. The goddess runs up to me with tears in her eyes. Before she can say anything, I grab her hand and take off running again.

  “Bell…?”

  “…!”

  A pain that I can’t describe surges through me.

  I can’t protect the goddess, no matter how much courage I muster.

  I’m too weak to protect her…

  Tiny, weak, feeble, delicate, soft, piece of trash, little punk, disgusting, nauseating.

  I thought I had gotten over that night, but those words still haunt me.

  I can still hear that animal guy’s voice ridiculing me in front of Ms. Wallenstein. Over and over and over.

  It’s exactly the same.

  I was too weak then; I’m too weak now. This is too painful to take.

  “Uwwwwaaaarrrrrr!!!”

  “!”

  The beast howls in the distance.

  The very walls of Daidaros Street are shaking. The beast is angry.

  It’s still coming.

  At this rate…

  It’ll find us for the third time. There will be no escape.

  What do I do…? What the hell can I do?!?!

  How can I help the goddess? How can I protect her? How…?

  “—”

  Then, the answer comes to me. So simple.

  A simple thought shows me the way. Something even a weakling like me can do.

  Just as long as the goddess gets away, that’s all that matters.

  “Hey, Bell, what’s with that look…?”

  The goddess manages to ask me a question through her ragged breaths. I have a plan; I’ll see this through. The look on my face must have made her nervous. I heard it in her voice.

  But I don’t answer her, just turn right at the next intersection.

  This road has a gentle downward slope. A new path framed in black stones opens next to it, a long tunnel that leads underground. It must be a drain. I can see a light at the other end, which means that this tunnel opens at the end of the block. It’s an escape route.

 
; I silently pull the goddess ahead of me and push her into the tunnel. She looks back over her shoulders, surprised to be ahead of me.

  I give her one last push before stepping back to the tunnel entrance and sliding the iron gate shut.

  “BELL?!?”

  “Goddess… I’m sorry.”

  The bars create a cold world between us.

  My face looks grave. It takes every fiber of my being to squeeze out my next apologetic words.

  “Goddess, please go on without me.”

  “I… Wait, what are you going to do?!”

  “… I’ll draw the monster away, buy you some time.”

  There is only one way for someone as weak as I am to protect her.

  I’ll be a decoy.

  I’ll lure it away from here, giving the goddess enough time to escape to safety.

  I don’t think she understands my plan… She’s just standing there with a startled look on her face.

  “What are you saying, you idiot?”

  “Please, Goddess. This may be the last time I see you, so please listen to me.”

  “No! Absolutely not! I forbid you! Open this gate now, Bell!!”

  “Goddess…”

  She furiously shakes her head from side to side. She won’t go willingly…

  She’s trying to squeeze her small body between the bars and frantically calls my name.

  I’m so happy she cares about me this much… and sad at the same time.

  There’s no time. I get down on my knees and look her in the eyes. I have to make her understand.

  “Goddess… I… can’t lose my family again.”

  “…!”

  I bare my heart to her, everything.

  It was before I came to Orario, before I met the goddess.

  I lost my grandfather, my only family.

  He was killed by a monster. He was attacked when he left the village on an errand.

  I wasn’t there, I couldn’t do anything. One of my neighbors told me what happened.

  I still feel the void left by his death. Even now I have a painful hole in my heart that he used to fill.

  My heart has probably been craving a family since then.

  “I’m scared of losing my family… not being able to protect anyone.”

  I came to Orario to meet the girl of my dreams, the one I was fated to be with. That is not a lie. But it was my bond with my grandfather that pushed me this far. I came here to honor it, preserve it.

  But, secretly even more than that, I wanted something else. To feel the warmth of a family.

  The goddess gave me a new bond and family, a Familia.

  I wanted a family.

  “So please, Goddess. Let me protect you, my family!”

  I can’t protect her, but I said that anyway. No, I said it because I can’t.

  The goddess stands and listens, a look of pure agony on her face.

  “… Please, get out of here quickly. Find help.”

  “B…… Bell!!!”

  I’ve said my piece. I stand up.

  The goddess’s eyes are filled with tears, her face twisted. She looks at me, about to break down.

  “… It will be okay. You know how good my Agility is. I’m an expert at running away.”

  It takes all I have to force a reassuring smile to my lips.

  I take one step back, spin, and sprint back up the street.

  She cries out over and over, but I don’t look back.

  I yell, “I’m sorry!” back to her. I’m sorry for being a useless weakling…

  “……!”

  I rub the tears out of my eyes with my arm as I run back up the sloping road.

  I’m back to the intersection. The monster isn’t here, but I back off into the shadow of a wall. Keeping an eye on the rooftops, I reach into my leg holster and pull out a tube of one of Miaha Familia’s marlin-blue potions and down it in one gulp.

  The pain melts away. Strength once again fills my body.

  I’m calm, focused, ready.

  “Ruaaaa!”

  Here it comes from the other side of the block.

  I jump into the middle of the intersection, make sure it sees me run to the other side.

  “Uuhh…?”

  “Hey! Over here!!”

  It looks in all directions. The goddess is nowhere in sight. I yell even louder to get its attention.

  The silverback stops in the intersection for a moment, looking down all three of the roads. It pauses, looking down the path toward the goddess. I hold my breath.

  “… Gyaaaaaaa!!!”

  It worked!

  It’s coming after me. Time to get out of here!

  Daidaros Street really is a maze. Everything looks the same: roads go in every direction, sudden staircases. It’s enough to make me wonder if I’ve already come through here. I can’t even tell which way is north.

  While running this way, I noticed a few red arrows painted on the walls. They’re ariadne—street signposts, probably painted by the locals. They must lead to the entrance of the labyrinth block. The goddess should be able to get out of here easily if she can find one.

  On the other hand, they might lead to the core of the maze. Either one is safer than being around me.

  I decide to follow the ariadne for a while. It’s better than running around with no idea where I’m going.

  “……”

  We’re being watched.

  There are people hiding in the shadows, watching from windows of their homes. All their eyes are following the monster and me as we tear through the streets. They’re scared.

  Just who the hell is that…?

  One set of eyes is boring into me. I can’t ignore it. It’s completely different from the rest; this person isn’t afraid.

  They’ve been watching me since the beginning of the chase. It’s making my skin crawl. I can’t shake it.

  It’s almost like they’re observing me…

  I can’t describe this cold feeling flooding into my throat. I cover my mouth to cough.

  “Gyaruuu!!”

  “Gahh?!”

  The silverback caught up to me before I could make it to the next intersection. I couldn’t dodge his ambush from above and went rolling down the street. Rolling, rolling, rolling. I emerge from the road into a large open space when I finally stop.

  It must be some kind of a park. A lot of roads and stairwells lead to this spot. There’s even a shabby-looking fountain in the center spewing water into the air.

  “Gyaraaaaa!!”

  “?!”

  The silverback bursts through the road I rolled out of. It’s even angrier than before—losing the goddess must have enraged the beast further still. And it’s coming right for me!

  Somehow, it’s figured out how to swing the chains on its wrists around like metallic whips. Dodge left, right, dodge dodge dodge!!!

  The combination of its incredibly powerful arms with the metal chains is absolutely brutal.

  “—?!”

  After all of that, it gets me.

  The blow was aimed at my head but strikes me square in the chest. A shriek of pain shoots out of my lungs.

  I succeed in blocking the chain with what’s left of my dagger, but the shock of the impact radiates through my body.

  Red sparks fly from my blade as the beast pulls back the chain. The next moment, I’m spun to the ground like a rag doll.

  “AH, gyhhhh?!”

  I peel my torso off the ground with shaking arms. My body won’t listen to me. I can’t move forward.

  This is hopeless; I can’t touch the monster. Not even close.

  I’m just staring at the stones in the road, in pain both physically and mentally.

  I slowly force my neck upward to find the silverback. It’s standing next to the fountain, growling and holding a chain in one hand. It’s spinning. I can hear the chain whistling through the air. Here comes the final blow…

  I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to die. But this is hopeless. Part
of me has already given up.

  My strength is gone, my will almost broken. My neck feels like it could snap.

  I wonder if the goddess got away… That’s the only thing on my mind now.

  It was like this then, too…

  Just like this.

  When that person came.

  When Aiz Wallenstein saved my life.

  But she won’t save me this time. I would have liked seeing her face one last time. On the other hand, I’m glad she’s not here.

  She won’t see me in this pitiful position again.

  Thinking about that moment just made me more depressed. I drop my head back onto the street in shame.

  “Bell!!”

  “—”

  Time freezes.

  A voice pierces the fog in my head and grabs hold of my heart.

  I raise my head. I can see clearly again. What I see makes my blood run cold.

  Someone has come to help me. It wasn’t “her,” but it’s someone very important to me.

  Hestia looks down at me, struggling to catch her breath.

  Why? Why did you come back?

  That question resonates over and over in my head. I can’t express the feelings that swell up in my chest.

  “Ugyaruuu…”

  “—”

  Then, things go from bad to worse.

  The silverback has found what it was looking for. Its eyes shift from me to its new target: Hestia.

  And then those wide eyes focus on her.

  The goddess is hunched over, trying to catch her breath. She’s an easy target for the silverback. It springs into motion a heartbeat later.

  “Goddess!!”

  I run.

  Breaking all of my limits, I run.

  I force my beaten and battered body up, closing the distance to the goddess in less than a second.

  I pluck her thin frame from the clutches of the beast and hold her tight.

  “…!”

  Its meaty hand grazes through my field of vision as I half carry the goddess into the closest road leading away from the park.

  At least, I thought it was a road. We dive into a sharp stairwell at full speed and tumble down the stone steps.

  The world spins again and again, screams stuck in my throat.

  “G-Goddess?! Are you okay?”

  “Yes… I’m fine.”

  We land on a particularly wide step with a thud. Fighting back the pain in my own body, I make sure she isn’t hurt. She looks dizzy, her head is flopping around, but her voice is clear.

  I’m relieved for an instant, and then I let her have it.