Lost Without You

by Heather Thurmeier

  Seeing her mouth so close to him, he longed to bend down and kiss her. But he would resist. For now. “You assumed I wouldn’t laugh, I never agreed not to.”

  “Well are you going to sit there and laugh at me or are you going to help me get my hair untangled?” Her voice was clipped and annoyed, her eyes full of fire.

  “No reason to be huffy with the only person around to help you. Let’s not get your panties all in a twist. Isn’t that how you so elegantly put it the other day?”

  “Yes, and to quote you, I can’t because I’m currently commando.”

  His vision glazed over in a haze of lust. “I’m well aware of your current status, not to worry.”

  Her lips parted slightly as she breathed in a ragged sounding breath. Seemed the air was a little thick in here for both of them. He hadn’t felt like he’d taken a full breath since he’d entered her shower.

  Reaching behind her, he started working on the tangle, gently pulling apart the strands. The urge to push her against the shower frame and kiss her like crazy almost overwhelmed him, but he forced himself to focus on getting her free.

  “Do you have a little pair of scissors in your bathroom bag?” he asked, frustrated at his slow progress.

  “No, and you’re not cutting my hair. I could have done that myself.”

  “It would only be a tiny snip.”

  She pressed her hand flat against his chest, no doubt feeling his heart pounding against his ribs. She looked him straight in the eye, pulling his attention away from the knot. “This is not just hair. It’s an expensive extension,” she whispered. “I’m not about to let you hack away at it for no good reason.”

  “Being stuck isn’t a good reason?”

  “Nope.”

  She moved to rest her forehead against his chest, not bothering to remove her hands from where they still lingered on his pecs. He closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the feel of her snuggled up next to him, touching him … breathing in his scent, if her deep breath was any indication.

  Heat flooded his groin and he fought for control of his thoughts. Easier said than done.

  Minutes later — almost longer than he could bear — he pulled the last few strands of hair free and raked his fingers through them, smoothing the frayed edges. When he was sure she was fully freed, he raked his fingers through her hair one last time, separating it down the middle and pulling her lengthy tresses in front of her shoulders. Now no hair was behind her to accidentally get tangled again.

  He let his hands rest on the rounds of her shoulders. “You’re free.”

  She pulled her head from his chest, her eyes half-lidded. A mere two inches separated his mouth from hers. It would take less than a breath for him to close the distance and kiss her again.

  But last night when he’d done that, all he’d succeeded at was fueling the fire in his groin and scaring off Zoe. Whatever the mixed message was she kept sending him, he wasn’t going to listen to it anymore — not when listening would only get him pushed further away.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, licking her lips and tilting her chin up toward him, a clear indication she wanted him to kiss her.

  “My pleasure,” he said, stepping away from her and the temptation of her lips.

  Before she could say anything else, he slipped back out the door and into his own shower. For once, he was happy the water was borderline cold.

  • • •

  Zoe’s shoulders slumped as she collapsed onto her cot in the safety of her own tent. The cold showers were bad enough — Solar heated my ass! — but then getting her hair caught and having to be rescued by Chip, well, that just about started her day off as badly as it could be.

  Thank God she’d at least had the chance to wrap herself in a towel and apply her makeup before she’d been so careless and gotten stuck. She would have had to cut her extension out on her own instead of being able to allow Chip to help her. There was no extension worth the price of having Chip see what she really looked like without her makeup on.

  Not that it mattered anyway. Even in the tight confines of the shower and the fact that she was more than half naked, he still hadn’t kissed her. She’d felt the connection between them again, chemistry sizzling like an electrical storm. And yet as soon as he’d freed her, he’d freed himself from her hold and walked away. No kiss. No nothing.

  Which should have been exactly what she wanted. Right?

  She didn’t want to get involved with Chip. She didn’t want to get close to him or anyone else. No, she couldn’t get close to Chip because if she did, that would mean telling him about who she really was and she couldn’t handle that. Not now, not ever.

  So why did it sting so badly when he’d walked away from her this morning without even attempting to kiss her?

  Chapter Nine

  Zoe slipped into the stilettos she’d carried with her from camp, tossing her sneakers to the side near her bottle of water. She hated having to bring two pairs of shoes with her everywhere, but she didn’t want to look short on TV and hiking through these woods in heels was a bad idea — her twisted ankle on Treasure Trekkers had taught her that life lesson.

  “Ready?” Chip asked, coming up beside her.

  She stood and wobbled as her foot slipped off a wet fallen branch she hadn’t even realized she’d been standing on. Chip caught her arm, steadying her before quickly letting go.

  Something sparked between them again.

  She brushed off the back of her skirt, trying to also brush off the electric charge coursing through her from his touch. It worked. Sort of. She’d been successful for the last few days since the whole shower incident and hadn’t put herself in direct contact with Chip. But on a filming day it was virtually impossible not to be near him. Even with the distance of a few days, she wasn’t ready to be so close to him again. Her defenses still weren’t strong enough to successfully ignore the chemistry she felt toward him.

  “Yes, I’m ready.”

  “Good. Let’s get this over with then,” Chip said, consulting his clipboard. “You have to do the opening and directions, then we’ll fill in the commentary later once we know how it all turns out. Then you’ll have to send one team home.”

  She nodded. That didn’t sound too hard. “Okay. I can do it.”

  He glanced up from his work and met her gaze. “I know you can. Do you want me in your ear today? It would help if you used their names today since a team will be going home.”

  The thought of his voice in her ear again sent a shiver of desire down her back. Yes, she wanted him. She needed him. In more ways than she wanted to admit.

  “That sounds good. I’d like your help.”

  “Anytime. That’s what I’m here for. And in the shower for too.” He whispered that last part before walking away and taking her breath with him.

  She wasn’t the only one with lingering memories of their closeness in the shower. So why hadn’t he kissed her? She sighed. Probably because I made him feel like a predator when he tried to kiss me in his tent. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that if a girl runs away as if your place is on fire, she probably doesn’t want you to kiss her again. She couldn’t blame him, but the lack of an attempt kiss in the shower still annoyed her on a very primal level nonetheless.

  Stop. This is how I want things to be with Chip. Why couldn’t she get it through her thick skull that it was actually a good thing he hadn’t kissed her?

  He returned a minute later with an earpiece. When she was fully equipped and they’d checked to make sure she could hear him, she found her place and called the contestants over.

  “Welcome back to Wild Expedition, the show that has our teams fighting to survive in some of the most horrendous conditions.” She glanced away from the cue cards to the teams. It wasn’t that bad in their camps, was it? “And now you’re going to
be put to the test again. How well you survive this challenge will mean the difference between staying another week or going home.”

  Concerns rippled through the teams as they realized this meant it was not another reward challenge but one that would ultimately end the game for one team.

  “Each team must again forage in the woods — this time to find the supplies you’ll need to build a raft that will hold all team members. Once your raft is built, you’ll paddle upstream to find flags. Each team must retrieve one flag and then paddle back downstream. The first team to cross this finish line with their raft intact, their flag in hand, and all four team members present will be our winners. The last team will be going home.”

  She paused for a moment while the cue card flipped. “Any questions?” she asked.

  “Did you want me to kiss you that morning in the shower?” Chip’s voice whispered in her ear seductively.

  She gasped at the sound of his voice so intimately in her ear as well as because of the question. Her knees suddenly felt weak. Her pulse thumped in her ear along with Chip’s voice.

  “Shit,” he cursed. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Zoe, ignore me. Ignore my stupid, poorly timed question and finish the intro so the teams can start the competition.”

  He stood to the side of the filming area as usual, his clipboard still in hand. But at the moment he wasn’t focused on it at all. Nor was he focused on what the contestants were doing or whether or not the camera crew was catching the right angles.

  He stared directly at her, waiting for her to start talking again.

  But how could she read the cue cards when she couldn’t even think straight?

  “Zoe, say something. The teams are waiting. I’ll edit out the long pause, but please say something.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe,” she said, unable to take her gaze from his.

  “Zoe, listen to me. Read the cue card. Read it. Now.” Chip’s voice was harsh and demanding.

  “You don’t know what?” Rick asked. The other teams echoed his question.

  Zoe suddenly felt as if she’d been doused with ice-cold water. Holy shit. Had she really zoned out and answered a question aloud that no one but her had heard?

  Rick cocked his head to the side. “You alright today, baby?”

  She forced a smile to her lips. “I’m fine, Rick. Thanks for asking. What I was going to say was, I don’t know about you, but maybe I’m ready to get this competition started.” Her voice sounded unexpectedly enthusiastic. Thank God. “I can’t stand the suspense any longer. So let’s get started. Teams, bring me a flag!”

  She held her smile long enough for the teams to send up a loud cheer and rush off into the woods, cameramen trailing after them as quickly as they could. The other production people moved to their positions along the river where they would be able to supervise the teams without getting in the way or in the shot.

  Chip rushed to her side as she walked to her next position at the edge of the river where the teams would build their rafts and paddle upstream. “Good recovery.”

  “Thanks.”

  She got to her mark and stopped. She glanced into the woods wondering how long it would take for the first teams to make it back to her with their raft supplies in hand.

  “You shouldn’t be here. The teams will be back any second and I think we’ve had enough mistakes for one day, don’t you?”

  Chip put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. This is my mistake, not yours. And I won’t let it happen again.”

  She nodded, still too stunned with how the start of this competition had turned out to comment.

  Chip wrapped his fist around the mic pinned to Zoe’s shirt, effectively blocking any audio it might pickup. “The truth is, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the other day when we kissed on the trail and then the time I spent with you in my tent. But seeing you in the shower, wrapped in a towel … the way your head and hands felt on my chest … damn it, Zoe. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head all week.”

  He glanced around them as if looking to see if any of the teams were on their way back yet or if any of the production people were noticing their private conversation. As far as she could tell, no one had noticed anything unusual.

  “You should go. The cameras and contestants are going to be back any minute now.”

  “I know. I’ll go. But promise me that you’ll talk to me about this later. Privately.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You need to go. I see them coming back.” She felt her pulse pick up its pace as the teams neared. She wasn’t sure if it was from the fear of someone figuring out that there was something a little different going on between herself and Chip or if she was getting caught up in the adrenaline of the show.

  “Why isn’t it a good idea?” Chip asked, stepping closer to her and stroking his fingers along the side of her neck. The sensation was enough to make the world around them disappear. “I know you feel this thing between us. Stop pushing me away long enough for us to figure out what it is.”

  “No,” she said, not believing the word herself. “You need to go. I can’t talk to you about this now. Or later. I want you to leave me alone. I don’t want to be kissed by you or anyone else.” She cringed, knowing the words hurt him as much as they hurt her. But she couldn’t spend time alone with Chip. She couldn’t let him in any closer than he already was.

  He dropped his hands to his sides. “I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly as I wanted to kiss you that morning. When you’re ready to get over whatever is standing in your way, you know where to find me.”

  When Chip walked away, Zoe felt as if her resolve to resist him crumbled to her feet. She did want to be with him. She did want to kiss him again. But she couldn’t.

  And no amount of persistence or guilt from Chip was going to change that.

  Maybe the easiest way to make him understand was to show him she wasn’t interested in him. And the best way to do that was by distracting herself with Rick. At least with Rick she didn’t have to worry about her feelings actually going anywhere dangerous.

  • • •

  The teams paddled hard down the river in a race to the finish line. Three of the teams were in a deadlock tie on the river while the last two teams wandered about like lost ducks a few hundred feet upstream. Chip held his breath, waiting to see which team would come in first.

  So far it looked as if Rick’s team was going to win.

  Screw Rick and his stupid good-at-everything team.

  He’d hoped Rick would lose today and be sent packing so he wouldn’t have to look at his smug face while he flirted with Zoe every time he got within fifteen feet of her. But that didn’t look like it was likely to happen. With his luck, he’d be stuck with Rick right until the end of the show.

  Unless of course he could figure out a challenge that Rick would suck at. But what kind of challenge would that be? The guy seemed to be able to handle anything they’d thrown at him so far. He could survive in the wild so well he could have been raised by animals. He seemed to be able to cook with even the most limited ingredients. And the guy was built like a lumberjack so any physical feat would probably be no sweat off his back. There had to be something the guy couldn’t do. Chip just had to work harder to figure out what it was and then maybe he could redesign one of the challenges to capitalize on it.

  Sneaky and a little lowbrow, but totally worth it if it sent Rick home.

  Just then Rick and his teammates splashed onto shore and dragged their raft and flag across the soft mud to where Zoe stood waiting for them at the finish line.

  “Congratulations! Rick … ” Zoe paused, her gaze darting to Chip to silently tell him she needed help with the names.

  “Pam, Roger, and Todd
,” Chip said clearly and quietly into his mic so that Zoe would hear him in her ear. “You’re doing great.”

  “Pam, Roger and Todd, you are the winning team!” Zoe clapped for them and looked enthusiastic that they’d won. “Join me over here for a moment while the rest of our teams check in.”

  The other teams crossed the finish line. Second was the team of doctors. Chip once again said their names for Zoe, which she repeated back to the viewing audience without hesitation. They were getting good at this. She looked calm and beautiful doing her hosting job, smiling at the contestants as they arrived and cheering them all on equally. He’d known she’d settle into the role just fine.

  When the rowing team crossed the finish line in third position, Zoe’s smile faltered for a moment.

  “This stream must be tougher than it looks if the rowing team struggled,” she said without malice. It was true. Chip had thought their team would be the first to the finish line today.

  “Things aren’t always as they seem, are they, Ms. Oliver?” Alex retorted, his voice sharp as if he was pissed off at more than coming in third.

  Zoe paled but recovered quickly, plastering her usual smile on her face. If Chip hadn’t been watching her so closely, he could have missed her reaction. What was that about? Was something going on between the two of them too like there was with Rick? This didn’t seem fun and flirty at all. This seemed angry and suspicious.

  “That’s true. But more often than not, it’s just a person’s perception that’s off.” Her smile looked uncomfortable, not at all genuine.

  “Of course, sometimes a person’s perception is right on. Sometimes it’s best to trust your gut, even if what you see doesn’t go along with what you’ve been told.”

  Zoe’s jaw clenched. She shifted from one foot to the other and narrowed her eyes at Alex. What’s up with those two? They sounded like they were talking in code.