Lost Without You

by Heather Thurmeier

  “In this case,” Zoe said, her voice strong and unwavering, “I think rowing a raft made out of logs is much different than rowing one of your usual streamlined boats. So maybe we all perceived the river to be easier to navigate than it actually was on the rafts. I think we all underestimated the strength and power of the stream. Next time we should all tread more carefully, don’t you think?”

  “You can say that again.” Dale laughed, patting Alex on the back. “That raft didn’t steer worth a damn and it had nothing to cut the current with. That river was a bitch.”

  “At least we can use it to keep in shape while we’re here since paddling that piece of driftwood was a workout and a half,” Jared added.

  The boys stepped to the side still chatting about how they would use their new training tool as the last team crossed the line, panting and falling to their knees in exhaustion.

  “I’m sorry, girls, but you’re the last team to cross the finish line and that means you’re our first team to go home.”

  The four girls climbed back to their feet and hugged each other, then waved to the cameras as they said a few quick goodbyes. A moment later, they followed out one of the production people to be taken back to their camp to collect their things before heading home.

  As they passed by him, Chip felt a small amount of remorse for ultimately being the person to send them home and end their chances of winning the money. It was his least favorite part of the job. But someone had to do it. At least they got to go back to the land of restaurants, soft beds, and hot showers. So he couldn’t feel entirely bad for them.

  “Now to find out what prize our winning team receives,” Zoe said, carrying on with her hosting responsibilities. She picked up a small cooler and handed it to Rick.

  “Thank you, baby. You want to open it with me?”

  “I think your hard working team deserves that honor,” she answered with a flirtatious looking smile.

  Chip ground his teeth together. Rick couldn’t leave soon enough.

  The team opened the cooler and found ice and cold drinks. They cheered at their reward.

  “After the long, hot days we’ve had, I’m sure that will be the perfect thing to rejuvenate you.” Zoe turned to face the camera straight on. “Tune in next time to Wild Expedition to find out if our teams will have to prove their survival skills or overcome more physical obstacles.”

  “Clear,” Chip called to let the entire crew know they were finished filming for the day and could start packing up. Well, everyone except for the cameramen who would follow the teams back to their camps and continue filming until their shift ended at five and the next crew of cameramen took over for the night. He wandered over to join Zoe while she removed her mic pack and earpiece.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to help me cool off after these long, hot days?” Rick asked Zoe as Chip walked to her side. “I’m pretty sure I can find a few good uses for all this ice if you join me at camp tonight. Or maybe we’d have more privacy if I visited your tent.”

  “You make a tempting offer,” Zoe started.

  “Tempting, yes. But she’s going to have to decline. Crew and contestants are not to mingle outside of taping segments of the show.”

  “That right?” Rick narrowed his eyes at Chip.

  Chip pulled his shoulders back. Rick might be a tough guy, but Chip was no slouch. He could stand his ground against anyone, especially douche bags like Rick.

  “That’s right. And I’d remember that rule if I was you or you might leave me no choice but to throw you and your team out of the game. Zoe’s off limits, got it?”

  “I think the lady can make her own choices.” Rick put his hand on Zoe’s shoulder. “So what’s it going to be, baby? Me or the rules?”

  Zoe looked between both of them. Chip held his breath. She couldn’t possibly be interested in this Neanderthal, could she? She didn’t look at Rick with the same spark in her eyes she had when she looked at him.

  “I think you both make my life way more complicated than it needs to be. My job is done here for the day so I’m going back to camp. You two feel free to stand around and beat your chests like monkeys a little more if you want, but I’ve had enough of your testosterone party for one day.”

  Chip held his tongue as Zoe strode away from them and back toward base camp, then turned on Rick. “I mean it. Stay away from Zoe or I’ll have you and your team removed from the game.”

  “I get it. You’re trying to put the moves on her too, aren’t you?” Rick laughed. “Let’s just see who gets in her panties first. Game on.”

  Before Chip could reply, Rick wandered off after his team, disappearing into the woods. This wasn’t a game. And Zoe wasn’t some prize to be won.

  Rick sure as hell wasn’t getting anywhere near her panties.

  Soon Chip would figure out a challenge to get Rick tossed out of the game and then he’d have one less thing standing in his way of getting Zoe to be with him.

  But first he had to go after her and make her realize she wanted to kiss him just as much as he wanted to kiss her.

  And this time, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  Chapter Ten

  Zoe stopped at a large boulder off the side of the trail and sat. Her feet ached in the heels she wore. She slipped them off and rubbed her arches. If only she’d changed her shoes as soon as filming had ended. Instead, she’d left in a hurry from Rick and Chip’s testosterone fight and had forgotten her sneakers. Hopefully one of the production people would find them when they packed up and bring them back to camp for her. Until then, she was stuck in heels.

  Kind of ironic since she’d always been an advocate for wearing heels anywhere. But lately, they didn’t seem as appealing to her. Maybe she was getting lazy and ordinary.

  Or maybe she was slowly learning there was more to life than sexy stilettos.

  “Whoa now,” she said aloud even though no one was around to hear her but the squirrels and birds in the trees. “A week in the wilderness must be too much for me if I’m seriously starting to think that sneakers would ever be better than heels. I need a dose of reality soon. This reality show thing isn’t cutting it anymore.”

  Sighing, she strapped her heels back on her feet and started back along the trail. At least the wilderness was good for thinking. She had a lot of that to do right now.

  Like what exactly could she do about the men suddenly complicating her life?

  First there was Alex who’d acted as if he might have remembered her again today. Why the hell couldn’t his team have gone home? He obviously knew she had something to hide, and it was probably only a matter of time before he figured out what it was — who she really was.

  Then there was Rick. He was good looking and all but totally not her type. She didn’t want to be with a gruff outdoorsy guy like him, but it was hard not to flirt with him when he started calling her baby and making sexy comments all the time. But with Rick it was just a fun distraction for her. Should she really carry on with that and encourage his behavior? It probably wasn’t very good for the show since she was a crewmember now and he was a contestant. There were rules, whether she liked to follow them or not. But more than that, did she really want to lead him on knowing full well that she was only using him as a distraction to keep her mind — and hands — off Chip?

  And then there was Chip.

  What could she do about him? She’d been trying her best to ignore him since the shower incident and yet one look from him today and she felt her resistance melting faster than the polar ice caps in a hundred and fifty degree summer. One glance from him and she wanted to sprint across the forest and into his arms.

  Hearing his voice in her ear had almost made her lose all hope of maintaining control. It was so deep and whispery and intimate. Having him with her that way was almost too much. When he asked if she wanted
to kiss him, her knees damn near gave out on her.

  And yet even though her body obviously wanted to be with him, she had to resist so she wouldn’t risk him finding out about her past. Beyond the makeup and hair hid a girl who a put together guy like Chip would never settle for. He paid far too much attention to every detail of his appearance to put up with a sub-standard girl like her. Better to keep him away than to let him get close and have him push her away later when her heart would get broken.

  Of course, seeing him spar with Rick made her decision that much harder. How could she stay away from Chip when he so clearly wanted her and she wanted him? If she wasn’t careful, she’d find herself in his arms again. All the more reason to keep her distance.

  Guess she’d get used to walking the pathways alone.

  Movement a few feet off the trail caught her attention. A pair of rabbits nibbled on the low leaves of a bush, pausing every few seconds to listen to their surroundings before hopping a little further and eating more.

  Life must be pretty simple for a rabbit. Eat, hop, sleep, make bunnies. Not a bad existence.

  Holy shit, I’m jealous of a rabbit. I really have been roughing it too long.

  A snap of a branch startled her out of her thoughts. A squeak escaped before she could compose herself. The rabbits bolted into the safety of the thick bush at the sound.

  “I didn’t mean to startle you,” Chip said, walking up beside her. “I thought you stopped to wait for me because you heard me coming.”

  “It’s okay. I was lost in my own head too much to hear you. What are you doing here?” Had he followed her to bring up the whole Rick thing?

  He smiled and started down the trail. “Heading back to base camp, of course. Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

  “Of course it is.” She fell into step beside him. Relief swelled inside her that maybe he wouldn’t ask any more questions. It would be nice to have a quiet walk back to camp with a friend.

  Sure, a friend, she chided herself. Her pulse had already sped up and it wasn’t from Chip startling her. It was from him being only a few inches away.

  “I’m sorry I got all hotheaded back there with you and Rick. That guy annoys the ever living crap out of me.”

  “Really? I never would have guessed,” she joked, hoping to keep the mood light.

  “Very funny,” Chip joked back. “The way he calls you baby all the time rubs me the wrong way. Like you’re his girlfriend and he has a right to call you whatever he wants.”

  “Relax. We’re not in a relationship or anything. There’s no need to get all bent out of shape over a nickname.”

  Chip stopped and put his hand on her arm, forcing her to stop too. His grip on her arm was light. She could have pulled away easily at any second. But one look into his eyes and she felt paralyzed. Fire burned bright in his eyes, but not from anger at Rick. No, this fire was from something that burned hotter than anger.

  This was the spark of something hot between them that she’d been trying so hard to ignore.

  She swallowed, feeling that urge to throw herself at him again. But she wasn’t going to.

  “I can’t take not knowing anymore. I want an answer to the question I asked you earlier. Did you want me to kiss you? I need to know. I’m doing the best I can to control myself around you since you can’t seem to send me a clear message of what you want. But I’m not sure how much longer I can go on this way.”

  She had to pull away now. If she stayed, it would only lead to the place she didn’t want to go with Chip. The place she couldn’t go.

  She pulled free of him. “I already told you an answer.” She bit her lip and took a tentative step back toward base camp. She needed distance. Thinking with her head instead of her heart was impossible when Chip was so close, when he looked at her like that. “I don’t know and that’s the best I can do.”

  He stepped forward, closing the gap before she could put any real distance between them. Stroking his thumb along her bottom lip he said, “Tell me your answer is no and I’ll walk away right now and leave you alone. Just say that one little word and I’ll stop.”

  Say it. Say no.

  Zoe’s eyelids fluttered closed as she savored the feeling of his touch on her lips, knowing that as good as it was, feeling his mouth on hers would be infinitely better. She needed to tell him “no” to spare herself the pain later, but everything inside screamed “yes.”

  “Say no, Zoe, and I’ll go.” Chip’s breath was warm on her lips. She opened her eyes to find him hovering above her mouth. So close. “Last chance.”

  She opened her mouth intent on telling him to go, but no words came forward. Instead, she felt the uncontrollable urge to lick her lips, but when she did, her tongue flickered across the end of his thumb.

  Before she could apologize, his hand wrapped behind her head and he moved toward her, pressing her against a large tree. The rough bark cut into her back, making her arch against him. The resulting sensation of his hard body touching hers sent a pool of warmth into her belly.

  She gasped as his lips found hers, his tongue eagerly invading her mouth. Despite her best effort to resist him, she melted into his kiss, his touch. Running her hands up his back, she clung to him, pressing against him. The hardened length of his desire pressed against her hip.

  She wanted more than anything to trace the outline of his length with her hand, to feel him grasped in her palm as he kissed her.

  But that was exactly the kind of thing she couldn’t let happen.

  Zoe turned her head to the side, gasping for breath as if she’d been suffocating. Tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted him so much, but wanting him would never equate to having him fully. He would never have her once he knew the truth.

  Chip held her head in both hands, forcing her to look at him, and wiped a stray tear with his thumb as it rolled down her cheek. “Zoe, what’s wrong?”

  “I can’t … I don’t want … ” She choked on the words, trying and failing to be strong.

  “You can’t kiss me like that and then tell me you didn’t want it or you didn’t like it. Kiss me, Zoe.”

  He claimed her mouth again and she melted into him against her will. Seemed her inner strength was a hussy who wanted a good time in the moment and didn’t give a damn about what happened with Chip in the future. But Chip would care. And he would break her heart and leave her in ruins and there was nothing she could do about that if she gave in now.

  “No,” she said, pushing hard against him. “I don’t want this. I don’t want you.”

  “You’re lying,” Chip said, taking a step back from her, looking as if he’d been hit across the face with a sledgehammer.

  “I’m sorry, but kissing you is a mistake.”

  With that she turned and ran down the path as fast as she could in her heels and didn’t stop until she was safely back in her tent.

  • • •

  Chip punched the tree trunk then cursed as the pain of his stupidity radiated through his hand. The way she looked at him, the desire he saw in her eyes, she had wanted him to act on his feelings for her. He hadn’t been mistaken about that. And when he kissed her, he’d felt her melt into him. Hell, he’d felt her grind against the bulge in his pants.

  She did want him, no doubt, but she stopped herself. Again.

  Maybe she wanted Rick too and that’s why she kissed him then pulled away. Getting rid of Rick, sooner rather than later, would eliminate one of the complications keeping Zoe from being with him.

  She wanted him. He knew it. He just had to figure out how to make her realize it too.

  Or he had to bide his time and sit tight until she figured it out for herself. He knew she would eventually, but waiting really sucked.

  At least he had other things he could occupy his time with. Like plotting which upcoming challenge could
potentially be the one to send Rick home. To do that, he would need to watch some of the footage taken of him around camp. If Rick showed a weakness anywhere, it would be at camp with his teammates where he felt most comfortable.

  And Chip would watch footage until he found Rick’s weakness, even if it took all night.

  Not like he had anything better to do anyway now that Zoe had run off.

  He shoved his aching hand into his pocket and started toward camp. Maybe he’d stop in the kitchen tent and see if he could scrounge up some ice for his knuckles. Every few days the cooks trekked back to civilization to get supplies, including ice for the coolers. Hopefully he’d luck out and today would be one of those days.

  Chapter Eleven

  Chip crawled onto his cot and pulled the blankets over his head. It would be daylight soon and he didn’t want to see it when it arrived. Exhaustion swept over him as he slowly warmed up inside the tight embrace of his bed.

  He’d come back to camp determined to find something that would put Rick at a disadvantage. It had taken him almost all night and a few too many solar batteries to scour the hours of footage they had logged from his camp. Half a dozen beers later, he’d finally found it.

  Rick’s weakness.

  A grin split across his lips as he thought about it with smug satisfaction. Perfect. He already had a challenge in the schedule that would put Rick to the test. It was supposed to be the week three challenge, but being producer of the show meant he could change things as he saw fit. And waiting until next week to try and get Rick off the show wasn’t fast enough for his liking. Nope. Switching the challenge schedule around a little might help get rid of Rick’s team an entire week sooner.

  Now he just had to pray that it worked and Rick’s team was sent packing.

  Of course, there would still be the problem of Alex and whatever his issue with Zoe was. Yesterday at the challenge, it was obvious Alex and Zoe knew each other somehow, but no amount of research had given him the answer as to how.