The Hustle (Irreparable #4)

by KJ Bell

  “Yes,” I say, swallowing against the lump in my throat so I don’t cry. “What about Javier? It will be weird enough for him that you’re dating someone. I don’t think it’s wise for us to be sleeping with each other.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what’s wise. We aren’t practicing abstinence.”

  Finally something we completely agree on. “I meant that we should probably hold off sleeping in your bed for a while.”

  Humor returns to his expression as he strokes my hand on the table with his fingers. “You can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch. And then I can sneak in to see you when Javier goes to bed.”

  The way his eyebrows waggle with delight makes me laugh and I shake my head. “He’s a good kid, you know.”

  “Yeah.” He leans back in the chair. “How well do you know him?”

  I wonder briefly if this is a conversation we should be having. Tori never even told Aidan about our friendship. I’m sure he has no idea how much time we spent together and how often Javier was around. In a way, I respect Tori for keeping our relationships separate. It had to be difficult, especially given the past she has with Aidan. The best approach is to probably answer his questions as they come.

  “Enough to know you’re a pretty remarkable father,” I answer. “Oh, and that I’ll never beat that kid in air hockey.”

  He laughs with a flash of pride in his eyes. I laugh too when he pats his chest. “I taught him that.” Then his eyebrows knit tightly together. There’s the conflict and here comes the inquiry. “You and Tori are pretty close, huh?”

  “Very,” I answer honestly. “We hit it off when you first introduced us.”

  “How close is very?” The hesitation in his voice grows. “Did she tell you about us?”

  The stress and worry staring back at me is too intense and totally unnecessary. I feel far more uncomfortable now than when Tori told me about them. He needs a dose of what he usually dishes out. Humorous deflection and a nudge toward changing the subject.

  “There might have been a wild girls’ night out that involved a lot of Tug-talk. Oh, and your sister came. She’s awesome, but she kind of drunk-invited me to her wedding, and I kind of drunk-accepted. So, I don’t really know if she expects me to show up.”

  I expect him to laugh, but the worry remains. Maybe even stronger than it was seconds before. The tight set of his jaw concerns me as now I think he’s upset with me. “Well, you’re off the hook with that one. The wedding’s off.”

  I exhale, feeling relief that it’s not me he’s upset with. “Oh . . . Because of Gabe?”

  His head cocks to the side, clearly baffled with what I asked. “Who?”

  “Some guy named Gabe that Liv kept going on about.”

  “No.” He still appears confused; however, I’m able to relax as his anger diminishes. A small smile appears. “I wish Gabe had something to do with it. He’s a good guy . . . the guitar player in Brady’s band, but my sister’s never hooked-up with him. The wedding’s off because Harrison cheated on her . . . again. He’s been like a scab that won’t go away.”

  It’s hard for me to imagine Liv with a guy like that. The charming, carefree girl I’d spent time with didn’t appear at all the type to put up with a cheater. But love does funny things to people. Makes them do things they wouldn’t normally.

  The man sitting across from me is proof of that. I was never the type to waste nearly a year of my life pining after a guy. But I did. Why? Love. Love is deranged, both fickle and fierce. It happens when we least expect it and once it grabs hold of you, it won’t let go until it’s completely satisfied.

  I can’t judge Liv, especially when I’m still waiting out my own complicated relationship. I can only hope it ends differently for me than it has for her.

  Javier spent the night at Brady and Tori’s. Thank God for family. Peyton in my bed and in my arms the entire night was bliss, but it was also humbling. Not in a way I should be ashamed of or that makes me resentful. In a way that makes me see what I have, and how much I want to hang on to her. It won’t be long before I tell Javier. He’s too smart not to figure it out and lying to him isn’t right. Nor is making Peyton pretend. She’s mine and I don’t want to hide her from anyone.

  “Aidan,” she says in a sleepy voice, lifting her head from my chest and looking right at me. “I love you.”

  The air rushes out of me in a sigh that sounds like I’m irritated with her. Her frown bothers me because I hate disappointing her. “Hey . . .” She tries to smile, but can’t. “I don’t . . . I can’t . . .” Fuck, everything I think in my head doesn’t come out right when I open my mouth. Her lip quivers, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her cry. With my arm already hooked around her, it’s easy to flip her to her back so I feel like I have some control. I stare down at her now, brushing the hair from her face. I love her, but I’m not capable of admitting it. “I can’t lie to you and say something I’m not ready to admit, but I do love hearing you say you love me. And I don’t want you to stop.”

  She nods as a smile finally forms. “Okay.”

  The intensity in one little fucking word makes my heart swell. I bend my head and kiss her on the mouth, the cheek and the tip of her adorably perfect nose, before I return to her mouth. This goddamn woman is going to strip away every single block from the walls I’ve spent years building. I know she is and it terrifies me, and not because I’m worried about the power she’d have to destroy me. It’s the fear of me forgetting why I built the walls, because if I can’t remember, I might just destroy her.

  In the afternoon, after I spent the morning giving Peyton several well-earned orgasms, we make the walk from the rental car to Brady’s front door. I feel the nerves buzzing between our joined hands.

  “He’ll be all right with this,” I tell her to offer some reassurance. In truth I’m as nervous as she is to tell Javier. She nods as I ring the doorbell.

  Brady answers and holds the door open as we go inside. He hugs Peyton like she’s a good friend which throws me for a minute, until I remember her and Tori have spent a lot of time together. “Tori’s out back,” he tells her, nodding at the slider. “I’m sure she’d loved to see you,” he adds when she doesn’t make a move to leave.

  “Oh, sure.” She smiles at me before heading to the back door.

  “Subtle, bro,” I say, shoving Brady in the shoulder.

  “What, I just want to check on how things went.”

  “Dude, we aren’t in high school. I’m not swapping stories.” He gives me that look he can’t help when he doesn’t find me amusing. “It went well. I’m fine. She’s fine. Good?”

  “Going after some girl and asking her to stay with you is huge and that’s all I get?

  “She’s not just some girl.”

  “Clearly. So is it serious?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. Peyton’s cool and her and Tori are tight so don’t fuck it up.”

  It would be pointless for me to tell him I won’t, when we both know my fucking up will happen eventually. Whether intentional or not, I’ll end up hurting Peyton at some point. How I handle it when I do will determine if I’ve truly changed. “I’m trying, Brady.”

  “I know you are.”

  My worries are in her discovering I have a bad habit of letting people down. “There’s still a lot she doesn’t know about me.”

  “She knows what she needs to and she and Tori have . . . talked.”

  “She knows about our history,” I tell him after assuming that’s what he was getting at.

  “You shouldn’t worry. She’s okay with it.”

  “Yeah, I know.” Peyton’s always okay. I’m starting to think her heart is made of steel. “I’m passed that. I have been since before I met Maria. Helping Tori while you were on the road was never about trying to get her back. I hope you know that.”

  “I’m grateful you were here for Tori . . . but you know you aren’t the only one that has regrets about Mari
a. We all could have done things differently. Things that may or may not have prevented what happened.”

  Maybe he’s right but pointing fingers changes nothing and only one of us played a game that ended her life. “The Hunter closet is packed full of skeletons.”

  “Yep.” He pops the top off of two beers and hands me one. “Here’s to sealing that door shut and moving the fuck on.”

  Right when I’m about to take a drink, the reason I want to move on runs into the room.

  “Daddy.”

  “So?”

  I may not have known Tori long, but it’s easy to recognize how giddy she is to hear details about my night with Aidan. We’ve shared a lot with each other. I even told her about my first time, but last night . . . what happened, and what it meant feels too private to share with anyone. Especially a woman who’s been with Aidan, and although I know they’re long over, I can’t provide the intimate details. It feels wrong and somehow takes away from how special last night made me feel.

  “Obviously you know he came for me.”

  “And.” She presses by gesturing wildly with her hands.

  “And I’m still here.”

  The smile slides off of her face. “You’re not going to tell me anything else, are you?”

  I sigh and sit down next to her at the table on the back deck. “It was . . . everything I could have asked for.”

  It’s all I can give her for now. I wish I could have said it was everything I’ve ever wanted. But I don’t have all of Aidan yet, and the parts I do have are mine and I don’t want to share them with anyone else. I want to hold every intimate moment close to my heart and savor that they belong to only me.

  “Good. So you’re happy?” I nod. “How are those new tires?”

  We burst into wild laughter. I love how good it feels to laugh with her. “Oh, shit,” I say, laughing harder as I remember there is one thing from last night I can tell a friend.

  “What?”

  I can barely get the words out as if the absurdity of the memory is finally hitting me. “I crashed into his Porsche.” Her laughter comes to an immediate halt as if I’ve just delivered some life-altering bomb of information. If possible, I’d push her eyeballs back into her head and take it back just so I didn’t have to look at the shock on her face. “What? It’s just a car.”

  “And he wasn’t pissed?” The way she asks, you’d think I stole the car.

  “Well it isn’t totaled.”

  “Oh, my God.” Her mouth falls open as she takes a minute to stare at me. What the fuck did I say that was so shocking? It doesn’t take long for me to find out. “He’s totally in love with you.”

  Her assessment of the situation has me laughing again, but as I make eye contact with her it’s clear she’s not joking. “Tori, come on. It’s just a car.”

  “Not to Tug. You don’t understand. That car was a fuck you to his mom. Sheila promised to buy him one if he graduated Valedictorian, which he did. Then she reneged, saying he could have done better. He bought it after he went to work at Gibson. It’s his baby. No . . . this is huge.”

  “You’re being ridiculous. Seriously, we already discussed our feelings and he’s been pretty honest that he’s not in love with me.

  “Did he say that?”

  Did he? I can’t actually remember what he said. Maybe that he wasn’t ready, or that he needed more time. Why I’m even pondering it is comical. It’s a damn car. “Not in so many words, but . . .”

  “But nothing . . . I know Tug better than anyone and . . . he’s completely in love with you.”

  It becomes blatantly obvious I’m not going to convince her otherwise, so I just nod in agreement and try not to laugh.

  A couple of hours after returning to the loft, I look into the eyes of a little boy who I swear is about the sweetest kid I’ve ever met. With everything he’s been through, he would be justified in being angry at the world but it’s just not his nature.

  The man next to me on the other hand takes being jaded to a whole new level, except when he looks at his son. The mask lowers and all of his features soften the instant Javier enters a room. It must be hard to live as though you’re two people. I know why he does it, but still I worry that one day it will all be too much and he’ll cave under the pressure to be perfect for his son. Even my ordinary, boring parents aren’t perfect and I hope one day to help Aidan see that he can be human. That it’s okay to make a mistake.

  I may get the opportunity today as Aidan prepares to tell Javier about us dating and that I’ll be staying in the loft for a few days.

  He sighs deeply and Javier giggles. “Are you all right, Daddy?”

  Am I all right? I am now, but depending on how this goes I could be a real fucking mess. I decided on the way home that I can’t mislead him in any way. I can’t tell him that Peyton and I are casually dating because there’s nothing casual about our relationship. I know how I feel about her. I knew it last year and I know it now, and it isn’t fair to put her in a position where she doesn’t know she counts in my life. She waited close to a year for me. Now she has me and the only thing that can change that is if Javier isn’t able to accept it.

  Maybe he shouldn’t have that much power, or fuck . . . maybe he should. I don’t know. I don’t have any fucking answers, and as I sit here staring at him like maybe something will magically come to light, he opens the door. “Is this about you and Peyton dating?”

  “Uh . . . Uh . . .” I stumble all over the place as Peyton and I exchange glances. “How did you know about that?”

  He looks at Peyton first and then back to me. “Drew and I heard Uncle Brady and Aunt Tori talking last night.”

  “You did?” He nods, but I spot something mischievous in his grin like he and Drew were up to no good. “And how exactly did you hear this? Were you eavesdropping?”

  “Not exactly.” He ducks his head, accepting he’s busted and continues. “We were kinda planning a sneak attack on them with Drew’s Nerf guns. We got pretty close too, but then when we heard what they were talking about, we went back to Drew’s room.”

  I’m relieved that he had a heads-up to this conversation, and given he doesn’t appear to be upset by what he heard, it’s easier. “And what do you think about Peyton and me dating?”

  “I think it’s cool. I like Peyton and Drew says if you two get married then it will be just like his mom and dad.”

  In my mind I think I understand the comparison, but these are eight-year-olds so I ask anyway. “How’s that?”

  “Because Tori isn’t Drew’s real mom, but when his mom left, she loved him. Now she’s his mom. If I had the chance to have a mom again, one who’s nice like Peyton, then that would be pretty awesome.”

  It’s hard to put into words how I feel as my heart swells with an overwhelming sense of pride. I cough simply to avoid crying, but it doesn’t relieve the pressure behind my eyes. Peyton isn’t quite as good at checking her emotions. She continually wipes the tears streaming down her cheeks.

  “Well, how about we start with dating before you marry us off?” He laughs, nodding his adorable little head. “She’s kind of in need of a place to stay for a few days and I told her she can stay with us. Is that okay?”

  “Sure,” he says, turning his head to Peyton. “But you should know, my dad farts in his sleep.”

  Her laughter combined with his is a sound I never want to live without. It’s the most beautiful thing I can ever remember hearing.

  “All right, funny man. Go get ready for bed and then maybe we can watch a movie.”

  Once he’s down the hallway, I notice all of the joy has vanished from Peyton’s expression. “What’s wrong?”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t stay here.”

  What in the hell happened in the last five minutes that I missed? “Why?”

  “I’ve spent some time with Javier. I told you that. We bonded, but now he sees me as a woman capable of replacing his mother and that’s a big responsibility. What if this doesn’t wo
rk out? What if you screw up? What if I screw up? What if I suck at being a mom? What if I let him down?”

  Here I thought all of these fears were assigned to me, but they’re typical of all people. However, if anyone is capable of this, it’s Peyton.

  “You once said not to live in the ‘what ifs’ only the ‘right nows.’ So what do you say if right now, we hang out and watch a movie together?”

  It’s not what he says that makes me relax and settle into his side. I’m soothed more by the effort it took him to say it. It means he’s invested in making this relationship work. Tears still form, but these are amorous tears of joy as I absorb what a revelation this is for us that he’s open to one day having Javier think of me like a mother.

  I know I can’t replace Maria, not for Javier or Aidan. And I don’t want to. I will do whatever it takes to make sure Javier always remembers his mother fondly.

  For the last two weeks, I’ve watched my son and a woman I know I’m in love with form a bond I never even had with my own mother. I had not considered providing Javier with a new mom. It felt wrong, as though I was somehow betraying Maria. But with the passing days, comes renewed clarity. The closer Javier and Peyton become, the more I know Maria would be happy he has Peyton in his life.

  On an emotional level there are things I can’t give Javier. But Peyton can, because she’s never been broken by her mistakes. She embraced them, grew from them, and that allows her to love Javier unconditionally. Peyton makes this untraditional family work by being normal. Or at least what I perceive normal to be. A chance at a normal life is all Maria ever wanted for her son. On some level, I enjoy the thought that perhaps it was Maria who brought Peyton back into my life.