A Million Times Goodnight

by Kristina McBride

  “Answer the question,” someone said. The voice was deep. Angry.

  Josh didn’t move. His lips were pressed together, his hands clenched, his eyes locked on Tyler’s.

  Someone turned off the music, and a heavy silence invaded the air, pressing against all of us.

  “I’ll give you one more chance,” Mike said. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  I stepped forward, taking a deep breath as someone coughed the word killer into the charged space. I had to do something. Say something. But I couldn’t find the words.

  “I’m here to talk to Tyler,” Josh replied, his voice quiet, but steady.

  A few of the football players stumbled back as though they’d just been pummeled by the largest offensive lineman in the state. Others, including Mike, puffed out their chests, pulled their shoulders back, and stepped forward, closing Josh in even more. But Tyler did nothing. He just stood there.

  “No way in hell you’re talking to Tyler,” Mike said.

  Josh ignored him and kept staring at Tyler, who showed no sign of the emotions that I was sure were sweeping through his body as he stood face-to-face with the person who had killed his sister.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Tyler.” Josh shook his head. His hands slid up the shoulder straps of his backpack, his fingers gripping them tightly at the top. “This just … my life, Tyler, it’s not—”

  “Your life,” Mike said, gripping the top of Josh’s backpack and pulling him back a few steps, “is nothing. Do you hear me?”

  He twisted Josh around, but Josh’s eyes remained focused on Penny’s brother’s. “I can’t keep doing this. You have to forgive me.”

  Mike’s hand was on Josh’s face in an instant, his fat fingers gripping Josh’s cheeks like a vise. “Forgive you?” Mike shouted, his words bouncing off the champagne-colored walls, pinging around the people crowding the open staircase, which wrapped around the right side of the entry. “No one in this town will ever forgive you, Josh Lane. You killed her. What else do you expect?”

  Josh closed his eyes and tried to shake his head.

  “You got balls coming here, man,” Mike said. “Who the hell brought you anyway? No way you rode your bike.”

  Josh remained still, seeming to know that trying to escape would only give Mike and his friends a reason to tear him apart. At least, that’s what I thought at first. But when I saw Josh’s blank stare, I wondered if he just didn’t care anymore. About anything.

  His silence saved me. I’d used Josh to get to Ben. Because of my selfishness, Josh was in danger.

  “Let him go.” Each word was so soft, I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined them. Until I noticed the glares, swiveling from Mike and Josh to me.

  “Hadley?” Mike asked, confused.

  There were whispers then. A giggle from the landing.

  I cleared my throat and looked at Josh. “I told you to let him go.”

  “We’re gonna take care of this kid once and for all.” Mike widened his eyes as if I should have seen this from the start.

  I shook my head. “He came to the party with me, Mike.”

  “Why the hell would you—”

  The front door hit the wall with a thunk. I didn’t know what was behind me, but it had taken everyone’s attention off me. And I was grateful.

  Until I heard his voice.

  “He what?” Ben’s words pelted my back.

  I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

  Ben ran a hand through his hair and tilted his head to the side. He would have looked beautiful if his face wasn’t so distorted with anger.

  “You gave this piece of shit a ride? In my car?”

  “Ben, enough! I know I screwed up, taking your car, locking the keys—”

  “Screwed up? You let a murderer get into my car, Hadley.”

  “Don’t call him that. The cops and the courts—everyone ruled it an accident.” I looked around the entryway, taking in faces twisted with shock and horror. They all thought I was on Josh’s side.

  Ben’s eyes flashed in the light from the chandelier, the energy in the room surging. He’d been pissed before, but seeing Josh, knowing I’d brought him with me, had pushed him further than I’d imagined I could. It was more than a little thrilling.

  “Penny is dead because he hit her with his car. He might have been in juvie when he pulled his little disappearing act right before winter break. But juvie’s too easy after what he did. It’s time we make him pay.”

  Behind me I heard grunts, shouts, feet pounding the slick wooden floor. I turned just in time to see Josh break free from Mike’s grip, tear through the bodies around him, and shove his way past Tyler Rawlins. The last thing I caught was a flash of Josh’s green T-shirt and sandy-blond hair as he raced through the hall leading to the family room and kitchen and was swallowed by a crowd of people who all wanted to kill him for what he’d done to the wild and free Penny Rawlins.

  “Nice, you two,” Mike said. “Really nice. We had the son of a bitch, and your little drama ruined it.”

  “He hasn’t gotten far,” Ben said, waving a hand in the air. “I need to deal with something here. You guys go after the piece of shit. Text me when you find him.”

  Mike looked at Ben, then me, and back again. “Yeah, dude. We’ll let you know where to meet us. It won’t be long.”

  “Don’t worry, Ty,” Ben said, thrusting his chin at his best friend. “We’ll get him. Tonight.”

  Tyler didn’t say anything, but his flat-line expression gave me chills.

  That’s when everyone started moving again. The football players broke apart, some heading out the front door, others following Josh out the back. Traffic on the staircase began its normal flow.

  As the party came back to life, I started to decode some of the whispers ricocheting off the walls.

  “I can’t believe he actually thought Tyler would speak to him.”

  “I hope they kick his ass. For Penny’s sake.”

  I felt bad for Josh. Protective, almost. It was something about that look in his eyes and the way he’d sounded when he asked for Tyler’s forgiveness. There were feelings, too, swirling around inside of me, brought on just from being at this party exactly one year after my last night with Penny. And, of course, the memory of that year-old lie tripping off my tongue.

  “Girls’ night,” I’d said to Josh, my cell pressed against my cheek, watching Brooklyn twirl her car keys around her finger as she, Mia, and Penny waited to head to Ben’s for what was supposed to be the most epic party of the year. The party Josh was boycotting because he thought Ben was a self-centered prick. It felt like I was betraying Josh. I’d sucked in a deep breath, convincing myself that it was easier—more respectful—to lie. “Sorry to bail out, but I’ll make it up to you. I swear. Tonight’s movies and pizza at Brooklyn’s. No boys allowed.”

  But then I heard something that made all of that disappear. Suddenly, the whispers weren’t about Josh Lane or Penny Rawlins. They were about me.

  “Can you believe she’s here?”

  A wave of giggles, and then, “After that picture, no way in hell I’d be caught in public!”

  “Well, the secret’s out. Hadley Miller obviously wears a push-up bra.”

  “And she likes to slut it up.”

  “On camera, no less.”

  More giggles, then full-on laughter that swelled and spiraled around me.

  I swiveled toward the voices—so close I could still feel the sting of the words—and found myself face-to-face with Ava Riggens. Varsity cheerleader. Barbie look-alike. Besties with Sydney Hall, who was, hands down, the most desired girl at Oak Grove High. And Ben’s ex-girlfriend. It was obvious from the way she stared when she thought no one was watching that she’d never gotten over him.

  Sydney was standing next to Ava, wearing a white mini tank dress that highlighted her sickeningly perfect combination of long legs, windswept hair, and tanned glow. Their eyes were trained on me, and it took everything I had to keep my
head up under the weight of their stares. I didn’t move. I wasn’t about to give them the satisfaction.

  But Sydney, the world’s most accomplished snark, simply stared back at me. I dared a glance at her face, catching a flash of her satiny smooth skin, überlong eyelashes, and upturned lips. After flicking her gaze to Ben for a moment, she shook her head and turned away, leaving behind nothing but the faint scent of tropical fruit. I realized then that none of the voices mocking me had been Sydney’s. Ava stood there for a second longer, her mouth parted in surprise, and then turned to follow her friend. Their gaggle of minions trailed after them, and they were lost in the crowd before I could register what had happened. Even before I could be grateful that Ben’s ex-girlfriend hadn’t taken the perfect opportunity to exact revenge.

  “A word, Hadley?” Ben’s hand gripped my elbow.

  “Not in the mood,” I said, trying to yank free.

  Ben tucked his face close to my shoulder, his breath hot against my neck. “You screwed me, Hadley. Stole my car. Locked my keys inside. And now I find out you gave that freak a ride? The least you can do is follow me, nice and quiet, to the master suite so we can have a little chat.”

  “Whatever.” I jerked my elbow from his grip and swiveled to face him, ready to end this thing once and for all. “But it’s gonna be quick.”

  With his hand pressed against my back, I shimmied between the people pouring down the staircase and the faux-finish wall, inching my way up each step, dreading the scene that would play out when I reached the top landing. As someone hit the volume and music blared through the entire house, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I was in charge—and that tonight was the night I was going to take Ben Baden down.

  10

  CINCINNATI, OHIO – 11:02 PM TRIP ODOMETER – 42 MILES

  “I HAVE an idea,” Mia shouted—the way you have to when you’re in a crowded bar, and the jukebox is cranked high. The way we’d have been shouting if we’d stayed in Oak Grove and headed back to the party.

  She reached across the table and, with a flirtatious smile, grabbed her phone from one of Eddie’s friends, who was looking at a picture he’d just taken of us posing with our Jell-O shots.

  “We’ve got an entire night ahead of us,” I said as Mia’s fingers worked the screen. “I’m open to ideas.”

  “Lemme guess,” Brooklyn shouted. “Your idea involves a bathroom.”

  Mia picked up an empty plastic shot cup and launched it at Brooklyn’s head.

  “What was that for?” Brooklyn tossed the plastic cup back at Mia. It arced over her shoulder, missing.

  “My idea has nothing to do with peeing.” Mia giggled. “Unless pissing someone off counts.”

  “Impressive wordplay,” Brooklyn said.

  “You wanna talk impressive? Let’s discuss what our friend here did tonight.”

  “I’m intrigued,” Eddie said, leaning on the table. “What’d she do?”

  “She got us here, for one thing,” Mia replied. “Hadley’s the reason we’re sitting in the middle of the UC college district in the coolest bar ever.”

  “Not to mention the fact that she stole her boyfriend’s car.” Brooklyn’s words hung in the middle of the dark little bar, music vibrating each syllable, giving them life.

  “Ex-boyfriend,” I said with a shrug.

  Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Remind me to never cross you.”

  Mia giggled again. Her breath was strawberry-and-tequila-scented, heavy on the tequila. Mine was the same, I assumed. We’d just finished our third Jell-O shot, and I was feeling warm and happy, like I could do anything I wanted before the sun came up. Have anything I wanted. In any place I wanted. The deep bass thrummed in my chest, filling me with the feeling of freedom, of being in charge of my fate.

  “So, my idea,” Mia said. “We need to hit Ben where it’ll hurt.”

  “I thought we already did that.”

  “That was phase one. This bar offers the perfect opportunity for phase two.”

  “Phase two?” I asked.

  “What would be worse than Ben losing his car?”

  Brooklyn’s eyes popped wide. “Losing his car and his girlfriend? All in one crazy-ass night.”

  Mia smiled.

  “He’s already lost me.”

  “But he doesn’t know that. We’re talking about Ben Baden here. The kid who has everything he wants before he even knows he wants it. He takes the words ‘spoiled rich kid’ to a whole new level. Trust me, even if he’s as through with you as you are with him, he wants to be the one making that call.”

  “So? What’s the plan?”

  A huge smile spread across Mia’s face. “We play his game.”

  “And how, exactly, do we do that?”

  “We show him that you’ve moved on and left him behind.” Mia held her phone in the air. “We give him a visual of you with another guy.”

  I rolled my eyes. “News flash: I’m not actually the slut that Ben’s picture makes me out to be. I’m not thrusting myself on some random—”

  Mia’s eyes scrunched together. “I did not say anything about thrusting. I’m talking about an illusion. See Eddie’s friend down there at the end of the table?”

  I didn’t need to look. I knew exactly who she was talking about. The guy was the epitome of gorgeous. He’d probably been featured in some national Calvin Klein campaign.

  “All we need is a picture,” Mia said with a shrug. “Just one little picture, Hadley.”

  “Admit it. The plan is brilliant.” Brooklyn hopped off her seat. “Seeing you with another guy—especially Jerry—would kill Ben. You have to do it.”

  Brooklyn was around the other side of the table in a flash, whispering in Jerry’s ear. He smiled and looked up, finding my eyes in an instant. I couldn’t look away. He was the perfect guy to help with phase two.

  He winked and waved me over.

  With precision timing, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  Ben, no doubt. Again.

  I didn’t know if he was calling or texting, and I didn’t care. I walked over and stood behind Jerry, draping my arms around his shoulders and pressing my body against his, losing myself in the beat of the music. It was loud. So loud, I could hardly hear Mia count down. Jerry tipped his head back just before the camera flashed, pressing his lips to my ear, his warm breath lighting my skin on fire.

  I was blushing when I pulled away, thanking him with a string of fumbling words, but I didn’t care. All I could think about was how totally, incredibly awesome I felt standing there in the middle of that bar. And how totally, incredibly pissed Ben would be if he could see me in this moment. When he saw me in this moment. Just as soon as I approved the picture.

  And then I saw Brooklyn and Mia, heads bowed, four hands on the phone, devious smiles lighting their faces.

  “Wait, guys. What are you doing?”

  “Texting Ben,” Brooklyn said without looking up.

  “Duh.” Mia rolled her eyes and shook her head.

  “Before I see?” I looked at Eddie, hoping for backup, but all he did was shrug.

  “It’s not the first one they’ve sent.” He gave me a look that said he thought it was petty and immature but kind of funny at the same time.

  “Please tell me you’re lying.”

  “He isn’t.” A look of pride washed over Mia’s face.

  “First there was the shot Mia took from the backseat. You and a mysterious guy sitting in the front of Ben’s precious car. From behind, Josh Lane looks kinda like Jerry over there. Same color hair, right?” Brooklyn grabbed another Jell-O shot and started working her tongue along the edges.

  “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Mia held a hand up in the air. Brooklyn threw her a high five.

  “What the hell, you two? Ben’s going to freak if he thinks I’ve been driving around in his car with some other guy.”

  “Hadley,” Brooklyn said, leaning so far forward I was worried she might topple off her bar stool, “Ben frea
king out … I thought that was the point.”

  “The point,” I said slowly, “was to make him jealous. Not homicidal.”

  “Three pictures,” Mia said, holding the phone up for me to see. “That’s all. They tell the perfect story of Hadley Miller moving on.”

  The image on the screen was the one of Jerry and me. It was dark, and the whole scene was kind of hot in a mysterious way. It would make Ben seethe. Which meant the girls had been right after all.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. Until I scrolled back. If Ben had seen this picture, there was a problem. A big problem. And I had to deal with it fast.

  “You sent three? The one of Josh and me from the car. There was no way to identify Josh, right?”

  “Give us some credit,” Mia scoffed.

  “Then the one of Jerry and me?”

  They nodded.

  I turned the phone around so they could see the image of all three of us, wide-eyed and carefree, holding bright red Jell-O shots in the air. “And this one? Did you send it?”

  “Of course!” Brooklyn clapped her hands. “Girl power beats everything.”

  “We contacted Facebook, too,” Mia said, “reporting Ben for harassment and lewd content. Hopefully, the Facebook team will delete the picture of you since Ben sure as hell won’t after the little incident with his car.”

  “Thanks, guys.” I stared at the picture on Mia’s phone. “I appreciate you trying to take care of me. But you know as well as I do that the Facebook team can’t delete the picture from his phone.”

  “We’ll deal with that later,” Brooklyn said. “Until then, focus on the three of us together. Penny would love it, the picture and the whole idea of this night. It’s perfection, showing the world that you can’t be broken, that you will prevail, and that Ben can—”

  “Guys, I have to tell you something.”

  Mia raised her eyebrows and cocked her head to one side, causing her to sway a little in her seat.

  “That you luuuv us?” Brooklyn held her hand in the air, and Mia gave her another high five.

  “Um. No.” My mind was swirling from the alcohol and the music. Only one thing was clear. I had to get out of that bar. Fast. “I’m leaving.”