Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2)

by Jennifer Sivec

  “It’s embarrassing. I’m sorry,” Brynn said, so quietly that Nick could barely hear her.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that. You should never be embarrassed, not ever. Not around me.”

  Brynn sighed, the emotions still swirling around her. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she didn’t know how she couldn’t. She closed her eyes tight and tried to breathe, but she still felt the wave of tears threatening to overcome her.

  “Oh baby, you can cry. Don’t hold it in,” Nick whispered in her ear. Brynn felt the flood coming and for the first time, she let it out, sobbing freely in his arms. Nick held her close, feeling protective. He didn’t want anything to hurt her and wanted to look out for her every chance he got. She was healing him from the inside out, and he wanted to do the same for her.

  They clung to each other on the kitchen floor for a long time. Nick wanted so badly to protect her. He had gotten to know her so well in their short time together that he couldn’t imagine being without her.

  Brynn looked up at him, grateful to have him holding her close, sheltering her. She kissed his neck softly, surprising herself. They had been affectionate, but her kiss told him everything that he needed to know. She wanted to be as close to him as she possibly could. She had only given herself to Adam, but she wanted Nick more than she had ever wanted anyone.

  “We said we were taking it slow,” Nick whispered in her ear as he felt her hands all over him.

  “I know, but I changed my mind,” Brynn said panting as she pulled him into her. Nick had no choice but to give in. She was more than he ever imagined she would be, and he was drawn to her in such a way that he couldn’t deny. He wanted all of her, even if it was only for a brief time. He wanted as much of her as he could have. He needed her.

  Brynn made him feel as if everything were right in the world. The feel of her soft skin on his, the curve of her back, and the touch of her fingertips. Nick knew there was nowhere else he wanted to be but with her, close to her, filling his whole world up with only her and letting the rest of it all fall away.

  They fell asleep, clothes strewn all over the kitchen floor. Brynn reveled in the deliciousness of lying half-naked on the cool tile of the kitchen floor. She was close to being as free as she could be, yet careful to hide her scars. He had seen enough for one day. She sighed happily, and lay as close to Nick as she could, falling quickly into a deep sleep.

  Nick woke with a start.

  He hadn’t even checked the clock when he ran downstairs, and he was surprised to see the sun coming up through the kitchen windows.

  He held onto Brynn, but strained his neck to see what time it was on the microwave clock.

  Oh, Shit! I have to leave in thirty minutes to catch my plane! Nick tensed up without realizing it.

  “Are you okay?” Brynn said wiping the sleep out of her eyes.

  “Yeah,” Nick said looking away. She was already good at being able to tell when he wasn’t being honest.

  “Seriously, what’s wrong?” Brynn said grabbing his chin and turning it toward her.

  “My plane. It leaves in two hours. I have to leave soon.” Nick said apologetically.

  “Oh, is it that time, already?” Brynn asked, gathering herself and extracting her body from his grip. She didn’t realize that it was so early in the morning.

  “It is.” Nick hated to leave. He had already extended his trip by a day, but he had to get back home. He had to get back to the office. Then he had to try to figure out when he could get back to Brynn.

  Brynn looked at him, her eyes sad. He thought she had sad eyes anyway, but looking into them was heart wrenching even for him.

  “Will you be back?” Brynn asked shyly.

  “Yes, I will. Definitely. I just don’t know when. It’s Maryland to Ohio, and I have to try to figure out a schedule so that I can get to you soon and often,” Nick said looking straight at her.

  Brynn knew that she looked terrible from crying so much, but somehow it didn’t seem to matter. When Nick looked at her, she felt beautiful. She knew that she would miss him, even though they just met, the connection between them strong and palpable.. She never imagined she would connect with someone after Adam, but Nick was so much different than Adam and made her feel things she never imagined she could.

  Even still Adam had been her first love, and as hard as she tried, she often missed him and found her thoughts drifting to him throughout the day. She wondered if that would ever change for her and hoped that it would. For the first time in her life, she felt truly hopeful.

  “Don’t look so sad. We’ll Skype, and we’ll stay in touch. It’ll be okay.” Nick held her close and breathed in her clean scent. He loved how she smelled and willed it to stay with him for as long as it could.

  “I know. I just…” Brynn couldn’t continue. She didn’t want to define anything yet. For all I know, he will walk out my door and he won’t come back. I may never hear from him again. “I just want you to have a safe flight.”

  “It’ll be fine,” Nick said trying to be cheerful. He got up and took her hand as he walked into the bedroom to pack. Brynn took him in, enjoying watching him move.

  He packed quickly, and Brynn sat on the edge of the bed waiting for the inevitable.

  “Okay, so this is it,” Nick said throwing his arms in the air.

  “Okay. Well, have a safe trip and text me when you get back,” Brynn said smiling up at him.

  “I will. And I’ll be back to see you soon. Or you can come see me,” Nick said smoothing her hair.

  “Okay,” Brynn said feeling the awkwardness of the moment approaching.

  Nick leaned over and kissed her, and Brynn was lost in time, enjoying the feel of his lips on hers with nothing else to think about.

  They pulled away from each other, both of them gasping for air.

  “I really need to leave or I’m going to miss my plane,” Nick said smiling, his hair tousled from Brynn’s hands. She liked how unguarded he looked, and she wished she could take a picture of him at that moment.

  “Let me know when you get home safely,” Brynn said smiling.

  “I will. And I will see you soon.” Nick said kissing her one last time. He picked up his bag and walked out of the bedroom, looking behind at her as he left.

  Brynn flopped down on the bed, her body aching in all of the right places.

  She was already replaying the week in her mind. The late night talks, the intimate details about their marriages, their divorces, the deaths of their children. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she could really talk to somebody other than Jane. She tried unsuccessfully to push down the excitement in her chest, even though her head kept telling her not to trust it. She had been so hurt, but Nick was making her feel as though there were possibilities.

  She hadn’t told him everything about Thomas, or about when she used to cut herself to ease the pain, but she figured those conversations would have to come at a later time.

  There’s a connection, a real connection. I’m not imagining it; I know that I’m not.

  Brynn closed her eyes and let herself get lost in her bliss, thinking about nothing but Nick.

  She heard an odd sound, a buzz, and she looked around for the source. She didn’t recognize it, and then she realized it was her cell phone, put away in a drawer.

  Brynn’s heart leapt to see she had a text.

  He’s texting me already!

  She opened it up:

  Brynn~Need to talk ASAP. Adam.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  John’s Loose Ends

  JOHN PALMER LOVED HIS JOB, but there were parts of it that he didn’t like, specifically the parts that involved dealing with Ellie Harper.

  He knew that he had people to do that for him, but he had made a promise to her deceased father long ago that he would always help take care of the Harper family. He planned to keep that promise no matter what.

  And now she was dead.

  John was secretly reliev
ed that she was finally gone for good. He had seen the blood soaked body for himself, and was thankful that this time he wouldn’t be in store for another surprise return. The coroner said that Ellie overdosed, and then had bashed her head on the floor as she was falling. She had no chance. John knew that it was only a matter of time. On the outside, he played the part of the grieving family friend, but on the inside, he finally felt that he could breathe a little easier.

  But there were loose ends to tie up now. Noah. Brynn Michael. He knew that Ellie was going to tell Brynn about Noah, but he wasn’t sure if she actually ever did.

  He thought that if he took Tricia with him that Brynn might be open to him. He had done his research on her, and he knew that she was a closed book, and that it took a while for her to open up to people. John needed her to be willing to be Noah’s guardian, for Noah’s sake. He no longer had anyone to count on, and as his half-sister, John wasn’t sure if Brynn would be willing to take on that job. John didn’t think that if it were he, that he would do it. But Brynn would have every resource available to her that she could think of, and John wanted her to know that.

  He pulled up through the gates of the home where Noah had been staying since he was three. He was dreading telling him about Ellie, and he wasn’t sure if Ellie ever told him about Brynn. He needed to see for himself. This was James Harper’s family, and he needed to make sure that everything was taken care of as though it were his own. He owed James that much and more.

  “Noah Harper,” he said to the front desk clerk as he entered the building. John had turned into a very no-nonsense type of person, drastically different from the young man that James had mentored in his earlier years. James straightened his wire-rimmed glasses on his face, and pulled the collar out on his nicely pressed linen shirt. He didn’t know how Noah was going to react to the news of his mother and it made him nervous.

  He was relieved to see that Kelly, the pretty attendant that Noah liked so much, accompanied Noah to greet John. Kelly’s grandparents had founded the home, and Kelly worked there because she wanted to, not because she had to. She was a caregiver by nature, and John trusted her completely with Noah.

  “Hi, John,” Noah said smiling broadly as he ran up to John and gave him a bear hug. He liked John. John always brought him candy and army men, and today was no different as John handed him a bag full of lots of goodies. “Thanks, John! You’re the best!”

  “You’re welcome, Noah.” John said smiling at him. He’s gotten big. Really tall. What a sweet kid! He followed Kelly to a common area where John sat down next to Noah and watched him play with his new army men.

  “John, do you know where my mommy is? I haven’t seen her in a very long time,” Noah asked after a few minutes of making shooting and bombing sounds as he pretended his army men were at war with each other.

  Kelly looked at John, her face full of concern. John had called and had prepared her for the worst.

  “Well, Noah. Your mommy won’t be coming to visit you anymore,” John said slowly. “She died last week, and she won’t be able to come here now.”

  Noah sat and played with his army men as he had been when they sat down, and John wasn’t sure if he heard him. “Noah, did you hear me?”

  “Yes, John. Mommy died. She won’t be here anymore.”

  “Do you understand what that means, Sweetie?” Kelly asked Noah putting her hand on his shoulder.

  “Yes!” Noah’s voice was starting to show signs of irritation. “I’m not stupid! I know what it means when you die.”

  “Well, um, how do you feel about it?” Kelly asked tentatively.

  “I’m fine,” Noah said quickly pretending to blow up the plastic tank that sat on the table in front of him, shooting it across the room.

  Kelly and John looked at each other carefully.

  “If you want to talk about anything, we can do that,” Kelly said patiently.

  “No. I know what happens when you die. They take your sheets off your bed, and then you don’t sleep there anymore. That’s what happens here all the time to my friends, and you don’t get to see them anymore,” Noah was tired of feeling like they thought he was an idiot, he just wanted to see his mommy.

  “Well, I have a new friend now. I don’t need Mommy anymore,” Noah announced, busying himself with his toys.

  “Oh, do you now?” John asked amused at Noah’s independence. He thought back to visits when Noah wouldn’t leave Ellie’s side, not even to let her use the restroom. It was nice to see him more independent now.

  “Yes!” Noah was agitated, and John thought that it was best to let him express himself. He had prepared himself for the worst, and he was still holding his breath and waiting for it to happen. “Do you want to meet her?”

  “Uh, sure,” John said hesitating. “There’s something else I have to tell you, Noah.”

  “I know. Mommy’s dead. She’s not coming back. I won’t see her again. I know,” Noah’s voice was rising, and his face was getting red as he concentrated on his army men.

  “No, that’s not it,” John cleared his throat. “Noah, you have a sister.”

  Noah stopped playing with his army men. He had always wanted a sister or a brother. He had begged Mommy for one lot of times, but she just ignored him and said she didn’t want any more kids. It always made him sad.

  “A sister?” John could tell that Noah was very interested, even though Noah still refused to look at him.

  “Yes. Her name is Brynn. She was El- your mommy’s daughter before you. She’s older,” John said trying to keep it simple.

  “Is she nice?” Noah asked quietly, keeping his head down.

  “Um… yes, she’s nice,” John said carefully.

  They sat in silence for a while, Noah looking at his army men while John and Kelly watched him, waiting for more of a reaction.

  Noah jumped up suddenly, “Do you want to meet my friend?”

  “Sure,” John said standing up. How am I going to get Brynn here to meet Noah? Or should I bring Noah to Brynn?

  Noah led John and Kelly through the grounds of the home. They walked for a long time. John kept looking at his watch. It’s a long drive back, and I want to be home for dinner.

  Suddenly Noah stopped. “There she is!”

  John looked over at the woman sitting in the wheelchair. Something struck him. God, I know her!

  As they approached, the woman looked up at them, a sweet smile coming across her face as she saw Noah. She reached out her hand for him, and he took it.

  John felt his face getting hot as he broke out into a cold sweat. “It can’t be…” He whispered to himself as he slowed his gait.

  Kelly looked at him, concern written all over her face. “Are you okay?”

  John stepped backward, nearly falling over his own feet. The woman looked up at him puzzled.

  “W-w-what’s your name?” John asked, trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible.

  “Carly,” the woman answered scowling at him. She didn’t like how he was looking at her, and it made her uncomfortable. She tried not to shift in her seat but she couldn’t help it, her eyes looking around at everything but the strange man who wouldn’t take his eyes off of her.

  “Are you sure?” John asked trying not to sound as though he didn’t believe her.

  “No. But that’s what they’ve been calling me.”

  “Who?” John asked, curious.

  “The people here. My friends, my husband.” Carly said, annoyed with all of the questions that the strange man was asking her.

  “Your husband?” John felt his heart beating wildly in his chest. “Who is your husband?”

  “I think he’s my husband… I get confused,” Carly said rubbing her head. “Petey… his name is Petey. He’s my husband.”

  John was silent for a moment. It was all too much. He looked at Noah and looked at Carly, and the resemblance was uncanny. He looked at Kelly and could tell from the look on her face that she saw it, too.

  “Wh
y are you looking at me that way?” Carly asked John, her voice tight and angry.

  “Because I know you,” John said looking her right in the eyes. “I know you very well.”

  “How?” Carly asked, her voice slightly quivering. Her expression told John that she didn’t want to believe him.

  “I know you, and I know your husband. Only your husband’s name isn’t Petey.”

  “Who am I then?” Carly asked, quietly. This man looked at her and spoke to her as though he really know her, and she was intrigued.

  “You’re Amy. Amy Harper, and your husband is James Harper.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Nick’s Homecoming

  NICK WAS DREADING the plane ride home.

  He didn’t want to leave Brynn. Spending time with her was the first time that he had felt alive and happy in years. He sat on the plane and thought about what it was like to hold her in his arms. He thought about how she smelled clean, like soap—and how her skin tasted, salty and sweet at the same time.

  He sat back in the seat and closed his eyes. I wish the flight were longer, I need some time to regroup.

  The week hadn’t been nearly long enough, and he wished he had more time with Brynn. He knew that she was special from the moment he met her. He just hadn’t realized how special she was. He had met a lot of women over the years on his trips, trying to forget, trying to ease the pain of his life. But none had affected him like Brynn. None of them had taken away the loneliness and despair like Brynn.

  What am I doing? What have I done? What is wrong with me? Nick felt his heart racing in his chest, and he gestured for the flight attendant to bring him some water.

  “Are you okay, sir?” she asked leaning over him and putting her hand on his shoulder.

  “I’m fine,” Nick said, taking a big drink of his water. “I’ll be okay.”

  The flight attendant walked away, giving him a backward glance. He smiled weakly.

  There is a special place in Hell for someone like me. Nick thought wryly.