Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2)

by Jennifer Sivec

  He hadn’t lied, completely. He had merely reshaped the truth a bit, though he knew that Brynn would never see it that way. But he knew that if he told her everything that she would never have agreed to spend time with him. Especially now, after everything that he knew about her.

  She can never find out what I’ve done. She can never know that I didn’t tell her everything.

  Nick thought back to the last few years of his life and how miserable they had been. He had been a coward though, and hadn’t been honest with himself.

  I need to be honest with myself. I need to start over clean, for myself. For Brynn. I need to figure out what I’m doing and just do it.

  They were safely in the air, and Nick turned his phone back on. It vibrated immediately with a text:

  Are you in the air? Are you safe? I can’t wait to see you! XO

  Nick slammed his head back against the seat. Shit!

  He spent the rest of the flight with his eyes closed, picturing Brynn in his mind. Her long dark hair flowing down her naked back, her big brown eyes staring up at him, wanting him. Her voice telling him about her sadness and her horror making him want to hold her forever.

  Nick brushed back his dark hair and thought about her hands touching him.

  It was clear that he wasn’t going to be able to stop thinking about her easily.

  Nick felt his chest squeezing tight as the plane started to descend. He didn’t know how he was going to get through the next couple of days.

  Take deep breaths, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

  Nick smoothed out his shirt and ran his hands through his hair again. He was actually nervous!

  He grabbed his carry on and pulled it down, letting everyone pass in front of him. He wanted to be the last one off the plane.

  He walked off the plane slowly. He didn’t have any luggage, and he walked to the gate, dragging his feet. He was dreading what was going to happen when he got to the other side of the gate.

  Oh, shit! He thought, quickly reaching into this duffel bag and rummaging around. There! He pulled out the cool piece of metal that had been buried in the bottom of his bag for the entire week. He slipped it on his finger, immediately squirming. It felt like a noose around his finger, choking the life out of it.

  He glanced at his hand one last time and walked slowly to the gate entrance.

  “There you are!” he heard a familiar voice say, excitedly.

  He felt his stomach flip as he turned around. There she was, standing in front of him, small, blonde, and frail as ever. He couldn’t remember the last time that he looked at her and felt any love or passion.

  “Hi,” Nick said bending down and hugging her stiffly, feeling her bones through her shirt.

  “I missed you,” she said trying to kiss him, but only getting his cheek.

  “It’s good to see you,” Nick mumbled, kissing her quickly on the forehead.

  “Is that all you took with you?” the woman said pointing to his bag.

  “Yeah. It wasn’t supposed to be a long trip, but it just ended up being that way,” Nick said absently as he looked away. “So, did you eat while I was away?”

  The woman looked at him, annoyance crossing her face. “You just got back. Why are you asking me if I ate?”

  “I just want to know if you ate. It doesn’t look like you ate, that’s all.” Nick said defensively.

  “Yes, I ate. I ate every day, at least once. Sometimes twice.” The woman said stubbornly.

  They walked in silence. “Do you need to stop somewhere before we go home? Did you eat?”

  “No. I just want to go home and go to sleep. I’m really tired,” Nick said avoiding her eyes. He didn’t want her to pick him up from the airport. He had asked her not to pick him up, but he knew that she probably would anyway.

  Even though he had told her that he wanted a divorce before he left on his trip, she did what she always did and ignored him.

  “Okay. Well that’s good. I can drive home then,” the woman said grabbing his arm.

  Nick pulled away, more violently than he meant to. She looked hurt and he felt terrible.

  “Mel, please,” he said trying to make his voice gentle as though he were talking to a wounded animal.

  “Nicky, you don’t want to divorce me. You were just upset when you left. But I’m eating now, and I’m taking my medicine. I’m not drinking much at all. I’ll be good, I promise!” Melanie was crying, her tiny frame shaking uncontrollably.

  Nick looked around and saw people looking at him in disgust, assuming, as always, that he was the one to blame. “Melanie, please stop. Don’t do this here.” Nick felt like an animal. He shouldn’t have told her like he did. He shouldn’t have told her right before his trip. Melanie’s doctor had told him to be careful, but Nick didn’t listen.

  Melanie was drunk when he left. She was drunk more than she was sober, and Nick was disgusted by her.

  He told her that he was getting a lawyer, and then he left, just like that. He hoped that she would believe him this time. He had come so close to doing it before, he had warned her before. But she never accepted it. He shouldn’t have expected anything different this time.

  “Melanie, please. Just sit.” Nick walked her over to the black lobby chairs. “We aren’t the same. Don’t you get that? You’re a freaking train wreck. You’re an addict and an alcoholic. I just can’t do this with you anymore, Mel! You’re destroying yourself, and you’re taking me with you. ”

  People were staring at them, giving Nick dirty looks, but Nick didn’t care any longer. He had told her the same thing a thousand times, but then she cried and Nick gave in in. He had loved her since they were six years old in the first grade. But he was finally realizing that there was nothing that he could do to help her anymore. She had been teetering on the brink of stability for most of her life, but losing Teddy had put her firmly over the edge.

  “Nicky, you can’t leave me. I need you,” Melanie pouted, her baby blue eyes appearing larger than usual, long lashes holding her tears captive.

  “I can’t stay and watch you do this to yourself anymore. It’s killing me.”

  “I know. I know. I’ll get help. I promise,” Melanie’s words rang hollow on Nick’s ears, and he felt as detached from her as he had been feeling for so long.

  “Mel, I lost a son, too,” Nick said his voice flat. He looked at her long blonde hair, her beautiful small face, and her arms that were nothing but sticks crossed over her small breasts. He closed his eyes for a moment and thought about how beautiful and healthy she had once been, his chest tightening as he did so. God, I miss her. I miss my wife.

  Without warning, Brynn’s face flashed before his eyes. He thought about how she had made him forget about Mel, and about his pain. He thought about how it felt to lie in Brynn’s arms and just feel content and happy, even if it was short lived.

  “I know,” Mel’s voice brought him back to her. “Please, just let’s go home. Just go home with me, and we can talk about it tomorrow.”

  Nick sighed. He was tired. He needed to rest. He needed to sleep.

  He followed Mel out of the terminal, letting her weave her arm through his this time.

  He was too exhausted to fight her tonight and knew that he would need to figure things out once he was rested.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Reunited

  BRYNN FROZE as she re-read the text over and over.

  Brynn~Need to talk ASAP. Adam.

  Brynn~Need to talk ASAP. Adam.

  Brynn~Need to talk ASAP. Adam.

  Why now? Why does he want to talk to me now?

  Brynn felt herself breaking into a cold sweat as she forgot completely about Nick. She stood up and paced. Oh My God, what do I do? What do I do?

  She started to text him back, but her fingers were shaking too hard for her to be able to type the words in. She threw her phone down on the floor, thankful that it landed on the soft area rug and not the hardwood floor.

  Sh
e looked around at the empty house and she cursed.

  Her phone buzzed again.

  Brynn~Are you there? Adam

  Brynn felt infuriated. How dare he text me now and then expect me to just drop everything and answer him? Who does he think he is?

  Brynn walked out of the room, Maxie trailing behind her, his nails clicking on the floors. “Maxie, sit!” Brynn said, irritated. Maxie put his ears back and looked at her, tilting his big soft head in curiosity. “I know, I know. It’s just that… Daddy Adam is texting me. What do I do? Do I answer?”

  Brynn sank to the floor next to Maxie and looked at him, wishing he could answer.

  Brynn picked up the phone and stared at it.

  She typed quickly and paused before hitting send.

  What am I doing? Brynn sat on the floor and rocked herself back and forth while absently petting Maxie. His soft fur soothed her. He laid his big head on her legs and gave her a funny look. “I know, I know. I’m freaking out right now,” she said looking him in the eyes.

  She sat on the floor and time seemed to stop. She had no idea how long she sat there.

  The doorbell rang and Brynn jumped. Maxie scuttled up quickly and ran to the door barking. Brynn chased after him and could tell that Maxie was happy to see whoever was on the other side of the door. She felt her heart beating wildly in her chest, and she paused for a moment, trying to catch her breath.

  She opened the door slowly and there he was.

  “Hi,” Adam said shyly looking Brynn up and down, taking her in as he used to so long ago. Brynn felt her body shudder, and she suddenly felt extremely awkward.

  “Hi,” she said, the word barely coming out.

  They stood at the door staring at one another. It had been over a year since they had seen each other last, both stunned with how drawn they felt to each other despite how much time had lapsed. The last time they had been together was in court. Brynn shuddered when she thought of that day.

  “Um, do you want to come in?” Brynn asked slowly opening the door a little wider.

  “Sure,” Adam said looking around as he stepped through. He looked wounded as he took in the empty shelves and the empty rooms. The “For Sale” sign outside now said “Pending,” but he wasn’t prepared for the hollowness that he felt in his heart.

  Brynn watched Adam carefully, her heart going out to him. She had imagined this moment, or a similar one for a long time, but in her mind, it had never been this way. She thought she would be angry, or that he would be angry. She envisioned ugly words, screaming, yelling. She expected the continuation of the war that was going on inside of them to spill out in their hatred, for the loss of Sophie and of their life together. But she hadn’t expected this reverence and sadness.

  Adam touched the walls that he had painted, and the woodwork that he had sanded, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He looked at each room from top to bottom as Brynn followed him around like a ghost.

  When he got to the bedroom, he paused.

  He turned to Brynn and looked at her, his eyes sadder than they had ever looked before.

  Brynn could smell the whiskey on him. It was an old familiar smell that used to fill her with panic. But Adam had finally convinced her that he would never hurt her, and she wasn’t afraid of him now.

  “You look terrible,” Brynn said, her voice cracking. She didn’t like the scraggly beard he was wearing or his unkempt hair. She thought he looked dirty and terrible.

  “I know,” Adam said wryly. He couldn’t remember the last time that he looked in a mirror, but he knew that he looked bad. His pants were falling off him, and his shirt was wrinkled and stained. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, you just need to clean up. Do you want to clean up here?” Brynn said walking toward the master bathroom.

  “No, I mean, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you,” Adam’s voice was low, but Brynn heard every word. “I left you. I know it wasn’t your fault, but I had to blame someone for losing Sophie.”

  “I know,” Brynn said, feeling hot tears stinging her eyes without warning. “We can talk about this later. You need a hot shower right now.”

  Brynn steered him toward the bathroom. She reached into the closet and grabbed a nice big towel. As she stood closer to Adam, she couldn’t believe how bad he smelled. Like whiskey and a combination of odors that she didn’t want to recognize. She ran a nice hot bath and started to walk out of the bathroom.

  “Wait, stay,” Adam said stumbling a little as he turned around. Brynn grabbed his arm and caught him. “Help me.”

  Brynn suddenly felt bashful, her cheeks turning red and hot.

  Adam chuckled. Brynn’s breath caught. She had forgotten how much she loved the easy richness of Adam’s voice. He had always gotten to her that way, and she tried desperately to block it out.

  “Why are you laughing at me?” she said, her brown eyes angrily at him.

  “I’m not laughing at you,” Adam said quickly, immediately flashing his best puppy dog look. Brynn smiled in spite of herself. She tried to look away from him, but his deep blue eyes were drawing her in.

  She thought for a second about how different Nick’s eyes were, and she caught herself. She had never had feelings for more than one man before, and it felt oddly exhilarating.

  “Stay, Brynn. You’ve seen me naked a thousand times. I just want you to stay,” Adam struggled with his clothes, finally dropping them in a dirty pile on the floor. Brynn could see the steam rising up from the tub and worried that it may be too hot. But Adam sank right into it, immersing himself for a minute until he came up soggy, but slightly revived.

  Brynn sat on the edge of the large tub, careful to sit as far from him as she could.

  “What?” Adam asked, looking at her with an amused smile on his face.

  “Well… um… Why, I mean why are you here?” Brynn asked trying to avoid his gaze.

  “I’m here to redeem myself,” Adam said matter-of-factly. “With you, with anyone who will listen.”

  Brynn stared at him.

  “Brynn, in case you didn’t know, I was a jerk. I had a wonderful life, a wonderful home, a beautiful wife who I’ve loved since I was fifteen. And I gave you up. I let you go. Not just once, but twice! Twice! What kind of fucking idiot does that?” Adam’s voice was full of torment. “I’m willing to make amends. I’ll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.”

  Maxie grunted from the corner of the bathroom, making Brynn and Adam both jump. They had forgotten about him.

  “I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what you are saying.” Brynn’s mind was racing and her legs felt weak.

  Adam was running his soapy hands through his dark brown hair and Brynn found herself getting lost in the gesture, remembering running her own hands through his thick hair. She could still remember the feel of it between her fingers.

  “Brynn, I’ve been drunk for a year. For over a year, really. For as long as we have been apart. I don’t know how it happened, but I just started drinking and then I didn’t stop. The drinking helped me stop thinking about you and what I did to you. And I hated myself for drinking, and I thought a thousand times over how you would hate me, too. Especially, with your bastard father drinking and hurting you…” Adam’s voice was low, confessional.

  Brynn couldn’t stop listening even though she wanted to. She had been through so much with him, and she thought that she was done worrying about him and trying to figure him out.

  “What do you want me to say?” Brynn asked searching his face for a clue.

  “I don’t know,” Adam said shaking his head slowly. “I don’t know what I expect you to say. If I were you, I would hate me. But I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want you to hate me at all. I hate myself enough for both of us. I want you to forgive me, but I don’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve it the first time, and I don’t deserve it now.”

  Brynn had already been through the period when she hated Adam. While it only lasted for a brief
time, she had felt it as true and real as anything she had ever felt before. But now she was done being angry with him, she just couldn’t do it anymore. And part of her understood him better than she understood herself, so she couldn’t blame him for leaving again.

  “I don’t hate you,” Brynn said carefully. “I wish I could, but I don’t.”

  Adam looked relieved, his face relaxing a little. Brynn couldn’t believe how much he had aged in a year. He looked tense and worn, and part of her ached for him and the pain that he was going through.

  “Thank you,” he said gratefully, grabbing her hand. “Thank you. You just don’t understand how much that means to me. You can’t possibly understand.”

  Brynn felt electricity surging through from his touch. She locked eyes with him and felt herself moving toward him.

  Before she knew it, his lips were on hers. She barely felt the water drenching her as he pulled her into the water. She barely felt anything, but his lips and his skin. She vaguely realized that he was taking her clothes off. All she could feel was his hands on her naked body, familiar and exciting, touching her in all of the places he knew that she liked. She felt a groan escape from her throat.

  Brynn was lost once again in her Adam, and she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  The Harper House

  TRICIA PALMER had never known her husband to joke with her. He was earnest and sincere in everything that he did.

  When he called to tell her that he found Amy Harper, she thought that he was either joking or that he had lost his mind.

  “How? Are you sure?” John could see Tricia’s blonde head bobbing back and forth the way that it did when it was animated, even though they were only speaking on the phone. He knew her so well, and wished that she were with him at the home.

  “Yes, I’m positive. It looks exactly like her, only older. Trish, she looks exactly the same! It sounds like her. It is her even though she doesn’t realize it.” John was talking quickly. He didn’t want to let Amy out of his sight for very long. “She thinks her name is Carly.”