Living With No Regrets

by Jayton Young

  “I hate to tell ya Leigh, but it all started because of his jealousy of you and Russ. I’m afraid of what he’ll do when he finds out you moved back here; if he hasn’t already.”

  Her heart stuttered in her chest at the thought, but she refused to live in fear like she used to. “I know sheriff. I’ll call you if I hear from him or see him, and I ask you to do the same, please.”

  “Of course I will,” he said. “And I asked you to call me Zan. You were my first and best friend in school. I would hope that we were past all of the formality.”

  “I’m just so proud of you for getting elected Sheriff like your dad. You always wanted that, so I’ll just continue to show you how proud I am by calling you by your respected title.”

  Zander just laughed before saying goodbye and ending the call.

  After putting the cordless phone on the receiver, Leigh went to sit on the front porch to wait for her mother and Mark. She knew the time was coming to have to tell everything to Russ and his parents; her mother and Mark knew some, and she’d tell them the rest over dinner. Things were going to be changing soon, and everyone needed to be prepared.

  The events that started it all started tumbling around in her head, and she couldn’t keep her thoughts from going back to that day. The day before her wedding. She’d been having nightmares about it for all of this time. It was something that would haunt her for the rest of her life

  “You’re going to have a wonderful time, quit worrying.”

  Leigh, Lexi, Kerry, and Dawn were all at Lexi’s house getting ready for the hour drive to Charlotte where they were treating themselves, and Leigh, to a massage and spa treatment. They were going to take her to the club afterwards, but she wasn’t supposed to know any of that. Lexi had told her on the side because she knew that Leigh didn’t like those sort of things, but Leigh had decided to just endure the day since they had gone through all of the trouble and expense to set it up.

  Kerry had been smiling the whole time, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes, so Leigh knew something was off with Russell’ friend. They had always been on friendly terms, but Kerry was closer to Russell than to Leigh.

  “Tell me what’s wrong.” Leigh said softly so the others couldn’t hear.

  Kerry looked up to her in surprise that quickly turned to tears. Leigh just put her arm around Kerry and led her to the bathroom and away from prying eyes. When her tears slowed and she calmed down, Kerry was finally able to answer.

  “It’s Bill.” she said.

  “What about him?” Kerry and Bill had been dating for six months, and they both seemed so much happier than they had been. Russell had even been tolerating Bill a little more and the four of them had been going on double dates.

  “Come on Leigh. This is your time and I don’t want to mess it up.” She said, though her eyes were shining with unshed tears she was trying to hold back. “We’ll talk when you get back from your honeymoon.”

  “No. I can’t have a good time if I know two of my friends are not happy.” Leigh said; including Bill in the statement. “You may be Russell’s friend, but I hope you consider me one as well. You can talk to me.”

  Kerry sighed as if deciding what to do, but when she looked at the seriousness coming off of Leigh, she caved.

  “Bill took me to dinner last night; said he had something he needed to talk to me about.” she started. “I actually thought he was going to propose because he was taking me to Outback, which he only does on special occasions. After we sat down and ordered, he took my hand and told me he couldn’t see me anymore.”

  “What! Why?” By that time the tears were flowing down Kerry’s face, ruining the make-up she’d applied earlier.

  “He said he was in love with someone else and couldn’t continue on with me.”

  “I’m going to rip him a new one!” Leigh said under her breath at seeing Kerry’s upset. “Did he tell you who?” she asked.

  “No. He wouldn’t say, and I left.” Kerry laughed humorlessly. “I had lost my appetite after that.”

  “Listen. I want you to go with Lexi and the girls. Get your mind off things. I’m going to stay and try to figure out what he’s thinking.” Leigh told her, holding her hand. “I swear I have never seen him with anyone else, and he sure hasn’t mentioned anyone but you.”

  “I don’t feel right doing that when this was all planned for you.”

  “They know me and will be alright with it. Y’all go enjoy the spa, go clubbing, and be safe on the way back. Lexi is designated driver since she doesn’t drink anyway.”

  Leigh got up and walked with Kerry back into the other room and explained that she had some last minute things to take care of and for them to have fun for her.

  “Alright now,” Lexi said as Leigh was gearing up to leave. “You have the key, so just come back here and spend the night like we all planned. We’ll call it an early night and come back here, too.”

  “Sounds good.” Leigh kissed all of her friends’ cheeks and left to head over to Bill’s house and find out what caused his temporary stupidity.

  “LEIGH!”

  Leigh was brought out of her thoughts by Mark who had obviously come in with her mother. They were both looking at her in concern.

  “Are you alright, honey?” her mother asked.

  “Yes. Sorry. I was just thinking about something. Must have gotten lost in my thoughts.”

  “It’s alright.” Her mom answered hesitantly. “If you’re sure. I’ll just go and start dinner.”

  “No, don’t worry about it.” Leigh looked over at Mark, who seemed to be watching her, and back at her mother. “I was going to order out for us tonight. Randy will be having supper at the Kennedy’s, so I figured we could all sit and talk.”

  Mary Leigh looked at her daughter, glanced at Mark, and knew something as going on. “Alright. Pizza or Chinese?” she asked them.

  Just as they all had agreed on Chinese, the phone rang and Leigh answered it. After a fifteen minute conversation, Leigh was shocked speechless when she hung the phone up. She immediately picked it back up and dialed Russell’s cell phone.

  “Do you have a moment to talk?” she asked after he picked up.

  “Sure. I was about to call anyway. Randy…No I asked Randy to stay the night here. Would that be alright, or do you need him home?”

  “No, that;s fine. I’ll send Mark with a change of clothes and his pajamas. And if I can, I’ll come by tomorrow to talk to you both about something.”

  “Yeah, you can come anytime, but why not just tell me now on the phone?”

  “Because I called to tell you about who just called me and why.” Leigh said. “The rest is a longer conversation, so I’ll wait for tomorrow.”

  “Okay, so who called and why?”

  “Lexi Peters just called me. She apologized to me for the way she has treated me and asked me to give her another chance. She also promised that she would do all in her power to make sure Randy had no problems from anyone if we allow him to go to school there.”

  Russell huffed over the phone line in disbelief, and his words matched the sentiment. “It’s awful convenient that she says she’s sorry when she knows we’re going to be supporting another school.”

  “Actually Russell, she sounded sincere,” Leigh defended her ex-friend. “But I also told her that I would still donate to the school, even if Randy didn’t attend. She said that it didn’t matter if I didn’t or if you didn’t, she just realized that she had done me wrong, and even if she hadn’t, she hadn’t been fair to Randy who is innocent in everything. Lexi truly sounded repentant.”

  “So let me guess, you want Randy to go to school here now.” Russ said. He was disappointed that she had given in so easily, but knew it was in her forgiving nature to do so.

  “Actually, no.” Leigh answered, surprising him. “My wish is to have him home schooled so I could spend more time with him, but it’s not what would make him happy, so The Christian Academy is the better choice. I know he won’t receive
grief over who his mother is regardless because no one knows me there…And it really does have the better curriculum.”

  “So we can still send him there?”

  “Why do you want to so bad?” Leigh figured Russell would want Randy to go to school closer to home.

  “Even if he is treated great, you won’t be, and I won’t stand for it.”

  The call ended with Leigh not really knowing how to respond to that.

  Chapter 6

  Leigh, Randy, and Russell were all riding horses – Randy on Misty with Leigh – and spending their first real quality time as a family. Leigh was letting Randy hold the reins and lead since he’d just learned and was doing so well. He was a natural on a horse, just like his father, and would probably take over the ranch one day. Watching and listening to them interact with each other was so heartwarming. It was as if Russell had always been together. Leigh was happy that she’d included Russell in everything in Randy’s life. Even though he wasn’t there, Randy had felt his presence because Leigh had always talked about him. Almost everything she knew about Russell, Randy knew.

  Randy was taking Leigh to a spot he’d discovered the day before while out learning to ride. Seeing the direction they were heading, and the little side glances Russell was sending her way, she knew where they were headed. It was a place that had been a romantic paradise that Mr. Kennedy had built for Mrs. Kennedy, and then Leigh and Russell had utilized later on.

  The area was beautiful. Green, green grass was covering the land all around and all the way up to the tree line. The tree line itself looked like it was a fence built to protect the beauty of the oasis beyond. A triple row of pines that looked as if they’d been manicured, but Leigh knew they had not been.

  In Randy’s excitement, he jerked the reins of the brown and white spotted appaloosa, but Misty just turned her head back patiently and waited for a correct lead as to where to go. Just as Leigh was about to calm her son down and let him retry, Russell spoke to him, proving he’d been paying more attention to them than he’d let on during his son’s ramblings.

  “Hey, bud. Do you remember what I told you yesterday about how to lead your horse?” he asked with a patient voice and somewhat contented look.

  Randy loosened his hold on the reins while he seemed to be thinking. Leigh grabbed on with one hand, just in case, but trusted Misty not to react.

  “I gotta be careful with my horse?”

  With a slight nod, Russell confirmed that while adding to it. “Yes, be careful with any horse you ride, but you must be gentle too. A horse will be as kind to it’s rider as it’s rider is to it.”

  “Oh yeah!” he leaned over to hug Misty’s neck and pat her white mane. “I’m shorry Misty. Momma, we hafta go there.” Randy pointed to the trees.

  “So take me. This is your surprise for me, you have to take me wherever you want me to go.”

  Randy sat up straighter in the saddle. She knew she’d done right by letting him continue to lead their way. As happy of a boy as he was, Randy always seemed to want to please whomever he was with, and he was still trying to impress his father. Leigh’s faith in him always seemed to make him a little happier.

  Russell’s smile turned into a grin as he turned Storm – his gray Hanoverian – in line with Misty. As soon as they broke through the trees, the man-made pond the size of three Olympic pools that Mr. Kennedy had made. It was still very well kept, the water so clear, that Leigh knew it was still visited often by either one or both of the Kennedy men.

  “Did you bring y’all’s bathing suits?” Russell had called her that morning to tell her to bring them as soon as Randy had mention taking his momma to the pond.

  “Momma don’t shwim.”

  Russell looked over at Randy with disbelief.

  “He’s telling the truth. I brought Randy’s trunks, but I no longer swim.”

  She didn’t swim anymore? Russ was astonished. Leigh had never been the athletic type, though she kept herself in shape and took care of her body, but swimming had been one of the pastimes up there with reading in her order of enjoyment. She was Olympic level good, but never wanted the attention that being on the swim team would have brought. They both had swimming holes close to their homes, so they would spend every day it wasn’t raining at one o them, usually his because she loved the romance of how it was thought up and built by his dad for his mom.

  She had been close to his parents; considering them and loving them as she did her own. He had taken that away from her when he made them choose a side, but he would spend every day from then on out trying to make it up to her.

  ‘Why would she stop doing something she loved so much?’ he thought, getting back to the original point in his head. He asked her about after Randy had gotten into the water.

  “I just don’t feel comfortable in a bathing suit anymore.” Leigh spoke so softly, he had to lean in to hear. She hadn’t looked over at him at when she said it, and wondered if she were ashamed.

  “Why not? What changed?”

  “A lot has changed, Russell. But in this case, it was the cancer.”

  At first, Russell had thought she had said it in a bitter way, but her facial expression was one of piece and acceptance of things that could not be changed.

  “I had a couple of surgeries,” she continued. “And I really don’t like looking at what was left from them, so I just stopped swimming altogether. I had been too sick to swim for a while anyway, so I just never started back.”

  Russ sat and thought about it for a bit, letting it soak in and decide how to ask the questions he wanted to in a way that Leigh wouldn’t mind answering. Seeing both of his parents off to the side and not joining in, he started complaining, though he knew his momma didn’t get in the water unless he was hurt or drowning.

  “Can your dad and I talk for a bit? Then I’m sure he’s itching to get into that cool water with you and see all you can do.”

  They both watched as Randy walked into the water. When he was in up to his waist, he dove in to swim underneath the surface. Not taking her eyes off her son, Leigh spoke.

  “I lied to you the other night.” she started off. “Well…not really lied, but I omitted; which to me is the same thing, and I apologize for that.”

  “Not telling everything is not lying. We’ve always felt differently about that point.” Russ knew that Leigh held strong beliefs about ‘Thou Shalt Not Lie’ and was feeling guilty. Just as she did whenever else she felt like she had gone against them. “Because of my hot headed temper, we have not been together for a long time. You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t feel comfortable doing it.”

  “Don’t show off Randy!” she yelled before answering. Randy kept going under water and seeing how long he could hold his breath, which Russ didn’t see a problem in, but Leigh obviously didn’t like it. He was glad she was watching him so closely, because Russ’ attention kept going back to her. He knew he would have to get better at watching Randy, but felt safe letting Leigh do it considering she had been for the last five years. Which reminded him, “When is Randy’s birthday?”

  “December 2nd. They had to take him six weeks early.”

  “Why?”

  “Long story short? I found out I had breast cancer while I was pregnant with Randy. The lump was already a good size, but I wouldn’t allow any tests or treatments that could even potentially harm him. My health deteriorated fast. My body was having trouble supporting us both, so at thirty two weeks, they did a C-section. He was in NICU for a week, but Momma took him from there.” She glanced his way then looked back out to Randy. “Did you realize that my mother had moved in with me for almost a year?”

  “Yeah. At first I thought it was because of the way she was shunned by everyone at first, but me, Ma, and Pop had put a stop to that, so then I just figured she was helping you to get settled somewhere.”

  Russ placed his hand on Leigh’s knee to get her to look at him. “I am so ashamed for every action I took. I know you - at least I k
new you – too well to believe you’d do that, but I let my insecurities, and people whispering in my ear, get to me. I should have listened to the one person who knew me and loved me for me, and not who my family is.”

  Leigh let a few tears glide down her cheeks. Russ wasn’t even sure she knew she was crying, but it moved him to know she still loved him enough to care what he thought. Not that he was worthy of that love, but he appreciated it then more than ever.

  “Don’t feel guilty, Russell.” She squeezed his hand and he took it as a sign of understanding, but he didn’t remove it. It felt good to touch Leigh, even with just that little contact.

  “I found out later what had happened. I can’t condemn you for your reaction when I honestly don’t know what I’d have done.” she continued. “Anyway, I didn’t leave the hospital for a while after he was born. I had two surgeries to remove the lumps, and went forward with the chemo. The chemo had to wait for me to recover somewhat from the birth and the surgeries, so they allowed me to go home. I had Mother and after a bit I had Mark and one other person, all trying to help me, so we made it through. I did go into remission, but I found out not too long ago that I have cancer again. I need to go…”

  “Daddy!”

  Russ looked over and saw Randy running out of the water as fast as he could with his little legs and the water’s resistance. By the tone of his voice and the angry expression on his face, Russ knew he was in trouble with his son, but for what he didn’t know. Randy went straight to his momma’s lap and squeezed his arms around her.

  “Why’re you making Momma cry?” he asked, still glaring at him.

  Leigh reached up and wiped the tears from her face. The look of surprise let Russ know he’d been correct in thinking she wasn’t aware of them.