Living With No Regrets

by Jayton Young

  “When will we get there?”

  Russ chuckled at Randy’s impatience. They had only been on the road for twenty minutes, and Randy was already bouncing in his seat. It had only been a little over twenty four hours since Leigh had left. He really was a momma’s boy. Of course Russ could completely see why. Leigh was the type who loved with everything she had in her; and always made sure to shower the person with that love so there was no doubt. Except for the ignorant fools like himself.

  “About an hour, son. Why don’t you pull out the I-Pod and play that flappy, bouncy, drunk bird game you’ve been playing. Then the time will fly by.”

  Randy giggled. “It’sh Flappy Bird, Daddy.” he said in a ‘duh’ tone, as he pulled the I-Pod that Russ had gotten for him out of his pocket.

  Since Randy was occupied for the moment, Russ thought back to the phone call he’d gotten from Leigh to let him know that she was getting released from the hospital and would be at the house by the time they made it to Charlotte. He knew he hadn’t been around her much in years, but he couldn’t help but feeling that something was wrong based on how she sounded over the phone. It was almost as if she was having a hard time talking calmly. Her voice cracked a couple of times before she had put Mark on to give him the address so that he could enter it into his GPS.

  Russ had decided a couple of days before, when she had spent the day with him and Randy together, that he would do everything he could to regain her trust, and then try to rekindle the relationship he’d so stupidly thrown away. It had been the biggest mistake he’d ever made, and if it took the rest of his life, he’d spend every day of it trying to make it up to her. Even if she never dated him again, he’d count his blessings at having her in his life along with Randy; the son he’d always dreamed of. He didn’t deserve either one of them, but he’d never take them for granted.

  The other morning, when Leigh woke in a panic not knowing where she was or where Randy was, Russ felt so helpless and out of his depth. How would he be able to help Leigh if she forgot every morning that they had started talking again? Sure she had that little notebook that Randy had given her that had ‘reminders’ in it, but would he be able to handle her keeping on forgetting the new him; only remembering the ass he’d made of himself so long ago and how he’d hurt her?

  He would. He couldn’t give her up again. In the six years she’d been gone, he’d never once even been tempted to try and date anyone. She’d held his heart since he was fifteen, and would hold it until the day he died. It was Leigh or no one, and he’d known it all of this time; even if it was only subconsciously.

  “Can we get shomething to eat?” Randy’s voice broke into his thoughts about twenty minutes away from their destination.

  “I think we’re going to be going out to eat not long after we get there, bud.” he said. “Think you can wait that long?”

  “Ummm…can I get a shnack? Then I can wait.”

  “Sure,” Russ pulled into a truck stop right off of I-77. “Come on and let’s see what they have. We’ll use the bathroom while we’re here, too.”

  Fifteen minutes later, they got back into his truck with slushies and Little Debbie cakes. Randy was happy with his swiss cake rolls, and got back on his I-Pod after asking to connect it to the radio to play the music he’d already downloaded on it. Luckily, they seemed to have the same taste in music, and they both sang to the songs.

  About twenty minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of a very big colonial style home. Russ could tell that it was a new house, but it had been built with that old world charm. Both levels of the home had wrap-around, covered porches/balconies. It had to have cost a pretty penny. When Leigh had said that she had plenty of her own money through her business, Russ hadn’t credited her near as much as he should have. She seemed to have multiplied her parents’ fortune several times over.

  “Momma!” Randy cried out as he jumped out of the truck and ran over to where Leigh had been sitting in one of the rocking chairs on the porch with Mark and Mary Leigh on either side of her.

  He couldn’t quite hear what she said as he got out of the truck and headed up to them at a more sedate pace. When he made it to the porch, Randy was jabbering away about his new I-Pod and showing his momma what all was on it. She was holding him on her lap and was nodding and exclaiming in excitement at all of the right places, but Russ could tell that her mind wasn’t completely with what Randy was saying. Her eyes had a glazed look that made him think that she was holding back tears.

  “How is everything going?” Russ asked both Mark and Mary Leigh. When Mary Leigh’s eyes welled with tears, he knew that his fears of something bad coming were founded.

  Mark answered for them. “We’re holding up.” was as much as he could admit to. Russ noted the strain around the other man’s eyes, and his worry grew. Not knowing how much of whatever was going on was going to be told to their son, he would wait to ask about what the doctor said until Randy went to sleep for the night.

  “I have a surprise for you,” he heard Leigh tell Randy, but was discreetly passing Mary Leigh a handkerchief that he kept in his pocket. “But you have to eat a really good supper before I tell you what it is.”

  “I will!” he answered in excitement of the surprise. “Daddy got me shwish rollsh, but I’m shtill real hungry.”

  “Good.” She looked up at him and tried to smile. “I hope Mexican is alright. There is a really good restaurant close to a play area and arcade I want to take Randy to while I finish up some shopping for the house.”

  “Sounds good to me. Is it a place I know?”

  “I don’t think so. I think it’s a local place. It’s actually on the South Carolina side of the line, and there is another in Rock Hill. It’s called El Cancun. I went a couple of years ago when Mother and I met up here in Charlotte for a visit. It was the best Mexican food I’ve had.”

  Russ nodded. “I’ve actually eaten there when me and Pop went to watch a race in Concord.”

  “Well, why don’t y’all freshen up and then we’ll head out.” She said as she stood Randy up and took his hand. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll show which room is yours when you’re here. And guess what!”

  “What?” he asked as they all headed in.

  “We all have our own bathrooms in our bedrooms.” Leigh said as she led Randy up the stairs with Mary Leigh.

  Russ stayed at the bottom with Mark, watching as they turned down a hallway on the second floor. He turned, but didn’t even get a question out before Mark was spilling out everything the doctor said and what would be happening on Monday.

  “She asked if I would tell you.” he said, sounding a little choked up. “She is going to explain things to Randy as much as she can so that he understands, but she just wants tonight and tomorrow to be able to pretend all is alright before she has to face reality.”

  By that point, Russ had no strength in his legs and had collapsed onto the bottom steps; sitting with his head in his hands. He’d just barely composed himself and stood up when he heard the women and Randy coming back.

  “Are you ready to go?” she asked, looking straight at Russ, probably to see if he’d be able to keep up pretenses. He cleared his throat, but still being unable to speak as of then, just nodded. He saw the look of understanding in her eyes as she descended and she grabbed hold of his hand as soon as she reached him. Not willing or able to let go, they held hands, with Randy on the other side of Leigh, all the way out to her SUV. She and Randy sat in the middle seats with him in back, Mark driving, and Mary Leigh in the passenger seat as they headed out to eat.

  Chapter 10

  “Momma! Look!”

  Leigh looked over and saw what, she had already known, had caught his attention. As they were going down exit 90, Carowinds Blvd, they could already see a couple of the roller coasters, some kind of bungee jumping thing, and the needle ride; all rides in Carowinds Amusement Park.

  “You’ll see it a little closer later,” she told him. “After we eat, I’m taking
you to Plaza Fiesta that is right outside the Carowinds parking lot. They have a huge play gym area and an arcade.” Knowing he would be disappointed in that after seeing the amusement park, she figured she could play on his disappointment for a bit before revealing his surprise. It would make his reaction that much sweeter and precious to her when he did find out. Leigh had decided that this weekend was going to be spent with and dedicated to Randy; leaving no room for regrets later if she remembered. No sadness would mar this for him. She would explain everything to him Sunday night before he went to bed. “Mimi will stay with you as Mark, Daddy, and I finish up some shopping for the new house.”

  “But I want to help shop, too!”

  He looked so earnest and hopeful, that Leigh wouldn’t have been able to tell him no; even if she wanted to which she didn’t. If it was within her power, Randy would always get what he wanted. She might make him work to earn it, to teach him the value of things and a good work ethic, but he would still get whatever it was he wanted. He’d been wanting the iPod, but with the move and the other things going on right then, she’d not had the time or opportunity. She was glad that Russell had done it.

  “Alright, you can help. I’ll let you play afterward. How is that?”

  “Yea! Thanksh Momma.”

  Leigh bent over and kissed his temple. Once they arrived at El Cancun, they all hopped out of the car and headed in. Luckily it wasn’t very busy, so they immediately got seated into a long booth. She and Randy decided to share the cream burrito, Mark got the chilies relenos, her mother just opted for the steak fajitas, and Russell copied her and Randy ordering the cream burritos also.

  “Can you please bring us some mild salsa and mild cheese dip? Two orders please.” Leigh asked the waiter. Turning to the others, she explained. “They have the best house-made salsa and dip. They make these tortilla chips fresh, and the cheese dip is a mix of queso and some other cheeses and is amazing. I could make my whole meal off those alone.”

  “I know.” Russell said. “I didn’t remember until we pulled up in the parking lot, but we used to come here some of the times we would come to Carowinds. Remember?”

  She could see the worry in his eyes as soon as he realized he’d asked her something about her memory. “Actually I had forgotten just as you had.” she answered with a smile letting him know it was alright. One of the things Leigh didn’t like was when people felt like they had to walk on egg shells around her because of her condition. They didn’t realize it, but bother Mark and her mother did the same thing; even if they hadn’t known exactly the extent of her illness, they had known something was wrong, and they felt the need to treat her with kid gloves.

  Instead of dwelling too much on it, she turned and started talking to Randy about colors for the house things he wanted to buy, and the theme for his bedroom; or as it turned out, themes.

  “Sports and horses?” Leigh asked with laughter in her voice. “Are you sure you want both in one room? We can do one here, and the other at Mimi’s house.” She was surprised by his choice in themes, but then again, not really. His theme in Sioux Falls was G.I. Joe, but now that he’d met his father, his favorite things had changed. He confirmed her assumptions as to why sports and horses were confirmed with his next words.

  “Daddy ish good at playing all kindsh of ball. Football, basheball, bashketball…and I love riding horshes and brushing them just ash much ash he does. And he shaid I’m really good!”

  “It’s true,” Russell smiled. “Little buddy here took to the saddle like he was born on it.”

  “I noticed,” Leigh said as she smiled in pride at Randy. His grin threatened to split his face; he was so happy with all of the praise. “And he’s going to be just as great at sports, too.” She looked back at Russell. “He masters anything he tries, once he puts his mind to it.”

  Her mother smiled a genuine smile for the first time that day since talking to the doctor. “He comes from good stock,” she said. “You were always like that; taking up anything you tried as if you were born doing it. Maggie pretty much said the same about you, Russ. We think that’s why you two hit it off so well. Everyone thought you were opposites, but all of your morals and main personality traits were very similar.”

  “Yes ma’am. She’s said the same to me a time or two.” Russell smiled Leigh’s way. “But I think Leigh uses the sense God gave her a bit more than I do.”

  “Now Russ,” Mary Leigh chided. “One mistake doesn’t mean all that. Leigh has made her fair share of mistakes, too. The key is always to learn from them.”

  “I agree with mother.”

  “Thank you,” he answered. “I appreciate that.”

  They talked all through dinner. Leigh wasn’t able to eat much, so she encouraged Randy to eat as much as he could. She started feeling queasy after every bite, and didn’t want to get sick and ruin the evening, so she just made light of it. She even ordered Randy a flan for dessert. Leigh noticed the concerned looks she was getting from her mother, Mark, and Russell, but thankfully they didn’t comment.

  As they drove to Plaza Fiesta, Leigh saw the longing looks that Randy was throwing in the direction of the amusement park, but he didn’t say anything else about it. Once they parked and went in the food court entrance and he saw the giant play area, he brightened back up.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to play while we shop?” she asked. “I don’t think we’re going to find the things you want for your room here, so we’ll be going to Carolina Place mall tomorrow.”

  Randy was holding Russell’s hand, and she couldn’t help but think that it was an adorable sight. He walked over to her and grabbed her hand with his free one. “I shtill want to shop.”

  She smiled at him and consented, and they spent the evening walking around like that; with Randy in the middle of her and Russell holding their hands. She had heard both her mother and Mark take a couple of pictures on their phones, but she just ignored that part and enjoyed the feeling of their little family.

  Randy spent the last two hours that the little mall was open playing in the fun zone. She had to pay the people to get them to keep it open for him, but it was worth it. The other children who were still there with their parents even joined him, so he was that much happier. Randy, unfortunately, didn’t get too many opportunities to play like that anymore, because Leigh was always too tired, or just plain not feeling well.

  She and Russell sat on one bench watching, and Mark and her mother were on another. At one point that Randy had made it all the way to the top, which had taken a while because the height of it made him nervous, Leigh grabbed Russell’s hand in her excitement for their son. She tried to release it as soon as she had noticed, but Russell squeezed it lightly. When she looked up into his eyes, they were shining with all of the things they hadn’t said. The one she recognized the most, and that moved her the most, was the love that was there. It was the same look that she was sure shined brightly in her eyes also. Neither of them had said the words, but it was still there between them.

  Leigh couldn’t judge him for what he did back then. She had held a grudge and stayed angry, but after talking to him and seeing what she was doing, it went against all of her beliefs. What would she have done in that situation? She would like to think that she would have heard him out, but would never know for sure. He had seen the picture the day before they were to be married. She probably would have been so hurt seeing it, she wouldn’t have acted rationally either.

  One thing she was determined to do before she went under the knife on Monday, was to mend that fence. He had to drop the guilt that she knew he still felt. Hard times were coming one way or another, and it would make it easier if that burden was no longer on his shoulders.

  *****

  Russ had been pleasantly surprised when Leigh had grabbed his hand. He felt like a giddy schoolboy thinking ‘She likes me! She likes me!’. He held no illusions; he knew he didn’t deserve her with how badly he’d hurt her in the past, but that didn’t mean he was stup
id. He was going to soak up all of the attention and affection she gave him, and try to give it back to her a thousand fold like she deserved.

  They walked back to the car holding hands with Randy in the middle. Russ could tell that he was happier than a pig in mud to have both his parents on either side of him. He’d worn himself out and on the way home asked if they both would read to him, as Leigh or Mark usually did, when he went to bed. Of course they both agreed.

  “Mark, I think Randy would like a closer look at the front gate and maybe drive around the parking lot so he can see some of the rides.” Leigh said, and Russ noticed the look they shared through the rear view mirror, but he didn’t say anything. Knowing she wouldn’t taunt Randy like that, he figured he knew what was coming. Sure enough, when they got around to the east gate side where they could see parts of Thunder Road and could even see a part of what he thought was Top Gun – though he thought they had changed the name of it.

  Leigh took a few pieces of paper out of her purse and asked Randy if he knew what they were.

  “These are receipts of season’s passes for all of us,” she explained when he’d shaken his head no. “I even have them for your Gramma and Grampa Kennedy. They are for 2014, but we can get in the park for the rest of this season also. During Halloween, they open Scarowinds that will have a lot of scary attractions as well. I figured we could spend the day there tomorrow. They open at 10 and don’t close until 8.”

  The excited screech that came out of Randy’s mouth made Russ wonder if he would ever have perfect hearing again. He bounced in his seat so much that the whole vehicle was bouncing with him. He unclicked his seatbelt and jumped into his momma’s arms.