And So She Waited

by Shakuita Johnson

  And So She Waited

  Shakuita Johnson

  And So She Waited

  By Shakuita Johnson

  Copyright © 2014 by Shakuita Johnson

  eBook Edition, License Notes

  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite e-book retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual, locations or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior express, written consent of the author.

  **This book is intended for mature audiences only. It is not suitable for anyone under the age of 18.**

  ISBN-10:

  ISBN-13:

  Cover design by Daria Brennan

  Photographer Mandy Hollis

  Model Amee Thompson

  Editing by Peter Gaskin

  Formatting by Candy Apple Formatting

  Published by Shakuita Johnson

  Synopsis

  **Mature audiences only 18+…contains darker elements and no HEAs**

  ***Severe psychological issues presented but not addressed or acknowledged***

  This is not a story about love, but a story about how love can consume you. Heart, body, and soul. A story of loving someone so much that the love you feel harms you.

  Have you ever loved someone so much, that before you realized it, they owed half of your soul?

  Raven Sinclair’s first love had always been ballet until she met Remy Peters. She fell hard and she fell fast and never looked back. He was everything she always believed she wanted but he had other plans.

  Remy Peters didn’t believe in love and he wasn’t looking for it. He just wanted to have a good time in between classes and swim team. He’s been seeing Raven for over a year and a half and he’s not sure how it’s lasted this long. It’s not like he’s made any commitments but when he stumbles on the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, he knows it’s time to let Raven go.

  Matthew Masterson has loved Raven since he first saw her in ballet class when they were five. They have been best friends ever since and he’s not content to stay there. He sees Remy for who he really is and wastes no time in telling Raven every chance he gets but is Raven his happy ever after or does fate have other plans?

  Love, lies, and obsession…three lives bound by twisted desires for what they can’t have.

  Author Shakuita Johnson would like to recognize the following registered trademarks.

  Starbucks

  Moscato

  Killers

  Curve Connect for Men

  Rent

  Twitter

  Facebook

  Playlist

  Bailando - Enrique Iglesias ft. Sean Paul, Descemer Bueno, and Gente De Zona

  Seasons of Love - Rent Album

  To see the full playlist click the below link to Spotify

  And So She Waited

  Dedication

  To the little girl whose heart has been broken so many times, that she's not sure how it still beats.

  Table of Contents

  Acknowledgements

  Author's Note

  Epigraph

  Chapter 1 - Raven

  Chapter 2 - Remy

  Chapter 3 - Matthew

  Chapter 4 - Raven

  Chapter 5 - Remy

  Chapter 6 - Matthew

  Chapter 7 - Raven

  Chapter 8 - Remy

  Chapter 9 - Matthew

  Chapter 10 - Raven

  Chapter 11 - Remy

  Chapter 12 - Matthew/Casey/Stacey

  Chapter 13 - Raven

  Chapter 14 - Raven/Remy/Matthew/Casey/Stacey

  Chapter 15 - Raven

  Chapter 16 - Remy

  Chapter 17 - Matthew

  Chapter 18 - Raven

  Chapter 19 - Remy

  Chapter 20 - Matthew

  Chapter 21 - Raven/Remy

  Chapter 22 - Remy/Matthew

  Chapter 23 - Matthew/Raven

  Chapter 24 - Raven

  Chapter 25 - Remy

  Chapter 26 - Matthew

  Epilogue - Matthew

  Other Books By This Author

  About the Author

  Acknowledgements

  Once again I want to thank my AMAZING cover artist, Daria Brennan. You have once again blown me away with your ability to give me just want I want in a book cover. If you would like to see more of her work, visit her website at http://thebookcoverdesign.tumblr.com/.

  To J. Presson of JPresson Photography, thank you for an amazing author photo. To see more of his work just go to www.jpressonphotography.com.

  To my loves, Ashley and Jewels, thank you for constantly being my sounding boards and reading my ramblings in the forms of books. You are truly appreciated more than you ever know.

  To Peggy, thanks for spreading the word bird about my books! The support means a lot to me. Keep doing what you're doing for so many authors and not just me. We appreciate you.

  To Cristy (Moon Twin), we have only known each other a short time but I'm not sure how I ever survived without you. You are not only an amazing friend, but an amazing author as well.

  To my beta readers, thank you for your continued interest in my work.

  To my kickass street team <3.

  To my readers, I would be nowhere without your love and support! You not only make Dark Indiscretions greater every time you read it but I hope you enjoy my venture into something completely out of the realm of that series.

  To the many bloggers, authors, friends, supports, and everything in between that I've met on this amazing writing journey, thank you!

  Thank you to everyone who's shared my page, tweets, posts, links, covers, and just anything to do with my books. You are truly appreciated more than you know.

  To my family, I love you all! Your support means the world.

  Last but certainly never least, Gavin, you will ALWAYS be my heart! I love you more than words could ever express.

  Author's Note

  When I first had the idea of And So She Waited¸ I didn't ever want to write it. For Raven's story to be told I would have to in some ways tell my own story. Although I never let the pain do to me what it did to Raven, I could relate. I'd thought about it, imagined it even. Not to say I'm stronger than Raven because that's not the case. I could have easily been Raven. I fight hard every day just to not sit down and give up. I wrote this story from my soul and every word was like a dagger to the heart to share my misery, pain, and grief. This isn't a love story, there are no HEAs, and it goes from bad to worse. It's a story about Takotsubo cardiomyopathy AKA broken heart syndrome. It's real and we've all felt it before. With Raven that pain was multiplied ten fold. She couldn't cope with it and she took the only road she knew how to take. This was an emotional rollercoaster ride for me every step of the way. My own fears, doubts, and rejects are so ingrained in this story that after all is said and done with the initial writing, revising, and editing of the content, that I will never be able to pick it up again. There are many psychological issues addressed with the characters that aren't addressed and that is intentional. They aren't the
focus behind the telling of this story but if anyone you know presents with some of the issues mentioned please tell some one so they can get the treatment they need. So here is my heart laid bare for the first time in my writing besides my poems for everyone to see. Don’t be like Raven, and if you have a friend that resembles Raven don't wait until it's too late to see them.

  Epigraph

  Lonely

  Wanting

  Waiting for you

  Who knew it would be so hard to choose

  Love

  Unwanting a foreigner to me

  Maybe if you could only see me -- the real me

  Never seeing

  Nonbelieving you

  Only knowing what is true -- maybe new to me

  Sexy, inspirational wanting you for you

  Changing not

  Being a fool

  Not talking -- ignoring you

  No not really -- nothing in common -- few words spoken to you

  Needing you today

  Other times pushing you away

  Love

  Not wanting you -- staying clear from you

  Pain, heartbreaking, torn

  -Shakuita Johnson, Make Believe A Story, 2002

  Chapter 1

  His hands moved up her thighs slowly—too slowly. It was torture. She needed him to touch the place between her legs and stroke her until she was consumed with fire. She wanted him to...

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  Raven Sinclair shot up from her bed with a yelp. Holy shit. The dream was back. The same one she had been having for months. She never saw the man’s face, and the dream always ended with his hands sliding up her thighs. Quite frankly, she was sick of the bullshit. She looked over at her alarm clock. It was only four forty-five in the morning. Damnit, she didn't have to be at her first class until eight. She usually didn't get up until six, but for some reason her alarm had gone off early. Hopefully she could get another hour of sleep, but she doubted it—stupid fucking dreams. She didn't know why she was even having them. She had a boyfriend; well, he wasn't her boyfriend per se, but they spent a lot of time together. Okay, that wasn't true either; he called when he had the chance. But they loved each other. Well, she loved him, at least. He said he needed time. They had been talking for a year and a half and she was head over heels in love. She would wait forever if she had to. He was worth it. Her friends said she was stupid but screw them. She was in love.

  Remy Peters was the one for her. She just knew it in her heart. Ever since she watched him the first day of college in her Freshman Seminar class. He had dirty blond hair, chocolate brown eyes, and the cutest dimples she'd ever seen. He was six feet even and had a lean swimmer’s body. Raven was actually at the Lyrical Muse School Of The Arts on a full scholarship for swimming and ballet, and she would time her workouts to his. She loved to watch him in the water. It was like he was made for it—he exuded confidence, but in a playful, carefree way when he swam. She remembered the first swim meet she had seen him in. He swam like a fish. It was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. He won, of course, and afterward he walked right up to her and asked her out. She was so startled that she squealed and ran out without even looking back. The next day he came and sat right next to her in class. He leaned over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Then he told her he would pick her up at eight and that she should wear something comfortable. He bared his teeth in a sexy little smile and that was the first time she had ever seen his dimples. She probably fell in love with him right then.

  Raven lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She knew she wasn't going to get back to sleep, so no point in trying. She would just use this time to daydream about Remy. She really needed to have a talk with him about their relationship. She wanted to know how he felt about her. Anytime she brought it up he would say things like, "You know how I feel," or "Isn't just being together enough?" She would just nod her head and let it go, not waiting to start a fight. This time she would insist that he talk to her. When she allowed herself to think about what she really knew about him, there wasn't much. He didn't share a lot of personal information with her and what he did share was stuff anyone would know. She hadn't met any of his friends and they only spent time together at night. He told her to be patient and that he just enjoyed having her to himself. When he said things like that to her she would forget what she wanted to say to him. It was becoming a vicious cycle. One she needed to get a handle on.

  Raven didn't know when or how he had lodged himself so deeply in her heart, but he was there nonetheless. She didn't think she would ever want to be without him, nor did she know if she could love anyone else as much as she loved him. In any case, she needed to stop thinking about this.

  Raven turned off her alarm and got up to start her day. She stripped out of her black lace and matching panties and jumped into the shower. The hot spray soaked her body, her bare skin glistening amid the steam and heat. Just the way she liked it. She let the hot water massage her tense muscles and soothe away her worries and doubts. She indulged herself for a bit, using these moments to escape her own thoughts, then shampooed her hair and soaped up. Once out of the shower, she air-dried because she hated the lint from the towels clinging to her body.

  Raven looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Staring back at her was a tiny girl standing at four-feet-ten inches. Her greenish blue eyes stood out against her jet-black hair. Her hair was the reason her mother had named her Raven. It came down the middle of her back and was bone straight. She had layers cut into it to give it a bit of life, and considered running streaks through it to make it look more buoyant, lively. She hated her damn hair. A heart shaped face with high cheekbones and evenly spaced eyes made her look like a child instead of almost twenty. She guessed she would be grateful later when she was forty, but for now it was a pain in the ass. Her Native American Heritage was evident in her skin complexion. It was the only thing about her appearance she didn't hate. After a final glance in the mirror, she walked over to her ridiculously huge closet. It was jam-packed with the latest styles and it still took her entirely too long to look for things to wear on any given occasion. Today was no different.

  Raven shot off a text to Remy to say good morning, as usual.

  Morning babe. Have a great day! XOXO Miss you…

  She continued to rummage through her closet for something decent to wear. Damn, she needed to go shopping. She settled for a black Supernatural shirt and black crop leggings. After dressing, she combed out her hair and placed it in a high bun on the top of her head, then slipped on her red flats and grabbed her pack and purse.

  Her watch assured her that she was still ahead of schedule. As she made her way downstairs from her apartment, she checked her phone. He hadn't texted back yet.

  Raven quickly shot off another text.

  Hey babe…you awake yet?

  She placed her phone in her bag and walked the three blocks to the bus stop. It was quicker than trying to drive her two-door convertible to the university. Besides, it wasn't too cold out yet, even though it was January. The snow hadn't even fallen, which was odd for Boston.

  Awesome, the bus wasn’t there yet. God, she hated waiting. Ten minutes passed before she climbed aboard and took a seat. She pulled out her phone to check her messages again, still nothing. Why did he always take so long to text back? Sometimes, he didn’t even text back at all.

  After a long sigh, Raven decided to dial his number.

  Ring. Ring. Ring.

  "Yo, you've reached Remy. Leave me a message and I might call you back. Holla."

  Beep.

  "Remy,” Raven breathed, “I've texted you like twice. Where are you? Text me or call me back. Bye."

  Gah! She felt like a fucking idiot. They had hardly hung out together over the weekend, and now she wouldn’t be able to see him at all this week due to their different class schedules. She majored in Dance, and he was in Music, so they didn't have any classes together anymore. It was just by luck that they had th
e same freshman seminar and psychology class last school year.

  Ding.

  Her phone chimed.

  "Fucking finally," she murmured.

  She checked the message and was immediately disappointed. It wasn't Remy. It was her best friend, Matthew Masterson, Matt for short, or Matty if she wanted to annoy him.

  Yo son, you almost here? I have shit to discuss about your boy.

  Remy…he wanted to talk about things he had heard again. She wasn't interested in rumors.

  Keep the gossip to yourself, Matt. I don't have time for it.

  Just as quickly as she put her phone down, she received a reply.

  Not a damn rumor. I saw him last night.

  Raven just stared at her phone. She didn't dare text back. She couldn’t. She was afraid of what he might have seen. She decided she would just not respond.

  Don't fucking ignore me, Raven. We will talk after class this morning. He's an asshole and you can do so much better.

  Shit! She wasn't on board with this. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to remain blissfully ignorant. Out of sight, out of mind.

  "Damnit Remy, why haven't you texted me back?"

  She would have to find him at school today and figure out what was going on. Preferably before Matt cornered her for a little chat. He was a relentless son of a bitch, and he didn't like Remy at all. He made sure to tell her every chance he got, repeatedly. Raven wondered why she stayed friends with him at this point. He just wouldn’t let it go. Once the bus hissed to a stop, she hurried down the steps and mentally prepared herself for what she knew was going to be a shit day. Fuck Mondays!

  Chapter 2

  Remy Peters felt her arms wrap tightly around him, and a playful nip on his shoulder. He smiled to himself but made no indication that he was awake. A cute little growl sounded behind him and he could no longer hold in his laughter.