Nobody's Hero

by Kallypso Masters

  “Karla.” He hoped his voice carried through the room's solid, vintage door.

  No response. He should just go back to bed and leave her alone. Or maybe he should get Cassie up. Karla might be more comfortable talking with a woman at a time like this. Then the sound of sobs coming from Karla’s room undid him, twisting his gut into knots tighter than the ones he used in rope suspension. Aw, hell. He’d made her cry. He opened the door and found her lying across the bed wrapped in a towel. Her long bare legs stirred his dick back to life.

  Fuck it all to hell, old man. Can’t you control your head anymore?

  “Karla?” Her body tensed and she rubbed her hands against her eyes, but didn’t turn to face him. “Hon, we need to talk.”

  “Not now, Adam. Please, just don’t say anything more.”

  More? What had he said? He tried to think back, but came up blank. Damned pills. “Hon, I can’t tell you how sorry I…”

  She rolled over and glared at him, dashing more tears away from her cheeks. The towel loosened to expose her beautiful breasts. His dick throbbed harder. Until she came along, he could go months without having sex, and now he was eager to go at it again in what, less than an hour? What the fuck was the matter with him?

  Judging by the glare in Karla’s eyes, having sex with him was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment. Good girl. At least one of them was thinking clearly.

  “Adam Montague, I don’t want to hear another word about your regrets.”

  She sat up, ignoring her bared breasts. Well, he certainly couldn’t ignore them. Their dusky pink areolas begged to be touched. Sucked. Bitten.

  Whoa! He wouldn’t be having rough sex—scratch that. He wouldn’t be having any kind of sex with Karla ever again.

  “What happened in your bed this morning was the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me, and I won’t let you cheapen it or make me feel dirty because I didn’t stop you when I should have.”

  When she should have? Hell, he was the one on top. Wasn’t he?

  Karla stood and came closer to him, first stabbing him with her angry gaze, then stabbing his chest with her finger. At least she finally pulled the towel up to cover her breasts. “I’ve wanted you to make love to me for months. Now all I want is for you to get the hell out of my room.”

  Shit, he’d not only hurt her physically, he’d hurt her emotionally. Total clusterfuck.

  Adam reached out and pulled her closer, rubbing his hands up and down her bare arms. “Karla, I never wanted to hurt you. If I hadn’t been on all those meds…” The flash of pain in her eyes told him he’d just hurt her again. Okay, he needed to steer clear of that tack. “Hon, your first time should have been with someone who can make a commitment to you…” Shit. Now tears. A woman's waterworks always wrenched his gut, but he'd rarely seen Karla cry. He reached out and wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs, then pulled her against his chest.

  “Aw, kitten, I’m so sorry. Please believe me. I wish I’d made your first time so much more special.”

  “Adam, it was special. Please don’t make it ugly now. Don’t apologize anymore for making love with me.”

  Christ. What did she need to hear from him?

  Adam wanted to lift her into his arms, but didn’t have the strength, so he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her down into his lap. She laid her head against his shoulder and he stroked her gorgeous thick hair, remembering how incredible it had felt to finger comb and bind it in the hair corset at Marc’s—that evening seemed like a year ago.

  He nearly lost his resolve to do right by her. He wanted nothing more than to lay her down on this bed and make love to her the way he should have the first time. But he knew he wasn’t going to make anything better at this point with more sex. Time to regroup and form a new plan. Assess the situation on the ground, figure out how to put this behind them, and move forward. He just had no fucking clue how to do that.

  “What do we do now, hon?”

  She reached up to brush away her tears. “Don’t make me leave, Adam. Please don’t send me away.”

  What was she talking about? He didn’t know what all he’d said in the bedroom exactly, but didn’t remember any talk about sending her away. At least, not that he’d spoken aloud. Had he? Oh, hell, maybe he had. Damn it, he hated having his head on so many fucking drugs. How was he supposed to navigate these dangerous waters when he was under the influence of narcotics? He wasn’t going to take another damned pain pill from now on.

  “I’m sorry, hon.” He felt her go stiff and quickly added, “If I said I wanted to send you away, it must have been the pills. I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

  I need you.

  Whoa. Sure, he wanted her, but it wasn’t a need. He didn’t need anyone. He’d never needed anyone.

  Karla pulled away and her tear-stained face tore at his heart, her long eyelashes clumping together. He’d put those tears there. “Adam, I can’t go on the way we’ve been living, though.”

  “What do you mean?” What was wrong with the way they’d been living?

  She placed a hand at the nape of his neck and pulled him toward her, letting her other hand stroke his cheek. Oh, God, no. He couldn’t resist her when she used tactics like that. He groaned and turned his head as his mouth sought out her sexy lips. He grabbed the back of her head and deepened the kiss, his tongue delving into the sweetness of her mouth. His dick came to a full salute.

  Shit. No. This needed to stop. Now.

  She moaned, making him aware that his hand was cupping her breast. Those firm breasts had been begging to be touched for months, and he’d lain awake many nights imagining what it would feel like to do just that. Now here she was in his lap, his arm around her, hand touching her.

  Yeah, he needed to stop this shit. Now.

  His lips trailed down her neck, and her head dropped back giving him better access as she gasped for air. He’d never been so out of control.

  God help him, but he didn’t want to stop. Ever.

  “What do you need from me, kitten?” he whispered in her ear.

  “Love me, Adam. Please, just love me.”

  Oh, God. Don’t ask for the one thing he couldn’t give her or anyone. He pulled away and searched her eyes, watching the sparkle fade as realization dawned on her. What a fucking heel he was. “I’m sorry, Karla. I can have sex with you, but there can never be anything more than that.”

  “Because you still love your wife?”

  He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers. No. Because he didn’t want to hurt Karla the way he’d hurt Joni. “I made a lousy husband, Karla. You deserve someone who can love you one-hundred percent, twenty-four/seven. I’m not that man.”

  “Bullshit.”

  He pulled back and opened his eyes to find her glaring back at him again. Well, it sure beat tears. This woman was not the meek Karla he’d encountered in the hallways in this house, or at the kitchen table, all these months, but the one he remembered as a sixteen-year-old. The one he’d corresponded with for almost nine years. Feisty, stubborn, and full of life. For some reason, she seemed to have rediscovered that feistiness while he’d been in the hospital. That seemed to be when everything went south and her demeanor had changed.

  “Come again?”

  “You heard me. I said ‘bullshit.’ Joni loved you and I know you loved her. You still do.” Karla’s hand reached up to stroke his cheek and her voice softened. “But she’s been gone a long time, Adam.”

  He winced. Guilt assailed him at how he’d treated Joni, never able to love her the way she wanted and needed to be loved. Guilt at how he knew he’d hurt Karla if she tried to get that close to his heart, too. Guilt—the useless emotion that threatened to consume him before he tamped it back down. Guilt didn’t help anything. He couldn’t remedy anything about his relationship with Joni. But Karla was another matter.

  “What would a young woman like you see in an old man like me?”

  “Would you get
your head out of your ass for once, Adam, and see what’s been in front of your face for months? You need a living, breathing woman who can warm your bed and your heart. You need me, whether you’re fucking ready to believe it or not.”

  “Watch your language.”

  “Excuse me? I’m only a few years younger than Grant and she swears like a…well, a Marine.”

  “Grant is a Marine—you’re not. What’s Grant’s age or swearing got to do with you?”

  Adam had no clue what was getting Karla so riled up, but he stroked her arm to try and calm her down, surprised when it seemed to work.

  “Adam, I don’t know what we have in common, because you won’t let me close enough to get to know you. But I know you served in the military, as did my brother. I know you like to eat, so I’m having Angie teach me to cook, mainly for the joy of watching you eat whatever I make.”

  “You don’t have to go to all the trouble…”

  “Don’t interrupt.”

  Damned bossy woman.

  “I want to, Adam. I want to please you.”

  His mind zeroed in on the words “please you” and raced to images of Karla restrained for his pleasure. His dick needed no further encouragement. Having her sitting in his lap felt better than anything he could imagine. Then again, maybe not. Big mistake.

  “I know you’re brave and kind and noble and that you care about me or you wouldn’t have bothered to send me all those letters for nine years—”

  “Being a pen pal isn’t a reason to fall in love with a guy.”

  “I. Said. Don’t. Interrupt.” She glared until he gave her a nod of the head. The woman had Domme written all over her. A relationship between them would never work.

  “I know you got a mountain lion to chase after you just to save me. And I know you’re my hero.” The intensity in her eyes and catch in her voice caused his gut to clench.

  “I’m nobody’s hero. Anyone would have done the same when they saw you were in danger.”

  She winced, and he knew he’d hurt her again, but he needed to divest her of the notion there would ever be anything more between them.

  “Adam Montague, you will not degrade what you did on that mountain any more than you will degrade what we shared in your bed or I’m going to be the one wielding the whip and striping your ass the way Damián does his masochistic subs.”

  “Sorry, hon, but I don’t swing that way.” Oh, yeah. Definitely a dominant. Shit. No fucking way was she coming after him with a whip. “See? We don’t even have kink in common.”

  His kitten leaned toward his ear and said in the sexiest purr he’d ever heard, “Adam, when you bound me with those ropes in Marc’s playroom, I was never so turned on in all my life.” His dick felt like it was about to explode.

  Damn. Adam had known that demonstration had been a mistake from the start and still didn’t know how he’d ever gotten roped into it, so to speak. Karla had seemed as surprised as he was when Angelina had suggested it.

  He rubbed his hand over his face. This conversation was going south fast. When had he lost control with Karla? The damned cougar attack. How soon could he regain the upper hand with her? Maybe when the fog cleared completely? At least he’d sworn off the damned pills now.

  Time to regain control now. “Hon, it’s not like you seem to have had a lot of experience with being turned on.”

  Karla pulled away and her eyes, reddened from her recent crying jag, became narrow slits. “Not true. I’ve been turned on by you for a long time. You just chose to ignore me.” She cupped his cheeks in her hands, forcing Adam to stare into her eyes again. “The only person I ever wanted to turn me on was you, Adam.”

  If she didn’t stop whispering like that, he was going to embarrass himself.

  “When I saw you in my parents’ kitchen without your shirt—oh…my…God. I was ruined for any other man right then and there.” She grinned.

  He’d turned on a sixteen-year-old? Hell, he’d thought she’d been embarrassed, not excited. If her mom would have let him put his damned shirt back on, maybe none of this would have happened. Karla definitely took after her mother. Two strong, dominant women.

  He needed to get Karla off his lap. It was wrong to take advantage of a naïve, innocent—well not as innocent as she’d been an hour ago—woman who was just discovering the joys of love. No, not love. Sex.

  Wrong to wrap his arms tighter around her.

  Wrong to want to kiss her.

  He knew all that, so why was he ignoring his inner compass and doing those things anyway?

  Chapter Three

  Adam’s arms tightened around her and she felt a charge of electricity rip through her. Still holding his face in her hands, she moved her lips toward his, brushing them lightly, enjoying the tingling sensation. She wanted to savor this moment. His lips were firm and soft at the same time. She kissed his upper lip, then his fuller lower one. He didn’t reciprocate, but that was okay. They had hours before daylight would bring the house to life again. With his walls of resistance still lowered, she had no doubt how her first seduction scene would turn out.

  Adam Montague, you are doomed to be loved by me forever, whether you choose to accept me or not.

  With the tip of her tongue, she traced the line between his lips, and he groaned, his hand moving up to cup her breast. Her bare breast. The towel must have slipped down again. She hadn’t even noticed. Nor did she care.

  Yes. Touch me, Adam.

  “Oh God, Kitten.”

  The special endearment was growing on her. He rolled her nipple between his finger and thumb, sending another zing straight to her clit. She squirmed on his lap and felt his erection pressing against her thigh. Karla smiled. What a feeling of power. Now to move in for the kill. Thank God she’d watched a lot of romantic movies, or she might not have even known how to kiss him like a woman would. She’d fantasized about this for many, many years.

  Karla took her fingers and splayed them over the very short hairs at the nape of his neck, then held his head firmly as she pressed her tongue against his lips, breaking through and delving inside his mouth. His hand convulsed over her breast and nipple at her gentle, but persistent, invasion.

  He pushed her away, and she looked at him through half-lidded eyes. Both of them gasped for air. Then he pulled her toward him with a groan that sounded like surrender.

  His tongue met and welcomed hers, teasing, stroking, dancing. Her clit throbbed. More. She wanted more but knew she needed to go slowly. God, she’d die if he pulled away from her again. His tongue pressed into her open mouth and assaulted her senses. Air became a precious commodity, and she gasped, trying to fill her aching lungs.

  Throwing her head back, she gave him access to her neck, and he pressed kisses against the throbbing pulse there. His whiskers scratched and tickled at the same time. Her clit throbbed in response. As a teenager, she hadn’t imagined him with whiskers. She stifled a giggle. What a giddy feeling. At last, Adam was kissing her, loving her.

  Well, maybe love was too strong a word. He wasn’t ready for that. But she definitely hoped he would make love to her. Again. Slowly. With great feeling.

  His lips nuzzled into the hollow of her throat, and she felt her girly bits growing wet. Her entire body tingled at the awareness he awoke inside her. More. Dragging her hands from around his neck, she touched his chest with trembling hands, wishing he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt now. She wanted to see his chest in the light coming from her bathroom door. She hadn’t been able to see much of him before in the darkness of his room.

  Adam’s hand moved from her breast and grasped her wrists, pressing her hands against his chest. Confused, she lifted her head and watched him close his eyes as he leaned forward until his forehead pressed against hers. He took several raspy breaths, apparently having as much trouble breathing as she was.

  Don’t pull away from me, Adam. Not again.

  He sat up and opened his eyes, a look of pain on his face. No! Karla felt her heart squeezing tight be
fore he even spoke.

  “I can’t do this to you, hon.”

  “I want you to do this with me, not to me.”

  “You deserve better than me.”

  Her voice sounded hoarse when she spoke. “Adam, they don’t come any better than you.”

  “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Bullshit. I know you’re a good and honorable man. I know you would lay down your life for someone you love.” Yes, including me. “And I know you have a lot of hurts buried deep inside you that are fucking with your brain.” When his eyes grew round at her second f-bomb, she continued. “When are you going to stop thinking of me as a child? I’m not sixteen anymore, Adam. And I’m not crushing on you like I did back then. I came to you this summer because I needed you to help me deal with Ian’s death. Then I realized how much I’ve loved you all these years. But when you were lying in that hospital bed, I realized how much you need me, too. Please don’t shut me out. I can help slay your dragons.”

  Adam pulled away as if she’d struck him. “What are you talking about? I don’t have any dragons left. I’ve slayed them already.”

  “I’ll be good. Don’t lock me in there, Mommy!”

  Karla remembered Adam lying in the hospital bed, feverish from infection, and screaming those words out in a high-pitched child’s voice. She reached up to stroke his cheek, wondering how to get him to open up to her about the pain buried so deep inside he didn’t even know it was there.

  “I want to know you better. Tell me about yourself, Adam. Where did you grow up?”

  He seemed wary, as if uncertain of her motives. “Minneapolis.”

  “Any siblings?”

  “No.”

  This was going to be like pulling teeth. She needed to ask open-ended questions that would elicit more than one-word responses. Karla tried to stifle a grin. “What was school like for you?”