by Isla Gordon
She scrabbled with the door handle and entered the chalet and had to fumble for the light switch, it was so gloomy inside. But several flicks told her the power was out. Bear was all over her, leaning and licking and catching his breath.
Alice slumped down against the door, holding on to him, running her fingers through his fur. ‘It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,’ she whispered over and over again, to either the dog or herself.
They sat there for who knows how long, as the sky grew ever darker, the wind howling against the wood of the chalet, the cold air whistling under the door. There were rumbles in the distance and she didn’t know if they were thunder or shifting snow on the mountains. Then the chopping sound of a helicopter cut through the falling ice overhead.
Her own demons clawed at the chalet door, reminding her that if anything happened to Bear it would be her fault. She brought him here. She fought back with reasoning – nothing was going to happen to Bear, he was safe inside with her. But the mind has a devilish way of spinning speculation into foregone conclusion.
Bear whined, and Alice talked to him in a sing-song, but wobbly, voice about how she wasn’t going anywhere. She told him about how brave Marco was, and how she was working hard to be as brave as him, and as she said it she thought about what he’d said. She couldn’t save everyone. And she pushed back harder at her thoughts, breathing in and breathing out, and vowed not to ever again let the ‘what ifs’ be in charge.
Flashback images of Jill danced in the dark, her face half turned and smiling at her across the sea of people after they’d separated, but Alice pushed it roughly aside and remembered instead a different memory of Jill.
They were at the Women’s March back in January. They’d walked and walked and cheered and held their placards high and Alice was so happy because in that moment it felt like history could, finally, start on a new course. Jill had shouted in her ear to be heard over the noise, ‘This is so great, but what if nothing changes?’
Alice had laughed her joyful laugh and turned to her, putting her gloved hands on her cheeks and said, ‘What if we actually save the world?’
Alice stood up on shaking legs. She was someone who always looked for the bright side, and had always assumed the best, not the worst, was going to happen. Yes it was idealistic, and there would always be plenty of things in the world to try and prove her wrong, but she was damned if she was going to lose that part of herself entirely. It was time to save herself.
This was a storm, she could handle it. Marco was fully trained and would be back soon, and she’d coped with worse than this. She needed to step up now and do the best she could.
Alice moved away from the door and led Bear over to the sofa. She lit the wood burner and the warm glow filled the room. Trauma wasn’t going to get the best of her; this other living soul who depended on her was.
‘Come on Bear, let’s go and sit over here. We’re so safe and warm and snuggled in here, aren’t we?’
Bear paced, looking back at the door, and whined a little more.
‘Come on, puppy,’ she coaxed. Eventually he sat half on her, his woolly bum heavy, then he slid down until he lay slumped against her. His ears were still alert, as were hers to be honest, but he seemed to calm. And in turn, so did she.
When the thunder couldn’t be heard any more, and the wind had died down, Bear lay his head down on her lap with a sigh. He looked up at her with his big amber eyes, safe in the knowledge that they were both there for each other.
Chapter 47
A short while later Alice heard the faint but unmistakable sound of someone trudging through the snow towards her chalet. There was a rough knock on the door and Lola’s voice called out, ‘Alice? Bear? You okay in there?’
Bear stirred from where he was dozing on the floor against her thigh but didn’t get up, so Alice called back, ‘Come in, Lola.’
Lola entered, carrying a torch and bundled up in her snow jacket and salopettes. In her arms were two bulging duffel bags. ‘Hey, how are you two?’
‘We’re okay. I freaked out a bit on Marco, though. Do you know what’s going on?’
Lola dumped the bags on the floor and took a seat, rubbing her face. ‘Yeah, Noah just came back from the village. The storm caused a power outage on the Schilthorn cable car, and there’s like, four hundred people trapped. The conditions mean they don’t want to start running it again, and there’s a risk of avalanche at the moment but they don’t think there’s been one so far. Marc will be out with his crew – there are five helicopters airlifting people from cable cars and helping people stranded on the mountain.’
‘Jesus . . . ’ Alice sighed. ‘Is everyone okay?’
‘I don’t know. Noah didn’t know. It came on so quickly. There’s just so many people on the mountain at the moment because of the Inferno that it’s not like everyone can go back to hotel rooms, and the cable cars have completely stopped in both directions.’
‘So what’s happening?’
‘The sports hall at the Alpine Centre has been opened up and it’s where everyone’s being sent to. I’m going to head down there now and see if there’s anything I can do to help. I’ve got some snacks and blankets and stuff. Do you want to come?’
Alice looked at Bear, who was steadfastly snuggled into her.
‘The Alpine Sports Centre’s open to dogs, you could bring him along. He might be a nice distraction for people. Totally your call of course, I just wondered if . . . you know . . . misery might want some company.’
The old Alice would have been there in a shot, and she liked the old Alice. If Marco could airlift people from a flip-pin’ cable car, she could absolutely do all she could to help. ‘Yes,’ she said, standing up. ‘You’re right. Let’s go. What shall I bring?’
‘Great. I don’t know really. I’m guessing there might be some confused or scared people, including kids. There might be people separated from their friends or family, or even just disappointed people who were looking forward to the procession or worried about whether the race will take place tomorrow. I’m just bringing a few things that might comfort or help them. I have a board game in here and a few old paperbacks.’
Alice pulled on some extra socks and another jumper, then threw in a bag a few items of her own she was happy to part with – thick ski socks, an old hoodie, books, the fleece blanket from her nook. In a flash of inspiration she grabbed her sketch pad and a handful of pens and pencils, and then harnessed up Bear, ready to go.
The walk through the village was eerily quiet and on the ground all the footprints and ski marks from earlier in the day were covered with a thick dump of untouched snow. The snowfall had stopped and the clouds had cleared a little but by this time night was drawing in, and the searchlights from the helicopters were zigzagging over the slopes up to her right.
‘They’ll need to stop soon, it’s too dangerous to fly the helicopters when the light completely goes,’ Lola commented, looking up.
‘What does that mean for anyone still stuck?’
Lola shrugged. ‘I bet they’re working really hard to try and make sure that doesn’t happen.’
Walking in the door of the sports centre, Alice and Lola saw the size of the operation. There were makeshift signs pointing people to the sports hall, and the lobby area was filled with people, traipsing snow in and out, talking on their mobile phones, queuing up to ask questions from anyone wearing any kind of uniform. The people from the Hugs & Cups café were rushing back and forth bringing free hot drinks to everyone. A paramedic was leaning over a patient lying on the ground and talking to them while they nodded, and for a second Alice thought it might be Marco, but it wasn’t him.
A man came out of the ski rental place at the back, carrying a basket of gloves, and spotted Lola.
‘Hey, Bron.’
‘Hey, Lola,’ he replied.
‘What can we do to help? We brought some supplies and games and stuff.’
‘I think just go into the sports hall. There’s a lot of
upset people in there so maybe just hang out and chat with them.’
‘Do we have any word on the procession or the Inferno that we can tell them?’
‘No – we’ll hear more once the choppers are done.’ He turned to Alice. ‘That’s a great dog.’
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘He’s pretty comforting. We thought we could loan him out for warm hugs.’
‘Good idea.’
They followed Bron into the large sports hall which was filled with people leaning up against the walls, or lying on the ground, and some glued to their phones, hoping for updates. There was an air of glumness, but also one of camaraderie, with packets of biscuits being passed around, and children of different nationalities playing in little groups. One group of nearby kids came running over to Bear when they saw him and took it in turns to hug and stroke him, Bear not minding at all and happily giving out his paws and licks.
‘This is Bear, his name is Bear,’ Alice explained.
For the next hour or so, Alice walked Bear around the sports hall letting him meet everybody and chatting with people about how old he was, how much he weighed, etc. She could see the worry and disappointment on some people’s faces and she hoped that in some small, fleeting way, her big happy dog was providing a little bit of comfort for them, like he did for her, daily, even when she didn’t notice.
Alice kept one eye on the door, hoping Marco would walk in at any moment. She just wanted to know he was okay – physically and emotionally. She knew he gave a hundred per cent to his job and did everything possible, but if there were people he couldn’t save, or find, it would weigh heavily on him for a while. To distract herself and make time pass, she drew sketches of the kids with Bear and gave them to them, much to their delight.
The rumour started to circulate around the hall that the last of the helicopters had stopped for the evening, so Alice got up from where she was sitting and took Bear back out to the lobby area of the Alpine Sports Centre.
And there he was, her Marco. He stood talking to two men dressed in similar uniforms to his, his brow sweaty and his hair a wonderful, sandy mess. His hands were on his hips and he rolled his shoulders, and she watched him from afar, not wanting to interrupt him if he was still working.
Bear had other ideas though. On seeing Marco he pulled and stretched and dragged Alice to him, where he muscled right into the middle of the group of men and leapt his paws up to Marco’s shoulders to lick his face. Marco laughed, and his whole face went from exhausted to happy on seeing Alice.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Alice said, apologising for interrupting them, but also for her breakdown earlier.
‘Are you okay?’ Marco answered, pulling her towards him and burying her deep in his arms.
‘Are you okay?’ replied Alice. ‘How did it go? Did you get everybody down?’
Marco and his colleagues nodded at each other. ‘We think so. The cable car is cleared, and we couldn’t see anyone left on the mountain. Nobody has been reported missing who isn’t now back, so we have to have hope that everybody is safe.’
‘Let me get you a drink. Let me get all of you a drink.’
‘Thank you,’ breathed Marco, and she left Bear sitting on his feet while she grabbed three Styrofoam cups from the café filled with hot apple juice. The men drank them quickly and then Marco said: ‘Listen, I’m not going to be finished for a while yet. We have quite a few patients set up in the Kinderparadies children’s room and we need to take a while with them to make sure they’re okay and don’t need to go to hospital tonight.’
‘All right,’ she said, falling in love with him.
‘Noah and David are outside, though. They’ve been helping bring the devil over so it can be burnt.’
‘The procession’s going ahead?’ she asked in surprise.
‘No, just the burning. They’ll gather everybody outside soon. You should stay and watch.’
‘I don’t know if people are going to be in the mood for this at the moment, I think they just want to go home.’
He grinned. ‘You wait and see. These people know that if the burning doesn’t happen the race will surely be cancelled. That bloody devil.’
‘So is the race going ahead tomorrow?’
‘We will keep the fingers crossed!’
Sure enough, word of the devil effigy burning going ahead had trickled into the sports hall and people were starting to pour out, the chatter volume rising and faces filling with hope. Alice grabbed Marco’s hand before he disappeared.
‘When you’re done, will you come back and sleep at mine?’ she asked.
‘Are you sure?’ He looked down at her and moved an inch closer. ‘It might be really late.’
‘I’m sure. I’ll leave the door unlocked. Come home whenever you can.’
Chapter 48
The dawn was bright – a fresh, clear sky above the mountain peaks of Mürren and the storm a distant memory like a bad dream that had never really existed. Alice awoke, with Marco sleeping beside her, so weary, and Bear a vision of comfort lying on his back in between them.
She breathed them in.
Marco’s eyelids opened and he smiled at her. ‘Guete Morge.’
‘Good morning. How are you feeling?’
‘Achy.’ He stretched, then brought his hand up to touch her face. ‘How are you feeling? You were pretty scared yesterday, I felt bad leaving you.’
‘I’m fine too,’ Alice answered. ‘But I think I’m going to get some help.’
‘Therapy? Oh that’s . . . hang on a minute, let me tell your dad.’ On the other end of the line, Liz leaned away from the phone. ‘Ed . . . ? Ed . . . ? Alice is going to see a counsellor.’
Alice heard her dad in the background exclaim with happiness, and Liz came back on to say, ‘Love, I think that’s brilliant. Well done, you.’
Marco had headed home to change and shower, and then they were going to make their way into the village to watch the first of the Inferno racers descend the slopes. The cable car was running, the sky was blue again, the snow was delicate and light, the skiers were back on the slopes and the world kept turning.
‘Thanks,’ Alice said. ‘Everything feels so much better than it did back in August. It’s just . . . I feel like I broke into loads of bits after it happened, and you guys, my friends at home, my friends out here, Bear, Marco—’
‘Marco?’ Liz’s ears pricked up.
‘Yes, Marco. I feel like everyone’s helped put me back together and I’m not quite how I was before, but that’s okay. But it seems I’m still annoyingly flimsy, and I’m tired of guessing how to fix that on my own.’
‘I think you put yourself back together. But anyway, semantics. We’re both just so pleased you’re going to see someone and get help. Will you need to wait until you get back to the UK?’
‘I think I’ll try and find someone nearby,’ Alice answered. ‘Probably not in Mürren because it’s tiny, as you’ll see for yourself next month, but maybe in a slightly bigger town like Interlaken. I don’t want to wait another three and a half months.’
‘Ooh yes, our trip,’ Liz said. ‘We can’t wait to see where you’ve been living, and all your new friends . . . ’
‘And that Bear!’ shouted Ed.
‘But tell us, just how snowy is it? Will your dad need to bring his wellies?’
Alice spent the next fifteen minutes chatting her parents through the simple pleasure of winter holiday packing, snuggled in the comfort of her nook, overlooking her view.
The Inferno atmosphere was on fire. Smiles of happy relief and joyous fun painted everybody’s faces, and spectators cheered and rang huge cowbells for everybody who made it to the bottom of the mountain, whether they knew them or not. The skiers themselves flourished to the finish line, spraying glistening powdery snow over the bystanders, much to their delight.
Alice stood with Bear and Marco. Lola was leaning forward waiting for Noah to make it to the bottom. David stood with Vanessa, who had made it, and was cosying up with David lik
e she’d never been away.
‘What do you think?’ Marco asked Alice.
‘I thought I would hate it,’ she answered honestly. ‘But actually I feel part of the family now.’ She grinned up at him. ‘I think I’d better enter next year.’
‘You do?’
‘Yeah. You know, show them how it’s done. In fact,’ she added, her eyes tracing the outline of the mountain peaks that surrounded her, ‘I might have to come back every year.’
Chapter 49
Alice and Lola walked Bear along the Chänelegg Trail as the first signs of spring peeped through the snow. There was no need for snowshoes now, and Bear was enjoying munching on the blades of grass that peeped up through to the sky.
‘I just can’t believe it’s April already and that you go home in a week,’ Lola was saying. ‘What am I going to do without you?’
‘I know, it’s going to feel like my right arm is missing, not having you next door any more.’ Lola stuck out her bottom lip and Alice slung an arm around her shoulders as they walked. ‘Are you looking forward to going back to New Zealand?’
‘Ah yeah, for sure. But this winter’s been bloody ace.’
‘It really has,’ Alice agreed.
‘You’re flying back over in August for Sonja’s seventieth, though, right?’
‘We wouldn’t miss it!’ said Alice. ‘Imagine if you flew over from the southern hemisphere for a long weekend and we didn’t make the effort from just over in England.’
It was so strange to be going home. Alice had long dreaded this time coming around, but actually it wasn’t an awful feeling, just a bittersweet one. The fear had melted with the snow, and she was looking forward to seeing her parents, catching up with Bahira, Kemi and Theresa over a bottle of wine, walking beside the Thames, eating ‘real’ bacon again. She’d be living back at her childhood home for a couple of months, commuting into London two days a week to work from the Funny Pack office, which would be a welcome hug. She also planned to visit Jill’s mum and dad regularly.