Consumed

by Leslie Sansom

  I looked back and Norah hadn’t moved. I went to her and cleaned her up. After dressing her in cotton pajamas I put her to bed. When I started to climb in behind her she cried harder. I slept in the chair that night.

  ***

  When we made it back to London, she still hadn’t mumbled more than a few words. The things running through my mind, the horrible things I kept thinking of were making me crazy. I had so many questions, but I didn’t want to push her.

  Where did he keep her?

  How often did he torture her?

  Why had she lost so much weight?

  Did he rape her?

  And the worst one of all, the one I couldn’t bear to think about….Did she still love me?

  Rosa took her from me as soon as we walked through the door. I saw Norah crying on her shoulder as they went upstairs. But I noticed she wrapped her arms around Rosa’s waist. She hadn’t let me touch more than her arm or hand. I didn’t know if it was because she was tormented by what Nick had done to her or if she was scared of me again.

  I made a few phone calls and then went up to go to bed. But she wasn’t in our room. I looked in the bathroom and she wasn’t there either. Rosa came in and told me she was in her old room. I walked down there and there she was, asleep in her old bed. I went back to our room showered and changed then went back and slept on the floor next to her bed.

  Norah

  I was so happy to be found, so happy to be back, so happy to have Liam again. But I couldn’t stand to look at him. I couldn’t stand to have him touch me. I knew he had questions, but I didn’t want to answer them.

  I was so afraid of what he would think of me. He wouldn’t want me anymore if he knew I had been sleeping in the bed with another man. He wouldn’t want me anymore if he knew Nick had kissed my mouth and my body. He had already seen the marks Nick had left on me and I could see the pity in his eyes. He would never look at me the same again.

  When I woke up he was sitting in the chair watching me.

  “Good Morning, Norah.” I nodded and sat up. “I brought your breakfast up here, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to…be in the dining room.” He brought me a tray of food and sat in over my body. It smelled delicious. Pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon. I was so hungry after weeks of oatmeal and very few actual meals. But I couldn’t eat. I didn’t want to eat.

  “Do you want me to feed you?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and he went right to work. He picked up the fork and cut the pancakes and fed them to me. I chewed slowly. I couldn’t make eye contact the whole time he fed me. When he was done I told him I was tired and he said he would let me take a nap. When he leaned in to kiss my forehead I flinched so he stopped. I could see the pain on his face.

  I stayed in my room the whole day. He brought me my phone and told me I should call Tiffany, but I couldn’t. He told me to call my family, but I knew I couldn’t keep the pain out of my voice.

  The next few days were mostly the same. He stopped feeding me and asking to call people, but he still came in and tried to get me to talk. But neither of us talked about what we really needed to talk about.

  “Lina and Raymond moved to Italy to be with his family. I don’t think Rosa was very happy about it.” I kept rocking. “Will asked Jane to marry him just after you….ah…you after you…” He couldn’t say the words. “Tiffany came here because she was worried about you. You should probably call her.”

  “I’ll call her when I’m ready!” I snapped. He looked shocked when I snapped but I was tired of hearing his voice. It had been days of him coming in here making stupid chit chat with me. I stood up and walked to the window. He came up behind me.

  “Please talk to me, Norah. Tell me something, baby. Tell me anything. Tell me what happened, tell me what he did to you, tell me you hate me and want to leave me….just talk to me, please Norah.” His voice was just a whisper and I heard him pleading with me. But I just couldn’t. I turned and looked at him. He looked sad and broken. I actually felt bad for him.

  “I can’t.” I walked past him to the bathroom and stayed in there until he left.

  I came out a few days later to get some clothes from his room and heard him on the phone.

  “I don’t know what to do. She won’t talk to me. I don’t know what happened to her, but her body has marks all over it. I don’t know, but she won’t let me touch her and if I say too much she snaps at me. She won’t sleep in my bed and...” his voice broke, “…I don’t know what to do for her. I think she needs professional help. The things that happened to her, to lead her to me, the things I did to her before we fell in love and all the stupid dominate/submissive games we have played since then,…none of it must compare to what the bastard did to her…wait I think I hear her.” I stood at the top of the stairs and watched as he came to the bottom. He held the phone at his side and we just looked at each other for a moment.

  “Do you need something, sweetheart? Is there something I can do for you?” I shook my head and went back to my room.

  When I woke up the next morning Liam was standing at the window. I sat up and he turned to face me.

  “Good Morning.” He always tried to sound chipper, like nothing was wrong with either of us. “I thought we could enjoy our breakfast outside on the deck this morning.” I nodded in agreement and got up. I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and put on some yoga pants and a short sleeved shirt. As we walked out of the bedroom, I slipped on some flip flops.

  It was a beautiful day. 73 degrees, slight breeze and very sunny. We sat and ate our breakfast and enjoyed the beautiful day.

  “I think we should go window shopping. Take a trip to get some ice cream…” I interrupted him.

  “I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here.”

  “Why? Why do you feel the need to seclude yourself again?” I looked down at my food.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Why? Norah, you can tell me anything.”

  “No. I can’t.”

  “Why not, Norah? What can’t you tell me? Do you think my feelings will change?”

  “They will change.”

  “No, they won’t. Nothing you can say…nothing that has happened will change the way I feel about you. I love you.” I stood up.

  “Stop. Just stop. I can’t do this right now.” I walked back inside.

  Liam

  I didn’t know what to do for her. She has been home for 2 weeks and she still wouldn’t let me touch her. I didn’t know what had happened to her and she wouldn’t talk to me. She needed help and I couldn’t help her. So I did the only thing I knew how to do at this point.

  “Tiffany, can you come out here? She won’t talk to me, but she might talk to you.”

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Norah

  Tiffany and I stood at the pond breaking bread for the ducks. It was good to see her, but I wasn’t sure what she wanted from me.

  “So how did the party go? You know the Williamson’s Anniversary party?” It was an odd question.

  “It was great. Went off without a hitch.”

  “I should have had you plan my wedding.” We both laughed. “Remember Wendy Darling from high school?” I nodded. “Remember how cute she was and everyone envied her little petite body and beautiful blonde hair?”

  “Yes.” I added, “Do you remember how she could wear it curly or straight and it looked fantastic no matter what?”

  “I do,” she laughed. “Well guess what?” She paused for affect. “She’s fat!”

  “Get outta here!”

  “No really. I saw her 2 days ago at the grocery store and she has to be over 200 lbs now!”

  “Wow. That is good news.” We both laughed again. We talked for another hour then she suggested we go out and I agreed. We walked through the house laughing and using big hand gestures, waving our arms around, like old times. Liam came out of his office and stood in the hallway watching us.

 
“I’m going to show Tiffany around London, we’ll be back in a few hours,” I shouted as we ran past him. He nodded and kept watching us. John was shocked but jumped to his feet when he saw me walk outside.

  “Would you like me to take you somewhere, Miss Chandler?” I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him. I walked straight to him and threw my arms around his neck. He was always so stiff and military like, but he hugged me back without a problem.

  “I’m glad to see that you are ok, Norah,” he whispered in my ear as I pulled away.

  “I’m good. Thank you. We wanted to go take a walk around London.” He nodded and opened the car door for us.

  After 3 hours Liam called my phone. I didn’t want to answer but I did. “Hello?”

  “Hey, what are you girls up to? Maxing out my credit cards, I presume?” He sounded happy for me to be out, but the sound of his voice sent me back to the darkness.

  “No. You know I wouldn’t do that. We had some lunch, bought some shoes and now we’re going to see a movie. Is that okay?” I knew I sounded unemotional.

  “I know you wouldn’t, I was kidding with you Norah. Yes, a movie is fine, sweetheart.”

  “Please don’t call me that. We’ll be home later.” I pushed end.

  “Why are you so hard on him?” Tiffany asked. I looked down as I put my phone in my purse. “He just wants you to be okay.”

  “I am okay and I don’t want to talk about Liam. Let’s go see a movie. I heard the new Superman is pretty hot.”

  The next few days, Tiffany and I shopped and saw the sights in London. I could see that Liam was happy but also hurt. When we ate our meals Tiffany and I laughed and reminisced about high school and college. But whenever Liam tried to join the conversation my face would change. I couldn’t help it.

  “You girls went to see the new Fast & Furious movie today?” he smiled at me. “I didn’t know you had a thing for tall blonde men?” his smile got bigger.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped. Was he really suggesting that I could have been attracted to Nick? His face dropped.

  “That isn’t what I meant, Norah.” He lowered his eyes to me. “Yeah, well what did you mean?” I snapped again. “Paul Walker! I was talking about Paul Walker. He’s tall and blonde, dammit! I was trying to make conversation.” He stood up and walked out. I could see the pain and hurt I was causing him. He just wanted things back to normal and I did too. But I didn’t know how that would happen. Eventually I would have to tell him about my time with Nick and things would never be the same again.

  Tiffany could only stay 2 more days before she had to be back in Vegas. Jason was already suspicious because apparently she had flown here to London while I was missing. He was beginning to worry that there was a problem because she stayed for 3 days before and then came back a couple weeks later for another 5 days. She covered by telling him Liam and I were having problems, which was true, I guess.

  I woke jazzed about our last 2 days together. I spent an hour on the treadmill in the little gym in my room, then got dressed and went to the guest room Tiffany was staying in but she wasn’t there. I walked slowly down the hall running my hands on the wall. Then I heard their voices.

  “Why can’t she talk like that with me? Why is everything so hard? She looks at me like she hates me.”

  “She doesn’t hate you,” Tiffany said. They were in his room. I could see her sitting on the edge of his bed and he was pacing in front of her. He was dressed in black sweat pants, sneakers, and wasn’t wearing a shirt. He had his shirt in his hands and kept wiping his face. He must have been working out too.

  “Yes, she does. She hates me. She hates me more now than she did when she first came here.”

  Tiffany stood up. “No, she doesn’t. I don’t think she knows how she feels. She’s still in shock….I think.”

  “What do you mean, you think?” He stood in front of her and pulled his shirt back on.

  “She hasn’t said anything about it.” Liam let out a deep breath and I could tell he rolled his eyes. “I haven’t asked her either! But if you’ve noticed she doesn’t look stressed out around me. I just let her be whatever she wants. I’m not handling her like she’s made of porcelain. Or like she’s already broken.”

  “You think, she thinks, I think she’s broken?” I couldn’t listen anymore so I went downstairs.

  That night when I went to my room for bed Liam was standing there in boxer briefs and no shirt. I went to my side of my bed and started to get in when I felt his hands around my waist. He kissed my neck and pulled me closer to his body. “I miss you so much, baby.” My body tensed up, but that didn’t stop him. He moved some hair off my shoulder and kissed down my neck. “I can’t do this, Liam,” I whispered but I know he heard me. He grabbed my hand and pressed it against him. “Yes you can, Norah. We need this. I need this.” He ran his hands over my body and tried to pull my night gown up, but I held it down. “Stop, please. I’m just not ready.” But he kept going. He pulled my straps off my shoulders and grabbed my breasts. I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I turned away from him and pushed him away. “I said no! Stop this! I’m not ready!” I could see tears in his eyes. He ran his hands over his face. “I just thought if we could push through it the first time, it would get easier, ya know. Maybe if we went back to the way things were, acted like….nothing happened…it would...”

  “What? That everything would be okay?” I paused. “I can’t act like nothing happened, Liam! Something did happened….and it happened to me! It’s my problem! And I can’t deal with this shit right now!” I crossed my hands against my chest. “Are you leaving or am I?”

  ***

  “I saw you gave Tiffany one of your suitcases,” Liam said as we sat in the back of the car on the way back home. We had just dropped her off at the airport. It was hard to say goodbye. “She needed it. I think she bought a whole new wardrobe.” I looked over at him. “I hope you don’t mind. I can replace it.” He touched my hand and I pulled it away. “Norah, I don’t care about the suitcase.” He recoiled his hand and put it in his lap.

  “I think I’m going to have lunch with Jane tomorrow.” I didn’t look at him when I said it, but I could feel his eyes on me. “I need to ask her for a favor.” He didn’t inquire as to what the favor was and I was glad about that. I couldn’t believe what I was about to do, but I knew Liam had needs and right now I couldn’t fill them.

  “I’m going back to work tomorrow. I don’t want to leave you, but you don’t want me around, so…” He didn’t finish.

  ***

  I stood in the study near the fireplace with my back to the door, but I heard him come in the room. I turned around and looked at Candy and gave her a half smile. I fidgeted with my fingers waiting for him to acknowledge us. He was standing in front of his desk with his back to us, reading some papers in his hands. He turned to the side and I saw he was wearing his glasses, so I knew whatever he was reading it must have been important. After a few minutes, I was so nervous I thought I would vomit all over the floor, so I cleared my throat to get his attention. He instantly looked up.

  “Norah, I didn’t even see you there, you’re so quiet.” He started to walk toward me, then he saw Candy sitting on the couch and stopped. “Oh, you have company. Who’s this?” he asked. I cleared my throat again and stepped forward a little.

  “This is Candy.” When I said her name, Candy stood up. Liam’s eyes grew wider when he saw how short her skirt was. She had dressed exactly as I had hoped. She was wearing a very short black skirt, that I’m sure if she was wearing underwear, when she bent over we would be able to see it. But I didn’t think she was wearing underwear. Her shirt, if you would call it that, was a red halter top, loosely hung over her breasts, and barely covered her back. There was a very thin strap holding it all together. Liam, trying to be a gentlemen, held out his hand to greet her.

  “Nice to meet you, Liam Hastings.” They shook hands and Liam looked back at me for an explanation. W
hen I didn’t say anything Liam prompted me. “Norah? Why is Candy visiting with us this evening?” he smiled but I could tell he was confused. I lowered my eyes and took a deep breath.

  “She’s for you. She’s a present for you,” I whispered. I wasn’t confident at all.

  “Excuse me? A present? What does that mean?” he was still trying to sound polite but I could tell he was annoyed.

  “She’s for you.” I gestured to her and then to him.

  “You said that already,” he was annoyed now. “Please say something else, Norah.” He sounded more demanding now. Candy looked back at me and I nodded at her. She went straight to her knees and positioned herself right in front of him.

  She lowered her head and put her hands on her thighs. Liam watched her do this, and looked at me with eyes I hadn’t seen in a very long time. He was angry. I kept my eyes on him even though I wanted to look away.

  “She’s for you. You have needs and she will take care of them, since I can’t right now.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, Norah? Because right now I hear the words coming out of your mouth and they don’t make sense! What do you mean, my needs?” He was angry, but so was I or I was getting that way fast. He was a smart man and I knew he knew exactly what I meant, I didn’t know why he was making me say it.

  “She’s for you, dammit! How many ways can I say it! I can’t be with you right now, I just can’t! I know you have needs, you’re a very sexual man, Liam! So here!” I gestured to Candy who was still kneeling on the floor.

  “She is for you, a present for you! You can do with her what you want, fuck her, have her suck you off every night! I don’t care, she’s for you!” He looked like he was trying desperately to use some sort of heat vision on me. Like if he could set me on fire he would do it right now.