Consumed

by Leslie Sansom

  “You don’t care?”

  “That isn’t what I meant. I meant….”

  “You don’t care if I fuck another woman!?” He leaned down and grabbed Candy by the arm. “Get up! Get up, please!” She scrambled to her feet. He looked at her. “Go outside and tell my driver to take you wherever it is you live or need to go. I’m sorry for your trouble. My girlfriend has lost her fucking mind.” His voice was even and very calm while he spoke to her. She looked back at me. “Don’t worry, I will make sure you get paid whatever she promised you,” he said without hesitation. Candy nodded and walked out. As soon as the door shut he lit into me.

  “Have you lost your fucking mind, Norah? Seriously, buying me a fucking prostitute!”

  “She isn’t a prostitute! She’s a Submissive, just the way you like! She would do all the kinky things you like and much more than I’m willing to do as well! You would have fun with her, I don’t know what the fucking problem is!” I yelled back.

  “You don’t know what the problem is, Norah! Are you fucking joking?” He stepped closer to me and grabbed my arms on each side. “I’m in love with you! That’s the problem, Norah! I love you and I don’t want anyone else!” I pulled away from him.

  “Liam I was trying to help you. I know it sounds crazy, but I know how much sex means to you. If you can’t be with me, I would like to have some say in who you fuck.” I walked to the fireplace and put my hands on the mantel.

  “You do have some say in who I fuck, Norah! You have all the say….you’re it! It’s you!” I could feel him standing close behind me.

  “I can’t….right now. I just can’t, you know that.” He touched my back and I flinched.

  “And I’m not pressuring you, Norah. I can wait. I will wait. I made a mistake the other night. I’m sorry. What is this about really? You can’t seriously want me to be with another woman?” I turned to face him and wiped the tears from my eyes.

  “I just want you to be happy….and I know that isn’t me right now….I don’t know when it will be.” I looked up at him.

  “Please talk to me, baby. Stop trying to push me away.” He reached for me again, and again I flinched when he touched me. I could see the pain in his eyes as he took his hands away.

  “I’m not trying to push you away.” I sucked in a broken breath.

  “Well it feels that way,” he said as he backed away then turned around to walk back to his desk.

  “I don’t want to keep hurting you, Liam. I’m so sorry.” I was full on sobbing now. He suddenly turned and walked back to me. He grabbed my arms and held me tight even though I completely tensed up.

  “My heart is breaking, sweetheart. I want to help you, Norah. But I can’t do it like this. I can’t do it if you won’t talk to me, or cringe whenever I get near you, baby. I am not your enemy, don’t you see that?” He shook me like he was trying to make me understand. “Stop trying to push me away from you! I’m not going anywhere, can’t you see that? No matter what you do to me, I am not going anywhere. I’m right here. I love you. Let me help you!” When he let me go, I ran to the door. I turned back and saw the hurt in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t talk to you, I can’t let you touch me, and I can’t let you help me, because I don’t know how to help myself!” I turned back and ran out of the room and upstairs. I didn’t stop until I was in my room, under my covers, with my head buried in my pillow.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Liam

  I walked in her bedroom and heard her shuffling around in the bathroom. I walked to the door and her eyes rose to meet mine in the mirror. Her body froze and my heart sunk thinking she might be afraid. I knew what I had to say even though it was going to break my heart to say it. I cleared my throat.

  “I wanted to talk to you before I retired to my room…if that’s okay?” She rested her finger tips on the counter, nodded her head and lowered her eyes. I had given up making her look at me, so I went on. “I can’t help you, Norah. I want to but I can’t, I see that now.” She looked at my reflection in the mirror for a brief three seconds then lowered her eyes again. “I have tried to help you by staying away from you, but I think it has just pushed you further away. I haven’t asked you any questions or forced you to tell me what happened…hoping you would tell me when you were ready. But that hasn’t happened in a month. I haven’t put any outrageous pressures on you for sex or even asked you to share my bed, even though I miss you so much. I don’t like this seclusion either. I didn’t like it when I did it to you, and I certainly don’t like you doing it to yourself. But I haven’t complained.” I took a breath and again her eyes met mine in the mirror for a few seconds. “I know you blame me for the horrible things that happened to you, and I deserve it. I shouldn’t have been so selfish at the wedding, I should have left you alone. If I had, this wouldn’t have happened. But I let my Dominance over you take over, and for that I apologize.” I took a small step toward her and could see tears running down her face. “I have tried so hard to make you forget our past and how much I hurt you. But here you are again secluded in this room, cringing when I touch you, and stepping away when I try to get close. You’re scared of me, Norah, I can’t say I blame you.” She wiped tears from her eyes and I stepped a little closer to her. “Seeing you with Tiffany made everything clear to me. I know what I have to do now.” She looked in my eyes and I stepped to her side at the counter. Our arms were touching and we held our connection in the mirror. I could see her chest moving up and down. I wasn’t sure if she was scared because I was so close to her or of what I was going to say. “I think you should go home…..to be with your family.” Her eyes narrowed as if she didn’t understand. I put my right hand over my heart. “I can’t help you, Norah. I wish I could, but I can’t, I don’t know how.” I shook my head breaking our connection for a few seconds then looked back at her. “I can’t stand to see you like this anymore. You were so happy and carefree when Tiffany was here. At first I didn’t know why things had changed so drastically overnight and I thought you might be acting happy to ease her mind. But then I realized, it was because she has never betrayed you. She has never hurt you. With her and your family, there isn’t pain and torment, like there is with us.” I could see her tears falling faster. I wanted to touch her, to wipe her tears away, to hold her close to me. But I knew that wasn’t an option. “Maybe if you go home, back to your life before me, you can heal, become whole again, and forget.” I paused and then I lowered my eyes from hers. I could feel water building in my eyes and I didn’t want her to see me cry. Then I heard her small little voice.

  “You don’t want me anymore?” she asked. I looked up at her and couldn’t help my left hand from reaching for hers.

  “Not want you? That isn’t possible, Norah. Of course I want you, I love you. But I want you to be happy, to feel safe, and I know you don’t feel that way with me here anymore.”

  “So instead of you leaving me, you’re just going to send me away?” she sounded more pissed than upset.

  “No, I’m not sending you away. I’m telling you that you can go if you want to. And I’m certainly not letting you go forever. I couldn’t take that either.” I pulled her hand to my heart. “I trust that when you have healed you will come back to me.” She pulled her hand away from mine and turned her back to me. I could still see her reflection in the mirror though. She bent at her waist and put her hand over her stomach. “Are you alright? Are you going to be sick?” I put my hand on her back and rubbed up and down. She stepped away from me.

  “Thank you for the offer, but I’m not going back to my family.” She paused and looked up at me. “This is my home, and I don’t appreciate you trying to send me away from it again.” She straightened up, turned to face me and then walked past me into the bedroom. I followed her. She stood at the window, again with her back to me. When she turned to face me she resembled the confident woman I once knew. “Now it’s my turn to talk.” Yes, please talk! I wanted her to talk. I had wanted her to talk since th
e day I found her in that club. Please say something!

  Tell me I’m an asshole, tell me you hate me, tell me you want to shoot me in my knee caps and watch me bleed out…..just talk to me please! She looked down and fidgeted with her fingers.

  “I did blame you…..at first. I blamed you because if you had never punched him at that dinner party last year, he wouldn’t have wanted me. I blamed you because if I had felt comfortable enough to just be honest with you, I could have told you he had been coming to see me for weeks.” She looked up at me and I shifted my weight. That bastard had been talking to my Norah for weeks and I didn’t know it! “But I knew you would make me quit. So I kept it from you, thinking I could handle it.” She shrugged her shoulders and lowered her eyes again. She dropped one hand and started playing with the tassel on the curtains with the other. “But it isn’t your fault, Liam. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It isn’t mine and it isn’t yours.” She looked over at me. “I don’t blame you anymore, but I am scared of you.” I stepped toward her.

  “Norah, I would never...” but before I could finish she held up her hand and went on.

  “I’m not scared of what you will do to me, Liam. I know you would never do anything to me I didn’t want, I do.” She took a deep breath. “I am scared once you find out the truth about what happened…..you won’t want me anymore.” She lowered her head and started to full on cry.

  “Oh Norah, never.” I reached out to her but I recoiled. I wanted to hold her so bad, to comfort her. She looked so helpless and alone. “Please baby, let me…” I reached out again but she just held up her hand. She wiped her face and controlled herself, then looked up at me.

  “He treated me like a dog. He made me serve him on my hands and knees.” I cringed thinking what she meant by serve.

  “He wanted us to be the way that you and I are together. He wanted what we have…with me.” I was starting to understand. “He thought he could break me….make me love him.” She took a deep breath. “He kept me locked away like you did in the beginning. He took me to parties and clubs, like the ones you told me you went to together,” she paused. I cringed thinking of the kinds of parties Nick and I use to attend. I never wanted Norah to be subjected to that kind of life. I had corrupted her enough with my lifestyle. “He asked me to do small things, like sleep in the bed with him…just sleep. Or kiss him on the mouth.” She moved to the other side of the window. “And when I would tell him no, I paid the price.” She held out her wrists to me and I saw horrible scars on them. I sunk to my knees. “Every night he would tell me that if I submit to him it would all be over. He would tell me how much he wanted us to be together and how much he cared for me. He told me how my life would be with him if I would just give in.” She took in a ragged breath.

  “But I told him I could never be with him the way I was with you.” I couldn’t take it anymore and put my head in my hands. She had willingly taken torture because she loved me. Because of me she was put in pain….again. “Ask me what you want to know, Liam?” I still couldn’t look at her so I shook my head. “Ask me the question you are dying to know, Liam.” I was a selfish man and the first one to admit it, but even I couldn’t force myself to ask her the question. I looked up at her, but before I could say anything she answered the question.

  “No.” I cried harder and let out a broken breath. “He didn’t rape me, nor did he make me do anything to him.” I covered my head again and ran my hands over my hair. “I knew you would find me, Liam…and I knew I could take whatever punishment he gave me until you did.” She was quiet for a while and all I could hear was the sound of my own crying. I felt her hands on my hands and her knees were touching my knees. We entwined our fingers.

  She put one hand on my cheek and silently asked me to sit up. “I can’t.” I whispered. “I can’t look at you after everything I have done, after everything I have put you through. This happened because of me. I told you I would protect you, and I didn’t, Norah. I can’t look at you.” She rubbed the back of my head.

  “Yes you can, Liam. Because everything that happened before I forgave you for a long time ago…..and him taking me wasn’t your fault. Now look at me. Look at me because I need to see you. I need to see your face to see if you still love me. Because after all of this, I still love you.” I slowly raised my head and wiped the tears from my face. We sat back both on our heels just looking at each other. She reached out and wiped some of the tears from my face, and I took her hand and kissed it.

  “How could you think I don’t love you anymore, little one? You are the only woman I have ever loved or will ever love, don’t you know that?” She nodded. “Can I please hold you now?” She nodded again and we both moved to our knees. I wrapped my arms around her waist and hers went around my neck. We pulled closer to each other like we couldn’t get close enough. “I love you so much, Norah.” She exhaled and relaxed for the first time around me in 2 months. “I love you too,” she whispered.

  Norah

  We held each other for so long my knees started to hurt, but I didn’t want to let him go. I had missed his touch, I had missed his comfort, I felt safe in his arms and I had missed that.

  “I’m so tired, I haven’t slept well in two months,” he said. We leaned away from each other and both looked down at the floor. He took my chin and lifted my face to his and lightly kissed me on the lips. “Please stay with me tonight,” he breathed near my mouth. We both stood up and he took my hand.

  I hadn’t agreed to stay with him, but I knew I didn’t have to either. We both needed each other tonight. He kissed my hand and then turned to walk towards the door. As we made it to his room I stopped. He turned back to face me. I took my hand from his and started to pick at my nails.

  “I’m scared, Liam.” I looked back at him and gestured toward the bed. “I’m scared I can’t do that right now,” my voice was quiet and small. It reminded me of how I talked to him when we first met. He stepped directly in front of me and touched my face with both of his hands.

  “I don’t expect anything from you tonight. I just want you in my bed. I need to feel you next to me. Please, Norah, I can’t sleep without you.” I lowered my eyes and nodded my head to him. We walked to the bed and crawled in on our respective sides.

  He instantly moved to the middle of our gigantic bed and tried to pull me to him. I sat beside him and put my hands in my lap.

  “I have to warn you, I’ve been having nightmares for a while now. I wake up screaming and all sweaty.” I turned back to look at him thinking he would make a joke about making me all sweaty and giving me another reason to scream. But he didn’t. He took my right hand and squeezed it.

  “I know, Norah. I’ve heard you. I’ve wanted to come to you every night, but I didn’t think you would want me.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been having bad dreams too.” I didn’t know that. I knew he wasn’t sleeping well. He looked tired all the time, and I had caught him napping in his study a few times. “I keep having the same dream over and over.” He leaned up and looked away from me. “I’m walking through the house alone, looking for you, but I can’t find you. I run outside, all over the yard, and you’re not there. Somehow I get to the office and walk around the building, but I can’t find you.” Then he looked back at me. “But the worst part of the dream is……I can hear you.” He took a deep breath and I could see tears building in his eyes. “I can hear you screaming for me the whole time, but I can’t find you,” he sounded desperate. I touched his face.

  “I’m right here,” I said and he leaned into my hand. We laid back on the pillows and I put my head on his chest. I think we were both asleep in a matter of minutes. Neither of us had been sleeping well without each other. My body had been tense for months and my mind couldn’t stop thinking. Just lying there in his arms, I relaxed both my body and mind. Suddenly after months of not being able to turn off the noise in my head, everything was quiet. I took a few deep breathes. He smelled amazing. He always smelled so masculine. His scent was a mixture of h
is ‘old English’ body wash and cocoa butter. We both got a solid six hours of sleep before the sun started to creep through the curtains.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Liam

  Things were finally getting back to normal. I was back at work, we were talking and touching again. She left the house whenever she wanted to and even met friends from the Library and Jane for lunch every now and then. She laid in the sun, swam in the pool and we even had margaritas with dinner. The end of the summer was approaching and I was happier than I had been in a very long time.

  “What are you doing in here? You’re going to be late.” I was shuffling through my sock drawer with a towel around my waist. I smiled at her. “You know, you look very sexy in that towel, sir. It makes me think that what you have under it might be even sexier.” She was grinning. I leaned my head back and her hands ran down my chest.

  “Well, little one, if you keep touching me like that I may just have to show you what’s under my towel.” I hummed while she continued to touch me. “Ahh, Norah…you need to stop. I’m a grown man and know how to restrain myself, and I think I do a pretty good job, but even a man with my restraint can lose it when a beautiful woman is touching him like this.” She moved her hands to my shoulders and turned me around to face her.

  “Maybe I don’t want you to restrain yourself anymore.” I smiled and moved closer to her. “Really? You think you’re ready?” She gave me a chaste kiss and nodded. “I think tonight is your lucky night, sir.” I kissed her deeply and then looked at my watch.

  “I say, I’ve got like 20 minutes before I need to leave for work. I can be a lucky man right now.” I picked her up and tickled her walking back to the bed. I laid her on her back and started kissing her neck and touching her body.