6/6/66

by JN Lenz

  “Have a good night ladies” Clyde added before giving a short little wave as he began to turn towards the two large glass door exits.” I guess we better let you ladies get back to work, It’s been a real pleasures ladies, we will see you again soon I am sure. Goodnight Lilly”. I could not help but make reference to her besides I was facing her directly wanting to have one last look at her before the two of us departed.

  “Thanks again Jack” Lilly replied waiting until we had both reached the glass doors to reach toward the buzzer to release the door lock

  ” See you soon “Lilly responded while leaning against the counter her back towards us as she raised her right leg slightly above the floor in order to reach the buzzer on the other side of the counter.

  At the sound of the buzzer Clyde pushed down on the door handle and we both stepped out into the cool night air. Walking just a few steps from the door after hearing it close tightly behind us I could not help but blurt out.

  “Holly shit man” having already turned my head towards Clyde as we made our way to the service van and those were the only words that flew out of me.

  “You fucker! I make the plan, I carry out the plan and you laugh and giggle over a coffee with lovely and lovelier, nice to see someone enjoying themselves. Weren’t you the guy that puked when you shot that stupid bird years ago, remember back in the day? Clyde was half whispering in my ear as we walked down towards the van.

  “Fuck you.”

  ”Now sixteen years later murder makes you giddy, so you are one cold mother fucka? Are you even colder than me the slaughter house boy, Jackie Jacko?” Clyde’s voice was low but steady and it was in no way wavering or nervous sounding in any way, it just kind of surprised me that he was being a bit of a cocky dick as we made our way to the car.

  “ Well aren’t we being a bit of a dick,I take it all must have went well the way you are crowing, besides screw you that Lilly is fucking smoking and your just jealous. That girl made me forgot why the hell we were there for in the first place and I know caught a good a view of her after you came back up to the front desk. How did it go did you do it?” It all rushed out of me now as the two of us climbed into the van, I was not sure what I was more excited about the murder or the beautiful girl, what a fucking night!

  “ Yes I saw the girl called Lilly and yes she is absolutely stunning” Clyde replies to me as I start the engine in the black Ford Econoline, Clyde was really starting to piss me off, I could tell he was just being a prick for the fun of it

  “Seriously dick, how did it go? Is everything good or what and don’t be a cock about it.” I shot back in a serious enough voice that he gave up on busting my balls and calmly replied

  “Everything went well and according to plan, the old lady never even put up a struggle. Have to admit though; I had a knot in my stomach after I stuck those gloves on. I knew there would be no turning back at that point”

  Clyde went from the cocky joker to dead pan serious as he relayed the events of his last twenty six minutes in the Nursing Home. Telling me the details from the point crept into old lady Preston’s room, how her eyes had shot open and the three hundred and sixty seconds he counted when he suffocated her with the goose down pillow.

  I could sense the relief in Clyde that all had gone according to plan as he provided me with the complete details of old lady Preston’s death. After detailing the events he would reach into the glove box and sparked up a joint as I drove the van down the road heading back to the Funeral Home.

  As we both cranked each side window down slightly I started thinking this would relax both Clyde and I after that whole episode but as Clyde continued talking I realized his thoughts had already moved on to his next victim.

  “We are both going to need to study which poisonous drugs I can get access to, the pillow will only work maybe a few times but I can’t hope to attack everyone with a pillow. I am going to need to have a broader range of options to keep going with the plan and make it all work so I could use your help Jack with some of the research.”

  He added calmly after he had passed the joint to me as we slowly made our way back to the Funeral Home, the fact he sparked up a joint in a Funeral Home vehicle (which neither of us had previously done) meant Clyde was trying to relax and take a bit of the edge off but you would not have known it by his voices tone sounding almost like a clinical assessment on how to best carry forward with future murders.

  ” Fuck I gotta admit that was pretty painless for me back there, you know me and the gut wrenching and the sudden blood pressure drop, but once we were both in there man everything just clicked, having those two hotties to talk to in there sure didn’t hurt either, can you believe a place like that hiding a pair of sweethearts like that every night the a small town like this?”

  I asked but did not allow Clyde to answer as I quickly continued.

  “Those two made that whole experience just seem surreal for me brother, I know you did all the dirty work but man.”

  “I thought I would feel so much worse by this point. All I could think about since you dropped this bomb of a plan on me was if I had the stomach for the whole thing, I thought I’d be fucking puking by now, what a plan. I was right all these years calling you a natural born killer. You think the doc is going to do an autopsy on the old girl?”

  My mouth ran at lightning speed as the words flew out of me in a verbal diarrhea all the while getting louder and more excited as we smoked and drove back to the Funeral Home joyous in success.

  ” I can’t see why he would, she was ninety six for fuck sakes, and like what wasn’t she going to die of someday soon anyway. Besides if he Doc. Severs goes ahead with an autopsy hopefully the mint I wedged into her throat will be sufficient to convince him that she choked on it I gotta say I’m feeling confident about the whole night, it could not have went better” Clyde reaffirmed

  He was convinced in the night’s success and future outcome. The confident hunter persona was back I thought, as I extended my right hand with what would be the last pull off what was now a small roach. Clyde it appeared to me was quite comfortable as a murderer, for me the murder scene made the facilitation of the murder quite palatable. I didn’t have to see the blood and guts; I would never have the stomach for that.

  I pulled the van into the first of the two Funeral Home laneways driving slowly to back yard, parking the van into the third bay in the garage.

  Fred’s window on the door leading into his apartment was on as we pulled into the back of the funeral home, Fred must have returned while we were at the nursing home. As we exited the van and walked out of the garage through the still open bay door Fred opened the door to the outside staircase, the door was also adjacent to his kitchen on the inside of the apartment. Fred had a tea towel in his hand which he waved when he saw us walking by and yelled down the open staircase towards us.

  “We got a call for a pick up when you were out boys” The exoneration was quickly washed out of our faces, as we looked at each other.

  “We got a call, where at?” I yelled up but Fred did not answer immediately as he was now attempting to pick something out of his teeth as the silent seconds went by like minutes for both me and Clyde. After a few seconds passed

  “The body is over at the Hospital’s morgue on Fenton Street, I guess Harold Barry had a massive enough heart attack that he fully died on the spot, upstairs in his bedroom. The ambulance boys couldn’t get his heart going again and they tried again in Emergency but she was a no go, they got him in the morgue at the hospital. No hurry, we can pick him up in the morning, they have a big enough fridge over there. Wow, third funeral in six days boys.”

  “That’s good right?”

  Damm right it’s good, go figure I just loose the place right before the death rate takes a spike. That’s the kind of luck that’s been following me my whole life! What did I tell the two of you, this place will pay you back yet! Good night guys”

  Fred waved the towel again before turning on the top landing o
f the stairs opened the door and disappeared back into his kitchen.

  “Holly Christ I was waiting for him to say the Nursing Home called for a pickup” the words blurted out of me leaning over towards Clyde’s ear I had managed to keep my voice quiet enough not to be heard through the above open windows in Fred’s apartment as we turned to walk towards the back entrance of the funeral home

  ” I thought I was going to shit my pants when he said that we had a retrieval to make and right as soon as we pulled up!”

  ” I thought there’s no way, that was a long few seconds waiting for Fred to pick that shit out of his teeth. Christ that was one of the longest fifteen or twenty seconds I’ve ever had I gotta admit” Clyde began to laugh a bit as he talked, the air that had been taken out of our balloon re inflated as the first small test of our nerves surrounding our first murder had come and gone

  “Talk about a rush, getting that thrown at us right away had the adrenaline pumping through me. I think my heart was pounding faster than going two hundred and sixty km per hour through the Stone cut road. A life of incarceration just flashed before me, if the murder was painless for me that just freaked the shit out of me.”

  “Let’s get a fucking drink, fast Freddie did freak me out a bit out back”

  “That is the best idea you have had all day Clyde.” A drink to wash down what we had just become I thought. The pair of us went straight for the full bottle of whiskey which sat alongside a handful of the staples like Vodka, Gin, Cognac and Rum; this was certainly not going to be a night of beer drinking. Pouring both Clyde and I a full tumbler of Crown Royal our traditional simple toast of “cheers” between us would be replaced by complete silence before we clicked the pair of glasses as we looked at each other, there was really nothing more to say I thought as we each downed that first glass of whiskey quickly, refilling the both glasses immediately.

  A night of liquor meant we were still sleeping soundly and perhaps noisily when the phone rang at approximately eight thirty am the next morning. The full house ringer had not been switched on the night before so luckily Fred was already downstairs having a coffee in the office so he answered the call, there was no way the faint ring from three floors down would have awoken us from our drunken slumber. The office is often where the three of us would meet each morning and have a coffee and discuss our day. Ten minutes later the phone rang again but this time it was the double ring tone indicating an in house phone calling. Each of our apartment rooms had a phone and I was the first to grab the receiver as Fifties era black phone on my bedside stand rang loudly beside my head

  “Morning Fred, is that the morgue wanting us to pick up the Mr. Brown to get him out of the way?” I groaned as my voice croaked into the mouthpiece of the phone as I replied to Fred’s wake up call.

  “No, it’s another call if you can believe that number four in a week. I just got a call from the Crestwood nursing Home it looks like a resident of theirs a Miss Eldridge Preston had passed away in her sleep; a pick-up was required as soon as possible. They had contacted the coroner’s office and Dr. Burrows had told them the body could be removed to the Funeral Home as he had already been to the Nursing Home to confirm her death. Dr. Burrows would issue the death certificate from his office since there will be no post mortem required. So Dr. Burrows has given the Ok to pick the body up at the Nursing Home and bring it back here and he will drop by and drop off the death certificate. Gonna need the two of you to get both of those this morning unless you want me to go with one of you, but someone needs to be here to finish up and get ready for all these services.”

  Fred had stopped talking and was waiting for my reply my voice sounding slightly less course now as I let him know that Clyde and I would take care of picking up both the bodies and he could stay back to prepare the basement for the cadavers.

  Hanging up the big heavy receiver back on the phones cradle I pulled myself out of bed and headed for Clyde’s room, pushing open the door the ring of phone had awakened Clyde as well as was laying on his back with his bloodshot eyes partially opened

  “Looks like there won’t be any issues, you did it man the doc has already signed off on her death certificate we just need to go pick her up along with the heart attack victim over at the Hospital Morgue, Fred wants us to get going we have lots to do.” I stated to Clyde as I pushed Clyde’s bedroom door wide open before turning to walk to the bathroom.

  “Well I guess we are well on our way then, I had a good feeling about last night, beautiful man” replied Clyde as he quickly pushed the sheets aside and sprang out of bed in an attempt to just brush off his pounding head, it did not work as he moaned and groaned on his way to the back staircase.

  “I need a fucking coffee, bad” Clyde muttered as he disappeared down the corner to the stairs, each morning Fred would make a large pot of coffee in the little kitchenette which was directly beside the main lounge on the main floor of the Funeral Home. I continued to bathroom hoping a long shower would relieve some of the queasy stomach and splitting head ache I was currently experiencing.

  Not a word was uttered by either Clyde or I on the drive over to the Nursing Home in the same service van we had used to drive to the Nursing Home the night earlier, we always used the van instead of the Hearse to pick up the deceased.

  “Well hello, who are these two strangers “commented Joyce the same ward clerk still remained behind the large L shaped desk in the main hall of the nursing home from the night earlier.

  “Are you still working, that seems like an awful long shift” replied Clyde his voice still rough sounding.

  “What did the two of you get into after you left hear, no offence but the both of you look like shit!” laughing for a second the ward clerk continued, I’m working a double, one of the girls called in sick this morning. Ann one of the girls that come in at around six had discovered Miss Preston dead in her room shortly after eight this morning. Ann was dispensing Miss. Preston’s morning medication and was checking why she was not up an about yet since Miss Preston was typically an early riser. After Ann realized Eldridge had passed she called me up here at the front desk” answered the talkative Joyce, who I could tell we could rely on for the entire details on the events of what had taken place for the past few hour.

  “ That’s too bad, so what room would she be in Joyce” replied Clyde who had remembered the talkative older ladies name from the night before, he turned slightly after asking the room number and gave me a slight grin.

  “Well, Eldridge is not in her room presently, we have removed her to down in the infirmary, that’s where we usually take residents when they have passed, less upsetting for the residents.”

  “The infirmary?”

  Correct, to find the infirmary, just go down this hall we are on and you want to take your first left hand hall, go to the end by the main common room and the infirmary is right on that corner of the building.”

  “OK”

  What would be best is if you pull the van around to the back there is a set of doors that go directly outside from that room onto a concrete platform with a paved lane you can park on directly beside that. This way the body does not have to be wheeled through the entire home in front of the residents who will be making their way to the dining room for breakfast, if you knock on that back door once you drive around back Nathan will be down to open up the doors and he can give you a hand if required”

  “Thanks for the help, I think the Clyde and I can handle the extraction no problem, Fred mentioned to us that Dr. Burrows was already here for completion of the death certificate? “ I added in reply to Joyce to whom she reaffirmed that the doctor had indeed already been on site and added that.

  “Doc Burrows was only here for a few minutes, wished I made that kind of money to work a few minutes of work here and a few minutes there. Can’t remember him ever spending more than fifteen minutes here at any one time to determine the cause of death on anyone around here, I guess it’s no mystery why someone in their nineties passes away. �
�� Joyce would reply in a voice that sounded slightly sarcastic when she referenced Dr. Burrows.

  “Perfect, thanks for all the assistance Joyce we will drive around back and take care of the rest, hope you get a good night sleep soon!” Clyde added before we turned to head back out the front doors to the van.

  “ I’m off for the next two nights so lots of time to catch up with the sleep, I will make sure to page Nathan to meet you at the back door while you are driving around back, thanks boys, looks like we may be receiving some flowers in a few days so we will see you soon, take care”

  Joyce would reply to the two of us as we made our way to the front doors where we would climb into the van drive around back and meet a man by the name of Nathan who had already opened the back infirmary door as I guided the van around the back corner and the narrow paved lane which ended at the concrete pad at the infirmary’s back door.

  Greeting Nathan with a quick hello, Clyde and I pushed the ambulance style stretcher just minus the padding; we had just removed from the back of the van through the open doorway and entered the infirmary. The room was larger than I expected with three beds lining both sides of the room. Old lady Preston would be in the center bed on the right hand side, with Clyde leading the way at the front of the stretcher which he guided smoothly directly alongside the bed with old lady. I couldn’t help but think as Clyde pulled the stretcher directly to old lady Preston’s bed that if there had been three bodies in that room he would have headed to her bed just as methodically and directly without hesitation.

  The Nursing Home had the sheets pulled completely off old lady Preston when we arrived, instructing Nathan to remove the sheet before each pick up, to save the costs of providing a sheet to the Funeral Home with every resident’s death I thought to myself. Unfolding the green sheet which we had strapped to the stretcher Clyde and I covered old lady Preston completely covering the sheet over her entire body, this after sliding her on to the lowered stretchers metal top from the infirmary’s bed. Pushing the body back out through the doorway and loading it into the back of the van easily with the old lady weighing all of ninety pounds, the Funeral Home law of physics Fred would explain to the two of us on that first day I think