Bittersweet

by K. S. Thomas

  It takes a great deal of convincing, and a phone call to my doctor before Lev agrees to it, but one minor miracle later and she is pulling the car up in front of Ari’s, a little Greek place just one block over from our mother’s store. We’ve been coming here for as long as I can remember. We even have our own designated table in the back near the kitchen. It was our favorite when we were small because Ari, the owner, could easily sneak us into the back to the walk-in freezer, where we would scoop out our own bowl of ice cream after dinner.

  Twenty years later, and not much has changed. Ari still cracks the kitchen door for us as soon as he spots the empty entrée plates.

  “You look like shit, by the way.” Well, at least my sister is over coddling me.

  “Gee, thanks.” I hang my purse over the back of my chair and sit down across from her.

  “I’m serious, Esi. Have you eaten today?”

  I shrug. “I’m about to.” I slide the menu toward my end of the table. I know it inside and out, but I’m becoming a pro at hiding these days and the menu will make a pleasant shield from the way Lev is staring at me.

  Only she isn’t going for it. Two fingers clip over the top of my menu, flipping it back and giving her a straight shot at me. “When is your next checkup?”

  I make a face. “Which one?”

  “The medical one. The one with your doctor.” She says it like it’s obvious and I’m the jackass. The way she and my mother have been carting me all over town for six months to see everyone listed in my mother’s rolodex – yeah, I know, she actually still has one of those – it’s hard to keep track of whose opinions they deem most valuable. The medical professional or the more alternative healers. Personally, I’m always going with whoever is doling out the most pleasant and positive news, but I doubt Lev is as fickle as I am in that department.

  “I had an appointment two days ago and I go back on Monday. And she already told you herself when you called her that I’m doing really well. Shockingly well, actually, if you recall.”

  She lets go of my menu and it bounces back up.

  “I’m starting to wonder if she really knows what she’s talking about. You look pale.” It’s very matter of fact and her tone leaves no need for a response. Which is good, because I really don’t have one.

  “So...how’s the floral business?” It’s a lame attempt at changing the topic, but Lev is gracious enough to accommodate me.

  “Oh, you know, if it’s not one jacked up holiday it’s another.” Valentine’s Day put her in a special kind of pissy mood a month and half ago, I’m sure Easter will be no different and I know I’m partially to blame. Not that she’s ever not stressed during those times of the year, but this go around the sun definitely seems to be wearing on everyone more than usual.

  “Seriously, Lev. Why go into the floral business at all? You had to have known what the prime flower buying occasions would be.” I lay down my menu so she can see me laughing at her.

  “Because I wanted a normal job, that’s why.” She shrugs. “And I happen to really like flowers.”

  “Of course you do. Every little fairy loves her garden.” It’s only fun because it’s so easy. Lev has been trying to separate herself from our mother’s reputation for as long as I can remember, so there’s no easier way to tick her off than to remind her that in spite of her best efforts, she’s really kept well within the family’s weird ways and isn’t nearly as normal as she wants everyone to believe.

  “Call me a fairy one more time, you little twat.”

  “Levinora! Such language. Talking to your sister that way,” Ari scolds her.

  “Sorry.” She averts her eyes in mock shame.

  “Esidora, my darling. How are you?” He cups my face in his big hands, gazing down on me with his big brown eyes, and I think of my dad instantly. Not because they look anything alike, but rather because Ari is the closest I’ve ever come to having a secondary father figure in my life.

  I squeeze his hand. “I’m fine, Ari. Really.”

  He presses his lips together in a sad smile and nods. “Yes, you will be. With a little more time and prayers. And some Greek food from my kitchen. You wait. I’m going to make all your favorites tonight.” He scoops the menus out of our midst and then takes off into the kitchen without ever taking our order. It’s just as well. Better actually. One of my favorite dishes was taken off the menu three years ago. Who knew all it would take was one nearly fatal car wreck and death defying pregnancy for Ari to serve it up for me again.

  “What morbid sick jokes are running through your brain right now?” Lev sips her water, eyeing me disapprovingly. Although, the smirk certainly suggests otherwise.

  “Just the lengths a girl needs to go to if she wants to get a serving of Yemista around here.”

  Lev sets down her glass. Then, keeping a completely straight face she adds, “I know. Makes nearly dying a few times almost worth it, right?!”

  “If only I had known. I wouldn’t have had to spend the last three years bitching about Ari taking my favorite dish off the menu every time I walked in here.” Moments like these I wonder if the real reason Ari keeps us in the back of the dining room isn’t because of our highly inappropriate sense of humor and often controversial conversation topics. Maybe the whole bribing us with ice cream thing, was just a ploy all along to keep the crazy girls hidden away from the other customers.

  “You talk to Ma today?” Lev isn’t big on beating around the bush. She doesn’t need a smooth transition to get to where she wants to go.

  “Tried calling her, but we’ve been playing phone tag.” It’s half true. I purposely called her when I knew she’d be in the middle of a reading and unable to answer.

  “You know she’s doing her best to give you a little more space, but it’s been really hard on her. She’s going crazy worrying about you. We all are.”

  Ari comes out with a massive dish of Tzatziki and pita bread. The only other thing I love more than Yemista. He doesn’t say anything, but tousles my hair affectionately as he hurries off to the kitchen again.

  “You know, in case Ari’s little display here hasn’t made it blatantly obvious.” She reaches across the table and dips a warm piece of pita into the cream. “Speaking of. Can we hit Black Rabbit’s Coffee House next? I want to see if they’ll make that white chocolate peppermint latte for you. I’ve been craving one for weeks and there’s no way I can last until next December.”

  “Oh, you think they would?” They’re delish, even in decaf, and totally worth waving around the ‘nearly died and frighteningly pregnant’ flag for. I mean, its power will wear off sooner or later. And it’s high time having to cart that fucking thing around with me everywhere I go pays off a bit.

  “Definitely. We should get one for Ma, too. Swing by the store after.”

  Damn. That was slick. Didn’t even see it coming. Fine by me. At least I’ll get to stay out of the house a bit longer, even if I do get the feeling they’re about to gang up on me about something.

  “Yeah. Sure, why not?” A big mouthful of Tzatziki and I’m willing to do just about anything. Even face my mother and the throat crushing fear that’s been spilling from her eyes for all of six months now.

  After Lev has successfully gotten her way, dinner passes by without any other references to the accident or my pregnancy and fragile health, making me feel almost completely normal for the first time in forever. Of course, it’s only almost because there’s nothing normal about my not having been to dinner at Ari’s in half a year.

  I’m not super shocked when Lev and I find ourselves walking out of Black Rabbit’s Coffee house sipping hot white chocolate peppermint latte’s shortly after dinner. As she suggested, Lev is carrying a third one in her left hand, but the way she keeps stealing glances at it makes me think we need to walk a bit faster or my mother will never have a chance to take a drink of the sweet coffee goodness.

  A jingle, which sounds a lot like a flutter of fairies, or at least what one might imagine a fl
utter of fairies to sound like, announces our arrival at Hocus Pocus.

  “I’ll be right there. Feel free to look around and touch everything. It’s that kind of store.” Ma’s voice travels our way from somewhere in the back.

  “How do you feel about licking?” I call back.

  Her head pops out of the door to her office almost instantly. “Oh. It’s you two.”

  “And hello to you as well. Have I mentioned how nice it is to see you?” Lev waives the Black Rabbit Coffee cup back and forth for Ma to catch a glimpse of it.

  “Whatcha got there?” She comes creeping out of her office like a mouse being baited out of its hole with a big hunk of cheese.

  “Something worth almost dying for.” Both my mother and sister stop to turn back and stare at me. “What? Too much? Too soon?” I shrug. “Well, at least drink it while it’s still hot. Or it won’t be worth shit.”

  My mother takes her coffee from Lev, still shaking her head at me. Then, she catches a whiff of the peppermint patty scent and her eyes light up. She takes a lengthy gulp, considering it’s still steaming. “Tasty. You’re forgiven for being morbid and callus. Now, come back here and tell me how I got lucky enough to see both my girls tonight. Also, what are you doing out?”

  “It’s cool. Her doc gave the okay. We went for dinner at Ari’s and figured we better stop by since we were already in the neighborhood.” Lev sinks down into one of the giant bean bag chairs in the back by the book section of the store. Normally, I would snag the one next to her, but with my protruding belly I’m not all that sure I’d make it back out, so I settle for the loveseat against the wall while my mother opts to perch herself on the coffee table. Apparently, a bean bag doesn’t lend itself well for making a fast and graceful exit, provided a customer comes strolling in.

  I glance around the empty place. “What are you doing here alone anyway? Shouldn’t Sara be here?” Sara is the in store reiki master, a type of energy healer. My mother’s one herself, but with everything else she has to stay on top of, she’s found other people to offer a variety of services through Hocus Pocus.

  Ma sighs. “She should, yeah. But she had to take off on an unplanned open-ended leave of absence when her son came begging her to help with his three kids. Seems she will be a live-in nanny until further notice. Shouldn’t be too long. Just until her son and daughter in law figure out that she bribes the kids with brownies for breakfast.”

  Our mother found out the hard way back when Sara had babysat for Lev and I about a million years ago. Between her and Casey, we’d had some interesting times in my mother’s absence.

  She takes another drink of her coffee. “Anyway. That reminds me, Alex was asking about you again, Lev.”

  I lean back into the comfy-ness of the sofa cushions. “Um, who now?”

  Lev rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed that my mother has even brought it up. “He’s the new drum instructor.”

  Instantly, I pop back up. “New drum instructor? What the hell happened to Rebbie? Jeeze, nobody tells me anything anymore.”

  “Rebbie woke up two weeks ago, saw the weather forecast, realized winter wasn’t leaving and decided it was time to head south. Can’t say I blame her. Anyway, she was kind enough to send Alex my way as she was driving out of town. So far, he’s working out great. Isn’t he, Lev?”

  My sister’s eye balls are no longer rolled back into her skull. They’re focused. Laser focused and shooting daggers straight at Ma.

  “What?” She throws her hands up at Lev. “Don’t look at me like that. I thought for sure you would have mentioned him to your sister at least once during an entire dinner.”

  I’m still sitting on the edge of the sofa, well, as much as that’s even possible with my big ass stomach throwing me off balance, waiting for someone to elaborate. “Is someone going to tell me what the deal is with this Alex dude and why Lev should have told me about him?”

  “There’s no deal. He just likes your sister.”

  “Ma!”

  I’m not interested in hearing a back and forth between the two of them. I want to know more about this new guy who’s landed himself on my sister’s radar by sheer luck alone. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Do you like him?”

  “He’s a fucking drummer, Esi.”

  I grin. “So you do like him. You just wish you didn’t. Got it.”

  “I don’t see what the big deal is.” Ma stands up to fix a display, which has apparently caught her eye while talking to us.

  “Yeah. Okay. Well, I’m a business owner. I have a reputation to uphold in this community. It’s bad enough I’m labeled as witchy woman’s daughter, I can’t be dating the guy who drums at the moon like a freaking werewolf,” Lev scoffs.

  Ma waves her off. “Please. Alex is perfectly respectable. He’s a teacher, for crying out loud.”

  “Yeah, until word gets out about this werewolf business.” I actually make myself giggle with that one. “Seriously though, what does he teach?”

  “Music. Over at Brinkley High. And all shit talking aside, he’s actually really good. Head of the department and everything.” Lev’s tone changes drastically from her previous comments.

  “No kidding. So, why are you holding out on him?” I settle back into my seat now that the conversation is finally getting somewhere.

  “I’m not. We’ve been out twice already.” She looks down at her coffee cup like maybe she wants to hide inside of it.

  “Lev! I can’t believe you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Slowly her gaze lifts to face me again. “I don’t know. It just felt wrong. I’m not supposed to be happy. Or meeting some guy...not now. Not when you and Carter...and the baby. It’s too much. I should be focused on getting you through this.”

  “It’s not wrong. It’s not wrong at all. Lev, you should know that no matter what, I would always be happy for you. And Carter and I...and the baby. We’re fine. Everything is fine. I’m fine.” I realize, of course, this is sort of a lie. One I’ve been practicing for a long time now, and one I’d find so much easier to believe if people would just fucking let me.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Carter ~ Seven Years Ago

  “Will you be coming to dinner Friday night?” My mother is standing next to my father’s desk. It’s Wednesday and she has a standing lunch date with her friend Diane. The office is on her way to the Country Club and for some reason she’s unable to pass by here and not stop in. I realize it sounds like I don’t enjoy seeing her, it’s just as of late, it’s been tolerable at best.

  “Hannah is bringing Miles over to talk to your father,” my mother continues when I don’t answer. “I have a feeling we’ll be celebrating an engagement before the week is over.” She smiles and I don’t know if she’s more satisfied with the fact that my sister landed an up and coming lawyer, who will fit in nicely with the rest of the Carter men, or because she thinks she figured out their little secret. Which isn’t such a secret considering the two of them went ring shopping two months ago. But I guess my mother wouldn’t know that, since she’s not on Myspace like the rest of us.

  “Sure, Esi and I will be there.” I briefly nod, then hoist the case of files my father was working with earlier back up from his desk to put them away. One of the many mundane tasks I get to participate in while interning at my father’s office. I’m not complaining though. I’ve learned a lot, and he pays me for my time.

  When I look up and see my mother’s face, I drop the case back into place. This conversation isn’t over yet.

  “Actually, Jonathan, I had intended this to be a family only dinner.”

  “How so? Miles isn’t family.” I realize, of course, there would be no reason for the dinner without him there, but I don’t care.

  My father’s timing is impeccable as always, and he walks into the room ready to join the discussion. “Miles is going to be family.”

  “So is Esi.” As soon as I say it, I realize two things. I plan to marry her. In theory, I’d known this. I’d
known I never wanted to be without her, which sort of implied by default that I wanted to be with her forever, and marriage more or less covered that. Still, the actual words, I want to marry her, hadn’t formed until right at this moment. The other thing I realize, is that my parents will never go for it.

  “You can’t be serious.” My mother’s face speaks volumes. In her mind, marrying Esi is like deciding to run away with the fucking circus.

  “Of course, I’m serious.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Jonathan. You’re not marrying that girl.” My father’s tone is harsh and I know he intends this to be the end of our conversation, but it’s not.

  “With all due respect, that’s not really up to you, is it?” I step away from my files and walk up to his desk to face him. My mother is beside me, shaking her head and clearly on the verge of tears.

  “Jonathan James Carter. It is bad enough that you brought that girl into our home – which we not only graciously allowed, but also encouraged for some time in hopes we’d be able to help her find God’s truth for her, but she has refused our guidance, and to suggest you intend to marry her and bring her into our family. Well, you are not the boy I raised.”

  There are so many things wrong with my mother’s statement, I don’t even know where to begin. “Graciously allowed? Help her find God’s truth? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

  “Do not take that tone with your mother!” My father’s fist hits the table. All my life I’ve never seen him lose his temper like this.

  “There’s a reason we’ve tried to protect you from them. If you knew the things that went on in her mother’s store.” My mother not only looks absolutely terrified, but is also wiping her eyes repeatedly, probably to encourage the tears that have yet to make a break for it. The whole thing is suddenly so ludacris, I can’t help but fucking laugh.