The Retreat

by Heather Mar-Gerrison

  I opened my eyes and blinked in the morning light, “Oh, God.” I said as I looked down at my sweat-soaked body. I had just come, but certainly not down Nathan’s welcoming throat – no. I’d just shot my load all over myself – gross.

  I leaned out of bed and grabbed a tee shirt off my dirty-washing pile on the floor (and no. I don’t leave it there as a matter of course – it was only from last night) and wiped myself clean.

  Grabbing the rest of my dirty clothes, I took them with me to the bathroom and tossed the lot in the laundry bin. I’d have to put a wash on later.

  I put the shower on and sighed happily as the hot water rained down on me. Bliss. Utter bliss.

  The dream had been really good but it made me realise just how deeply I was getting myself involved with Nathan. I knew deep in my heart that it was going to end badly. He was never going to want me the way I wanted him.

  This was a disaster – and what a rookie mistake. Why oh, why had I fallen for the straight guy?

  I’ll tell you why, the sneaky little voice in the back of my mind piped up, giving me false hope. Because he keeps flirting with you.

  He did, didn’t he? Oh, God. Of course not. He was just a nice, friendly guy. I was completely delusional…

  Maybe I should ask his mate if he’d ever shown any signs of being less than straight before… But how would I even be able to broach the subject?

  No. I should have the balls to speak to him directly. That’s what I was going to do – speak to the man himself… One day… Maybe…

  I reluctantly switched off the shower and reached for my towel. It was time I was at the Retreat. We had some couples who had requested a call back to see when they could stay at the Retreat and I’d promised to go through the applications with Denny and Blaine.

  *

  “What do we do about this couple?” Blaine asked.

  I frowned, “What?”

  He showed me a picture of three beautiful, young men, “As you can see – they’re not actually a ‘couple’.

  I grinned, “Cool.” I said, “A bona fide throuple.”

  “But three guys can’t seriously be in love with each other, can they?” He asked.

  I blinked, “Why not?” I countered a little defensively, “Who are we to tell them what they can and can’t feel? Although I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them is suffering horribly from jealousy. Threesomes are rarely a long-term success.”

  His face reddened. He turned to Denny, “Oh, my God,” he said, sounding horrified at himself, “am I being prejudiced?” Denny gave him a sympathetic shrug but said nothing. “Shit.” He exclaimed loudly, “I’ve fought against prejudice my whole adult life and now I’m falling into the same trap as my parents and all those narrow-minded individuals who see us as unnatural for loving another man.”

  Denny squeezed his shoulder, “Hey, don’t feel bad,” he crooned, “I’m actually as amazed that they’re maintaining a commitment with each other equally as you are. But I think they’ve booked with us to work a few things out – and I’m confident that they will work things out here – one way or the other too.” He said, “And don’t feel bad to think that way. I actually happen to agree with you – I think jealousy will kill whatever they’ve got – but if they want to give it a go – let’s give them the chance.”

  I grinned at them. Denny was so reasonable. Bless him. As much as I’d defended the three young men, I knew in my heart of hearts that I too couldn’t share someone with another guy. I wanted my man to love me and no one else. I thought of Nathan and his scowl and my dick twitched. It was such a shame he was straight…

  Denny noticed my melancholy and brought up the subject I really didn’t want to discuss after the meeting. “So, anything to share?” he asked, “I’ve noticed you and Nathan have struck up quite the friendship.”

  I blushed, “Yeah.” I agreed, “I like him.”

  “You like him?” Denny asked, leaning forward and looking at me as if I was quite mad.

  I felt my face heating up, “Yeah,” I admitted a little defensively, “I do. He’s a nice guy when he’s not being an obnoxious twat.”

  Denny chuckled, “Nicely put.”

  Blaine looked at me with a frown on his face, “And when isn’t he being an obnoxious twat?” he asked, looking a little shell-shocked the hear that he was actually a total sweetheart.

  I smiled, “When he’s sharing a bottle of wine over dinner with me and we’re chatting about life.” Like he had last night. I’d finally got him to come around to my place…

  Both of their jaws dropped and I felt a little flicker of hope flair inside my chest. Could I really be breaking down his walls?

  “Obviously I don’t think of him as a prospective partner or anything…” Shit. Why did I say that? That was what people said when they totally saw someone as a prospective partner – and I was totally lying. Of course I saw him as a prospective partner… Or rather I could see him as a prospective partner if it wasn’t for the small problem of him not being gay.

  Blaine raised his eyebrows, “He’s uh, he’s straight, I think, mate.”

  I nodded, “Like I said – I don’t see him as a prospective partner because he’s clearly straight.” I didn’t know why I kept saying that – I didn’t even sound convincing to myself.

  He nodded, “Right.”

  I sighed, “Oh, God. When will it happen for me, Blaine?” I asked desperately, “I make everyone else’s wishes come true. When are mine gonna come true?”

  He shrugged and smiled, “One day, mate.” He said, “it’ll totally happen. When you stop looking for him, Prince Charming will just appear.”

  I sighed, “Yeah,” I agreed, “Maybe.” God. I hoped so. What was the alternative? I couldn’t go running back to Lennox every time he apologised and invited me to go out for drinks. He was bad news – even if Slinky didn’t think so. He was never going to leave his wife and I really would just become his bitch on the side if I let him back into my life.

  Our relationship had always been pretty toxic. It had been going on for about a year before we broke up. I met him on a night out with Zoe’s boyfriend not long after I’d joined My Perfect Wedding. I’d taken both Rick and Josh (My other business partner’s other half) to Studs and Steel, a really hot nightclub that I loved going to.

  Lennox was charming and friendly and I honestly hadn’t got a clue that he fancied me – he was such a gentleman – or he was until he cornered me in the bathroom of the fancy hotel I’d procured on behalf of a client and had invited him as my plus one. He’d given me a thorough seeing to in one of the stalls and I’d been smitten ever since. I totally believed that he was the man I’d been waiting for my whole life – until he came in to My Perfect Wedding one day to arrange his wedding to his fiancé of five years…

  Since that shocking day, I’d dated other guys – lots and lots of them. I hadn’t slept with all of them – I really wasn’t one for sleeping around – and thank goodness for that because each and every one of them had someone else that they wanted more than they wanted me, which was as crushing as it was annoying.

  Lennox was by far the worst offender of them all though.

  Thankfully, I hadn’t seen or heard from him since I’d thrown him out and got my key back and with Nathan being so interesting, I wasn’t yearning for something I couldn’t have – well, I totally was – but the something had changed recently – from Lennox to Nathan…

  Chapter 10 – Confessions…

  Nathan

  “So, what’s their story?” I nodded towards the three young men who were all sat together in the clubhouse bar and looking far too cosy to simply be friends with each other.

  Dylan shrugged distractedly and sighed, “I don’t know.”

  I blinked, “Come again?” Surely he knew? They were his clients, weren’t they?

  He sighed again and looked at me, “Okay, I probably do know but I’ve got a more pressing issue right now. I actually have a real problem.” He said.
/>
  I sat forward, instantly forgetting about the three cosy-looking guys. Who cared what they were all about anyway? Dylan had a problem and I wanted to help him. “What’s up?” I asked. It didn’t sit well with me that he had any sort of problem. One that had him this perturbed really wasn’t making me happy.

  He shook his head, going pink, which made him look twice as adorable as usual. “I can’t tell you…”

  I grabbed his hand with one hand and put my finger under his chin with the other one, “You can tell me anything, bud.” I said, searching his beautiful face.

  He looked at me, his eyes dark with emotion, “It’s too embarrassing.” He mumbled.

  I shrugged. It couldn’t be that bad – at least he hadn’t been dumped for a better model by his wife of only five months… “So what?” I asked, “I’ve told you all of my embarrassing stories – my wife dumped me for a tried and trusted model, remember?” Yep. I couldn’t deny it. That still stung…

  He gave me the ghost of a smile, “More fool her.” He said softly. “Okay. I’ll tell you – but promise me that you’ll still be friends with me afterwards.”

  I grinned and crossed my heart with my finger, “I promise.” I said.

  What he had to tell me shocked the hell out of me – but in a really, really good way…

  Dylan

  This was it. The moment it all went to shit and the last I was ever going to see of him, would be his back as he disappeared over the hills… I rolled my eyes at my own utter stupidity. I couldn’t believe I was actually about to tell him. “I really like you, okay?”

  He grinned at me, “Okay.” He said playfully, “I really like you too.”

  I rolled my eyes, “I meant that I really like you.” I said, “As in, I think I’ve developed feelings for you that are a bit more than friends. Well, I know I have…” I trailed off. This was mortifying.

  He nodded, “Yeah, I know that.”

  I blinked. He already knew? Oh, God. Was I really that transparent? But wait a minute. He was still here – and he was still smiling at me in that super cute way of his. “And you’re not freaked out?” I ventured.

  He shook his head, “I’m actually rather flattered – and no. I’m not freaked out at all.”

  I gaped at him, “Wow.” I said, “I didn’t expect that.”

  He shrugged, “Well, my best friend from childhood is gay– as you well know, since you’ve met – I’m really not homophobic, Dylan. I’m really quite comfortable around gay guys.”

  I nodded, “Yeah.” I said, “I’d noticed.” And that was what made it so hard. I really wanted him to be mine.

  He raised an eyebrow, “Why am I getting the feeling you’re not all that happy about it?”

  I sighed, “Oh, ignore me.” I said, “I guess I’m just not cut out for love. No one loves me. I’m just great at making everyone else fall in love – but it never happens to me…”

  Chapter 11 – Stage Fright…

  Nathan

  Dylan looked at me mournfully, “I’m just not cut out for love. No one loves me. I’m clearly great at making everyone else fall in love but it never happens to me.”

  Well, that was just bollocks. I loved every hair on his head… I blinked as I stared at his gorgeous blonde hair. Oh, my God. Did I really just think that? Shit, I did. I really did…

  What the hell was I supposed to do with this? Should I tell him? Should I ignore it? What? I was totally out of my depth. I looked at him and his beauty just about bowled me over. He was stunning. Stunning. I had to let him know how I felt somehow.

  “It’ll happen for you, Dylan,” I said, “I just know it.”

  He shook his head, “Nah.” He said, giving me a sad little smile, “I always go for the wrong guys – they either cheat on me or they’re like you – love me to bits but just not interested in me that way.”

  I opened my mouth to confess that actually I really did feel for him that way when inspiration struck. “Just a minute,” I said, clutching at straws and hoping against hope that with a few more letters to add up, things would take a turn for the better, “That ‘LOVES’ game you showed me a couple of weeks back – have you ever considered adding in middle names?”

  His eyes lit up and he looked at me hopefully, “Oh, my God!” he exclaimed excitedly, “We could totally do that – but I don’t know your middle name.”

  I grinned, “I don’t tell many people,” I admitted, “Just the ones that matter.”

  I wrote my full name down and he added his in underneath. “Don’t laugh at my middle name,” he said making me smile.

  “I promise I won’t.” I said with a grin.

  Nathan Alexander Thomas Matthews

  LOVES

  Dylan Stanley Lovall

  6 2 1 4 3

  8 3 5 7

  11 8 12

  2 9 9 3

  11 18 12

  2 2 9 9 3

  4 11 18 12

  5 2 2 9 9 3

  7 4 11 18 12

  11 5 2 2 9 9 3

  2 6 7 4 11 18 12

  8 13 11 5 2 2 9 9 3…

  “Oh,” he said, looking up at me, the numbers just keep getting bigger – it doesn’t end….

  I looked at him. He stared back at me, blinking his massive blue-green eyes at me, “what does that mean?”

  I shrugged, “I dunno.” I said, “everlasting love?” It didn’t really occur to me that I was effectively saying that we were forever in love until his eyes lit up and he smiled, “Of course that’s what it means,” He breathed, “I knew it….”

  I smiled back at him, suddenly filled with the overwhelming urge to tell him the way I felt, “I could have told you that without this stupid calculation, Dylan.” I took a deep breath and went for it, “I think I fell a little bit in love with you the moment I set eyes on you.”

  His eyes filled with tears and he looked at me, his face unreadable for a moment before he smiled that beautiful, perfect smile and threw his arms around my neck, “Oh, my God,” he said, “I knew it, too.” He said, “I just didn’t think you’d ever feel that way about me.”

  “Well, I do.” I said. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it – but I can’t deny it. I definitely feel something for you.”

  “So, what are we going to do about it?” Dylan asked, his eyes going all big.

  I shrugged, “I have absolutely no idea.” I admitted, “Go on more dates?” I’d only ever dated Sophie before Dylan. It was pathetic, but true…

  He nodded, “Well, I really enjoy going out with you.” He said shyly.

  I smiled, “Me too.” I agreed.

  He bit his lip, making me look at his mouth, which wasn’t difficult in the slightest. I spent most of my time trying to tear my eyes away from those luscious lips. “Maybe we could try adding in a few kisses…” he said quietly.

  My heart rate increased and I began to feel a little hot under the collar. I had difficulty swallowing and sounded hoarse as I answered him, “We could.” I managed.

  He smiled. His beautiful mouth curving up into the sexiest little grin I’d ever seen in my life, “Would you like to try now?”

  Oh, my God. Would I? Actually, yes, now that I came to think about it, I really would. I nodded, “Yes.” I said, truthfully.

  He leaned in and placed his beautifully soft lips against mine.

  Well, I totally got stage fright. I just sat there like a lump of jelly.

  He pulled away, a little frown on his face, “You have kissed someone before, haven’t you?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  He raised an eyebrow, “Dude.” He said, “I just totally kissed you and you didn’t even close your eyes.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I squeaked, “I got stage fright.”

  He smiled, his beautiful eyes dancing, “Don’t worry,” he said, “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

  Chapter 12 – Easy as ABC…

  Dylan

  Was I dreaming? Did he really just say that? He wanted to kiss
me?

  Well colour me happy…

  I leaned in and brushed my lips against his, a little tentatively if I’m honest. What if he suddenly decided he’d changed his mind and smacked me one?

  Thankfully, he didn’t smack me. He didn’t even pull away – he just didn’t respond at all and that was weird – not to mention horribly disappointing.

  I pulled away from him and looked at him, “Dude,” I said, finding it difficult to keep the mood light and the disappointment out of my voice, “I just totally kissed you and you didn’t even close your eyes.” Fuck. He really didn’t even close his eyes. He was still just staring at me, totally horror-struck.

  This was a mistake.

  “I’m so sorry.” He gasped, “I got stage fright.”

  I blinked. Stage fright? Really? Was that really a thing? Well, we could totally fix that, right? I grinned at him, “Don’t worry about it.” I said, “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

  *

  I know I’d said that we had all the time in the world and you know, I got it that he was a little freaked out about kissing another guy when he’d never done it before… but it had been three weeks now and we’d been going out – enjoying each other’s company, sure – but I was beginning to feel a little frustrated. It wasn’t like I was dying to jump his bones or anything (well, I totally was, but I was a gentleman. I could wait) but the odd kiss here and there would be nice.

  So, I’d decided that tonight was the night. I was going to kiss him…

  I’d bought the most delicious smelling lip balm – it was nectarine flavour and had the most beautiful hint of colour. It wasn’t cheap either but I was going for maximum seduction.

  I was wearing my favourite skinny jeans with a tight, white tee shirt and I’d teamed it up with a skinny rib v neck sweater. It accentuated my slim build and the jeans made my junk look bigger – not that I thought I was particularly small but still… I hadn’t explored the size of Nathan yet. I imagined he was pretty well endowed if the way it looked in his slightly shapeless jeans was anything to go by. Hell. I really had to stop thinking about it. It was making my already snug jeans feel positively crippling…