Loving Lawson

by R. J. Lewis

  “But Tru –”

  “She means nothing to me,” he cut in swiftly, leaning his face down to me. “She had a rocking bod. We agreed on a sexual relationship. That’s it.”

  “Friends with benefits, you mean?”

  He laughed without humour. “We weren’t friends, Al. We were just… two lonely people living in the same complex with nothing to do some nights. I never told her I wanted more. Sometimes girls… they can’t separate sex with emotions, you know? I learned that the hard way. That’s not to say guys can’t either, but I’m only talking about my experience – and that definitely doesn’t involve guys.” When I laughed, he smirked at me. “I thought I’d found someone who was the same in Tru. But then the more I was with her, the more she started to talk, like really talk. It wasn’t just sex. It was suddenly conversation before sex and trying to cuddle after sex.”

  “Not a romantic guy, huh?” I said dryly.

  He tilted his head to the side and shrugged. “You can’t force romance out of a guy. The guy has to want it for the girl.”

  “So…?”

  “So I haven’t found a girl I want to be romantic with.”

  I frowned, mulling his words over. “But you’re not giving anyone a chance. I mean, Trudy could bring that part of you out if you decided to be serious with her.”

  With a sad smile, he said, “I think when you want something more with someone, you’ll know. I never felt that way with Tru, or any girl before her. Call me a man-whore all you want. Say I’m shallow. Disrespectful. Whatever. But you can’t say I’m a liar, or that I led them on. I told them what they were getting into, and they were more than happy.”

  Hmm. I considered his words before taking another bite out of my strawberry. It was sort of nice being able to talk about a guy’s relationship history. Heath was quite open, whereas his brother was a goddamn treasure chest locked and buried at the bottom of the sea. He didn’t want to talk about it at all, and for a girl who’d only been with one guy, that was something I kind of always wondered about.

  “So what do you think of me after all that?” he then asked, eyeing me carefully.

  I laughed. “Who cares?”

  “I do. I want to know.”

  My laughter faded when I realized how serious he was. “If they know what they’re getting into then I can’t see a problem… But I do think you’re incredibly dumb for it.”

  His brows came together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “You can’t expect a girl to be with a guy that looks the way you do and not have feelings eventually. It also doesn’t help you’re a pretty good guy on the inside.” When the light bulb still didn’t register, I sighed. “You’re not being one dimensional with them, Heath. That is, if you’re being anything like you are right now with me, then they’re screwed.”

  His lips curved up slowly, and the warmth in his eyes grew as he quietly said, “Afraid that’s not true, Allie. I’m as one dimensional as glue to them. You’ve been around me longer than they have, so I’m more open with you than I’ll ever be with them. But on that note, can I ask you something?” I nodded carefully, but I was also wary judging by the seriousness in which he asked it. “You and Ryker…” he paused and searched for the right words. “What did you see in him?”

  I smiled shortly, reflecting on my relationship with Ryker for a moment. “I didn’t see anything at first. He was as smart as a box of rocks, but he was dreamy to look at. He was just the neighbourhood boy – both of you guys were. You let every kid around to play, including me. But Ryker… he noticed me. Nobody ever had. I was the weird one. The kind girls didn’t want to befriend. After my father died, he stopped and gave me his time of day to get to know me. It almost looked like he was protecting me. From what, I don’t know, but it meant everything to me because no one else ever had. I was just the ugly girl in the background with the crazy mother that never let me out.”

  He looked bothered by my words. “You were never ugly, Allison.”

  Allison. I felt my insides melt. It wasn’t often I was called by my full name. “Why didn’t anyone ever say so then? All a young girl wants to hear from time to time is that she’s pretty. Not that she’s a spider with her long limbs and big eyes.”

  “If I knew that, I’d have fucked up a lot of people for you.”

  I smiled in good humour. “It’s fine, Heath. What’s a childhood without some bullying, right?”

  “A normal one?”

  I shook my head, not wanting him to see the way my lips quivered and my heart pounded. I turned back to my food and pretended to eat with enthusiasm. All the while he sat beside me, still as stone, quiet and attentive. I hoped he wouldn’t keep talking about private stuff like that. It wasn’t a fun topic for me. My childhood sucked. No use reminiscing about it. Any bullied person would understand – by the heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach, the way your chest tightened, and the stinging behind your eyes – how difficult it was to talk openly about a difficult childhood.

  “So where are we going to go and eat later?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “I don’t know. I don’t usually take girls out, to be honest. Any ideas?” His tone was a bit flat, like he was still bothered by our talk.

  “I’m not picky,” I said, taking another enthusiastic bite out of my omelette – which was freaking amazing. “Didn’t you and Ryker go out to that fighter bar with the boys some nights?”

  “Yeah, but that’s a pretty rough spot.”

  I shot him a wicked smile. “Oh, whatever, Heath. What’s rougher than you? I’m sure we’d be fine.” He was the strongest in his group. Had the most wins under his belt. So it was easy for me to think it’d be an alright place to be with him on my side.

  He ran a hand through his buzz and nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

  He stayed around for a while before he got up and left to the shops. I didn’t know what we could possibly need since the fridge was still packed, but I didn’t ask. Call it strange, but I had a feeling he wanted to be alone, and I was fine with that. Because I sort of wanted to be alone after that conversation too.

  While he was out, I sorted through my clothes. Knowing we were going out tonight, I didn’t want to dress in more baggy, unflattering clothes. I had a feeling I was going to be bumping into a lot of attractive girls, and after feeling plain around Trudy, for once I just wanted to blend in.

  Eventually I found a better fitting outfit at the bottom of my bag.

  Heath

  I parked a bit away from the bar, not wanting to attract attention to my truck in a spot where there were loads of people and car-jacking was the norm.

  “Alright,” I told Allie as we stepped out into the night, “keep close to me. You’ve never been to this place, and you don’t want to be a lone girl in there. There are no gallant men. They have one thing on their mind and that’s the golden treasure between your legs.”

  She cringed at my words, shutting the car door and hurrying to my side. I had to look away from her. She’d decided on wearing something… tighter than usual, and it really emphasized her body shape, which was soft and feminine. A simple white tunic with grey leggings that would have classed her as a nun in comparison to the booty shorts I was already seeing the other girls wear.

  But it suited her.

  Fuuuck, it really suited her.

  She had her long elbow length hair up in a tight ponytail, and it seemed to really open her face up. Allie was beautiful, and it pissed me off that she’d been bullied as a kid. I’d have gladly fucked up every single kid that uttered the word “spider” to her. Fuck heads. Her words had got to me today. I kept trying to remember where I was when it was all happening and why the fuck it was Ryker that had to notice her before me. How different would things have been if it was me instead?

  Shit, not a good thing to think about.

  As we neared the place, I grabbed her arm and pulled her close to my side. “Like that. Pretend you’re with me, alright?”

  Her
eyes stayed drawn to the pavement as she nodded. “Okay, Heath. You don’t need to explain. I’m from around here too, you know.”

  Yeah, but she hadn’t really witnessed the drinking culture. For a second, I wondered why in the fuck I was taking her here in the first place. But she’d seemed intrigued, maybe wondering where Ryker had disappeared to every time we had a boys’ night out. He’d always been protective of her, making sure she was somewhere tucked away. But if I had a girl like Allie and I was smitten to bits by her, I’d never have sheltered her. I’d be on the rooftops, showing her off for the world to see.

  As I stepped inside, I greeted my fellow fighters. This bar was practically ours, a place we reminisced our stories and talked about our opponents. They asked me how I was going, where I’d disappeared to, and it was then I realized how long it’d been since I was here. Since I’d even drank. Shit, it’d been forever.

  Still close to me, I led Allie to the back as she gawked around the room with eyes as wide as saucers. The bar wasn’t anything spectacular whatsoever – actually, it was a fucking dump, really. But it was the outgoing atmosphere that drew the crowd in. I found my guys, Matt and Jorge, sitting around our usual table, and they hooted at the sight of me. I took a seat around the table with Allie.

  “Who’s this?” asked Jorge, eyeballing Allie with a grin on his face.

  “Ryker’s girlfriend, Allie,” Matt said before I could. He looked at Allie and gave her a warm smile, and something about it didn’t sit well with me. This was Matt, pretty boy extraordinaire, working his charm.

  Allie waved at him. “Hey, Matt.”

  “How are you doing, beautiful? Been talking to Ryker?”

  She hid her discomfort well, but I could pick that shit up from a mile away. “Yeah, good,” she answered.

  “Started school yet?”

  “Next week.”

  “Cool. What’re you going into?”

  “I’m sticking to English. Only thing I’ve ever been good at.”

  He nodded enthusiastically. “Nice, hon.”

  I frowned at the next smile he gave her, wanting to wipe it off his face with the back of my hand. The fuck was he doing giving Ryker’s girl flirty smiles? Zero respect, these guys. He caught my scathing glare and shrugged. Yeah, he knew exactly what I wasn’t saying out loud.

  I handed Allie a menu and she looked through it while the boys talked about some of the fights they’d been to. I was regularly invited out to see what my competitors had in store, but I never bothered to. I didn’t watch fights. I strictly went to fight – and win. I liked facing the unexpected. Learning about my competition tamed the thrill of it for me.

  “You want something to drink?” Matt then asked Allie as he signalled a waitress over. “It’ll be on me.”

  “No,” I butt in before she could answer. The girl was pregnant… and underage, not that the latter even mattered in a place like this. Everyone drank; the young and the old. That was Hedley for you. “We’re not here to get wasted, Matt.”

  “Well, al-fucking-right then,” he said to me, annoyed. “She’s got a mouth, Heath, how about letting her use it?”

  I ground my teeth at him. “Not the night to be a dickhead,” I warned him.

  He returned the icy glare but didn’t respond.

  Eventually, he backed off and got up to play pool. I chatted with Jorge for a while before he, too, joined him. Allie ate her plate of burger and fries, and I tipped half of my food next to hers, knowing she would probably still be hungry after. She smiled at the act, her blue eyes glowing. My chest tightened, and I had the sudden urge to wrap an arm around her and pretend that she really was mine. Too many guys were noticing her, and tonight there were at least three times more men than there were women, and to my frustration, those girls seemed to gravitate toward me.

  “Hey, Lawson,” they cooed, one at a time. I managed a nod in their direction, hoping that would be the end of it. I didn’t like the way Allie watched them watch me. For the first time, it made me uncomfortable. Her impression of me was important. I didn’t want her to think I was some sleazebag, but I didn’t blame her if she did. I had a long history of women, and even though I was careful to make sure they were clean and I was completely protected every time, it still didn’t impress my image.

  I glanced around the room, making sure there was no tension anywhere. The slightest ruffling of someone’s feathers and the bar was likely to descend into chaos.

  “Oh, my God,” said Allie in horror. “There’s that guy you fought when I went to you for help that night.”

  I followed her direct line of sight to Tank. The guy was a hot mess, sitting at a table with a huge mug of beer and a barely legal, half-naked girl on his lap. He was all smiles, laughing it up as another man began setting up a game of cards.

  “I thought enemy fighters were meant to keep away from each other in social places,” she continued, looking at me for an explanation.

  I couldn’t help the laugh that came out of me. “Fuck, Allie, you’ve watched too many movies. It’s not like that here. You keep your personal baggage out of a fight. You never want to make it more than business between two fighters.”

  “So you guys are like… okay?”

  Jesus, how sheltered was she? “Haven’t you been to a lot of the fights?”

  “Yeah, but Ryker used to take me straight home after.”

  “He really suffocated you, didn’t he?”

  She shrugged and looked away. “I didn’t feel that way at the time.”

  Not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, I looked at Tank and whistled loudly. “Hey, Tank! How’s it going tonight?!”

  Tank looked up from his game of cards and met my eye. With a nod, he shouted back, “Fucking A-okay, man. How you doin’, Lawson?”

  “Doing damn good, thanks.”

  “That your misses right there?” he asked, gesturing to Allie.

  “Off-limits to you if that’s what you’re really getting at,” I told him.

  He winked. “Off-limits, hey? I love a good challenge.”

  From my peripheral, Allie cringed and I laughed. Tank was being a shit head. Unlike many, he was a happy drunk, and despite his fighter status, he was as harmless as a fly to the public.

  He raised his beer to me and gave me another nod before returning to his game. I leaned over to Allie and said, “He’s easy. Don’t worry. Good guy on the inside, that one.”

  “That’s crazy,” she replied, smiling back at me. “When you guys were fighting, he seemed so aggressive. Call me silly, but I didn’t think that sort of thing could be easily turned off.”

  “You’re right. Some of the fighters are naturally aggressive even outside the matches. But it’s their hot-headed tempers that land them straight in jail. You’ll see them around, but personally, I’ve gotten along with most fighters just fine. Like I said, we keep the personal shit out.”

  She nodded in understanding. For a while I let her soak up the place. She listened in on the chatter, relaxed and ate her little heart out. This was nice. For once, I didn’t need the buzz that came with drinking. I was getting it from her.

  “I like this song,” she suddenly said, pointing to the jukebox.

  I stopped moving and listened intently on the song playing.

  “Love is the drug” by Bryan Ferry.

  It was bittersweet. Mom liked this song too.

  “Is that right?” I asked with a smile.

  Before she answered, I stood up and grabbed her hand. I pulled her off the chair and took her to the centre of the bar where others were dancing. She was bright red as I brought her hands up into the air and yelled at her to dance like everyone else. She laughed and, to my surprise, started moving her body around to the music.

  “You know the words?” I shouted to her.

  She nodded. “Of course I do!”

  “Prove it!”

  She took my breath away when she opened her mouth and started singing to the lyrics, getting louder and more confiden
t as she went on.

  “Late that night I park my car

  Stake my place in the singles bar

  Face to face, toe to toe

  Heart to heart as we hit the floor

  Lumber up, limbo down

  The locked embrace, the stumble round

  I say go, she says yes

  Dim the lights, you can guess the rest

  Oh, oh, catch the buzz

  Love is the drug I’m thinking of.”

  Her whole body was flushed, her face glowing, acting her age for once and not consumed by the recent pressures in her life…

  Allie Wallace.

  This unbelievable girl.

  What the fuck was Ryker thinking throwing this away?

  She was breathless by the time she finished the song, and the loud sound of applause by the guys sitting at the bar behind us suddenly filled the room. She jumped and glanced at them over her shoulder, her eyes widening and her face – if it was possible – getting even redder. She hadn’t expected an audience, and I’d been so absorbed by her, I didn’t notice them too.

  “Brilliant singing, Allie,” hooted Matt, coming in from behind her. He had a pool stick in one hand and his arm went around her, pulling her into his chest to give her a “welcoming” hug.

  Fuck, this guy wanted to die, right? He was begging for it.

  Allie smiled up at him, and my irrational anger simmered as I watched her give him attention. I wanted it all on me, and it was a pretty fucked up, childish thing to admit to myself. I headed straight for her, glaring at Matt, and took her by the arm. I motioned her to me and said, “Let’s get back to the table, Al.”

  She moved to leave, but Matt’s grip around her shoulders tightened. “It’s alright, man,” he told me, “I want to have this next dance with her.”

  “She needs to rest,” I told him, flaring my nostrils as he scowled at me.