Loving Lawson

by R. J. Lewis

  “She seems fine to me,” he retorted. “Isn’t that right, Allie?”

  Now her smile faded, and she looked between us uncomfortably. She cleared her throat and made to move out of his grip again, saying, “Actually, you know, that really tired me out. Heath’s right. I’ll just take a seat for a while.”

  I pulled at her arm when she said that, and Matt reluctantly let her go. I softly pushed Allie in the direction of our table, and when she was a safe distance away, I turned back to Matt and gave him a rough shove back, growling, “What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Are you really that drunk?”

  He was – and that was the only thing saving him from a beat down – but he shook his head and snapped, “Nothing is wrong with me. She’s been through rough shit. I wanted to give her a good time.”

  “And what’s a good time with you?” I took a step closer to him, intimidating him with my width and height. Matt had nothing on me in the body department.

  He was angry. “Man, what’s your problem? Since when does it bother you when I talk to a girl?”

  “You know that’s Ryker’s girl, right?” I scolded him.

  He raised a brow, glazed eyes daring to look into mine and said, “The real question is, do you know that’s Ryker’s girl? You think because she got a taste of one brother, she’ll want a taste of another –”

  He didn’t finish that sentence. Not with the punch I gave him anyway. He fell straight back and landed on the ground like the drunken ass he was. Blood poured out of his busted upper lip and he gawked up at me with shock and anger. Would he have preferred I hit him in the nose? That would have been a broken bone, and I was feeling hospitable enough not to want that on the guy. He should be thanking me for going easy on his ass after saying what he did in a packed bar.

  Everyone around us backed away, staring at us with growing interest until I looked up at them. They turned away immediately and resumed their conversations while I sighed and offered Matt my hand.

  “You don’t know when to shut the fuck up,” I bit out.

  He stared at my hand and shook his head. “I’m not taking your hand after you fucking punched me.” I didn’t listen to him. I grabbed him by the arm and hauled him to his feet. He wouldn’t have been able to get his stumbling ass up otherwise. He tore from my grip and wiped the blood from his mouth, turning away quickly to escape the bar. I’d embarrassed him in front of the guys, and I felt bad for it, but what the fuck did he think was going to happen to him saying that kind of shit?

  I went after him, grabbing him by the arm whenever he tripped over his feet. When we got out of the bar, I pulled out my phone and called a taxi, all the while keeping my hand firmly wrapped around him. He kept trying to wriggle from my grip, as if expecting to suddenly be hit with hulk-like strength.

  “Sit down,” I told him, and without waiting for his cursed response, I shoved him to the ground, forcing him down on the sidewalk. “Taxi’s coming.”

  “I gotta car,” he slurred angrily.

  “You’re drunk. You’re not driving.”

  “Glad to know you care about my well-being after you fucking punched me, buddy.”

  I didn’t respond. I opened my wallet and took out a few bills. I threw them at him. “Use that for payment. I’m going back in.”

  “Back to her, you mean.”

  I hesitated. “I brought her here, Matt. She wanted to see where we took Ryker. So she’s my responsibility.”

  “Is that what this really is?” he snapped, turning his face up to stare accusingly at me. “Because after what I saw in there, I can’t agree. You looked at her like you wanted her.”

  I scoffed. “You’re so drunk, man, you don’t even know what you’re seeing –”

  “I’m seein’ just fine, Heath.”

  I glared at him, trying not to let the panic his words made me feel show on my face. I liked to think I had a good poker face, but then again I’d never felt this way for a girl before, and I was suddenly fighting against feelings I’d never had.

  “You’re getting it wrong,” I stressed. “She’s my friend, Matt.”

  He eyed me with those judgmental eyes before shrugging and looking out into the streets. “Whatever, man. Just keep your hands to yourself.”

  Said hands were tingling with the urge to give him another rough lesson, but I stopped myself from reacting impulsively. I wasn’t an angry person. Not after witnessing all the shit the men in Mom’s life had put her through before she passed away. I vowed never to act that way. But this felt personal to me. Way too personal for my liking. I wasn’t the kind of guy that liked to explore my emotions. I wanted simplicity in every part of my life.

  Nothing about Allie was proving to be simple, though.

  I didn’t reply to Matt. I left him sitting there on the curb, moving back to the entrance of the bar when I heard a, “Yo, Lawson,” from behind me. I stopped and looked back to a solid man I’d never met before. He was around my age, looked like most of the ghetto thugs in Hedley, wearing baggy black jeans and an over-sized white tee. Silver chains were draped around his neck, his hair was thickly set in dreadlocks, and the corner of his mouth was grasping a rolled up joint that he was sucking the life out of.

  I stood tall, looking warily at him as I said, “Yeah?”

  He strode up to me with confidence. He carried himself like he was all power, and I suddenly had a bad feeling about him. I glanced around the crowded streets, wondering if he had guys lurking around that might take me down in numbers.

  “Hey, man,” he said, extending his hand out for a slap/shake. “I’m Ricardo.”

  I returned it and gave him a cool nod. “What’s up?”

  He shook his head. “Nothin’, man. Look, I’m just gonna get straight to the point. Was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d have a word with you. Wasn’t hard finding you. Just askin’ around and everyone be callin’ you a fighter. Is that right?”

  I shrugged. “People say a lot of things.”

  He chuckled and nodded, probably catching my cautiousness. “Right, well, look, I’m just gonna out with it. Your brother worked for my boss. Did some… deals with him for a long time. I’m not gonna give you the details right now. I’m just going to let you know I’ll be around, and it’s fuckin’ imperative we have a chat about your brother’s failures. Know what I’m saying?”

  I looked him over again. My spine stiffened and I might have cursed if I wasn’t grinding my teeth so hard. This situation wasn’t rocket science. The man was a thug. Obviously a part of a gang. A gang that I was certain was behind Ryker’s criminal activities.

  That little shit was still causing trouble and he was in prison!

  I bristled. “You know I have no part in what he did illegally, right?”

  The thug smirked at me, showing off a gold tooth I wanted nothing more than to rip right off. “Yeah, I know, man. But see, where my guys and I come from, our world don’t care about whether or not you kept your distance. Point is you’re blood. Blood means you inherit the shit that resilient bastard left behind.”

  “And what’s he left behind?”

  He looked at me cryptically. “You’ll know soon enough.”

  I glared at him. “How about just cutting to the chase and letting me know now? I don’t see the point waiting.”

  “I’m part of a pyramid, man. I get told what to say and what not to say. Right now I just needed to tell you that you’ll be seeing me around.”

  “At least give me something.”

  “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” He then threw his joint down on the ground and squashed it with the tip of his shoe. “Have a good night, man.”

  He turned around and took off down the sidewalk, walking in that exaggerated side-to-side way that I was sure was exhausting as fuck. Only his movements seemed heavy with purpose. He was gone to report this conversation to someone. His boss.

  Matt heard the conversation and was dutifully avoiding my gaze. I eyed him carefully. “Got any idea what that
was about?”

  He hesitated before shrugging. “I don’t know all that much. Just… You know Ryker was dealing drugs, right?”

  “I didn’t know until after his arrest.”

  “Well, he was tight with that guy. I’ve seen him around. Part of one of those big gangs.”

  “Yeah, and?”

  “And… what did Ryker get charged with?”

  I started to get the gist of what he was saying. “Proceeds of crime. Had a shitload of money on him after he sold drugs.”

  Matt nodded. “Yeah, so, this guy is coming around, telling you he’ll be having a word with you over Ryker’s failures. What do you think that means?”

  “Means he wants to be compensated with what Ryker got caught with.”

  “Yep.”

  “How much do you think that is?”

  “Fuck, no idea, man. Maybe you should ask him yourself.”

  I wasn’t sure I ever felt this angry before. I rubbed my face in exasperation. Despite my anger, I wasn’t surprised. I knew that when you dealt with gangs in this town, you didn’t just walk away unscathed. Even after being arrested, that shit was going to haunt you until they got even. What I didn’t expect was to be the one they wanted to get even with.

  Ryker’s suspicious behaviour at the prison was beginning to make sense now.

  I looked back at the door and took a few deep breaths. I needed to put this shit aside for now. I didn’t want to think about the man, or pay attention to the uneasy feeling in my chest that what Ryker did was going to seriously change things. I needed to focus on now. I escaped back into the bar. I’d left Allie in here on her own for too long. I was glad to see she was still that way seated in the same chair. Maybe the guys had caught the message loud and clear. I took a seat next to her and her troubled gaze met mine.

  “You’ve been gone for a while. What’s going on?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  “Then why did you hit Matt?”

  “When Matt gets drunk, his mouth runs.”

  She frowned at my response. “Did he say something about me? Look, Heath, I don’t want to break a friendship apart just because he might have said something –”

  “That’s not the first time I’ve hit him,” I interrupted, doing my best to shoot her a genuine smile. “It’s not the last, either. That’s what we do. One of us gets out of line and we sort each other out. How many times did Ryker come home with a busted lip?”

  She chuckled wryly and took a gulp out of her water. “Wow, men are a different breed, huh?”

  “You have no idea.”

  She smiled that glorious smile and finished her food, and I glared at anyone that got within a foot of her.

  *

  “Did you have fun?” I asked her on our way back to the truck.

  She nodded, leaning her body against me. “Yeah, tired though.”

  I brought my arm around her and kept her upright, but also as close to me as possible. She smelled nice, she felt nice, she was everything nice.

  On our way back home, she glanced out the passenger window, her face serene and content, seemingly lost in thought as the world went by. I had my hand on the stick shift when something cool touched it. I looked down at her small hand covering mine.

  “Thank you for taking me out,” she whispered.

  I swallowed hard. “Anytime.”

  Aside from the mishap with Matt and having to roughly push a shitload of men away from her every time they pressed against her, it was a good night. She talked, she sang, she laughed. It wasn’t the introverted Allie I was used to seeing. There was a whole other layer there waiting to be unravelled, and fuck, I wanted to unravel this girl in more ways than one.

  I decided not to tell her about the shady guy. I would eventually, but not right now. Not when she was knocking down her walls around me. Ryker was a fucking dark cloud. He’d piss on our sunshine if I got her worrying about him or what he’d done. She needed to focus on her baby.

  I kept telling myself this.

  Kept trying to believe it too.

  Halfway there, she fell asleep, her small body curled up on the seat. I parked the car and stared at her for a bit. It was mostly dark save for a nearby streetlight.

  “Allie,” I whispered, “we’re here.”

  She didn’t budge. All that moving around had caught up to her. I tried nudging her awake, but to no result. With a sigh, I got out and had to carry her to the elevator. While we rode it up, her arm snaked up and around my neck and she let out a contented breath. She felt like a warm ball I didn’t want to let go of, so I tightened my embrace on my way to the apartment.

  I carried her to her room and gently laid her down on the soft bed. I slipped her sandals off and threw the covers over her. Then I pulled her hair tie out and placed it on the dresser. I stood straight and glanced at the doorway, knowing I should probably get out and leave her to sleep. But my eyes went back to her. Before I knew it, I was sitting down on the bed and stroking her hair. And when that wasn’t enough to ease the ache inside of me, I leaned my face to hers and ran my nose along her jaw, taking in her scent and the soft feel of her skin.

  Fuck, what was I doing? And why the hell was I having these weird as hell urges to touch her?

  As I pulled back, my breath felt like it’d been knocked right out of me when I found her eyes were opened and she was looking straight at me. Merely inches away, I stared back, knowing full well I’d been caught touching her inappropriately. I expected her to say something, but she just watched me with those tired eyes. They roamed around my face, settling on my mouth.

  She looked like she wanted to kiss me.

  Strange feelings flooded through me. My skin heated and my pulse quickened. Christ, I didn’t know how to act around this girl.

  “Hey,” I whispered, because what the fuck else could I say right now? When she didn’t respond straightaway, I added, “I tried to wake you up. You passed out so I carried you here.” And rubbed my face against yours, but let’s not talk about that.

  “Thanks,” she whispered back.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “No. I was having a bad dream.”

  “About what?”

  She shook her head weakly. “Being alone.”

  “That’s not going to happen. You know that, right?”

  Her eyes glistened as she looked about the room to keep from making eye contact. “Anyone that’s ever promised me that has pushed me away somehow. My dad, mom… Ryker. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but… I don’t have much confidence in anyone anymore.”

  Her words were killing me, and I stopped thinking about right or wrong. I pushed her further into the bed and slipped in beside her. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my side. In my mind I rationalized that showing her I meant my words by being close to her would help to calm her fears. But in my heart I knew it was wrong. If she had any reluctance getting so close, she didn’t show it. She was completely relaxed wrapping an arm around my middle as I said, “I’m a man of my word. You’re not getting rid of me.”

  “I don’t want to,” she replied.

  My heart – that little fist sized organ – exploded inside of me. I tightened my grip and stared up at the dark ceiling. Forever it took before my pulse slowly came down, yet every movement she made seemed to spike it again. My body wanted her. My heart ached for it too. But my brain… fuck, it was killing me with its logical bullshit. I listened to her breaths even out. I even looked down and watched her fall asleep in my arms like it was the most natural thing to ever happen.

  This was happiness, I realized.

  You’re the only one I trust.

  Ryker’s words slayed me, and I started to think… maybe I wasn’t the best person to trust after all.

  Nine

  Allie

  We sat in the waiting room, waiting for my first ultrasound. I grabbed a magazine and lazily flipped through the pages as pregnant women filled the room. There were a
few men accompanying them, looking just as anxious and excited. I wondered what they saw when they looked at me. Would they think Heath was mine? I smiled at the absurdity of that.

  We’d fallen into a comfortable routine, him and me. I started classes at college. I kept to myself, and I was surprised how easy that was. He drove me there every morning and I took a bus home after. I’d have something cooking by the time he got back from work. Afterwards, I studied in the living room and he usually sat next to me and watched television. There was surprisingly a lot of conversation to be had with Heath.

  Since the night out at the bar, I’d never seen him so laid back and content. What he’d said about Trudy not mattering seemed to ring true, too. She was never brought up, and he never disappeared at nights either, making me think she was completely out of the picture.

  I felt very grateful I had someone doing this with me right now. I would hate to have come here alone, facing my first ever pregnancy experience without a person I cared about to share it with, and I really started to value Heath more than anyone else. I’d had no one close before Ryker. I seemed to constantly drift through crowds, never finding a place in any of them. It didn’t upset me. My head was always about making this pregnancy work and keeping it a secret for as long as I could. It was a mission, especially when my bump was getting more and more visible every week.

  I glanced at Heath. He was dressed in a plain white tee and jeans, his dark hair had grown a bit. For a short while, I’d leaned into him, taking in his scent, which was unique and musky. Anytime I was around him, I felt relaxed and in good hands. He made me feel protected, and like I could be myself.

  Not having noticed my creepy close proximity, he was too busy watching the toddlers around a play area fighting over a couple of toy blocks. When one pushed the other down and stole them, he shook his head with a small smile on his face.

  “What?” I asked him, amused by his attentiveness to them.

  “I’ll be damned if I have a kid that doesn’t fight back,” he answered.

  I laughed lightly, though the idea of him being a daddy made my chest tighten. He would be a great one.