Heartstrings

by Marilee Boekweg

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Eroica awoke with a start. She hadn’t been able to remember the dreams that she had been having the last few nights. But they always left her feeling troubled. This night though, the dream was very clear in her remembrance. She was back at music camp, in the parking lot, and her cellist was there.

  “I have been looking for you everywhere,” he had said. “You found out the truth for yourself. Now there is nothing to keep us apart.”

  Eroica sat up in bed. There was nothing to keep them apart. She had to find him. But where? She would go back to Germany. She couldn’t marry Mark now.

  Eroica looked at the clock. It was four o’clock in the morning. She got out of bed, turned on the light, and pulled her suitcase out of the closet. She had packed so many times that she could do this with her eyes shut. She knew exactly what to take. Everything else she locked in the storage closet.

  Just a few hours later, Eroica was ready to go. She had booked a flight for the next morning, and had called all of her piano students and given them the names and phone numbers of some other teachers. She busied herself cleaning the apartment until she got hold of her parents.

  “Hi, Mom. It’s Eroica. I’ve decided to come to Germany after all.”

  “This seems awfully sudden, Eroica. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing is going on. I’ve just changed my mind.” Eroica could hear her father in the background.

  “Your father wants to know if Mark proposed to you.”

  “He did.”

  More muffled voices followed.

  “Eroica, this is your father.”

  “Yes, I can tell.” She tried to laugh.

  “Did that nice young man, Mark Wallace, offer his hand in marriage to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “So what went wrong?”

  “Oh Dad, I don’t know. I can’t explain it. Won’t you just let me take the job you offered me?”

  “Are you sure that you aren’t running away from something?”

  Eroica thought about that. “Maybe I am. But what is so terrible about that? What’s wrong with stepping back and rethinking things?”

  “Hmm,” he muttered. “Maybe you’d better talk to your mother.”

  She waited for the two of them to finish discussing her.

  “Eroica, you know that you are always welcome here. Come stay with us for as long or as little as you want.”

  “I’m catching a plane tomorrow morning.”

  “But tomorrow is August first. It’s your birthday. You have spent so many birthdays in airports and on planes. And you always get airsick. Wouldn’t you rather come the next day?”

  “No. This is what I want to do.”

  “Okay then. We’ll be there to pick you up.”

  Eroica gave her parents her flight number and arrival time and said goodbye. All that remained was telling Mark. She wished she didn’t have to do that.

  Eroica walked to campus dreading the task at hand. She had thought through so many different ways to tell Mark that she was leaving. But there was no right way. As she worked with the various chamber ensemble groups, she watched for Mark. She had seen him very little all week long, so it didn’t surprise her that she couldn’t find him now.

  When Eroica went home that night, her apartment felt bare and lonely. Her suitcases were by the front door, which added to the feeling. She picked up the phone to call Mark. This would be the last time she would hear his voice.

  “Hello, Mark. This is Eroica.”

  “I know who you are. You’re not easy to forget.”

  Eroica didn’t know what to say next, so she said nothing.

  “Have you made a decision?” Mark finally asked. Eroica could hear the apprehension in his voice.

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Why don’t you let me come and see you? I’ll drive over right now.”

  “No, Mark. I’m calling to say goodbye. I’m flying to Germany tomorrow morning.”

  There was a long silence.

  “Mark, I am so sorry.”

  “I must admit, you caught me by surprise.”

  “This is not easy for me. I don’t want to leave. But I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll make the wrong decision. And I will wind up ruining your life. I love you too much to do that. So I must go.”

  “I had hoped that you could love me enough to stay,” he said slowly. “Thank you for being honest with me Eroica. I will always remember you and your fiery personality. And I will miss you. You brightened up every day of my life. I truly hope you find all that you’re looking for.”

  “Maybe…” Eroica tried to say.

  “No, Eroica,” he interrupted. “This needs to be goodbye. For both our sakes. Let’s have no regrets. Just memories of good times together.”

  “Every memory I have of you makes me smile.”

  “Now I know that can’t be true,” Mark tried to laugh. “I know I frustrated you at times.”

  “But I look back on it now and it makes me smile.”

  “That’s good. It makes saying goodbye a little less painful.”

  It was so easy to talk to Mark. She could hardly believe that she was saying goodbye to him. It didn’t make sense.

  “I hope you also find what you are looking for, Mark.”

  “Goodbye, Eroica.”

  “I will stop at your house on my way to the airport and drop off your ring.”

  “Just keep it. I picked it out with you in mind. It seemed so perfect for you.”

  “But, Mark,” she began to protest.

  “Remember, Eroica, no regrets.”

  “Okay. Goodbye Mark.”

  Eroica hung up the phone and leaned back against the couch. What was she supposed to learn from such a trial? And when would she ever learn it?

 

  Another night of very little sleep. Eroica got up early and readied herself to once again leave the country. It was her birthday. She was twenty-three years old. She felt ancient and tired.

  It was still dark when Eroica reached AnnaMaria’s house. She planned to take a taxi to the airport and leave her car with AnnaMaria. And John had said that he would take charge of renting out her house.

  “I wish you would let me take you to the airport,” AnnaMaria whispered as she let Eroica in.

  “It’s Saturday morning. Your whole family is still asleep. I don’t want to disturb everyone. I just want to quietly get on a plane and go.”

  “I’ll miss you, Eroica. It was so much fun to have you around all year. I still hope for the day that you will marry and move next door to John and me.”

  “I do, too.”

  The taxi came. It was time for her to go.

  “I love you, Eroica.” AnnaMaria threw her arms around her sister one last time.

  “I love you too, Anna.”

  As the taxi made its way to Salt Lake City, Eroica wondered what Mark was doing. Was he still asleep? She knew he would be fine taking over her share of responsibilities for the last few weeks of music camp. But she didn’t feel right about leaving before the end of the camp. The more distance the taxi put between Eroica and Mark, the heavier her heart felt.

  The airport was so busy that Eroica had no time for sadness. Everything was push and shove, hurry and wait, and don’t go down the wrong corridor. She finally managed to get to the right gate and sat down. It always amazed her how busy airports were every hour of the day.

  She watched as the people came and went. There were so many goodbyes being said. It seemed so sad to her. She took the engagement ring out of her purse and absentmindedly twirled it around her finger. It had been such a fun summer with Mark. She wished that it didn’t have to end.

  “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.” The flight attendant jolted Eroica out of her memories. “All passengers flying to New York City and Hamburg, Germany on flight three twenty-seven, we are ready to board.”

/>   Everyone around her gathered up their belongings and began to board the plane. Eroica couldn’t move. She just sat there and watched as the passengers went, one by one, through the door that led to the plane. All of a sudden Eroica knew that she wanted to stay and marry Mark. She didn’t care about anyone else.

  “This is the last call for passengers boarding flight number three twenty-seven.” Eroica was the only one left. All the others had either boarded the plane or had left for the parking lot. If she was going to get on that plane, she was going to have to do it now.

  “Heavenly Father,” she prayed in her heart, “I think I’ve made the wrong decision. I want to stay here and marry Mark. I don’t want to marry anyone else, and I don’t want to go to Germany.”

  Immediately the sadness was gone. Eroica felt a peacefulness wash over her whole being. She felt happy and lighthearted. She knew, without question, that she had finally made the right decision. And it was so easy. The answer had been there for her the whole time. She just hadn’t trusted in God the way she should have. She hoped that she wasn’t too late with her heart’s discovery.

  “Are you boarding, Miss?” the flight attendant was kind enough to ask.

  “No,” Eroica laughed, looking at her ticket. “I am getting married instead.”

  “Well then, congratulations.” The flight attendant indicated no to the other worker, and the door was shut.

  Eroica wondered what she should do with herself now. Her luggage was on its way to Germany, but she wasn’t. It would be hours before Mark was home from work. And even then, she wasn’t sure how she was going to convince him that she was ready to commit to him. How was she going to tell him yes, when she had so decidedly told him no?

  Eroica felt so good inside, though. Everything would work out, somehow. God had a plan for her. She just needed to follow it, instead of making everything so complex. She pulled her phone out of her purse so she could call her parents.

  “Hi Mom. It’s Eroica again. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

  “Eroica! Did you miss your plane?”

  “No, not exactly. I’ve decided not to come. Actually, I’ve decided to get married.”

  “To Mark Wallace?”

  “Yes.” Eroica waited while her mother passed the news on to her father. She could hear her father bellowing out Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus in the background.

  “Can you hear you father singing his congratulations?”

  “Loud and clear.”

  “He is so excited. He likes Mark.”

  “Well,” Eroica paused, “I’m hoping that he will still want to marry me.”

  “Eroica, what do you mean?”

  “When he asked me to marry him, I told him no. I can’t explain it, but I’ve changed my mind. I just don’t know if he will want me anymore.”

  “Of course he will. You are just like your father. You have to do everything the hard way. I’m sure that by now Mark has figured that out about you.”

  “I’m not so very difficult, am I?”

  “You are so very loveable, Eroica. As Mark has discovered.”

  “Speaking of doing things the hard way, my luggage is on its way to Germany.”

  “Your father can straighten that out. He gets himself into situations like this often enough.”

  “Sorry about the trouble.”

  “Eroica, you are no trouble. Let us know when you set a wedding date. We want to be there, even if we can’t go into your Mormon temple.”

  Eroica got off the phone with her mother and got back into a taxi cab. She went downtown and walked around Temple Square all afternoon, remembering. This was where she was last year on her birthday. But now, there was no more of longing or loneliness in her heart. Just wonderful dreams of a future with Mark. She passed the time feeling at peace with herself, finally knowing that she was on the path that God wanted for her. She could hardly wait to tell Mark.