Stolen Songs

by Samantha Armstrong

  Each tick of the clock on the wall is like it’s scared to take that next second, scared to tell me what’s to come, and as the time passes by, I’m beginning to feel the fear as the hand marks two hours since we sat down in here.

  I look to Tilly, curled up into a small ball beside me. Her cheeks are still red, and her hair’s a mess, sticking to her face. I lean forward and brush a strand off her cheek when out the corner of my eye I catch the door to ICU open. I jerk out of my seat and take a few quick steps until I reach Dr. Grinava. “What happened? What went wrong? Is she okay?”

  He raises his hands to calm me. “Hamish, Hamish. Calm down.”

  He can’t tell me to fucking calm down. “What’s wrong?”

  “There was a complication when we were removing her tubes—”

  “No. Tell me she’s okay. Please.”

  He nods. “She’s okay, Hamish.”

  I stare at him for a moment, unsure if I heard him correctly. “Really?”

  “Yes. There were complications but all you need to know is that she is now breathing on her own.” My shoulders fall and I take a few deep breaths. “She’s fine,” he reassures me. “Now all we can do is wait.”

  I feel like that’s all we’ve been doing. “For how long?”

  “I wish I could give you an answer on that Hamish, but I can’t.” He breathes out a slow controlled breath, like he’s had to do this so many times before. “It’s all up to her.”

  “Can we see her?”

  He nods. I glance over my shoulder, but Tilly is still curled up on a chair. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look back at him. “Go. I’ll have one of the nurses watch her.”

  I stay there for a moment. I know Tilly would want me to wake her, but I also want to see Maddy on my own. I nod. “Thank you.” I step around him and push open the double doors to the ICU. I open and close my hands in attempt to calm myself. Each step I take, I have the urge to turn around and run away, but at the same time, I have the urge to sprint to her. I can’t seem to do either. My mind races along with the beat of my heart and the closer I get, the closer I am to losing it. I stop at her door and take a few deep breaths, unsure of whether I should enter the room. As soon as I push open the door and see her, I can’t stop my feet as I rush to her side. Her eyes are closed. The tubes are gone. It doesn’t look so scary anymore. It just looks as if she’s sleeping. I pull the railing down and lie on the bed beside her. I brush my fingers down her cheeks to her lips where the tubes were. I lean forward and press my lips to hers. They’re so soft, yet so cold and an ache passes through our connection and settles in my heart.

  Come back to me, Maddy.

  I lay on the pillow beside her, and stare at her nose. The small breaths going in and out is the most surreal thing I think I’ve ever experienced, and as time passes, my eyelids get heavy and I drift off to sleep.

  Maddison

  My throat feels like it’s being scraped with sandpaper. I groan and slowly blink, but the bright light forces me to keep my eyes shut. My skull feels like it’s been split in two.

  “Maddy! Maddy!” I move ever so slightly and squint. Tilly is standing at my bedside.

  “Till? What are—”

  “Shh, shh. I’ll get the nurse.” The warmth around my arm disappears, and I follow her long braid with my eyes as she runs across the room and out the door. A moment later, she’s back with a nurse behind her. I’m in a hospital? I look down, and I have tubes running up my arms, something clipping the end of my finger. A machine is beeping beside me.

  Tilly rushes back to my side, her warm small fingers take hold of my leg as the nurse checks me out.

  “What happened?” I croak.

  “You were brought in here six nights ago,” the nurse looks up, and mumbles, “You had a lot of drugs in your system. We had to pump your stomach and then put you on a ventilator. You’ve been in a coma for six days.”

  The last thing I remember registers in my mind. Teddy, and the drugs. “How did I get here?”

  “A young man named Hamish. He’s been by your side every minute. You are very lucky he found you, dear.”

  My heart breaks, and Tilly’s hand tightens around my leg.

  As soon as the nurse is gone, Tilly moves closer to me. I panic. “Where’s the others? Who’s looking after the kids?”

  “They’re okay. Angela’s with them, and she’s sober. Trudy’s still stopping in, and after what happened the night you . . . left, she’s been—”

  “What happened?” I push back in the bed, but everything aches, and I’m forced to stop moving. Tilly jolts forward and guides me back into the bed.

  She swallows back whatever it is that’s scaring her. My eyes become wide. “Tilly. What happened?”

  “Darren was released that day.”

  My heart drops. “No,” my voice is barely audible as I breathe out. “No,” I say again but she hushes me.

  “He’s back in prison now.”

  I stare at her, confused, scared, and angry. “Why? What happened?”

  Her eyes are filling up, and her neck is going red. She looks away, and I stretch forward and touch her hand. I don’t know if I’m ready to hear whatever she has to say, but what I want doesn’t matter. I need to know. “Tilly.”

  Her gaze drops to our grasp and I squeeze her hand. Her shoulders rise and then she looks up to me with tears in her eyes. Her small face carries so much sorrow. I want to take whatever it is away. I want to fix whatever happened, but I don’t know if I can. I try to swallow but my throat is bone dry. She bites her bottom lip then says, “He almost killed me.” The tears fall.

  I’m yanking the tubes from my arm before she even finishes her sentence. “What?” I shout, and it feels as if my throat tears. I gently touch my neck, feeling the sharp, scratchy pain shredding at the flesh. She’s crying and her arms are raised in the air, frantically trying to calm me down.

  “Please. Maddy. Stop,” she cries. When I see how upset she is, I stop. Her hands fall to her side and she sobs.

  “I want to know what happened,” I say firmly.

  She looks up and meets my gaze. A few moments pass as we stare at each other. Finally, she takes a deep breath. “He was beating Angela again. I yelled at him to stop. He turned on me, and I didn’t realize he had a knife. Angela called the cops, and there were some already in the area, so it didn’t take them long to get to our house.” She pauses and wipes the tears from her eyes. “He didn’t do anything, he just held the knife to my throat, then dropped it and went back to Angela.” My gaze darts to her neck, and there’s the faintest line.

  She’s shaking, and I am too. I hold out my hand, and gesture for her to come. She hops up onto the bed beside me. “You’re okay. I’m here.” I stroke her hair as she sobs on my chest.

  “But you weren’t, Maddy. You weren’t there, and then you were nearly taken away from me for good.”

  The guilt consumes me. I have to get myself together. I can’t be like this. I have to look after her, all of them. The nurse’s words flash through my mind. I’ve been here for six days. I missed my Juilliard audition. I didn’t think I could feel any worse, but having your dream crushed in a single moment is different to physical pain. It’s worse.

  “How did you know I was in here?”

  She stops sobbing and now she’s taking heavy irregular breaths. “I overheard Angela talking to Trudy three days ago.” She pauses as she takes another breath. “I caught the bus straight away.”

  “Have you been here since then?”

  She nods, and I frown. “How? How are you eating? Showering?”

  “Hamish has been bringing me food.” She looks up to me and I drop my hand from her head. “Maddy, I really like him. He saved you.”

  I freeze up.

  And killed me.

  Kingsley

  I turn the corner towards her ward and see Tilly leaning against the wall. I pick up my pace. She notices and starts walking towards me. I meet her in the middle of the hallway a
nd drop to her level. My heart is pounding, and my hands are shaking. “Is everything okay?”

  She nods, and her smile is genuine. “She woke up.”

  My eyes widen and I grab her arms. I stammer, “Is . . . is she—”

  “She’s fine.”

  My head falls forward in relief. She woke up. She’s okay. Tears form in my eyes. My pulse races but for once it’s not out of terror. I need to see her.

  “I’m heading home to get her something to change into.”

  I pull my head back, let go of her arms and stand up straighter. “Do you want me to drive you?”

  She shakes her head. “No, you go see her. I’ll get the bus.”

  I look over her shoulder to her room, then back to her. “Are you sure?” I would drive her if she wanted me to, but I’m desperate to see Maddy, and I really don’t know if I can wait any longer.

  She nods again, then wraps her arms around me, and I hold her tight.

  Relieved, I take two deep breaths, then slowly open the door. As soon as I see her face, the tension inside me eases. Her eyes are closed, but I know she’s just sleeping. Still, I have to remind myself that she’s not in a coma anymore.

  I try to keep quiet as I pace the room towards her bed. I have to stop myself from running and waking her. As soon as I reach her, I come to a halt. She looks different somehow. Her skin isn’t so dull. She’s alive. I smile, and tears begin to fall, but this time they’re not sad tears. They’re happy tears. Extremely happy tears. I sit on the sofa beside her bed and as the hours pass by, I slowly drift off to sleep with my hand firmly wrapped around hers.

  Maddison

  I open my eyes, and they immediately search for Tilly, but instead they meet the last person I want to see. When our gazes meet, an unbearable pain tightens my chest. His face is pale, and he has dark bags under his eyes. He’s the first to break eye contact as his eyes close. I watch him inhale, and then as his eyes open, they find mine again. He leans forward in his seat and buries his head in his palms. When he raises his head again, I can see that he wants to say something, but the words don’t come. He runs a hand through his messy hair, as he stands and takes a step towards me. He sits down on the side of my bed and looks deep into my eyes.

  “I’m . . . I’m so sorry, Maddy.”

  He picks up my hand, but I tug it away. I’m not ready for this. I can’t bear it. I think of what he did, and I think of Cynth. I’m just not ready. His head jolts back, and he stands up. “Maddy,” he says. I can hear the pain in his tone of voice.

  “Don’t—”

  “Please, baby.”

  I’m shaking. My heart is pounding, and my mind is racing. “I can’t do this.”

  “No.” He brings his hands up to his head, then his hair, and he grips so tight. I want to tell him to stop. “Maddy—”

  “It’s over, Hamish.”

  His throat bobs, and his hands drop to his side. He straightens his posture, and his jaw tightens. We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, and all the memories we shared flash through my mind. He brought me so much happiness, yet so much pain. Tears are filling his eyes and mine. He turns and paces out of the door.

  As soon as I hear the clink of the door closing, my shoulders begin to shake, and tears burst from my eyes, and it hurts so much. Everything hurts.

  Kingsley

  I’m concentrating on the deep breaths I’m taking. The heaviness, the pace, the way they seem to consume me. I can’t seem to get a hold of them no matter how hard I try. As soon as I reach my car in the parking lot, I fall against the side of it and slide down to the ground. I close my eyes and rest my head in my hands against my knees. The tears haven’t fallen yet, but I can feel them, stinging my eyes, the lump in my throat to the hollowness in my chest.

  It’s not real, I tell myself. But then the image and sincerity of her words hit me like a brick, and it all but consumes me once again.

  Maddison

  “Are you sure you don’t want to wait for your parents?” the nurse asks. Tilly lifts my arm up, and I shift off the bed.

  “I’m sure,” I say, as I release a breath.

  “Okay,” she pauses. I meet her gaze, and I see concern. I force a smile, and those tight brows loosen slightly. “Your check-up is in a week, and your counselor’s appointment is in two days.” That frown is back. “Maddy, I really want you to be there.”

  “She will be,” Tilly says. But I know deep down, I won’t.

  Tilly’s arm tightens around my waist as she helps me walk to the door. I look over my shoulder to see the nurse watching us.

  “Thank you for everything,” I say.

  “Hmm.” Her tone and expressions relays her disapproval, but she nods. “You know where I am if you need anything.”

  Tilly and I walk out of the hospital.

  “So, this is what the world looks like, huh?”

  She laughs and pulls me towards the bus station. We sit and wait for it to arrive. Her hand intertwines with mine, and as soon as the bus arrives, we ride it to the park, then walk the rest of the way home. The second we enter, Jack, Phoebe, Molly and Lucy scream, then run and almost tackle me to the floor.

  “Be gentle!” Tilly growls at them, but I assure her it’s okay. I kneel down, and they all wrap their hands around my neck. Tears slip down my cheeks, as I hold them close. What am I going to do now?

  “It’s good to have you back, Maddison.” Angela leans against the door frame, and she actually seems sincere. I don’t smile, or say anything to her. I just close my eyes and squeeze the kids closer.

  Kingsley

  I text Cam. Where’s the party at? Then place my phone down and pick up my razor. I can’t even look myself in the eye. I focus on my jaw, careful not to cut myself as I shave.

  My phone vibrates on the bathroom counter. I finish the stroke of my razor, then hit accept and the speaker button on my phone. “What?”

  “Shit. Are you serious?” Cam says, startled.

  I continue shaving. “So, where’s the party?”

  “You really going to come out? You think that’s a good idea?”

  “Why do you care?” I pat down my face with a towel.

  “Bro, don’t play this shit with me. I know when I need to be serious, and now is one of those times.”

  “I didn’t know you could be so mature.”

  “Kingsley. A party isn’t going to help with anything.”

  He has no fucking idea. A party is all that is going to help right now.

  “Just tell me where it is, or I’ll call Toby.”

  He’s quiet for a moment, and I can hear his breathing. “It’s at Lucas’. I’m heading over there soon.”

  “Sweet. Meet you there.”

  “Scull, scull, scull!” The chant is so loud, the hype is adding to the alcohol in my system. I finish my fifth bottle of beer and gesture for the next one when Cam steps in the way.

  “I’d slow down if I were you, you’re gonna feel like shit if you keep up at that pace.”

  The chanting dissipates, and the crowd disperses into smaller circles. “You’re one to talk.” I step around him and get another drink from the waiter. I turn around and Cam has a frown on his face. I pull out a bag of pot and smile at him. “Want some?”

  His lips purse and he looks from me to the packet then lets out a breath. “Fine.”

  I grin and smack him on the back. “Well, come on then.”

  Maddison

  I wake with Tilly next to me reading a book. “What you got there?

  “The Lightning Thief. Hamish gave it to me. Did you know he’s read the Harry Potter series three times?”

  I swallow back that grief. I can’t think of him. I shake my head, then attempt to change the subject. “What are you doing? You should be at school.”

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  “Tilly,” I say more sternly. “You have to go to school.”

  “I’ll go to school when you go to school.”

  I groan.
“God, you’re stubborn.”

  She grins. “I know. I get it from my big sister.”

  I suddenly feel guilty. She’s right. I’m her influence and look at me. I’m a mess. She shouldn’t be seeing me like this. I don’t want her to grow up thinking this is okay. I have to do what’s right for them. I have to put on a face for her. Her hand squeezes mine, and I tug her towards me, wrapping her in my arms. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, you know?”

  “Neither do I.”

  I let her go then pull myself out of bed. “Come on, then.”

  “What?”

  “Get ready for school.”

  Her face brightens, and I smile. “You’re going to school?”

  “If it’s the only way to make you go, then yes, I’m going to school.”

  “But are you sure? You’ve only been out of hospital for three days.”

  “I’m fine, Till. I was resting for six, remember?”

  She jumps out of bed, grinning, and we make our way to the kitchen. Angela has served up breakfast for all the kids. Since Darren’s been gone, she’s changed. She’s stopped the drugs, laid off the alcohol—not completely, but I’m fine with that. It means we have money for food.

  Tilly takes Jack and Lucy, and I head in the other direction for school. The closer I get, the more the compression in my chest increases. As soon as I see the flocks of people, my breathing gets heavier.

  I stop at the gates, looking around. I haven’t seen or heard from Kingsley for four days, and I don’t know what I’m going to do when I have to face him. I grip the straps of my backpack, grit my teeth and enter.

  I go to my first class and sit at the far back of the room so no one can see me. My mind drifts off to the lull of the cello. I miss it so much. The morning passes by. I keep to myself, avoiding the music room, and Kingsley.