Stolen Songs

by Samantha Armstrong

  After lunch, I head to Bio. I’m early, which is good. I sit at the back again, and as I watch the seconds tick by on the clock, the room fills with students, and when he enters, time seems to stand still. His eyes meet mine, and my world shatters all over again.

  The dark bags are still there, the heartache spread across his face, and it stirs up those unwanted emotions. His eyes drop, and he sits at the front of the room next to Cam. He keeps his head down, and I don’t hear him say a word the entire lesson. I know, because my gaze is glued to that mop of brown hair I’m so used to seeing perfectly styled.

  When the bell rings, I wait until he’s gone, then I pack up my books and leave. When I turn the corner, I come to a halt. Mr. Barner’s room is up ahead. I have to pass it to get to my next class, but I don’t know if I can. I lean against the locker until I steady my breathing and then I force my feet to comply. I count the steps—one, two, three, four, five, six, seven—and then they stop without permission. I’m directly in front of the music room. I notice the window has been repaired, and I can see Mr. Barner at his desk.

  Despair drapes me like a heavy blanket, and I’m suffocating. I let him down, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to face him again. My eyes well up, and before they spill again, I turn and run down the hallway.

  Kingsley

  I see her stop, frozen in front of the music room. Her fingers tighten around the strap of her backpack, and my heart twists watching her. It’s breaking all over again, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. When she tears her feet away and hurries down the hall, I do the same, but head in the opposite direction. I pull out my phone, and text Toby to save myself from Cam’s lecture.

  Me: Wanna get high?

  It doesn’t take long for him to text back.

  Toby: On my way.

  Toby jogs up to me, grinning. “About time, thought we lost you as a goody-good for a minute.”

  “Get in,” I say as I jump into the driver’s seat of my car. As soon as his door shuts, I peel out of the lot and speed to my house.

  I find the packet of coke I stashed in my wardrobe, and head down to the bar. Toby’s already poured us both whiskeys, turned up the music, and started playing pool.

  “So, what’s up with you, man?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You know, I’m not good with this emotional shit, but dude, you’re losing it.”

  I line the bench with powder.

  “Does this have something to do with that girl you were fucking?”

  I clench my jaw, close my eyes, and when I feel his hand on my shoulder, I open them. “Bro, you can’t let a girl get to you like this.”

  I shake him off before I’m about to shove him off. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  He lets out a breath. “You’re gonna have to talk about it sooner or later.”

  I roll up the bill, lean forward. “I’d rather it be later.”

  I can’t stop laughing as Toby does an impression of Miss Skinner trying to gain order to the class. His shoulders are pulled back, and he’s speaking in a high voice.

  The music cuts and I look up.

  “What the fuck are you doing, Haym?” Nick picks up the packet from the bench, runs his finger through the powder. “Fucking hell, Hamish!”

  “Shit.”

  He looks to Toby. “Put your shirt back on,” his voice quickly lowers, and the sudden depth to his tone has me snap out of my buzz.

  “Get your shit. I’m sending you home.”

  Toby stumbles around, trying to pull on his shirt. “You can’t. My parents will kill me if they see me like this.”

  “Yeah, well, it’s better them than me.”

  Nick’s got his phone out and is talking to someone. “You.” He points at me when he’s done on his phone, then steps forward, gripping me by the neck, and I become immobile. I’ve never seen him this mad, and it’s fucking scary. “What are you doing?” He’s staring into my eyes, and I can’t find the words to respond. “What the fuck are you doing, Hamish?” He shoves me backwards, and I fall back into the sofa. “After everything that’s happened—” His phone rings, and then he snaps it shut. “There’s a car waiting out front. Get the fuck out of here,” he shouts at Toby. Toby doesn’t hesitate as he stumbles from the room.

  I swallow back the fear, and as Nick’s eyes meet mine again, I feel so much regret, I bury my head into my hands and cry.

  Maddison

  The next day I arrive at school, and all the emotions I felt yesterday are still as strong as ever. I don’t know how I’m meant to move on, how I’m meant to keep coming to this school with no one on my side and no point to any of it. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with my life now. I shift my backpack over my shoulder then head for the steps when I’m confronted by the second to last person I want to see. Rebecca. I really don’t know if I can handle any of her shit right now.

  “Well, if it isn’t the girl who stole my boyfriend.”

  I glare at her, and it seems like she wants me to bite back. Her dark brown eyes pierce mine, and she has a menacing smile across her face. She looks over her shoulder to Suzie and another girl, and they smirk. “I knew it would never last. Kingsley would never want someone like . . . you.” She looks me up and down. “He was just using you for sex.”

  My left hand forms a fist at my side and I grip the strap of my bag tighter with the other.

  “I wonder if that’s what he was getting out of the drug deals with your junkie friend.”

  I snap. My bag falls to the floor and I leap forward. She screams and spits in my face. I pull my hand back, then punch her in the face. I do it again, and then as I’m about to do it a third time, I’m yanked off her. I squirm, attempting to get out away from whoever has a hold of me. When I finally catch a glimpse of who it is, I groan. It’s Cam. His eyes are narrow as he glares from me to her.

  People surround us, and there’s a buzz in the air. Rebecca’s friends are now at her side. Her cheek is red, her lips is bleeding, and her hair’s a mess. I smile. Cam pulls me to my feet, and before any teachers come, he tugs me away.

  As soon as we round the corner of the school building and are out of sight, he lets go of my hand. “What was all of that about?”

  “Nothing,” I mutter. I run my fingers over my cheek. Sure enough, it’s tender. She got one good hit in. I open my mouth and stretch it out.

  “Why can’t you two just figure it out? Is this all really worth it?”

  I don’t say anything, but what he says concerns me. What has Kingsley been doing?

  “Whatever, I’m not a counselor, but you two need to sort your shit out.” He storms off, leaving me with an unnerving pit in my stomach.

  Kingsley

  “You’re not staying home again.” Nick pulls the blankets from me. “Get up.”

  I groan and try pull the covers back up, but he pulls them from my bed completely. “Fuck.”

  “You’ll be saying that again when I come in here and pour a bucket of cold water on you.”

  I pull myself up to my elbows and look at him. He’s standing at the foot of my bed completely serious. “Come on, man,” I mumble.

  His death stare says he isn’t about to get off my back.

  I lean back into my pillow and drag a hand down the side of my face.

  “I’m still pissed, if you hadn’t noticed.”

  “Oh, I noticed,” I mumble.

  “Good. Now get the fuck up.”

  Maddison

  I sit in my seat at the back of the classroom. A ton of bricks weigh down my shoulders. People are streaming in, and I’m dreading the moment I see him. If he even shows up. He hasn’t been here for three days, and I can’t stop worrying about him. I stare at my books on my desk in an effort to distract myself, but all I can focus on is my heavy breathing. Every time I inhale, I can feel the air traveling up my nose, deep in my throat, and when I release, my stomach expands. I do this again and again, just as the
psychologist told me to do. A prickle of awareness buzzes around in my mind, and I don’t even have to look up to know he’s here. My body is so attuned to his presence, and the bricks weighing down my shoulders have doubled.

  I gradually lift my head and our gazes lock. I want to turn away but I can’t. He looks worse than the first time he spoke to me. His green eyes are dull, hollow, and the bags below them are even darker. I know exactly what that means, and it makes me mad. He’s been using.

  He breaks eye contact, swings his bag off his back, and sits down in his seat at the front of the room, staring ahead. The lesson couldn’t pass by any slower if it tried. Not once did he turn around, or talk to anyone. His head was either fixed at the wall in front of him or buried in his books. When the bell finally rings, he is the first to leave.

  I gather up my books, and a tear escapes. I quickly wipe it away.

  The hallways are crammed with people. I lean against a locker, closing my eyes, letting those bricks fall from my shoulders. It’s lunch time and I’m lost. I have no idea what to do. I haven’t been back to the music room since it happened. I’ve avoided Mr. Barner and the guilt I already feel. He’s going to hate me more than I already hate myself for ruining my chances of getting into Juilliard. I release a breath and open my eyes. The hallway is still the same. Loud, too chaotic, suffocating.

  “You’re leaning on my locker,” a girl says, irritated. I push myself off, avoiding her stare and make my way outside. As soon as I open the door, I see him. I want to turn around and run back inside, but I can’t. I have to get used to this. We have to get used to this. He’s leaning against the railing at the bottom of the steps with his friends beside him. He notices me, and his gaze doesn’t budge from mine. I turn in the opposite direction, and pace towards the far end of school. Where no one is.

  I lean against a tree and close my eyes. I try to remember the feeling of holding the cello and drifting off into a blissful melody.

  Kingsley

  “You’re a dick,” I laugh.

  “Oh, Kings,” Toby smacks me on the shoulder, and then the lightness that very rarely comes, vanishes. I see her at the top of the steps, and she catches my gaze. I don’t know what goes through her mind because she’s always been good at hiding her emotions. Her eyes linger on mine for a moment longer than I expected and I know she must be feeling what I am—she has to be. She turns abruptly and heads towards the fields.

  “Huh, Kings?” Toby smacks me again.

  I shake my head. “What?”

  “You keen to go over to Lucas’ tonight, he’s having a party.”

  “Yeah, whatever,” I mumble, as I stare off into the distance after her.

  Maddison

  Two more weeks before summer break, and the days can’t seem to go by any slower. At least I’m not the topic of conversation anymore. Neither of us are. My anxiety has settled, with the exception of whenever Kingsley is around. Whenever I see him, so many emotions simmer to the surface and just sit there. I don’t know what it’s like for him, but he seems like he’s doing okay. I see him laughing and smiling. I don’t quite know how that makes me feel—good and bad. He needs to move on, but there is still a bit of me clinging onto something. Anything.

  Kingsley

  Every time I’m near her, I pretend to smile, pretend to laugh. That’s what she wanted, and I have to try for her, but it’s fucking hard. It’s been two weeks and every time I see her, everything we shared comes crashing down like I’m coming off a high. The way she would look at me with so much affection in her eyes. Her smile. Her laugh. Her smart mouth. God. All of our time together. It was the happiest I’ve ever been. Now all I’ve got are the memories flashing through my mind and it’s fucking torture. I try to avoid her and the pain as much as possible. I only have two more weeks of school then I won’t have to ever see her again, and maybe that pain will disappear with her.

  Maddison

  “Maddy?”

  I wipe my eyes and force myself to stop crying. I turn in my bed to see Tilly standing at my door. Her face is red, as if she’s been crying, too. I quickly sit up.

  “What’s wrong?” I wave her towards me, and her feet fumble over one and other as she runs, as soon as she reaches me, I pull her into my arms. She’s holding a piece of paper in her hands, and I’m afraid to look at it. I cradle her in my arms, and sure enough, a tear slips down her face. Her fingers are gripping onto a paper so tight it’s scrunched up. I brush the hair off her forehead, and encase my hand around her trembling one, taking the paper from her. She nestles into the crook of my neck, and I read it.

  Dear Angela,

  We are pleased to inform you that Tilly Mahoney has an appointment to meet with potential adoptive parents from Australia.

  My heart sinks, and I look at her in my arms, sobbing. No. This can’t be happening. My eyes go back to the letter.

  I drop the paper onto the bed and pull her in closer. This is a good thing. This is her chance to have a life she deserves.

  But I can’t help but feel like it’s just another one of those tests determined to kill me.

  I force a smile and whisper, “This is amazing, Till.”

  Kingsley

  My phone vibrates, and I read the message.

  Unknown: Hi, this is Maddy’s sister, Tilly. Can I meet you?

  My heart races, and I don’t even think twice before I hit call. As soon as she picks up, I ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  She seems startled. “Nothing. Nothing. I just . . .” she sighs. “I just want to see you.”

  “Where do you want to meet?”

  “At the park by our house.”

  “Now?”

  “If you can.”

  “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

  I’m freaking out. What the hell has happened? I throw on a hoodie, pick up my keys from my bedside table, pull on my shoes and run out of the house.

  As soon as I pull up to the curb, I’m out of the car within a few seconds. The park is empty as I expect it to be at this time of night. I should have thought about meeting her at this hour. She shouldn’t be out this late by herself. I sit on the park bench and burrow my head into my hands. Something brushes my shoulder, and I jolt back to see Tilly.

  “Hi,” she mumbles, and I immediately know something’s wrong.

  “Is she okay?”

  Her eyes are wide, and she rubs her arm. “She’s . . . okay.”

  I shake my head. “What is it?”

  I can tell she’s been crying. Her eyes are puffy, and her cheeks are a warm red. She pulls the book she’s holding closer to her chest. “I’m going to be adopted.”

  My heart stops. This should be a time of happiness, yet all I can feel is worry. Tilly is everything to Maddy and if she moves away, it will destroy her.

  “I need you to look after her for me.” Maddy was right. Tilly seems much older than she really is. “Please.”

  I stammer. “O-of course, but,” I release a breath, and run a hand through my hair. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

  “Just, please. Look after her.”

  I nod. “I will,” I say even though I know it’s a lie. I have to say it for her.

  She looks down to the book she’s holding so close to her chest, and when she looks up, she smiles. “This is my favorite Harry Potter book.” She holds it out and looks at the cover. I read the title: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I have to admit, she has good taste. It’s my favorite, too. She looks up and meets my gaze. “I know you probably have a copy, and I know it’s probably in better condition than this. But you gave something to me, and I just wanted to give something back to you.” She extends the book.

  I look from her, back to the book in her hands. “Till, I can’t.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Hamish, just take it.”

  I sigh and take it off her. I run my fingers across it. “Thank you.”

  She smiles then turns to walk away. I place the book down on th
e bench beside me and jump up. “Wait!”

  She turns around, and I wrap my arms around her. She pauses for a moment, and then she hugs me back. Her shoulders rise and fall, and we stay there until her breathing comes back to normal. “If you ever need anything, you have my number.” I squeeze her tight, and when she pulls away, I hold her shoulders and kneel down. “Okay? If you ever need anything. Call me.”

  She nods, wipes her eyes, and smiles.

  “Let me drive you home.”

  She shakes her head, and I groan, letting my head fall. “What is with the stubbornness in you girls?”

  She giggles. “I’ll be fine.” She slips from my arms. “Thank you, Hamish.” She turns and walks away.

  “Text me when you get home!” I shout after her but she doesn’t look back, and I don’t know if she hears me.

  I return to my car with a new pit in my stomach. She’s getting adopted, and she wants me to look after Maddy. How the hell am I meant to do that when she wants nothing to do with me? What promise did I just make? I groan and rub the side of my face.

  As I slam my car door shut when I arrive home my phone vibrates. I read the message.

  Tilly: Home. :)

  My shoulders release, and I lean against my car feeling the relief flood my bloodstream.

  I text back. Good night, Tilly.

  Tilly: Good night, Hamish.

  Maddison

  When the lesson comes to an end, a student enters and hands Miss Skinner a note. She looks up then calls my name. “Maddison.” She holds the note out, and my breathing picks up.