Mending Scars

by Nikki Narvaez

  I linked our fingers together. “Hey.”

  He gave me a forced smile before leading me inside and up to the front desk. He cleared his throat to get the attention of the officer behind the desk, who had his back to us.

  The officer swiveled around in his chair. It was the same asshole that had taken my report. “Can I help you?”

  Ryker released my hand and placed them on top of the counter. “Yeah, my girlfriend said she filed a report a couple of weeks ago and we wanted to check the status. She’s been getting threatening text messages and calls.”

  The officer stood. “Have you received a call from the station?”

  “No.” I moved to stand next to Ryker. “But—”

  He rudely interrupted me. “Then, we’re still working on it.”

  Ryker’s body tensed as he tightly gripped the counter. “Well, it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything but sitting here on your fat ass eating donuts.”

  The officer’s lip curled up. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

  Ryker raised his voice. “My girlfriend is being harassed by some lunatic, and something needs to be done about it!”

  Two other officers came from the hallway to our left. They eyed Ryker warily, then directed their attention to the asshole behind the desk. “Rick, you okay out here?”

  Rick gave us a smug smirk and crossed his arms over his chest. “I asked this guy to leave, but he’s refusing.”

  The two officers loosely placed their hands on their gun holsters, giving Ryker an unspoken warning.

  “Ryker, let’s go.” I grabbed his forearm and tugged him toward the exit.

  His muscles tensed beneath my hand. “I’m not leaving until I get some answers,” he gritted out.

  “If you don’t leave right now, I’ll be forced to arrest you for failure to obey a police order.” Rick threatened.

  I pulled on his arm again. “Ryker.”

  He wrenched his arm away. “Fine. Let’s go.”

  I rushed to keep up with him as he stormed out. When we got to where we were parked, he punched the door of his truck and roared angrily. “God, that was such fucking bullshit!”

  He paced back and forth beside our vehicles. “If you get anymore threats, I’m going to come back up here and force them to do something. I don’t care if I get arrested.”

  Fear slithered through me. That was exactly what I was afraid of.

  Ryker stopped and our eyes met. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything from now on. Next time you get a call or text, you let me know immediately, okay?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Okay,” I lied. There was no way I was going to tell him anything else and risk him getting arrested. I decided to keep everything to myself like I’d originally planned. Ryker was too hot-headed when it came to me. I was going to have to deal with it myself.

  When I returned to work, my head painfully throbbed throughout the remainder of the day, making me feel like my skull was going to explode. Knots formed in my stomach, elevating my nausea, and I did the best I could to block everything out by immersing myself in all the presentations and documents I was so behind on.

  When it was time for me to clock out, I was caught up on my work. I was exhausted, but also relieved to have been able to zone out for a while without worrying about Kamden, the man harassing me, or my possible pregnancy. Not to mention the new worry of Ryker getting arrested.

  As I hopped in my car, my next destination caused me to think about how Ryker might react if I was pregnant.

  Will he be angry? Happy? Disappointed?

  Closing my eyes, I rubbed my temples as I sat in my car. There was so much shit going on that I couldn’t even began to analyze how Ryker would feel. I couldn’t even decipher my feelings because my mind and emotions were so jumbled.

  Taking a deep breath, I started my car. I told myself not to worry when I wasn’t sure yet. I had enough to stress over without adding something on top that might not even be an issue. I’d deal with it once I was positive.

  I stopped at a drug store on the way home from work to pick up a pregnancy test. Standing in the aisle, I stared at the shelves of all the various pregnancy tests and started to get a little overwhelmed.

  Which one do I choose?

  I dug my phone out of the bottom of my purse and called Nori. “Hey girl, what’s up?”

  “Guess where I am,” I said as I scanned over the boxes.

  She chuckled a little. “Alaska.”

  I snorted. “I’m staring at the million pregnancy tests they have available. How the fuck am I supposed to choose one when there’s so many different options?”

  Nori’s laughter echoed through the phone. “Just pick one, Ky. They’re all the same.”

  “But I want to pick the best one. Not some cheap one that might not be accurate.”

  “Well, then you’re going to have to read the boxes and see which one is the most accurate.”

  I groaned before sarcastically replying, “Thanks for the help.”

  “Sorry, babe. Call me as soon as you find out. I want to know whether or not I’m going to be an auntie!” Nori squealed.

  Her enthusiasm brightened my mood, getting a small laugh out of me. “I will. Bye.”

  I put my phone back in my purse and grabbed one of the tests off the shelf. I read the back, then did the same with a different box. I went through about five or six before I finally decided on the one that I thought was the best.

  Looking down at it, I sighed before walking to the register. “Here goes nothing.”

  I stared at the pink pregnancy test in my hands.

  Just open it and pee on the damn thing, Kaiya.

  Blowing out a long breath, I ripped open the box and took out one of the tests. I had read the directions about a hundred times—one more time wouldn’t hurt.

  I sat on the toilet and positioned the stick as indicated.

  Great, now I can’t pee.

  My leg bounced nervously as I tried to get myself to go to the bathroom.

  Waterfalls. Showers. Oceans. Rivers.

  I still couldn’t go, so I got up with a huff and turned on the sink, then sat back on the toilet. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sound of the water as I repositioned the pregnancy test under me.

  After several seconds, I finally started peeing.

  Thank God.

  When I finished, I put the test on the counter and washed my hands. Then, I set the timer on my phone and waited.

  And waited.

  And waited.

  I paced the bathroom and chewed on my bottom lip as I waited for the designated amount of time. The minutes seemed to last a lifetime as I waited for the answer that would change my life.

  The timer went off, and I froze. My heart pounded, ready to burst from my chest as I slowly inched toward the sink. My mouth went dry as I approached, and my stomach twisted in anticipation.

  What if it’s positive? I can’t be a mother.

  But what if it’s negative?

  My heart sank into my stomach as I considered that I might not be pregnant.

  Do I really want to be? Am I ready?

  Is Ryker ready?

  I rested my hands on my flat belly and rubbed it. A smile formed on my face as I thought about having a little Ryker inside me.

  I grabbed the test off the counter and looked at the result window. Two pink lines.

  Two pink lines.

  I’m pregnant. Holy shit, I’m pregnant!

  My mind ran a mile a minute as I stared at myself in the mirror.

  I can’t be a mom. I’m too fucked up.

  Kaleb’s face took over my reflection. I shut my eyes and gripped the edge of the sink as my heart began to pound.

  He ruined you. You can barely take care of yourself let alone a baby.

  My face felt flushed, and my breathing quickened as anxiety crept in.

  Calm down, Kaiya. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

  I slowly inhaled and e
xhaled, attempting to push Kaleb out of my mind as I thought about the life growing inside me—something I never pictured having because of my past and the scars inflicted from the abuse I endured.

  You can do this.

  Kaleb’s voice played in my head. “You’re too weak to raise a baby. It’s going to end up fucked up like you.”

  No!

  “You’re a failure. You destroy the lives of everyone around you. You’ll do the same with your baby.”

  Closing my eyes, I covered my ears with my hands. “No! No! No!”

  “Maybe they’ll look like me.” His sinister laughter echoed in my head. “Then, you’ll have to deal with my face for the rest of your life.”

  Tears leaked from my closed eyes as I tried to fight from the abyss Kaleb always pulled me in. “No!” I screamed, on the brink of losing control.

  Calm down. Let go of the past and embrace the future. You’ve been given a gift—don’t take it for granted.

  I opened my eyes and released another deep breath, facing the source of all my demons in the mirror.

  “My child will be nothing like you.” I stated resolutely. “You hear me? Nothing like you!”

  My face came back into focus as Kaleb’s slipped away. Easing my grip off the counter, I stepped back and stood taller.

  Time to move on.. You have to take care of your baby—give them a better life than you had.

  Tears filled my eyes as I stared down at my stomach and placed my hands over my belly. “Hi, little one. I’m your mommy.”

  Mommy—I’m going to be a mommy.

  Thoughts about how Ryker would react filled my head again. After everything that had happened with Molly, I doubted that he wanted to have a baby. We’d been together for less than a year, and having a baby together would be the ultimate commitment. There was no denying the love we had for each other, but I wasn’t sure that either one of us were ready to be parents.

  I looked down at the test on the counter again, and my stomach flip-flopped. In a matter of minutes, my life had been changed. I was left feeling more conflicted than I’d ever been before. Feelings of joy and excitement combated with worry and uncertainty. I had no idea what Ryker would think, but I prayed that he would be happy—I needed him now more than ever. And so did our child.

  When I got home from work, the apartment was filled with the smell of steak and spices. I threw my keys on the table and made my way to the kitchen, where Kaiya was pulling a tray of roasted vegetables out of the oven. “Hey, baby.”

  Kaiya set the pan on the stove as she turned to look at me. She gave me a nervous smile. “Hey. How was the rest of your day?”

  I was still irritated from what had happened at the police station earlier that day, but working out had let me relieve some of the tension and aggression. “Better.”

  “Good. I don’t want you to worry about that anymore. I have a relaxing evening planned for us.”

  I loved coming home on days like this. We didn’t always have time to have a home-cooked meal, and I always felt special when Kaiya made me dinner.

  I walked over and pulled her into my arms. “Whatever you say, baby. How was the rest of your day?”

  She ran her hands up my chest and around my neck. “Interesting.” Bringing my head down, she pressed her soft lips to mine.

  Mmmmm.

  The timer on the oven beeped, interrupting our kiss. Kaiya stepped back from me and slipped on her oven mitt as she said, “Dinner’s almost ready. I made your favorite—Filet Mignon with roasted veggies and baked sweet potatoes.”

  I quirked my eyebrow curiously. “What’s the occasion?”

  She gave me a mischievous smile. “It’s a surprise.”

  Bending over, she opened the oven and grabbed another cookie sheet with sweet potatoes on it. I lightly smacked her on the ass as I moved past her. “Guess I’ll go get cleaned up for this surprise.”

  I took a quick shower and threw on some clothes before going back into the kitchen

  Kaiya was in the adjoining dining room, setting the table with our plates of food and silverware. “Need any help?” I asked as I leaned against the door-frame.

  “No, I think I have everything,” she replied as she bunched her lips to the side.

  I went to the table and pulled her chair out for her. Once she sat down, I kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

  I rounded the table and sat down across from her. “This looks amazing, babe.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled brightly.

  “How was work?” I asked as I started cutting my steak.

  Kaiya frowned. “Exhausting. I finally caught up on everything, though. I’ve been so behind. How was yours?”

  “Pretty good. Every client met their goals for the week, and all my classes went well.”

  Kaiya took a bite of her sweet potato. “That’s great. Has your shoulder been bothering you?”

  “I’ve been taking it easy like you wanted so it’s been fine.” I ate a piece of my steak. “This is delicious, babe. You cooked it perfectly.”

  Kaiya blushed and a smile curved her lips. “Thank you.”

  We continued talking as we ate, but once I had finished my food, I noticed Kaiya had barely eaten anything. “You okay, Warrior? You didn’t eat very much.”

  She gave me a small smile. “Yeah, I’ve just been feeling a little sick lately.”

  My eyebrows furrowed in concern. That was news to me. “Really? Sick how?”

  “I’ve been throwing up and having bad headaches for the past month or so.”

  That didn’t sound good at all. A lump formed in my throat that I quickly swallowed.

  Don’t freak out. It’s probably just the flu or something.

  “Maybe you should go to the doctor.”

  “Yeah, I’m going to call and make an appointment tomorrow. I’m going to have to make several appointments.”

  Now I was getting really worried. “Why? What’s wrong?” My chest constricted as I thought about Kaiya having some serious illness that she hadn’t told me about.

  Her lips curved up in a wide smile. “I’m pregnant.”

  My stomach clenched as my heart pounded wildly.

  Did she just say what I think she said?

  I cleared the huge lump that formed in my throat. “What?” I finally managed to croak.

  Her eyes watered even though her face was beaming with happiness. “I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby, Ryker!”

  We’re going to have a baby.

  I couldn’t stop the huge smile that spread over my face as I rushed over to Kaiya.

  She stood once I reached her and threw her arms around my neck. I picked her up and spun her around before setting her back down again. I cupped her face in my hands and looked in her eyes. “You’re pregnant?”

  She nodded excitedly. “I took a test when I got home. I’ve been throwing up at work in the mornings, but I thought it was from stress. Nori asked if I could be pregnant, and I remembered that the last time I got my shot was before the shooting. It completely slipped my mind.”

  I was letting everything sink in as a million thoughts raced through my mind.

  Is it a boy or a girl? Will I be a good dad? Are we ready for this?

  “Are you upset?” Kaiya nervously asked. She bit her bottom lip as she stared up at me.

  I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs. “Upset? Why would I be upset, baby?”

  Tears filled her eyes again. “Well, we’ve never talked about kids before. I don’t even know if you want a baby with me, and you thought I was on birth control, and—”

  I pressed a finger to her lips, cutting her off. “Stop. I’m not upset.” I looked down at her stomach, then back up to meet her eyes. “I love you, Ky. We’ve never talked about kids before, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to have them with you.”

  She brought her hands up to cover mine and gripped them tightly. “Really?”

  “Really, baby. You’ve made me so happy with what you just told me.
”

  Letting go of her face, I knelt down and lifted her shirt to look at her stomach. I thought about the baby growing inside her and my smile stretched wider.

  My baby.

  I leaned forward and softly kissed her belly. Ky rested her hands on my head as I pressed more kisses all over her abdomen.

  I’m going to be a dad.

  I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms. “This calls for a celebration!” I started walking down the hall to my room.

  Kaiya giggled and wrapped her hands around my neck. She raised an eyebrow and gave me a flirty smile. “What did you have in mind?”

  I smirked. “It’s a surprise.”

  Ryker gently laid me down on the bed and straddled me. As his eyes met mine, the amount of love I saw in them caused my heart to swell and my stomach to knot. Tears pooled on the rims of my eyelids as he leaned down, propping himself on his forearms on each side of my head. Cupping my face in his hands, he softly feathered his lips over mine before murmuring against them, “I love you, Warrior.”

  My response came out in a breathless whisper. “I love you, too.”

  Ryker pressed another kiss on my lips before moving down my body. He lifted my shirt and stared down at my stomach in admiration. A sweet smile curved his full lips as he brought his face down to my belly and tenderly kissed it.

  His hands framed my stomach as he ran his thumbs over my skin. “Hey, kid. I’m your dad.”

  Tears trickled down my cheeks even though happiness streamed through me. My adoration for him must have been apparent all over my face because I felt it deep in the darkest recesses of my soul, bringing new life to the pieces of me that had long been dead inside.

  Ryker kept looking at my abdomen as he talked to our baby. “I’m going to do my best to take care of you and your mom. I love both of you so much.” He glanced up at me and softly grinned. “I don’t know if I’ll be a good dad, but I do know that you’re getting the perfect mom.”

  Those warm chocolate eyes captured mine as more of his sweet words poured out. “She’s the most beautiful, caring, and selfless person I know. I don’t deserve her, but I’m so lucky that she’s mine.”