Mending Scars

by Nikki Narvaez

  Ryker sat up next to me. “It’s next week already? We find out the sex of the baby at this one, right?”

  I nodded. “I can’t wait. I’m dying to know what we’re having.”

  “Me neither.” He placed a hand on my stomach. “I think it’s a boy.”

  I looked down at his hand. “I don’t care either way. I just want to start buying cute baby outfits already.”

  Ryker chuckled. “We can go right after the appointment. Start looking at cribs, get some clothes and other baby shit.”

  “Baby shit, huh?” I laughed.

  “I don’t know what things babies need, okay? Give me a break here.”

  “I have a general idea, but maybe you should ask Ethan,” I suggested. “I’m sure he remembers what they had to buy for Tristan. Plus, Molly is pregnant again so it’s probably on his mind anyway.”

  His brows furrowed. He didn’t seem to like that idea. “Maybe.” He took his hand from my stomach and rose off the bed. “Get some rest, Warrior.”

  Being reminded about my nap made my eyelids feel heavy. “Okay,” I yawned.

  Ryker gave me a loving smile before walking out and shutting the door behind him. I placed both hands on my stomach as I closed my eyes and smiled contently. It didn’t take long for me to drift off to sleep.

  Time seemed to be moving backward as we sat waiting in the doctors’ office. I had been dying for this appointment because we were going to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. Since finding out about the pregnancy, I’d wanted a son, but now I didn’t care either way as long as they were healthy.

  Kaiya was flipping through a baby magazine as my leg bounced anxiously. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and suppressed a smile. “Nervous?”

  I drummed my hands on my knees. “Nah, just excited. I wanna find out already.”

  Kaiya laughed softly. “Me too. The doctor shouldn’t be too much longer.”

  About fifteen agonizing minutes later, the receptionist called us back. Then, we had to wait another twenty until the doctor and ultrasound tech finally came in.

  Dr. Wallace gave us a warm smile. “How are you feeling, Kaiya?”

  “Excited. I can’t wait to find out what we’re having,” Kaiya replied enthusiastically.

  The doctor’s smile spread. “Any stomach pain? Nausea? Cramping?”

  “No, everything’s been good,” Kaiya smiled as she rubbed the small bump of her belly.

  “Great. Now, let’s get to what you’ve been waiting for.”

  The ultrasound tech wheeled the cart next to Kaiya and got her prepped. The computer lit up with the image of our baby as soon as the sensor pressed against Kaiya’s belly.

  “There’s the head. Let’s move down a little to see if we can get a glimpse between the legs.” The tech said as she moved the wand down. “There.”

  We stared at the screen where the mouse cursor was pointing at something. “Is that?” I started to ask.

  The tech grinned. “Yep. Congratulations, you’re having a boy!”

  A boy… I’m going to have a son.

  My chest swelled with pride and a huge smile spread across my mouth. I leaned down and kissed Kaiya’s forehead. Her face beamed with joy as she gazed up at me when I pulled away. “I wanted a little Ryker.”

  The doctor handed Kaiya the sonogram picture after it printed out. Her smile was from ear to ear as she looked at the image. “Hayden.”

  “Hayden?” I repeated.

  “That’s the name that comes to mind when I look at him.” She brought her eyes to mine. “What do you think?”

  I rubbed the stubble on my chin. “I like it. Sounds strong.”

  “And it’s not that common. I don’t want him having a name that everyone else has, like John or Mike.”

  I smiled. “Hayden it is then.”

  We thanked Kaiya’s doctor and the ultrasound tech before leaving. Kaiya linked our hands together and squealed excitedly. “I can’t wait to go shopping!”

  At class the next day, I planned to demonstrate another small circle hapkido technique. I’d been researching various maneuvers over the past couple of weeks, but had only been teaching the basics and integrating them into defenses that we’d already learned since many of the moves were very intricate. They weren’t necessarily hard. They just required that everyone pay attention to detail.

  After working on the bags, I gathered the class on the mats. “As you know, we’ve been going over the basics of small circle hapkido—all of the various locks and grabs. The reason for this is that I wanted to have a solid foundation to build on for the more intricate defenses. The first one I taught was a simple, introductory move to get your feet wet.”

  I motioned Mark to come to me. “Today, we’re going to work on small circle defense against a lapel grab. This would even work against a frontal choke.”

  I walked the class through the steps of the maneuver before instructing them to get with their partners. Kaiya smiled as I approached her. “This one looks like it’s going to hurt.”

  “All of them hurt, babe. That’s why they’re so effective.”

  She playfully rolled her eyes. “Okay, sensei, let’s get started.”

  I patted the left side of my chest, over my heart. “Grab my shirt here.” I waited for her to grip my tee before continuing. “Since you’re holding me with your right hand, I’m going to bring up my left hand and grab your wrist with it. I can use my right hand to block if my attacker tries to punch me, or even to get some hits in to slow them down before I continue the technique.”

  I wrapped my hand around her wrist and brought my right arm up in blocking position. “I can do some jabs to the face, maybe even some sudos to the throat from this angle if I want. Then, I’m going to bring my hand over to the one you’re holding me with, and grab your thumb.” I gripped her thumb, using my fingers to push into the pad of her palm at the base of her thumb. “Now I slide my thumb onto the web between your index finger and thumb. Then, I secure it there before pressing down and away, prying your hand off of me while making a circular motion and bending the wrist at a forty-five degree angle.”

  Kaiya’s face contorted and she hissed in pain as I executed the maneuver, but she didn’t tap out; she rarely did. I still let go, not wanting to hurt her because of her stubbornness. “Once you get them to release you and into that position, you can throw in whatever you like since they will basically be at your mercy. A roundhouse to the ribs, maybe a side kick to the knee. You could even let go and finish with a back fist, followed by a ridge hand right to the face.”

  Kaiya rotated her wrist and rubbed it. “That hurt—even for me.” That pretty mouth of hers curved up in a smirk. She tried to fight a laugh, but she couldn’t hold it back. “You’re going to tap out so fast.”

  I cocked an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest. “You think so, huh?”

  She continued to giggle as she nodded. “Oh, yeah.”

  I narrowed my eyes in challenge. “We’ll see about that.”

  She was probably right, but since she was talking shit, I had to prove her wrong. I grabbed the strap of her tank top with my left hand, knowing full well that I would definitely tap out if I used my right due to my injury from the shooting.

  Kaiya initiated the move without my guidance. She had some trouble slipping her hand in the right place and securing mine, but with practice, I had no doubt she would be able to execute it efficiently.

  “Need some help?” I teased as she continued to try and get her hand placed correctly.

  She frowned and glared up at me, giving me her answer without words. I knew I was going to pay for that comment in a minute or so.

  Kaiya’s narrowed eyes spread wide in excitement when she finally gripped my hand right. She twisted it away from her in a circular motion, and I immediately wanted to tap out from the pain. I didn’t understand how women were so damn flexible. I ground my teeth together to keep from tapping, my stubborn pride outweighing the worry
of injury.

  Our eyes met and the corner of Kaiya’s mouth lifted before she let go. “I don’t want to hurt you because of your stubborn pride.”

  I shook my wrist out and smirked. “It’s called determination. You know I never back down from a challenge.”

  Her lips spread wider into a full, seductive grin. “I know.”

  We practiced a few more times before I ended class. Some students complained about the difficulty of the maneuver, but most enjoyed the technique and its simple effectiveness. Others preferred the larger body attacks and felt like they had more control and power with punches and kicks. I had to agree, but I still wanted Kaiya to participate in class, so compromises needed to be made.

  After closing up the gym, I mentioned some thoughts I’d been having to Kaiya as we walked out. “So I’m thinking about doing small circle hapkido for one class per week, and then normal self-defense for the other two.”

  She nodded. “That sounds good. From what I’ve heard, most of the girls like the small circle hapkido, but prefer the regular self-defense techniques better.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, grabbing her hand as I led her to her car. “Some of the hapkido techniques can be very intricate and some people don’t have the patience for that.”

  “I’m surprised you do,” she joked as we reached her car. Turning around, she leaned back against the driver’s side door and smiled knowingly. “You’re one of the most impatient people that I know.”

  I placed my hands on the outside of her shoulders against the window, caging her in between my arms. “Depends on the situation.” I leaned forward and barely grazed my lips over hers. “With you, I was definitely impatient. When I want something, I have to have it. But with self-defense,” I said as I pulled back, putting some space between our faces, “you have to be calculated and precise. Any wrong move could mean injury or death during an attack, so patience is a must.”

  “Wise words, Master Campbell,” she replied with a playful grin. Her stomach growled loudly, causing us both to look down at her baby bump and laugh. “I think Hayden is hungry,” Kaiya giggled.

  I took one of my hands off the car and placed it on her belly. “Well, he’s a growing boy. Let’s go get him something to eat.”

  Kaiya stood up on her tiptoes to kiss me. “I think we have some leftover Italian chicken and risotto from earlier this week.” She looked down again at her stomach and smiled. “We both really liked that.”

  I gave her a kiss before grabbing the door handle and opening the door for her. “I’ll meet you at home.”

  “Okay. Be careful,” she replied as she got in.

  “You, too, baby,” I said, shutting the door.

  Kaiya smiled at me through her window and started her car. She waved as I backed away toward my truck.

  I followed Kaiya back to her apartment. We parked next to each other in front of her building before heading up the stairs to her place.

  “Kam, we’re home,” Kaiya announced as we walked inside. All the lights were off, leaving the room completely dark.

  Kaiya flipped on the light to living room and called out to her brother again. “Kamden?”

  Still no answer. A month or two ago, this would have been typical, but since Kamden stopped drinking, he was usually home, either watching TV or working on his computer.

  Kaiya dropped her purse and gym bag on the coffee table, then went into the dining room and kitchen, turning the lights on in each room. When she came back into the living room, there was no denying the look of worry on her face.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” I questioned as I scanned over her wide eyes and the tight line that had replaced her normal smile.

  “There’s an empty bottle of Jack on the counter, plus a bunch of empty beer cans.”

  Shit.

  Kaiya whipped around and sped to Kamden’s room. Seconds later, her shriek pierced my ears. “Oh my God, Kamden!”

  Rushing to Kamden’s side, I knelt beside his limp body on the floor. An almost empty bottle of Jack was next to him, along with a folded letter, envelope, and a handful of pictures scattered around the hardwood.

  One photo caught my eye—Kamden and Kaleb back in high school with their arms draped over each other’s shoulders and wide smiles on their faces.

  “What is it, Ky?” Ryker asked from behind me.

  I jerked slightly, startled by his voice, but I didn’t respond. My fingers hovered over the letter and my eyes scanned the pictures. All of them were of Kaleb and Kamden, ranging from when they were toddlers to teenagers.

  Where did he get these?

  Snatching the letter off the ground, I unfolded it and started reading:

  “Let these pictures be reminders of the horrible sin you committed. You’re a murderer and deserve to suffer for what you did.”

  I stared at the paper in shock for several seconds before crumbling it into a ball with my fist. I threw it angrily across the room as tears streamed down my cheeks.

  I grabbed the envelope and looked at the return address, even though I knew who the letter was from. My fucking mother.

  There was no name, just a P.O. Box, but I knew it was her. No one else would be so heartless and have those pictures. Only her.

  I dropped the envelope and focused back on my brother. A choked sob shuddered through my chest as I looked down at his face. “Please, God, no,” I whispered as I reached out my hand toward him. Shaking his shoulder, I pleaded, “Kam, wake up.” After several seconds, I shook more forcefully. “Wake up, Kamden!” I cried out desperately.

  He was on his stomach, face down, and I couldn’t tell whether he was breathing or not. I tried to turn him over, but he was almost as big and bulky as Ryker, so it was like a chihuahua trying to flip over a pitbull.

  Ryker was next to me in an instant, helping me turn Kamden over onto his back. His skin was pale and cold, and I feared for the worst.

  Please be alive, please be alive, please be alive.

  As I pressed my ear against his chest, a chill ran up my spine. An overwhelming case of déjà vu came over me—I was doing the same thing less than a year ago when Kaleb had come for me.

  Tears blurred my vision as I waited to hear my brother’s heartbeat. I could vaguely hear Ryker talking on the phone, giving my address and describing the situation to whoever was on the line. “An ambulance is on its way.”

  I didn’t reply, too focused on listening for Kam’s heart to say anything. It felt like hours had passed when I finally heard the weak thump. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. “He’s alive.”

  I stayed by Kamden’s side, holding his hand until the paramedics came. Ryker followed me in the ambulance to the hospital, and I had to be pried off of Kam when they took him back to work on him.

  My eyes burned from the non-stop flow of tears as I sat in the emergency room waiting room. Ryker sat next to me and draped his arm around my shoulders, hugging me tightly to him and giving me the comfort I needed.

  About an hour passed when a doctor walked into the waiting area. “Kaiya Marlow?”

  I popped out of my seat. “That’s me. Is my brother okay?” I urgently asked.

  The doctor scanned my face. “We had to pump his stomach because of the amount of alcohol he consumed. We’re replenishing his fluids, and he’s in recovery now. We want to keep him for observation for twenty-four hours, but you can see him now for a few minutes if you’d like.”

  Some of the heavy weight bearing down on me receded. “Please,” I croaked, my voice tangled up with emotion.

  The doctor led us to Kamden’s room, where he had a tube in his nose and an IV stuck in the top of his hand. He slowly turned his head to look at me through half-lidded eyes. “Hey,” he rasped.

  My bottom lip trembled, and my eyes become watery again. “Hey.” I sobbed, making my way to his bedside.

  I grabbed his hand in a death grip, fearing he would slip away if I let go. “You scared the shit out of me.”

  His face fell in shame as he looke
d away. “I’m sorry.”

  My fear and worry transformed into outrage as I raised my voice in anger. “How could you do that, Kam? You almost killed yourself!”

  Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. He’s vulnerable and needs my support, not my reprimanding.

  He met my gaze with narrowed, bloodshot eyes, but didn’t reply. The hurt in his clouded stare was apparent, and I wanted to do whatever I could to take his pain away.

  “I’m sorry.” I sighed, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb. “I’m just upset. I thought I lost you.”

  He squeezed my hand, and his face softened as he looked at me apologetically. “I know. I’m sorry. The letter hurt so much, and the pictures were the icing on the cake.”

  Thinking about what my mother had sent him made rage burn through my veins. “Fuck her,” I gritted out angrily.

  Tears welled in his eyes. “She’s right.”

  I clenched his hand tighter. “Don’t start this again, Kam. She’s bat-shit crazy and has no fucking idea what she’s talking about.”

  He glared at me stubbornly. “Facts are facts. I killed my brother, my own flesh and blood. That’s a fucking fact.”

  I scoffed in exasperation before arguing back. “Protecting me! You did what you had to do to defend yourself. If you hadn’t, Kaleb would’ve killed you, Ryker, and me. If anything, this is all my fault.”

  Some tears trailed down his cheeks. “I just want the pain to go away.”

  The anguish and sorrow present in his voice washed away my anger and replaced it with sadness. I didn’t think I could loathe my mother more than I already did, but my hate for that bitch increased tenfold for the pain she was causing my brother.

  I released his hand and leaned over, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him. He copied my actions, holding me tightly to him as he buried his face in my chest and sobbed.