Becca

by Krystek, Dean

  Bert could not speak. He merely shook his head.

  “I could’ve told you that anywhere—at your house, the Eat ‘n’ Park—anywhere. I told you here. Because, Josh, it’s time I’ve moved on.”

  “Moved on?”

  “You’re doing it again, commenting with questions.”

  “Sorry.”

  “I need to move on. Alex will always be my first love, and little Alex—he’s a part of me that I will always feel. And no matter who I am with that person has to accept that these two wonderful people will always be part of my life and this”—she indicated the cemetery—“will always be part of my life. But…I have to move on. I have to allow myself to be with someone else. Greg was not that person. I never brought Greg here, because he wasn’t the one. You understand what I’m saying, Josh? I couldn’t—didn’t want to move beyond them until now, so I had to say those things in front of them. Is that corny?

  “I’m going to say more I think.” She paused, her eyes moving around Bert’s face. “But I’m getting wet standing here, so let’s go to the car.” She kissed her fingertips and touched the headstone and plaque.

  In the car, Becca said. “Turn on the heater, Josh. Okay, now listen, ‘cause this goes along with what I was saying out there, okay? Don’t interrupt.”

  She sighed. “So, one night, I’m riding past this gas station—I’ve gone by it a million times, and never looked, you know? Then this one night I look and I see this guy who catches my attention. I don’t know why—I mean he’s just a guy. And I’m looking at him—staring at him and Greg says what are you looking at and I just say nothing but he knew I was looking at something because he’s been talking to me while I’m looking and I have no earthly idea what the hell he’d been saying.

  “I keep seeing this guy, and I feel compelled to meet him. One night I stop in and talk to him and it turns out we click. We’re like bonding or something. I wasn’t looking for that. Yet I wanted that…so I realize it was meant to be and I went with it.

  “See, Josh, all of the sudden I began thinking that I could get past what happened…that because my Alexes would be forever with me, I could move on.

  “But, holy cow I didn’t think this would happen. Not so…so quickly.”

  After a pause Becca said, “Okay, you can say something now.”

  “I’m…” Bert struggled to put his thoughts into words. The impact of what she was saying was still sinking in.

  “Shocked, huh? Josh,” Becca began and paused, glancing at the headstone. She said, not looking at Bert, “Did you ever want someone so badly that when they get close to you your skin tingles, your heart feels like it’s going beat its way out of your chest? Have you ever needed someone so badly that when they walk away from you it’s like they take your breath with them? Someone who makes you feel so alive that you realize you haven’t been alive for a very long time and that…that they give you a reason to go on living?”

  “Becca—”

  She held up her hand. “Don’t speak, Josh. Let me finish.” She sighed and pulled some wayward strands of hair from her eyes. “I wanted you to know them because I wanted you to know that no matter what, they are part of me, and you would have to accept that. Do you understand? That’s a question; you can answer it.” She looked at him now.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes. Just yes?”

  He said, “I…what do you want me to say? I understand.”

  “No you don’t. Josh, for Christ’s sake.” She ran her hand through her hair in exasperation. “I don’t think you hear me, Josh. Or you don’t want to hear me. You seem—I don’t know, like you just close me out sometimes whenever I say I….” She shook her head. “I’m throwing out hints left and right, I’m practically carrying a sign and you still don’t get it.”

  “Becca, I—”

  “Never mind,” she said, shaking her head. “Never mind.” After an awkward silence, she said, “So, there you go, Josh. You know all about Rebecca Abigail Smith. Do you still think I’m a nice girl?”

  “Yes.”

  “You still like me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “Just go.”

  Bert started the car and they drove for some ten minutes in silence.

  Becca said suddenly, “Josh, pull in there.”

  “Where, the McDonalds?”

  “Yes. Please. We can’t go another mile. Park the car. Now—right now!”

  Bert turned into a McDonald’s parking lot and pulled into a parking spot. “What’s wrong?”

  She said nothing. Her eyes searched his face, her head tilted to one side, her lips glistened; her breathing became heavy. She sighed heavily, as if to compose herself. “I’ve got to tell you something I don’t want you to answer me—okay? I’m not requiring a response because I don’t know if you’d give me a response or that if I would like the response that you give me. So hear me out and say nothing—uh-uh—” She put her finger on his lips as he prepared to say something. “Nothing. Say nothing.” Her face had flush to it; her eyes pierced his and her lips quivered slightly as she began to speak again after taking her finger from his lips. “Josh… you have made me want to move on. I’m not going to ask you what you feel—right now, it wouldn’t be fair because you’re going away and…well who knows what’s going to happen to me with the goddamned cancer. But—ever since we’ve met, there has been something between us and you cannot deny that. So I’m just telling you that I am going to wait for you and when you’re done with the Army, we’re going to move on together. Get me? Understand? Good. Now, so you don’t misunderstand me, I’m going to tell you something that you don’t have to respond to but I have to say and you have to hear. Okay? Here it comes, ready?

  “Oh…the hell with it. I’ll show you.” Becca flung herself at Bert, her mouth landing squarely and firmly on his and driving his head back against the window. Her hands went to his face, her palms holding it in place as her mouth attacked his with vicious, sensuous kisses. Her knee banged against the floor shift, as Bert’s foot slipped from the clutch. The Mustang lurched forward, struck the curb, and stalled, throwing both of them against the dashboard, their mouths still locked. Becca was making mewing sounds, suppressing her cry, yet tears spilling from her eyes warmed Bert’s cheeks. She pulled away, her eyes glazed over in passion and took a breath, and then attacked him again with her mouth. This time her hands held his head back against the window, allowing her to hold him in place so that she could apply the maximum amount of pressure with her lips that were open and covering his mouth. Her teeth touched his, her tongue darted in.

  Then suddenly, someone was pounding on the driver’s window and Bert and Becca gasped in surprise. Becca propelled herself back into the passenger seat, her right leg hitting against the dashboard and sending a flash of pain down its length. She cried out. Bert sat up. Through the fogged window, Bert saw a blur of the person outside. He rolled down the window when the person tapped on it again.

  “What in the Sam hill are you two doing in here? This is a parking lot, not a lover’s lane,” said the man dressed in a McDonald’s shirt.

  “Sorry,” Bert said.

  The man looked over at Becca. She sat against the passenger door, her chest heaving, her face was pale sweat beaded her forehead. “Are you okay, young lady?”

  “Yes,” Becca said, nodding.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “You look hurt.”

  “I’m okay, honestly. We’re friends.”

  “I got your plate number, young man, and if I see you in here doing this, I’m calling the cops. You understand me?”

  “Yes sir.”

  He pointed his finger at them. “Now you get out of here.”

  “Thanks, sir,” Bert said and rolled up the window. He started the car and turned on the defrosters, which were ineffective at first so they rolled down the windows.

  “I’m sorry,” Becca said. He
r voice sounded strained.

  “No, don’t be. I enjoyed it.”

  “Not about attacking you. I’m sorry he stopped us.”

  “Maybe it’s best that he did.”

  “Why?”

  “Things were moving pretty fast there.”

  “That was bad?”

  “No…but, we would’ve probably ended up in the back seat.”

  “Oh, listen you, buckaroo. Don’t be so sure of yourself.”

  “So that was all for what—the kissing, what was it for?”

  She smiled. “You are a smart aleck. Yeah…you’re right. It could’ve gotten out of control.” She giggled and rubbed his cheek with the palm of her hand. “You are something else, Bertram Leslie Martin Junior.” She leaned back in her seat. “I didn’t get to say what I was going to tell you.”

  “I got the message,” he said smiling at her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “So what do you think?”

  “I think… Becca, I—”

  “Oh my God…you don’t love me. I’ve made a fool of myself.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to. I don’t care if you love me, Josh. Really. It doesn’t matter. And maybe what I’m feeling isn’t what I think it is—but you’d be hard to convince me. Don’t look like that. You’ve got to understand, Josh that running away to the Army is not going to get me out of your life. What I said about moving on—I’m going to with you. Love or no love. So when you’re done playing soldier, it’s me and you against the world.”

  VI

  That evening, Bert received a call from Becca who was in the emergency room. He drove to the hospital to find her father and mother in the waiting area.

  “What are you doing here?” Bill asked Bert.

  “She called me. What happened?” Bert demanded.

  “Her leg is broken,” Bill said, pointing at Bert, “and I want to know how it happened.”

  Bert was stunned at the news. “I don’t know.”

  Mary emerged from the treatment room with the doctor.

  “She’s asking for you,” she said to Bert.

  “He’s not going to see her,” Bill said.

  “She’s asking for him, Bill. She wants to see him.”

  Bert walked to the treatment room. Bill rushed to him and grabbed his arm. Bert shrugged it away. “You can’t see her.”Bill demanded.

  “Mr. Smith,” the doctor said, “I need to speak with you and your wife.”

  Bert stepped into the room. Becca lay on the bed, her leg immobilized in a splint that looked huge on her. She was pail. She favored him with a weak smile.

  “I’m getting some more of that good stuff,” she said. “Oh my God, do I love it. Whoo-hoo, my head is swimming. I’m floating, Josh.” She looked down at her right foot. “I need a pedicure, don’t you think so? Oh, my mouth is running off on its own. I’m not thinking clearly, so excuse me if I say something weird.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “I got a hair line fracture right here,” she pointed at the area where her tumor was. “It didn’t break completely, but it’s a good thing I came in here when I did or it might have snapped. They can’t do anything with it right now except keep it still.”

  “I’m sorry,” Bert said.

  “Stop saying that. Give me your hand. My father wants to kill you. Stay away from him. But you gotta come see me tomorrow after the surgery, please, Josh.”

  “I will.”

  “I’m going to be okay, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hello, Rebecca,” a man’s voice said from the door.

  “Doctor London,” Becca said with a smile. “How are you?”

  “What happened to you?” He clasped her hand and patted it.

  “I broke my leg.”

  “How did you do that?”

  Becca said. “I banged it against the gearshift and the dashboard—but it had really been hurting me all day anyway, so I didn’t think anything of it. Oh, that’s Josh, he was there. We would’ve made it into the back seat if Ronald McDonald hadn’t banged on the window to stop us.”

  Dr. London gave a quick smile to Bert. “Ronald McDonald? I think we need to reduce your dosage.”

  “Oh, no, make it higher. I love it.” Becca giggled.

  Dr. London touched her leg gingerly, and then looked up at the x-ray displayed above her bed.

  “How could it break it so easy, Dr. London?” Becca asked.

  Dr. London patted her shoulder. “It’s not uncommon with this type of cancer. It weakens the bone, and the slightest trauma could cause a fracture.”

  “So…you’ll fix it when you go back in, right?”

  “We’ll see, Rebecca. We may want to wait until the bone heals before we take the cancer.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “We’ll decide tomorrow, okay?”

  “If you get in there tomorrow, will you get it all out?”

  “I am hoping so. From the x-ray image, it appears to be easily accessible, but of course, we won’t know until we get in there.

  “Young man,” Dr. London said to Bert, “we’re going to take her to her room now.”

  “Josh, come with me.”

  “I’m sorry, Rebecca, he can’t. Family only.”

  “I don’t want my family to come with me, I want him.”

  “Sorry, Rebecca.”

  “What time are you going in?” Becca asked.

  “Nine AM.”

  “Josh, come see me tomorrow evening, okay?”

  VII

  Bert walked out of the room and Bill confronted him.

  “You,” Bill said, poking his finger at the air in front of Bert, “stay away from her.”

  “I haven’t done anything to her, Bill.” He kept walking.

  “Are you listening to me, young man?” Bill said and his finger prodded Bert’s shoulder.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  “I’ll do what I need to do to keep her away from you.”

  “She can see who she wants to.”

  “Not your kind.”

  “My kind? Tell all these people what kind I am. I’m the same kind as Alex—the same kind as your grandson would have been.”

  Bill’s fist came up to connect with Bert’s cheek. Bert stumbled back and collided with the wall. He recovered quickly and saw the stunned look on everyone’s face. Two male orderlies were hurrying down the hallway, the emergency room doctor started for him, but Bert waved him away.

  “I’m okay,” Bert said. He smirked. “A sucker punch. Really, Bill why not hit me now?”

  “You started it.”

  “I didn’t and you know it. I have witnesses who know what really happened.”

  An orderly wheeled Becca out of her room, with Dr. London walking along side. “What’s going on?” she asked as her mother caught up with her and walked alongside.

  “It’s nothing, honey,” Mary said, taking her hand.

  “Josh, I’ll see you tomorrow!” Becca called out, trying to turn in the bed to see him.

  “For sure,” Bert called after her and then turned for the door.

  “Don’t turn your back on me!” Bill shouted.

  The two orderlies followed Bert to the door. “I’m leaving, guys,” Bert said. “And I don’t need an escort.”

  “You come back here!” Bill shouted. “You come back here!”

  Bert walked out.

  VIII

  “Did he hurt you?” Becca asked.

  “No. He surprised me, that’s all.”

  “I’m sorry it happened.”

  “That’s okay, Becca.”

  “No, it’s not okay. I’m ashamed of him.”

  “It won’t happen again.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Your father won’t dare do it again. He only gets one shot. Next time I take the first shot and he won’t want that.”

  “I haven’t talked to him, you know. I
refuse to. He’s on my shit list.”

  “I didn’t know you had a shit list.”

  “I just started one.” She sighed. “Is it wrong for a child not love a parent, Josh?”

  “I don’t know. I guess that depends on what the parent has done to the child.”

  “I don’t love my father. I don’t hate him, but I don’t love him. Since Alex…since then my father has acted like he doesn’t love me, so I’ve decided I don’t need to love him. Anyway, I didn’t call you to talk about him. I called you to tell you that Doctor London didn’t operate on me. He wants to wait a while.

  “He took another x-ray and he thinks he’d rather have the bone heal before going after the tumor. I think he wants to try and shrink it with radiation chemicals or something before going in.”

  “That’s good isn’t it?”

  “Anything’s better than having someone slice you open. Dr. London is starting me on radiation and chemotherapy and he wants me to stay in here for a bit to see how I react to them. I guess it can be pretty gruesome.”

  “Gruesome?”

  “Puking, diarrhea, profuse sweating, flatulence, nausea—really neat stuff. If I’m going to be doing all that, Bert, I don’t want you to see me.”

  “It wouldn’t matter.”

  “So if I hit you with projectile vomiting, fart, or shit my pants while you’re visiting, you won’t mind?”

  “Hmmm, on second thought.”

  She giggled. “What the hell am I laughing at? This is serious.” Then, after a short pause she said, “When are you leaving?”

  “Soon.”

  “You have to see me before you go. Don’t you dare leave without coming in here to see me—projectile vomiting and flying shit should not be a deterrent, okay?”

  IX

  “Hey you,” Becca said from her bed when Bert walked in. “Sorry these couple of weeks have been so weird.”

  “I understand, Becca,” Bert said.

  “But I thought we’d have more time together. The docs told me how I might react to the treatment, but holy cow, I didn’t think it’d be like this. I had body fluids going every which way. I’m in here now because…well because they observing me…hahaha.”