Seeking Sorrow (Guardians of Terath Book 1)

by Zen DiPietro

  After a long pause, he rubbed his chin. “If you hadn’t realized that there might be implications for you to consider and grow from, I’d think you unequal to the endeavor. I’m not sure you would have admitted it the last time you walked away from Northern Keep.”

  He stood. “I’ll arrange a meeting with the elders for this evening, after dinner.”

  “Thank you.” A small catch in her chest let go, and her lungs felt fuller. Regardless of the meeting’s outcome, Eryl’s approval satisfied her. Her relationship with him predated any other relationship in her life. She respected him, was grateful for his tutelage, and deeply cared about him as a person. All shivs were family, but some members grew closer than others.

  “And if we refuse you?”

  She didn’t need any time to think about her answer. “I will send my regrets to the others, and remain in the keep for my next assignment. Of course.”

  He gave her a perfunctory nod, then bounced up to his feet and glided out of the room.

  Kassimeigh had never wished for a particular decision from the elders. She’d always taken for granted that whatever choice they made was for the best. For the first time, she hoped the answer she received was the one she wanted.

  Izzy plucked another weed from the herb garden and paused to inhale the intermingled scents of the plants. She relished the sensation of focusing solely on her external senses as the sun’s rays invisibly massaged her skin and the perfumed air swirled through her lungs. She allowed herself the luxury of a small sigh of pleasure, existing entirely in this quiet oasis of mental peace.

  Spending time in the keep revealed an unfamiliar wonder to her. The shivs’ highly-controlled minds allowed them to keep their emotions in check and their consciousness focused. The vacation from protecting herself against the emotions and confusions of others was as close to bliss as she’d ever come. Instead of encasing her empathic senses in mental armor, she released them to cavort nakedly around the garden. The sensation was so remarkably freeing that Izzy almost felt shameless.

  Shivs kept a strikingly lovely and well-considered garden. She’d always appreciated the practice of gardening, though not because it was difficult to encourage plants to grow on Terath. Indeed, most plants required nothing but to be left alone and they flourished beautifully within the mid-lats. No, her pleasure in gardening came from communing with living things not riddled with complicated emotions. Tending the garden at the Northern Keep elevated her sense of peace to another plane. As a bonus, gardening served as a way for her to give something back to the keep that gifted her with its hospitality.

  She plucked the last undesired sprig, which was a leafy weed that had lodged itself among a cluster of purple and white pompom flowers. The garden no longer suffered from infiltrators. She had defended the keep from attack.

  Izzy smiled and lifted her face to the sun with her eyes closed and her hands dirty. The glow of life warmed her cheeks. It was utterly delicious.

  A consciousness brushed her senses and grew stronger as it approached. She kept her eyes closed until it moved right in front of her. She smiled, then met the gaze of the startled man who clearly had expected to be the one doing the startling.

  “Hello.” She dusted her hands off and stood.

  “How did you know I was here?”

  Izzy guessed him to be about her own age. She didn’t find him handsome, exactly, but his features had character. She knew he was a bit concerned, as he should have been able to approach her without detection. His self-doubt rubbed at the edge of her mind.

  “Don’t worry, I didn’t hear you.”

  “You . . . sensed a shadow?” He’d thought he’d prevented that, too. And he didn’t know, even now, that she sensed his emotions. Being empathic was fun sometimes, particularly the first time she met someone.

  “Nope.” She tilted her head to one side and her light blue hair splayed across her uplifted jawline. He admired it.

  “Then . . . ?”

  “Sit with me at dinner, and I’ll tell you. I’ll have a friend on the other side of me, but I imagine you know her already.”

  Since he’d been sent to escort her to the dining room anyway, he found it both easy and interesting to do as she asked.

  Izzy enjoyed a sense of satisfaction. She’d be the only outsider among a big gathering of shivs. She liked those odds.

  Dinner at the keep was a daily tradition. Kassimeigh had always enjoyed the atmosphere of community that came from the simple ritual of enjoying good food and conversation at regular intervals. Long tables ran the length of the room, with benches on each side for seating. Indirect lighting gave the stone walls and floors a comforting glow. The entire room felt simple but immaculate, timeworn yet comfortable.

  Kassimeigh had formally introduced Bryan to Izzy, though they told her they’d met in the garden. She wasn’t surprised the two took an immediate liking to each other. Bryan was one of her better friends within the keep.

  “Who does the cooking here?” Izzy asked him.

  “We take turns, though our brothers and sisters of the order tend to prefer those who are more gifted in the culinary arts to volunteer for those duties.”

  “You don’t hire help, then?”

  “No, we do nearly everything here ourselves. Cleaning, gardening, minor repairs, and painting. Caring for our keep is part of our dedication to the order.”

  “Lovely.” Izzy shifted her attention to Kassimeigh. “Did your afternoon pass well?”

  Kassimeigh appreciated Izzy’s tact in keeping her question ambiguous. They both knew what went unspoken. “It did, better than it might have, thank you. Are you enjoying the keep?”

  “It’s been peaceful and wholesome. Sumptuous in its sparseness. I can see why shivs want to be here.”

  Kassimeigh understood. “I’m glad you’re finding it restorative.”

  “Very. It’s a shame we can’t stay longer. I’ve found it so restful.”

  “You’re always welcome to rest here as my guest.”

  Izzy’s hand paused along the path of carrying a glass to her lips. “That’s an amazing offer, and one I’m sure few people receive. I’m honored and grateful.”

  Kassimeigh didn’t acknowledge the magnitude of her gift. “If you’re interested, I’d be happy to instruct you in some of the mental discipline techniques we employ.”

  “I’m sure that would be wonderfully useful, as well as fascinating. Thank you.” Izzy rested her fingers on Kassimeigh’s forearm in appreciation.

  Kassimeigh felt warmed by the affectionate touch. Up until recently, it had been rare for anyone to touch her. She held Izzy’s gaze and telegraphed her sentiments openly, knowing they communicated more eloquence than any words she might suggest. Izzy’s almost maternal smile told her the message had been received.

  “So, Bryan,” she remarked to the man on Izzy’s other side. “Tell me about finding Izzy in the garden. She has a tendency to make a unique first impression.”

  She let Bryan and Izzy carry the conversation for the rest of the meal. She listened carefully and responded in the right places, but offered little commentary of her own. In general, it was how she preferred to enjoy social situations.

  She was fortunate to be surrounded by people who understood her and whose company she enjoyed. Recent events had knocked her life out of its predictable groove, and it felt good to be back on familiar ground. At the same time, her desire to rejoin Arc and the others compelled her. She hoped the elders made their decision soon.

  Kassimeigh’s footsteps echoed back at her as she traversed the hallway toward the elders’ auditorium. Although often used for instruction, no one entered the room unless an invitation had been issued.

  Her session with Eryl and dinner with Izzy had focused her mind. She felt confident, centered, and ready. Once she stood
before the elders, she made a formal bow of respect and waited to be addressed.

  “Kassimeigh of Umi Cabal,” the eldest of the elders recognized her. “The council of elders is aware that you have encountered a potential conflict within your current assignment and have come for guidance.”

  She stepped forward to the group of five men and two women. At the eldest’s indication, she folded her legs under herself and sat on the floor opposite them. “I have.”

  “State your case.”

  “This assignment is consistent with our dedication to protection and justice. My refusal to further support this mission is antithetical to the order’s purpose.”

  “Even if it means you must march into war?” Elder Osage, the younger of the two women, asked.

  “Whether war, a battle, or a one-on-one combat, it is only a matter of scale. If one can be just, so can another.”

  “Indeed.” The Eldest of them, Elder Whitmore, smiled. “You have no doubts?”

  “None.”

  “And yet you felt it necessary to confer and gain permission for this action. Do you not trust your own judgment?”

  “I do. I simply felt the decision was not mine to make.”

  “Indeed,” Elder Whitmore repeated. He scrutinized her intensely, but she weathered the inspection with calm.

  At length, he spoke again. “You will find, young Kassimeigh, there is a point at which every shiv must trust herself to make a decision she has no right to make.” Again, he fell silent. His lips pressed into a knot.

  “Justice, the elders of Northern Keep abstain from giving you an answer at this time. There is a matter in Capital City that we require you to adjudicate. You shall do so without full shoka or the service of a reader. Once you conclude, you will contact your mentor and apprise him. He will convey our verdict back to you. Eryl will give you the details of this adjudication and you shall depart immediately.” He dismissed her with a wave.

  She bent her head in acceptance, then offered another low bow before exiting.

  Chapter 8

  “How long has it been?” Ina Trewe sat with her legs folded under her. She tucked her slim nightshift around them.

  “Since we saw each other? Or since we had a moment alone together?” Luc considered both questions.

  She took a sip of tea, then settled the cup carefully back onto its saucer. Freed from the small burden of liquid heat, she leaned back into Luc and nestled in until the curve of her back dovetailed perfectly with his side. “Being alone. Having a chance to be us.”

  Snuggled into the couch together, they soaked up the luxury of their reunion and the privacy of her home.

  “Oh, it’s probably been three months.” The deep rumble of his voice vibrated against her spine.

  Their lives generally took them in different directions, and making their paths cross required concerted efforts. When this delightful phenomenon occurred, they often secreted themselves in her comfortable home and devoted all their efforts to savoring every moment.

  She’d decorated her home in an elegant and understated way, which created the perfect hideout from the world. Ina needed her sanctuary not only for her time with Luc but for her own self-preservation. Her devotion to serving as a magistrate came at a price. She often felt her very existence belonged to the public domain. The precious little time she spent with Luc or her nephew composed her entire personal life. Which wasn’t much.

  She sighed and leaned her head back against him. “What if we left it all, found ourselves a little cottage in the forest, and let someone else take care of Terath?”

  He pressed his lips to her temple and smiled against her skin. “What if, indeed.”

  They savored the sweetness of silence for several moments, clinging to each second as it passed. He ran a fingertip from her elbow to her shoulder blade, then brushed his fingers across the nape of her neck.

  “You’d eventually get bored and look for some trouble,” she predicted.

  “And the Council of Magistrates would miss you bitterly. They’d never find another with your talent for unraveling problems and seeing the heart of what must be done.”

  “It’s a good Council, Luc,” she chided. “It’s taken decades to put together such a well-matched group, with ideal intentions and excellent methodologies. Working with this group has been a pleasure these past few years.”

  “Yet you must exclude them from our current situation.” She felt his body tense with irritation.

  She released a long breath. She hated to spend their scant time together arguing. “I think eventually their pragmatism would win out. But Hagen and Simmons are so pacifistic in their idealism, they’d hold up decisions for weeks. We don’t have that kind of time. This Council is wonderful at their intended purpose, which is to govern a relatively peaceful world. Strategizing possible large-scale combat is completely outside their nature and expertise.”

  His fingers plucked absently at her toes. “Once they learn what you’re doing, will your position be in danger?”

  “It’s possible they might appoint someone else as leader of the Council. But I don’t think I’m overstepping my position. In fact, I believe I’m doing exactly what they appointed me to do. They just might not see it that way. I’ll accept whatever decision they make, when it’s time to answer for my actions. I doubt they’d remove me entirely from the Council, but I suppose we’ll have to see how the situation resolves. If what we’re doing leads to disaster, I might be in the market to find that cottage in the woods.”

  “A win either way, then.”

  She chuckled. “Of course.” She twisted around and burrowed into him for a warm hug before standing. “I should dress. We’ll be meeting Will and Arc for brunch soon. Later, you’ll have to tell me what you think of my nephew.”

  “What makes you think I’d be honest? If I detested him, I’d hardly own to it, given your interest in him and my interest in you.”

  She gave him a sly glance. “You’d own to it because you’d know I’d see through anything but the truth.”

  He harrumphed. “Well, I don’t hate him, so perhaps we’ll survive the conversation anyway.”

  Laughing lightly, she sailed out of the room.

  Magistrate Trewe beamed at her nephew and ushered him into a warm hug. She wore her hair in the same chignon Will had always seen her wear.

  Arc had told him that Vito’s Fork and Fire was a favorite restaurant of hers. It offered the perfect setting for their meeting and allowed them to discuss strategy while seeing to the necessity of eating.

  After greeting Will, Magistrate Trewe gestured toward a narrow hallway. “I’ve arranged for us to have the back room to ourselves, to ensure privacy.”

  Once seated, they ordered food and began to discuss upcoming events.

  “I’ve compiled lists of suppliers we can trust to be discreet. Arc, I’ll send those lists to you, and you’ll handle supplies and munitions. Also, I’d like you to organize a team of archers,” the magistrate instructed.

  She shifted her gaze to Luc. “I’ll leave the invitation and direction of a handful of manahi to you.”

  Luc nodded.

  “Finally, I’ve made some quiet inquiries, looking for people we can pull into service on this mission. Although Terath has no military, there are security firms, guilds of hired blades, and such that I’m working to mobilize. I have to consider skill level and willingness to follow orders, as well as strict confidentiality. Of course, I won’t be in the field with you, so there must be someone to give those orders.”

  Will found himself at the receiving end of Magistrate Trewe’s attention.

  “Will, you will be the general of whatever little army we assemble. I’ll give directives, but it will up to you to decide how to follow them. In the field, you’ll be in command.”

 
; Will’s hand, which had been on its way to his water glass, froze in mid-air. He tried to extract some words from his brain, but his vocal ability was flattened under the boulder the magistrate had dropped on him.

  Luc’s eyebrows had climbed up to where his hairline would have been, if he had a full head of hair. “That’s . . . quite a declaration of trust.”

  Magistrate Trewe remained focused on Will. “I have faith in Will. I know his character and have seen his potential.” Her bottom lip pulled down as she considered her next words. “We’re fortunate to live in a generally peaceful and comfortable world. Luc, Arc, and I are lucky that our particular skills fit nicely into life on Terath. You’re a different case, Will. You were born to lead armies. Hopefully this will be the only time, but you’re going to get your chance.”

  Remembering his manners allowed Will to find his tongue. “I don’t know how to thank you for the enormous honor of your faith. I can only hope I prove to deserve it.”

  “You will.” Her voice rang with warmth.

  Will felt an energizing boost of confidence. He trusted Ina Trewe, and if she truly believed he was capable of this task, he had to believe it too.

  “I understand you all got to see the Apex glow,” she remarked as their meals arrived. “Tell me what that was like.”

  After arriving at the Capital City monorail station, Kassimeigh and Izzy had only a brief walk to the town hall, just two blocks from the station. They’d arranged to meet Ina Trewe and the others there. Izzy enjoyed the walk, which afforded them the opportunity to see children playing and people pleasantly going about the daily business of living. Life in Capital City was much more dynamic and vigorous than smaller cities and towns.