by M. N. Forgy
“Mom, I think there’s pee on your bed!” Halle cries out from the other room. Hanging my head, I press my palm to my forehead and sigh.
Why was he such a nasty bastard?
Going into my room it smells of urine so bad I have to open a window. Bunching up my blankets, I take them to the stacked washer and dryer at the end of the hall between mine and Halle’s rooms and shove them in, making sure to use extra soap.
“What about your bed, is there any…” I pause, my face scrunching into disgust.
“No, I smelled it and felt it,” she says, with a stack of kid’s books in her hands.
“But these are ruined.” She hands them to me, and a little bit of my soul cries. Some of these were books we got for Halle when she was a baby. Why would he fucking do this?
Halle and I clean up what we can before it’s time for me to get ready for work.
“Mommy, look, it’s you and Daddy.” Halle walks over to me and hands me a picture frame. It’s one of me and Kace on our wedding day. My dress was two sizes too small because I was pregnant with Halle. My face pulls into a grimace wondering where it came from because I thought I got rid of all of those photos. Something tugs inside of my chest as I take the picture from Halle.
Terror.
I wonder if the cops have found Kace’s body yet, and if they think I had anything to do with it. Taking a breath, I hand it back to Halle.
“Why don’t you keep it,” I offer, and she takes it from me and skips off into the other room. My life went from helping the church gather for the shelter on the weekends with a husband that wanted nothing more than to protect his town to becoming a stripper and pretending not to know about her dead ex-husband.
How did my life switch so much, so fast? My face turns into a scowl, Kace became a dirty piece of shit, that’s what.
I grab an outfit for work and take Halle by the hand. Hopefully tonight will be the last night I have to take her to work with me, I’d die if she saw me out there dancing.
Heading into the club, I walk straight to the back, the stage and bar are lit up and being prepped for the night’s risqué events. I take Halle to the table and chair I had her at last time and sit her down with my phone.
She looks up at me, her curls in her eyes.
“Mom, this is going to be so boring,” she whines. “Can I come out and dance with you?”
My eyes widen, my heart skipping a beat. “Absolutely not.”
“Hey baby, what kind of stuff you like to do?” Bad Bunny asks, walking out of the vanity room. Her green robe is open showing off her skimpy outfit, but it doesn’t seem to bother Halle as she turns in her seat and lights up.
“Basketball!” she says excitedly.
“Hmm.” Bunny taps her chin and walks back into the vanity room.
“You’re going to be the best on the team this year, you know?” I poke her, smiling at how determined she is.
“Yeah, but it’s co-ed, Jimmy told me last year that girls aren’t good enough to play,” she explains, and I instantly want to hire a little boy to beat Jimmy’s ass.
“Look what I found!” Halle and I both look up and find Bad Bunny holding an orange basketball.
“Alright!” Halle jumps from her chair and retrieves the ball, bouncing it on the floor.
“Oh wow, thanks!” I tell Bad Bunny.
“I had it for a routine I did a few months ago,” she explains.
Crossing my arms, I can’t help but laugh.
Heels clicking loudly down the hall catch our attention, and we look up finding Valley strutting toward us. Her blond hair mixing into her extensions fall down on each side of her tits, her milky skin looking flawless with her bright red lipstick. Her black crisscrossed top barely holds in her breasts, a sliver of skin showing just before her long black skirt flows around her red heels. She’s every man’s fantasy and belongs on a pole rather than a house mom in my opinion.
“Really, again with the kid?” She sneers, holding her hand out and gesturing toward Halle.
“North told me to bring her,” I inform her, and this seems to piss her off more.
“You’ve been talking with him?” She tilts her head to the side. Bad Bunny takes the opportunity to leave me with the bitch and face her on my own.
“Yeah, he’s been helping me through some stuff.” I keep my explanation short and look to my daughter. Hoping my breaking eye contact will end this.
“He always did have a heart for the poor girls,” she mutters, and a grimace takes over my face.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her eyes widen like she meant no offense, but we both know she did.
“Just, when he sees a lost puppy he’s always got to be the one to make them feel at home, until they do, and then he’s back to snuggling in my bed at six in the morning.” She huffs like it’s no big deal, as if North is her plaything and I’m just one of his quests and nothing of importance. This angers me on multiple levels. For one, I don’t believe that North couldn't care less about Halle and me, and two, if she thinks I’m just going to walk away from North without finding out for sure what I am to North… she’s mistaken.
The old Aspen would have left North alone the first time she warned me, but now…
“Girls!” The familiar voice of North sounds as Valley and I look toward the locker room. He looks good, and the bite marks on my tit sting in a delicious way, reminding me how great things can be between us.
His eyes find mine, and I have to bite back a smile, but his face is unreadable of any expression, making me question if what I’m feeling is one-sided.
He takes his leather cut off, and then his black button-up shirt, tossing it on a vacuum sitting in the corner, his white wife-beater tight and showing off his muscles briefly before he puts his cut back on.
“I turned the air-conditioner up as much as I could, but it’s going to be a hot one tonight,” he tells all of the girls.
Valley sashays up to him and runs her hand across his cheek.
“You and your big heart,” she coos, running her hands all over him. I knew when I woke up this morning we wouldn’t suddenly be a couple, but I didn’t think I would be so affected by Valley feeling him up in front of me either.
“You know me.” He winks, admitting he’s a sucker for wanting to be the hero to the ladies. My brows furrow at what Valley told me about him just wanting to be the hero to everyone’s story. That I’m new but will become old to him any minute. Yet, here I am getting all excited and giddy when I see him.
I turn around, having enough of this mind racing shit. Valley is in my head now, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s right. I mean, he’s met my kid. He killed someone for me! Who the hell goes to those lengths just to impress a girl because he’s bored?
There is something between us, and I’m going to prove it. North and I are going to find out right here tonight what the hell is going on between us.
I watch North and Valley walk down the hall talking numbers for the night, and whom is expected to show up and I snatch his button-up shirt and start getting ready for my routine for the night.
Quickly I hustle over to DJ Nerve, my strappy heels making it hard for me to pick up much speed, and hand a crisp twenty over to switch my song last minute. Leaning into him, the smell of Old Spice overwhelming, I hold my breath and whisper “Bad Guy” by Billie Eilish, please! He nods, taking the twenty and starts clicking away on his computer. Turning on my heel, I hurry back to my place knowing he’s going to call me any second.
“Everybody, you’re going to have to sit on your hands for this next one. My girl, the sexiest, the purest, ASPEN!”
The music starts, the beat thumping the floor beneath my shoes as I sashayed out onto the stage, grabbing the pole I slowly do a Moon Waltz that I learned how to do by myself, making sure to keep my eyes off the ground and find North sitting in his throne, his eyes on me. Good.
I shove his button-up down my shoulders and do a toe touch, my ass cheeks sha
king, my hair in my face, I pull off the perfect exotic stripper look that Bad Bunny has been trying to get me to act out in my routine. My back to the pole now, the steel acting as my spine, I have everyone’s attention, including Valley who’s standing by the bar holding a glass as if it were a dagger.
Gripping the pole, I swing myself around it, parting my legs as far as they will go until I slip onto the stage and onto my back. On all fours, I pop my back up and down until I raise to my knees and slowly unbutton the shirt, revealing my tits. The bite marks that North left behind clear as day even in the dark club, I rub two of my fingers over the indentations as if they’re a badge of honor. The gentlemen go crazy, and I begin to sing the lyrics to the song, making sure to look right at Valley when it says, “You said she’s scared of me?”
Valley stands, completely angered by the time I finish the part, and I bite at the air just as the lights go dark.
I let out a breath, my body shaking and hands trembling. Holy shit. I did it.
Grabbing as much of the cash as I can, I hurry off the stage and run smack dab into the hard body of North.
“What the fuck was that?” He growls, pointing to the stage behind me. I don’t look away, I find that sexy bravado I had on stage and glare back at him.
“Exactly what you think it was!” I lift my chin defiantly, and he snatches me by the wrist and pushes me into the office. He’s really pissed.
“You think you’re my girlfriend now? Is that it? That we’re some kind of couple that you can wear my shit and mark me as your territory?” His words cut me, my plan not turning out how I was hoping. My heart falls into the pit of my stomach and I have to fight the urge to run away.
Dropping the sweaty money in my palm, I step up to him, our bodies are so close I can feel the anger radiating off of him. I basically just lifted my leg and pissed all over him, telling every woman in this club that he was mine. Well, is he? Who kills for another person and not have some kind of emotional attachment?
“I don’t know, you tell me, what am I to you, North?” My voice cracks, I’m losing what little courage I have.
He fists my chin and scowls at me with flaring nostrils.
“You’re…” He hesitates, his ice-blue eyes searing into my bravado and seeing me for who I really am. Just a scared little girl trying to play stripper. Suddenly he presses his lips to mine, catching me off guard, but not for long because I kiss him back. Wrapping my arms around his neck, my lips fit onto his like he’s been the missing piece of my entire existence this whole time. He slams my back up against the door and deepens the kiss. I taste the beer he was drinking and the scent that is North. His hand slides up my hip under his shirt and grabs my tit, the one with his bite marks.
“What the fuck is it about you?” he says against my lips. I moan, not sure what to say to that. I undo his belt, the buckle being difficult as he shoves my G-string to the side of my wet pussy and slips inside of me. He thrusts so hard my back bangs against the door.
He notices how much noise we’re making he turns us, and wipes the desk clean and sits me on it. My ass cheeks stick to the top, and he fucks me like he didn’t just have sex with me less than twenty-four hours ago. My chin on his shoulder, my body tightens up ready to blow just as the door opens. Our breathing so loud North doesn’t even notice. Red fingernails push the door open farther and there stands Valley watching North take me like he can’t get enough. Just to prove my point further, I lean back and kiss him, and he kisses me back, he nips at my bottom lip. Her mouth parts, eyes filling with tears as she shuts the door.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back and disintegrate into a thousand stars as I come harder than I ever have, North following seconds after.
He takes a step back, the pad of his finger brushing over his bite marks on my breast.
“You kissed me,” I say out of breath. He broke his own rule. He looks up, his eyes not looking so cold as usual.
“Yeah, I did,” he says softly, his voice laced with confusion. Pulling his shirt over my chest, I slip off the desk. “Go home, Aspen,” he mutters, turning around and opening the door.
“I need the money, North. I’m not—”
I’m cut short when he slams the door shut.
Nine
North
Running my hand through my hair, sweat dripping down my back, I’m fucking uncomfortable and confused. I kissed her. I crossed the line. I laugh at myself. Kissing Aspen was crossing the line, not killing her ex-husband.
Who am I trying to fucking kid here?
My bicep is grabbed, stopping me from heading out of the club, the dig of nails has me glance up with rage. It’s Valley, her eyes filled with tears.
“What the hell was that? Hmm?” she asks with more vulnerability in her voice than I’ve ever heard.
“Don’t!” I warn her.
“No, you and I have been in this together since—”
I turn, getting into her personal space.
“That is where you went wrong, Valley. There was never a WE, it was just you trying to make something happen that I told you wouldn’t happen.” She closes her mouth and wipes a tear.
“Why her, what’s so special about her?”
I swallow, the lump in my throat feeling larger than normal.
“I wish I fucking knew…” Turning away from her, all the dancers act as if they weren’t just watching the entire thing go down. I slam my hand on the metal door leading out back, needing fresh air desperately.
Why Aspen? How did she slip her dainty little finger under my flaws and take something I didn’t think I even had; a heart.
I need to go to the clubhouse, see one of my brothers to help me work this shit out in my head. Walking around the strip club, I find my bike, start it and speed out of there. The air is still warm despite the hour of the night, my heart finally beating at a normal rate than it was minutes ago.
Wind therapy, it’s a real thing and does wonders for my anger issues. I focus on the road and the sound of the wind in my ears the rest of the way to the clubhouse, hoping for a clear head when I step inside the club.
Pulling to the old parking lot, I find Sly working on his motorcycle, tools laying all around him. I turn the engine off to my motorcycle and put it on its kickstand.
My boots thud against the ground as I head to him, my hands rolled into fists as all the confusion and anger come boiling back hotter than before.
“You wanna play some pool?” I ask him, my right arm rubbing my left. On his back on the ground, he leans up, and by the look in his eyes I can tell he’s caught on that something isn’t right.
“Yeah, we can do that.” He slides down away from his motorcycle, his crazy-ass tattoos climb up his neck and are just as visible as they are in the daytime.
Inside the club, Chaos is sitting on a bar stool drinking a beer.
“Hey, why don’t you get me one of those?” I ask him, and he frowns.
“You alright?”
Placing my hands on the pool table, I drop my head.
“I fucked up and I mixed signals,” I say on an exhale.
Chaos hands me over a cold one.
“This about that girl?” Chaos questions with concern.
“Girl?” Sly’s brow furrows, this being the first he’s ever heard of me having girl problems.
“Yeah,” I say before taking a large pull of my drink.
“When I lived up north, I had a girl, we were together since high school,” I tell them, and they both shut up and listen because I never talk about me being up north, but if I’m going to get through this mess in my head, I need to tell it all to someone. “My club wasn’t a club, it was more of a gang, a fucking pissing contest.” I take another drink, wishing there was something harder for what I’m about to say.
“They raped my girlfriend over and over again. When I showed up, I stood up to them and got my ass kicked. I tried to take care of her, I tried to make things right, but she moved away with her parents in the middle of the nig
ht not even telling me it was happening or where she went.” The bite in my words hurt just as much today as when it happened. “I swore I’d never be in another relationship,” I mutter, knowing my lifestyle isn’t for one of love and happiness.
Chaos rubs his chin, taking in what I’ve just said. “That’s why you left?”
I nod. I know a lot of dirty shit that club did and with me leaving the way I did, they’d kill me if they ever found me.
“Holy shit,” Sly mutters.
I don’t reply. When they took turns raping my girlfriend, only to tell me it was part of being in with them, that all of them had to do it. I wanted to kill them all. That was not a motorcycle club, that was not brotherhood. I left my girl in the hands of men I thought would protect me, only to find out they were all frauds trying to be something they were never meant to be.
Chaos walks over to me and clasps my shoulder.
“I would kill a fucker myself if they hurt Aspen, North,” he assures me, telling me it’s okay to commit.
“I already did,” I mutter, thinking about the ex, and Chaos shrugs humorously.
“Our club is nothing—”
“I know it isn’t,” I cut Sly off, knowing the Kings of Carnage is nothing like up North. We’re small, but lethal to a degree. They’ve proved themselves to me time and time again, but I guess I just blame myself for what happened back then and to move on feels morally wrong.
To be responsible for Aspen, and then something happens to her… I’d never come back from that. Plus the kid, Halle. I’m not responsible for one pain in the ass, but two now.
“I think you’re already in this too deep, brother. You can’t walk away from her or that kid and you know it. Ya might as well see where it goes,” Chaos suggests, handing me a pool stick.