Blank Space

by Francis Gideon

  "Fuck. I'm sorry," he said. "I think I have to go. Kayla's been having nightmares a lot recently, and I know that Simone will come in soon. I usually do a better job of calming her down."

  Curtis's cheeks reddened in the dark. He shook his head, suddenly feeling guilt all around. We have kids, he told himself. We're dads. What the hell were we doing fucking around like this? We can't do this.

  "It's okay. Do what you gotta do. I'll email you more details for Saturday, okay? But I think our plan is pretty firm right now."

  "Yeah. It all sounds good. I'm... I'm really looking forward to it."

  "Me too," Curtis said. There was another pause on the other end of the phone that arranged itself like a blank space in Curtis's mind before he heard the dial tone. He looked down at his hard cock through his jeans. After a split-second debate, Curtis let out a low, embittered groan as he took himself in his hands, and finished what he'd started.

  *~*~*

  "Shhh, you're okay," Adrian said, wrapping his arms around Kayla's small body. Her purple PJ sleeves were stained with darker spots from her tears; Adrian felt their coolness as she balled her hands inside the fabric and then gripped onto his arm. She let out a few small sobs, but she was calming down. Another nightmare—this one about monsters under her bed—had sent her crying to Simone, who had been carrying her to the door of his office just as Adrian got off the phone. Now Adrian was laying Kayla back in the same bed that once used to terrify her, after checking under it a couple dozen times.

  "Sweetheart," Adrian stated, pulling away and grabbing Kayla's hands between his palms. "We've checked under the bed and saw nothing. I looked in your closet too, and there's nothing."

  Kayla's brown eyes widened, still red rimmed and tear stained. "Out the window?"

  "Right. Of course. We must check the window."

  Kayla was on the second floor of their small downtown condo. There was barely enough space between the houses for a small tree to bloom there, let alone any monsters, but Adrian knew he had to check. It was as important to indulge in children's fears as it was to disprove them. He undid the safety locks before opening the window and leaning his torso out. He made grand gestures of looking from side to side, then up and down, before he glanced back at Kayla in the bed.

  "Nothing here. I'm going to close it up now and lock it tight again. That way we're extra safe."

  Kayla watched with a keen glance—purely Simone's—as Adrian locked up. He turned around to open the closet, and look under the bed once more. "See, Kay? Nothing. Absolutely nothing inside your room. I promise you're safe here."

  Kayla nodded. She still worried her lip, her chin sticking out indignantly, but her tears were almost all dried up. Adrian sat by her bed and rubbed away a few more tear stains. He knew he was probably playing into this fear too much now, but he couldn't help it. Adrian wanted so desperately to be a good dad. If that meant checking under her bed every hour, he'd do it, just to make sure Kayla could sleep okay.

  "Are you ready to sleep now?" He ran a hand through her hair.

  Kayla, though still visibly apprehensive, nodded. "Will you sing something to me before I fall asleep?"

  Adrian smiled. He knew so many other parents who would just let her go to sleep right now, especially after all the checking he had just done. You can't be her everything, fulfil her every whim, she must learn to be independent... But Adrian never liked that advice. He crouched down by her purple bedspread and asked, "Well, that entirely depends on what song you want to hear, my dear."

  She grinned at his small rhyme. To Adrian's surprise, she requested a Radiohead song he'd had on in his office earlier in the day. She called it 'the one about trees' and tried to hum a tune, so Adrian could only assume she meant "Fake Plastic Trees." He grinned much too wide as he began to sing the first line, doing his best Thom York impression. Kayla soon lied down in the bed under the covers, and by the second chorus, she was gone.

  Adrian still found himself humming the song, even as he made his way into the kitchen on the first floor.

  "She okay?" Simone asked. She had a mug of tea by her iPad as if she was doing work, but her make-up was off, her dark hair tied back in a ponytail, and her PJs—plaid pants and one of Adrian's Toronto university shirts—were on.

  "Yeah, she's fine," Adrian said as he put the kettle on for himself. "Checked for monsters, then I sung her a song."

  "I heard that, actually. It was nice. Could probably put me to sleep, too."

  Adrian froze. If Simone had heard him sing, was there a chance she heard him talking to Curtis? He stared hard at their granite counters, stamping down his sudden panic, before he glanced up. As Simone smiled, Adrian found his heart warming. No, she hadn't heard. That was impossible. And even if she did... Adrian pushed those thoughts away. He forgot the mug of tea he wanted to make and rushed down to scoop Simone in a hug. She laughed lightly as he did, and kissed her forehead.

  "Are you still working?"

  "Yeah, but just emails. I swear."

  "Put it away," he said, kissing her neck. "Come to bed with me."

  Simone pulled back and eyed him. "You feeling okay?"

  "I am. I just want to hold you in our bedroom, so I can kiss you behind a shut door. Privacy, you know? It's a wonderful thing." He buried his face into her neck and kissed her collar bones, half-seductively and half-playfully. She moaned into the movement, sliding her legs open, and Adrian took it as a hint of what impulse to indulge on. He slid a hand between her thighs, his thumb lining up just over her clit. He pressed gently through the fabric. Simone moaned again and caught her composure as she gripped his hand in hers.

  "You're right. Let's go." She tugged him forward out of the kitchen, the kettle now unplugged, and pulled him into their bedroom on the second floor. Adrian was still surprised when they merely fell on the bed together, arms wrapped around one another, their kissing more subdued than it was once. He rubbed his hands over the small of Simone's back, feeling her soft skin underneath the old T-shirt.

  "I'm pretty sure this is mine."

  "Mmmhmm," Simone said, running her tongue along the shell of his ear. She pressed her hips into him and smiled deviously. "Do you want it back? Take it off."

  "Nah, you look cute in it."

  She rolled her eyes. "That was so not the way I'd hope you'd answer."

  Adrian grinned, liking how often they still played around like this. They had been together for less than eight years, but they had never really stopped being into one another. Sure, there had been some long and stressful nights when Kayla was crying all the time and they were sleep deprived or when their car payments were late. But even when they were too exhausted to have sex, they would still lie in bed like this, hands on one another, and kiss one another aimlessly.

  "Are you tired?" Simone asked.

  Adrian ran a hand over his face. He felt pretty weathered, but he figured it was stress more than anything. It was hard to know when to take time off when you worked at home, and when to start up again. Adrian could also still hear the low, shallow breaths from Curtis on the other end of the phone he still didn't know what to do with, or how to interpret. He shook his head and propped himself up on his elbow to face Simone.

  "I'm fine. Just thinking over work plans so I can still take Kayla to the Science Centre."

  Simone beamed. "Good! Do you need help at all? If it means you have more time for her on Saturday, I can do some of your errands tomorrow?"

  "Would you, actually? That would help me out a lot. I thought… I thought today was Wednesday."

  Simone gave him a playful stare. This was not the first time they had had this conversation; at this point, Simone was used to Adrian sometimes forgetting what day—or what month—it really was. "No problem."

  "Thanks."

  Before he could say anything else, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him forward into another kiss. Harder this time, Adrian noticed. He could feel his erection come back faster than normal as he slipped a hand over Simone's leg
s.

  "Thank you," she emphasized before pulling away. "I really appreciate the Saturday afternoon off when I come back from the house warming party. Who knows—maybe I'll walk around naked."

  "Oh?"

  "Yeah. I miss doing that."

  "Then you're definitely welcome." Adrian's hand slipped to the small of her back, rocking into her slightly. "I think it'll be a fun afternoon for everyone."

  "Is Darcy coming?"

  Adrian shook his head. Simone raised an eyebrow. "Three kids is a lot. You up for it?"

  "Curtis will be there. We can handle it."

  Simone nodded and moved her hand from the hem of Adrian's shirt to under his skin. She toyed with the skin on his sides with a sly smile, before shifting closer to him. "If you're sure, then I'm happy. You're a good dad, you know. Singing to Kay, then taking her to the Science Centre. Have I told you that enough?"

  "Couldn't hurt to hear it more."

  "You are, then. A great dad. A fantastic, wonderful…" She leaned closer to kiss him, opening her mouth right away, making the embrace long and passionate. Her hands moved down to between his legs, where she felt his half-hard cock. Adrian was relieved when she seemed happy, rather than suspicious, about how turned on already he was.

  "All ready for me?" she asked, griping his cock through the fabric. She raised an eyebrow as she undid his belt buckle and worked on his fly. He leaned back and allowed her to work, lying down completely on the still-made bed.

  "My God," Simone uttered as she removed his erection from his boxers. "I've missed you."

  When she sunk between his legs, Adrian let out a low breath. He encouraged her movements with a steady hand on her shoulder and short gasps between moans. She felt so good, and he relished her touch, but his mind was still occupied. Each time he closed his eyes and sunk into this blissed-out feeling, he thought back to the porn he had watched before—then the phone conversation with Curtis. He saw the face of the first guy he had fucked—and was sad again that he never really got to finish his story. It's not as if Curtis was really dying to hear the ending. Right? Even if he was, it's not like I could describe it all that well. Not in the way I'd want to, anyway.

  But Adrian knew they had some kind of moment on the phone. Whether that had been just curiosity or something more, he wasn't sure. He couldn't really be sure. Even if he still sometimes thought of men in the back of his mind, and he and Curtis had fooled around in the past, Adrian knew Curtis was off limits now. Married with kids. They were just going to shows together, reliving their glory days instead of stalking one another's timeline feeds on Facebook. Talking about fucking was just like talking about music. Both allowed them to relive the past in some small way, without giving up what they had in the present. That was it, Adrian told himself. But he still hated that he'd never gotten to finish his story with Curtis. He wished they had ended on a better note.

  There's always Saturday, Adrian reminded himself, and felt better.

  Simone's fingers moved up Adrian's chest as she kissed his hips. She slid her PJ pants down her legs, along with her underwear and Adrian's pants, before she moved to straddle his thighs. He shucked off his own shirt and traced his fingers along the edges of the one Simone still wore. She looked cute in it, and though he could tell she was wearing no bra underneath, he wanted it to stay on her for the time being. She seemed just as content to remain clothed. She smiled as her hands slid between his thighs again, rubbing up and down. Adrian let out a low groan as she jerked him off. He watched her breasts bounce, nipples hard and taut.

  "Fuck," Adrian moaned. He thrust his hips more, even as some of her actions slowed.

  "You like that?"

  "Yeah."

  She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him again between strokes. When she pulled away, she still lingered by his ear. "You ever... think of having another?"

  Adrian nodded, but didn't say anything aloud. They had had this discussion, on and off, for a long time now. But they had never come to a definite conclusion. They wanted another kid, but when was the right time? They had just gotten Kayla to go to school full time now for grade one, and they'd figure they'd enjoy the free evenings this allowed them a little longer. It had barely been six months into Kayla's first year. That didn't seem like enough yet.

  "You want to start trying?"

  Adrian's cock was hard and Simone's fingers kept moving over him. He wanted her now—he placed his hands firmly against her lower back and held her close—but he wasn't sure about everything else.

  "My head's mess," he said, leaning up to kiss her. "But I know I want you. Right now. You're driving me mad…"

  "It's my goal," she said, and gave him another squeeze.

  "But I want to talk about this more, okay? Can we talk later about it?"

  "Yeah, sure. Of course we can talk. I like talking."

  Adrian bent forward and kissed her, taking her lip between his teeth. After a small breath, he shifted away in order to grab condoms from their desk drawer. He still half-expected Simone's face to fall with his default position, but she just smiled. She eagerly took the condom from him and rolled it over his cock. She gazed at him, her eyes heavy with desire, as she grabbed her final bit of clothing—his university shirt—and pulled it over her head.

  Adrian bit his lip as he watched her tits move with each heavy exhalation of breath. He wrapped his hands around the small of her back again and held her close. "You're okay with waiting for now?"

  Simone nodded. Her red lips seemed to match the shade of her nipples, so much that Adrian had to reach forward and touch both of them. She laughed, hot and sexy, under his touch.

  "Why wouldn't I be okay with waiting? It just means I get to fuck you again."

  Adrian let out a small laugh. She kissed him in between his breaths and seized his cock again as she slid on. She was so wet, so hot—Adrian nearly lost himself right away. With another gasp, Adrian grabbed her face to kiss her, before he leaned back and let her take over.

  Chapter Four

  Their plan for Saturday had them leaving around ten in the morning, but all departure times had to be flexible. Curtis's mother had once told him that plans were just different forms of prayers, but he had never really understood that phrase until he had children of his own. As Lacey had a fit about what leggings she wanted to wear with Darcy, Curtis made sure Sierra didn't get too worked up as time slipped away.

  "We're still going, right?" Sierra asked, holding her Star Wars backpack to her chest. She had insisted on the Star Wars that morning, which Curtis still found adorable. He had gotten the backpack for her ages ago, half-expecting her to hate it since there was no princess involved. He had really tried to find something with Leia on it, but even with Disney creeping in and taking over the franchise, it was hard to find anything with a woman on it for his kid. Having daughters made him especially aware of this fact. Sierra held the bag now, thinking it had something to do with science. There were stars in the name, after all, so it had to be the best bag for the trip, right?

  "Of course we're still going." Curtis glanced into the kitchen to check the wall clock and saw it was ten-thirty now. They were supposed to meet at Adrian's place in the city, so they could take off from there and head on the Don Valley Parkway to Eglinton Avenue where the Ontario Science Centre was located. It would only be an hour's drive or so, but at this rate, the prelude to the trip was going to take much, much longer than the actual time it took to get there. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, about to apologize profusely, when he saw a message from Adrian.

  OK. I slept in. Simone is a saint and already has Kayla ready, but I smell terrible so I'm showering. I will be ready in like 10 minutes though, okay? Don't leave without us!

  Wouldn't dream of it, Curtis texted back. Lacey's having a hard time getting ready, too. So you're not alone! No worries about the lateness.

  Though I feel bad being compared to a four year old… I will take the extra time with grace. See you soon!

  Curtis wan
ted to text back and say something like, No, not at all. You're not even close to a child. But he just slid the phone back into his pocket. Sierra's eyes were wide, worry written all over her face.

  "Sweetheart, sit with me." Curtis took Sierra's hand and led her to the front of their stairs. He noticed the Death Star on the side of her bag and pointed to it. "You remember that from the movie?"

  "No! I fell asleep."

  "Well, let me tell you all about the Death Star until we go, okay?"

  Sierra smiled. "Will it be at the Science Centre?"

  Curtis shook his head. "Nah. But maybe one day we'll go to Disney World, and you can see it in person."

  If Darcy had been around, she would have stared daggers at him. Don't promise anything you can't deliver on right away. Don't get them too riled up. But Curtis liked to talk about the future with his kids. He knew it would all pass by too quickly, and he wanted them to get excited about things. When he was a kid, growing up poor with his single mom, he had wanted something to excite him like that. He needed it to get through the days. When he reached high school and got his own job, he was able to afford to go to shows and get tattoos (by forging a signature or lying about his age at seventeen, of course), and he used those small landmarks as items to get excited for. From one show to the next, he would count the days and wait until he got to be part of something so much greater.

  "Well, a long time ago…" Curtis began as Sierra stared at him with complete attention.

  *~*~*

  The Science Centre was overwhelming. The parking was a little thicker than Curtis expected for a Saturday in the middle of winter, but they managed to find a spot that wasn't too far away from the doors. The lobby was loud and densely packed with screaming kids, but as soon as the girls' eyes set upon makeshift replicas of the solar system, Curtis knew it would be a good experience.

  "Kayla's never been, right?" Curtis asked Adrian as they waited in line next to a giant model of the planet Jupiter. Sierra, the oldest in this small group, had been trying to pronounce each of the moons for the benefit of her two younger friends, but failing horribly. Curtis suppressed his giggles as she called Ganymede 'Gaymended.'