Blank Space

by Francis Gideon

  "Nah. I think she'll go next year," Adrian answered. "I'm pretty sure this is a mandatory trip for most second graders even if we're not at the same school, but she's still getting used to grade one."

  "Ah, of course. It's a tough year."

  Adrian shrugged. "I think it's harder for us."

  Curtis called their kids back over once the line moved up and they could purchase their tickets. They decided to forgo the IMAX and merely get the walk-through tour of the museum. After showing their tickets to another employee, they all walked down the long corridor with a bunch of other families until they came to the middle of a hallway that split off into two areas. Adrian, smart and prepared as he was, had managed to grab a ground map by the foyer. He now had it in his free hand while Kayla gripped his jean jacket sleeve in the other. They had all dressed warmly, but made sure to leave their coats and mittens in the car for the time being so no one overheated. Curtis had both of his girls on either hand, and a backpack filled with snacks over his shoulders. In a side mirror along one of the corridors, Curtis saw his reflection—and he believed they all looked really, really good. In spite of being late and the few fits their kids had gone through, it was shaping up to be a great day.

  "So. Where do we want to start?" Adrian asked, eyes wide. "It's been ages since I've been here, and I don't even think they had half of this stuff."

  Curtis took a step closer and peered at the brochure. There were so many floors. Just looking at one layout, it was easy to see they'd never reach everything.

  "Let's forgo electricity," Adrian said. "I don't think they're quite old enough to grasp that yet."

  "Agreed." Curtis noticed the Science Arcade area, and though it killed him, decided it was probably better to leave it aside as well. Adrian agreed and they also crossed off the fossil area, since the Royal Ontario Museum was already close to where Adrian lived and Kayla was familiar enough to not miss anything here.

  "Totally understand. We're pretty much spoiled for museums in the city," Curtis agreed. "We should narrow the focus."

  "And soon." Adrian laughed as Kayla tugged on his sleeve. Lacey did the same to Curtis, so he crouched down to see both his girls at eye level. "What do you guys say to seeing the Human Body Exhibit first?"

  Everyone cheered, then quieted as Adrian and Curtis put their fingers over their lips to signal silence and indoor voices. Curtis was pretty sure they could have said any floor for that matter, and the same reaction would have occurred.

  "Human body?" Adrian asked, leaning close to Curtis as they made their way to the fourth floor. "We sure we want to take them there?"

  "Why not?" Curtis thought of what Darcy had told the girls when they were first learning the body parts names and other bits of knowledge, and repeated it for Adrian. "We all have a body. Let's try not to promote shame. If we talk, and not act afraid, then we can only hope our kids will adapt that attitude."

  Adrian nodded, seemingly impressed. "Man, I wish my parents had been as open. Took me years and years to unlearn the guilt associated with… most things."

  Curtis nodded, understanding the lapse in Adrian's voice right away. He and Darcy had already had the discussion about gay and straight people with their kids. There was one family in Lacey's grade that had two moms, and he was pretty sure the principal of their elementary school was gay. For the most part, it didn't seem like a big deal at all. Stacey had two moms, so what? And Mr. Stevenson probably has a Mr. Stevenson at home—so what? But Curtis was never quite sure if his kids would ever find out about his past. How exactly would something like that even come up? He wondered, too, if Simone and Adrian had had the same discussion with Kayla, and if they would ever need to.

  "Do you worry…?" Adrian started to say, only to be tugged by Kayla in one direction down a hallway. A big sign on the wall with a shot of a skeleton pointed towards the Human Body Exhibit. Adrian gave Curtis a strained expression, but soon smiled.

  "All right, all right, we're going, Kay. Slow down for the others who have tiny feet and can't keep up…"

  Curtis couldn't help but feel left behind as he walked with Lacey and Sierra. He was curious to know what Adrian was going to ask him, but now it was a forgone topic. As soon as they got to the exhibits, they would both have to bend to their children's whims. Which wasn't so bad, really. Curtis almost forgot how fun it could be to visit a place he had been to lots of times before, but see it again through another's person's eyes. Sierra was captivated right away. She pulled Curtis over towards some of the private listening stations where you could watch a video explaining cells. Lacey followed close behind, but avoided the listening booth. She clung onto Curtis's sleeve, her eyes wide, as she tried to take in all the sudden sounds, movements, and colours.

  "Hey, Lacey Bear," Curtis cooed when he saw her lip tremble in an oh-so-familiar way. "How are you doing?"

  She scrunched up her nose and looked at him, not saying much. He scooped her up into his arms, her blonde curls tickling under his chin, and walked over to a large poster, close enough to Sierra that he could still keep an eye on her. Curtis narrated the poster for Lacey, who merely reached out and tried to grab the words as Curtis said each one. There were a couple more families on this floor, but since it was one of the higher levels in the Science Centre, Curtis figured they would have some privacy for a while.

  "I'm going to find Kayla," Sierra declared. She bounced out of the seat, the video about cell division now over, and walked across the area floor.

  Curtis had to take a few giant steps to keep up with her, especially since he had no idea where Kayla and Adrian had disappeared. "Hey, hey," he called out.

  Sierra stopped at Curtis' words and turned around, her hands balled around her Star Wars backpack strap.

  "Let me come with, okay?"

  Sierra sighed, her hair bouncing with her breath, but she didn't say no. They soon found Adrian and Kayla on the other side of the floor, near the area focused on germs. Adrian had Kayla on his hip and they stood in front of a large model of a girl. She wasn't a mannequin, but a divided box figure that was really made out of drawers. Curtis remembered the display suddenly from his own high school trips to the Centre. This was a model of a sick kid designed to so a student could open up each level to see how ill she was. Her lungs were filled with fluid; her stomach filled with parasites; and her leg had bone cancer. The display was really gross when Curtis thought about it, but the best part—and maybe the grossest too, he wasn't sure anymore—was her face. If you opened up that drawer, she "sneezed" right on you. It was just a bottle of spray water, but when linked up to the sound effect of someone going "aaaaahcoo!" it was a definite crowd pleaser. Adrian had his hand on that box now, grinning at Kayla as they counted down.

  "One…two…" Adrian said, and opened up the box on three. He and Kayla waited with tense faces until the girl's voice sounded with her almost deafening ahhhchoo!

  "Oh, gross," Sierra said. Kayla and Adrian laughed and laughed, especially as Adrian touched her face, rubbing the water into her cheek playfully. Sierra saw this, and in spite of her words, appeared by Adrian.

  "Okay, I want to try."

  Still grinning, Adrian looked down at Sierra, then at Curtis a few paces back. "Do you now?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "Do you want your dad to lift you up, or me?"

  "You!" Sierra said. She glanced back towards Curtis, who just shrugged.

  "As long as you can hold her, Adrian, I'm good with it."

  Adrian gave Curtis a playful, challenging stare that made Curtis's stomach flip a little before Adrian glanced back down at Sierra.

  "Okay, but you have to take your backpack off before I lift you up. I don't know if I can hold you and Kayla and your back—Oh, my God! Is that a Star Wars backpack?"

  Sierra nodded and grinned widely.

  "I'm surprised it took you that long to notice," Curtis chastised. He shifted Sierra to his other side, and held out his free arm to take the backpack. Adrian merely nodded and gave a thumbs u
p signal before he leaned down to have Sierra hop on his free hip. As he rose, Curtis detected the faint bit of surprise—and strain—on his face.

  "You all right?"

  "Oh, yeah." Adrian glanced back at Curtis and winked. "Totally finally."

  Curtis swallowed hard, glancing away a little, as Adrian and the girls turned towards the display. "Kay. Can you open it up? I have my hands full now. On the count of three, okay? One… two…"

  Kayla didn't wait until three, as Curtis expected. It didn't seem to matter as the display sneezed in their faces and another round of laughter erupted through them. Lacey seemed captivated now, and tugged on Curtis's chin until he looked at her.

  "Yes, Lacey Bear?"

  "I want to try!"

  "All right, all right." Curtis took a step forward, jostling Adrian playfully. "Our turn now."

  Adrian nodded as he slipped away. "Come on, girls. Let's get back onto the main landing and give my arms a rest."

  After the girls plopped back on the group, Curtis was pleased to see them stay put and also watch as he and Lacey went through the same exercise with the display. Curtis opened it on his own face for Lacey to watch first, then shifted so she could open it for herself and get "sneezed" on. There was more laughter from all the girls before Curtis and Adrian glanced at one another.

  "I really hope I don't get sick," Adrian confided. "I know it's fake, but…"

  "Power of suggestion?" Curtis offered.

  Adrian merely nodded. He continued to bend his arms back and forth, as if he was still flexing them and the muscles were smarting.

  "I hope Sierra didn't destroy you," Curtis whispered. The girls—all three of them now on the floor since Lacey had fussed enough to be let down—played with the other side of the box display, hissing at how gross the lungs were.

  "Pfft. I destroyed myself. I'm old, man." Adrian shook his head. "I don't think I can carry two six year olds anymore."

  Curtis nodded along. He could sometimes—sometimes—carry both Sierra and Lacey. But those times were few and far between. It was far less about weight (the girls weighed nothing, really) than the package the weight came in. He wasn't carrying a keg or boxes for someone's move. Carrying children, who spasmed and moved around far too often, had lanky limbs, and voiced their opinions when you didn't hold them right… that was tiring. Curtis muscles spasmed just from Lacey. "Man, I know. I'm old too."

  "At least we're getting old together."

  "Yeah. At least."

  For a moment, Curtis and Adrian just smiled silently at one another. When Curtis felt his phone buzz in his pocket, he was almost surprised at who else it could have been. Everyone I need is right here.

  "Everything okay?" Adrian asked when Curtis pulled out the message and furrowed his brows.

  "Just D—Darcy. She's having a party and sending me rather hilarious updates about the foolish people."

  "Oh?" Adrian approached Curtis's side, and Curtis tilted the phone so he could see the complaint.

  "It's one of those guess the sex of the baby parties," Curtis explained. "You know, when the doctor seals the baby's sex and sends it to the baker who then will fill the centre of the cake with blue or pink candy. So that when you cut into the cake, ta-da, now you know the sex? They're becoming more popular and Darcy just hates the idea—"

  "Can't say I blame her…"

  "Yeah, well, a job's a job, right? I'm just going to tell her to keep texting her worries away. Live blog the whole thing to me like it's a sociology experiment and I'm her field journal."

  Adrian chuckled and glanced at the girls. "Should we be sending her updates on our field trip?"

  "You know, that's a good idea." Curtis tilted the phone to catch all three girls at the germ-box display. Lacey's short curls and blue tights stood out amongst the Star Wars backpack that was now on Sierra's body again. Kayla's dark hair and purple shirt blended into the side of the display, but at the exact moment Curtis took a shot, she turned around and smiled at the camera.

  "There," Curtis said, grabbing the picture. "Perfect. She'll love to see that."

  "Send it to Simone too?" Adrian asked, his eyes on the picture. "Kayla looks so much like her right there it's uncanny."

  "Of course. You know, I don't even think I have Simone's number."

  Adrian held out his hand so Curtis tossed him his phone. Adrian programmed Simone Lamont-Hart into the registry in a few seconds and sent a message saying who it was, with the photo attached.

  "There," Adrian grinned. "All better now."

  A small family of three—mother, father, and five year old boy—waited patiently near the display.

  "Hey, everyone," Adrian said to the girls. "We should get going, right? You think you've been sneezed out?"

  Kayla made a face at Adrian, which he returned with more comical zeal, eventually making Kayla laugh. He held out his hand for her, and was surprised to find both Lacey and Kayla taking it.

  "Well, you have a friend," Curtis said. He nudged Sierra's backpack in a playful gesture. "Come on, Storm Trooper."

  "Don't call me that!" Sierra disagreed with another huff. "I'm not a Storm Trooper. They are the bad guys."

  "Okay, Obi-Wan." Though Sierra huffed again, she moved away from the display and in line with Lacey and Adrian.

  Curtis nodded to the family. "Sorry we took a while. It's all yours."

  "No worries," the mother said, beaming at him. "You guys are a good couple. You have such a nice family."

  Curtis had already walked a few paces away from the germ display when he realized what the woman meant. A couple—him and Adrian—with their three little girls. His first impulse was to laugh away a correction. Us? Fathers together? No, how absurd! We have wives back home, we… But they were already far enough away from the family that a correction didn't matter anymore. Adrian was leading—and half being led—by the girls to a new display about the human body across the floor. And really, what's so absurd about them having kids? Nothing, he knew, especially since for a while they had been a couple. But it's still different. It has to be. Back then, when we were together, this life would have never been possible. Curtis wasn't sure if that was true because so many obstacles had been in the way or because they had made things get in the way to make this kind of life together impossible. It doesn't matter, anyway, because now we're here. And things had to be different now—Curtis was sure of it.

  "Hey, Curtis?" Adrian called. "You okay?"

  Curtis realized that even Sierra seemed to be annoyed at how slowly they were moving. He picked up his pace and shifted his own backpack farther over his shoulder.

  "Sorry. Distracted."

  Adrian tilted his head, but didn't say anything. They moved into the next display and all three girls sat down at an informational video together. Curtis was relieved. He didn't know if he could narrate or lift anyone else up to touch something high up. He and Adrian leaned against a soft, cushioned wall nearby and just watched their kids as they moved through something vaguely educational.

  "You sure you're okay?" Adrian asked.

  "Yeah, just tired, I think." Curtis shifted the bag around. "We should probably have lunch soon, maybe?"

  "Good idea." Adrian glanced down a hallway and grinned at Curtis. When Curtis followed Adrian's gaze, he saw the room that was dedicated to the Miracle of Life video.

  "That's like…"

  "The perfect make out spot?" Adrian asked with a laugh. "I had a girlfriend who used to live around here. She'd take me into that place all the time and we'd watch the video and laugh, then fool around."

  "You're more a fan of public spaces than I thought."

  "Maybe I am. Only one real way to know for sure."

  "Maybe Simone should have come after all." Curtis glanced down at his kids, who were still distracted with a video. He straightened his back, suddenly feeling the prickle of desire as he let his mind wander. He and Adrian… They weren't doing anything wrong, right?

  Adrian sighed. "Do you ever worry abou
t telling them?"

  Curtis paused. "Telling them what?"

  "You know. About us?"

  Curtis didn't know if Adrian meant about their past with men or about their past with one another. Darcy knew about Adrian—and so did Simone, Curtis was pretty sure. His bisexuality was something that Curtis had mentioned in passing when he first met Darcy—oh, by the way, I've been with men—and when she had been more interested than repulsed by it, they sometimes talked about men together. But always in the abstract or past tense, never beyond the look, but don't touch principle. When Curtis and Adrian had reconnected again two years ago, the issue had been brought up. Isn't Adrian that guy you used to fuck around with? Darcy had asked, and Curtis had told her the truth. He was, yes, but that was all over and done with. Past was past—and he's married, anyway. We're done. No more, no more…

  And really, Curtis had never lied. He had always explained his attraction to men as just that: an attraction. He never wanted men beyond that first kiss or touch because he really wanted the family life. Though it was possible to adopt in Canada back then, it was hard. Gay marriage was barely legal, and unless you had a surrogate have the child you could adopt right away, there was a long wait-list that you'd probably be rejected from anyway.

  Now, Curtis had the family life he always dreamed about. But that family life could easily be mistaken as something he shared with Adrian. Adoption between gay couples was easier now and these kids could be surrogate babies. Curtis wondered how many other people today thought they were a couple. Or could be one, if given the right push.

  Curtis shook his head. "I figure I'll tell them if it's appropriate, you know? It's the past, but the past is important."

  "It's what makes us who we are," Adrian said with a slightly affected tone. "Simone knows, obviously."

  "Darcy does too."