Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova

by Neil Skywalker

  The last night was a big success. We met a nice woman and her gay guy friend. She invited us to play pool and ordered a lot of buckets of beer. At one point I told Darren to slow down the drinking because maybe we were getting set up for a scam. She was a bit too friendly in my opinion, and we started to worry about the bill. It turns out we worried for nothing. Mona paid for everything and we found out she had quite a bit of money. Our group went back to Memories, just down the road. It was our turn to pay for some beers now and we did.

  Jalan Jaksa is kind of a seedy street, with a mix of backpackers, expats, locals, hookers, gays and Africans doing “business”, so you can expect anything to happen there. I saw Annie watching me with Mona, and she walked past us a few times to make her presence known. Mona and I were flirting but I couldn’t get anywhere close to a kiss with her. I looked around and to my surprise saw Darren talking with a girl with giant tits I had noticed before.

  When I say giant, I mean giant. She had the biggest tits I’d seen since I left Cebu and Jenna behind me.

  I quickly said something like “just a moment” to Mona and walked over to join the conversation. The big-boobed girl, Donna, was sitting there with two gay guys and another girl. I soon found out that they were all colleagues working in a hotel. We got talking and things went very well. Almost everything I said was well-received and we joked a lot with each other. I wasn’t paying attention to her boobs at all because I know that a million guys must have stared at them before and she must have had a hundred complements about them. The trick is to look like you’re talking to hot girls all the time and are not even the slightest bit impressed by her appearance. Only guys who have high value do this and any girl will see this as special. You have to adjust your inner game to this, and the Force was strong in me that night. That night I knew how to hide a two-month dry spell.

  Donna and I made fun of each other and joked about the World Cup Football final, because she was for the Spanish team and I of course for the Dutch team. At one point I wanted to touch her hair for some reason – I don’t remember why, but I’m sure it was some pick-up line/routine – but instead of touching her hair I accidently touched her boobs and in a split second I said “Oh, sorry” in a very nonchalant way and just kept talking.

  Now don’t get me wrong. My hand had bumped into her boobs from underneath when my hand went from my knee to her head and I used enough power to actually lift her heavy boob a bit. I could see on her face that she didn’t know what to say or do at that moment. The sheer fact that I kept talking like I bump into massive boobs five times a day and don’t even notice this anymore helped me build enough pre-selection and value to keep her interested and not come off as a creep who wants to cop a feel.

  Mona had to leave and said goodbye. She was slightly grumpy that I had kind of ditched her. I was getting a bit drunk and kept talking to Donna until her friends wanted to go home. I got her phone number and said goodbye. I was disappointed because Darren and I had agreed to leave the next day to Yogyakarta, a city in the middle of Java Island, and I might not get to see Donna again. Our visa time was running out and we still had a lot to visit.

  Annie came over to talk and before I could brush her off she pushed me towards the stairs. She had been watching me the whole night talking to Mona and Donna and since pre-selection is a mighty weapon. She’d just about had it with me rejecting her. She pushed me to my room and before we went in I mumbled something about not paying for anything and she just kept pushing me. We took a shower together and I banged her good. She was very flexible and knew exactly how to do doggy style with an arched back, something a lot of girls still have to learn. “Face down, ass up, that’s the way I like to fuck”, just like in the 2 live Crew song. I was so excited about banging again that when I came I shouted out “Number 27!” and celebrated my 15th flag. I said it in Dutch so I didn’t have to answer any questions.

  We talked a bit and said goodbye. I went downstairs and found Darren talking to the two waitresses we were hanging out with. According to him I had an enormous grin on my face and it was obvious I just done some banging. He knew it, the waitresses knew it, and even the guy down the street selling meat on a stick knew it.

  Two hours later we were at the Jakarta train station where we sat on the floor and drunkenly dozed off in a half sleep while waiting for the train. Not much later we were on our way to Yogyakarta.

  Indonesia – Yogyakarta

  The drinking, banging and two hours of sleep didn’t do me much good when we got on the train. It took seven hours to get to Yogyakarta, a small city but the second most-visited touristic place in Indonesia. I couldn’t get much sleep, the food on the train tasted old and when we arrived we still had to find a hotel room. It surprised us that it was hard to find a decent and cheap room. The small alleys close to the main street were packed with guesthouses and hotels.

  We split a room again and I was sick the first two days. My stomach was really fucked and for most of the day I just lay on the bed.

  A day later, once I felt a bit better, Darren and I rented a scooter to visit local temples and the world-famous Borobudur temple. People in Jakarta had already warned us NOT to go to Yogyakarta because of the erupting volcano, Mount Merapi. The government had already raised the alert to its highest level on the 25th of October (2010), and we arrived at the 27th. A couple of dozen people had already died in the surrounding villages and the army had evacuated everything in a 10km radius around the volcano.

  Of course two travelers named Darren and Neil didn’t care about warnings and the fact that it was all over the news every day. We drove off on our rental scooters and tried to get as close as possible. At one point we came to the 10km zone and were stopped at a military roadblock. Borobudur, or Bombadoor as Darren called it, was closed due to the ash fall: the temples were covered in about eight centimeters of it. We decided to make the best of it and drove around the volcano area and saw the evacuation of villagers and livestock. Some of the cows were badly burned and it made me feel really bad to look at them like they were a tourist sight.

  I had suppressed my ever-exploding bowels with a handful of tablets I got from Darren, but the nausea, combined with heavy pollution and breathing in a lot of ash, almost made me vomit inside my helmet. We decided to turn back and relax. The whole city center was covered in a few centimeters of ash and we had to wear masks to walk around outside. Yogyakarta was about twenty-eight kilometers away from the volcano, but even over that distance it covered the city in ash and we could see the glow of the magma at night. Over a one-month period the volcano erupted several times and the official death toll was 324 people by the 24th of November.

  My stomach got worse again and I had to spend another two days lying on my bed. Darren had copied about forty movies off my hard drive and was watching movies most of the day. There were hardly any tourist girls around and we couldn’t find a club to go to at night. I was texting with Donna the whole day and Darren almost lost it hearing the same ringtone over and over again. Donna was still very much interested in me and I had used a couple of fantasy texts I’d come up with after listening to the MP3 files of the Mystery pick-up method on her. I had already listened to them several times by now and used some of the techniques. Sometimes a routine or technique doesn’t seem right or feels outdated, but can be adapted. I don’t like to use routines and would only advise you to use them if you’re an absolute beginner and need to get started with something to help you approach and say something to a girl. Of course, if that something works well then you should use it again in every way possible.

  Saying that she was a witch and had put a spell on me fired up a million ways to play with her and use seductive texts. I came up with the story that she appeared in my fever dreams and she should stop bothering me and just let me sleep. It’s all a bit hard to explain and it’s too bad I don’t have all those texts anymore. After a while I started to send more seductive and openly naughty texts about what I was going to do with her if she wou
ld be with me. This got her all horny and she started emailing me some half-naked pictures doing sexy poses. I fired it up some more and pretty soon she wanted to fly over and meet me for a few days. My thoughts went something like this; What? Come over here by airplane at your own costs? Damn, this girl has money!!!!

  A day later she said she couldn’t get off work on such short notice but we could meet in Bali if I wanted. And yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted. Darren and I packed our stuff and went to the airport the next day.

  We had tried to buy a ticket online but for some reason it didn’t work with our credit cards. We went to several counters to bargain over ticket prices. I had already written down the online prices so they couldn’t cheat us with wrong information. They all asked us the daily price, which was twice the price online. I got angry and said that we tried to book but that their website failed; I didn’t even lie about it. They looked on the company website and gave us the promotion price, which was actually thirty dollars cheaper each. We’d already been arguing for four-and-a-half hours at the airport by the time our plane left.

  Indonesia – Bali Kuta beach

  Ah, Bali!! The beaches and the bitches, I have good memories on both of them – though some bad ones too.

  It was clearly the rainy season when we arrived, because the streets in Kuta were flooded. A single room with a window already cost fourteen dollars, so we decided to share a room again, at least for the first couple of days till we found something better. My stomach was still upset so I wasn’t really active the first few days.

  Bali is famous for its beaches and its nightlife. Let me start with the nightlife. Most of it is concentrated close to the monument for the bombing victims. Drinking is cheap and most bars have special offers. One place had an offer of three hours unlimited Heineken beer for five-and-a-half dollars, and in another club, the Sky Garden, they even had one hour of free food (tapas) and special cocktails. I didn’t even bother to eat dinner anymore and just loaded up on snacks there every night.

  Sky Garden was the only place guarded by bouncers with some serious machine guns. This had to do with the many deaths caused by bombings by an Islamic organization in 2002 and in 2005. The first bombing killed 202 people, mainly Australian and European tourists. Many of the members of the fundamentalist Islamic organization were sentenced to death afterwards. Club Bounty was another place we went to a couple of times, and I had mixed feelings about the place. It was full of wild monkeys, as I called Australian tourists at the time. Most of them were stupidly drunk and dancing around, jumping and swinging their arms. It was hard to dance near to them because they would step on your feet and elbow the drinks out of your hand without giving a damn about it. Darren needed copious amounts of alcohol to get on the dance floor and wasn’t bothered much by the wild Aussies. Maybe I was the one who needed to do some “manning up” this time.

  We met three girls, all around thirty though looking much younger through beer goggles. We took two of them to the beach and I was quickly making out with the one called Lenny (yes I know, first a Renny, than a Henny and now a Lenny). Darren had a better-looking girl named Lilly and made out with her a bit. Although I tried to get the girls back to our place, they declined and went home. The following night we ran into them again and I focused on the third girl, named Harmony. She was stacked with even bigger boobs than the girl from Jakarta who was going to visit me. (For some reason girls with humongous boobs are attracted to me, poor me!) I walked her back to her room along with Darren and Lilly. Since I had already danced and kissed with her I of course wanted to stay at her place, which would give Darren our room alone with Lilly. I stayed with Harmony and banged the crap out of her, twice that night and once in the morning, as I usually do. She was kind of voluptuous, but having her enormous boobs dangling in my face while she was her on top was great.

  The next morning we kissed goodbye.

  Later at night I saw a very strange girl. She had the face of a 20-year-old but the length of an 8-year-old – and having quite a set of boobs, even though she couldn’t have been taller than 1.10m. Now, before you think I’m some creepy weirdo/pedophile, she wasn’t a midget with short legs and a big butt or looked like a child. Her whole body was in proportion except that it was a small version of a beautiful girl. She was always with a cute girlfriend of normal height. I knew just one thing after having banged just about every body type from skinny to fat and from short to tall: I just had to experience it.

  People said she was a prostitute working together with her girlfriend but I never saw her leave with a guy. Lots of guys approached her and so did I. Over the next weeks I failed at every attempt to dance or even talk with her. She said I was too much of a Keong Racun, which is the term for a player/womanizer and literally means “poisonous snail”. Keong Racun is also a famous song in Indonesia, and I saw it being performed by many live bands across the country. Everyone knows it; Donna had already sent me the link to a famous YouTube version of the song, lip-synched by two average-looking girls who became quite famous with it. (Search for Sinta and Jojo.) Darren eventually danced a bit with the short girl, but I couldn’t get close to her without getting brushed off with the words “Keong Racun”. I decided to make the best of it, and made this word part of my Indonesian vocabulary. I even had a necklace made with a small wooden name tag with the letters Keong Racun. It was a great way to get some attention from girls.

  I moved into a nicer room close by our hotel because I didn’t want to meet Donna who came the next morning and stay in a dump with her. She acted a bit distant at the airport and went for the cheek kiss, but her eyes weren’t lying to me. She moved in to the beautiful room which still cost only twenty-eight dollars a night. We were lying on the bed and we talked and flirted a bit. We both knew we were going to have sex with each other but I kept things exciting by playing push and pull. After a while we started kissing and she went wild. I even told her to relax a bit because we had all the time in the world. She told me later she was ashamed of herself for being so damn horny. We went near animalistic in the following hours which was quite an accomplishment since I was with Harmony the day before.

  Twenty-nine year old Donna was very experienced between the sheets and I found out why later. I can’t give too many details, but at the time I met her she had a European boyfriend who flew in every once in a while, as were two other fuck buddies doing the same. She had quite a lot of money and a good job as manager of one of the most expensive hotels in Jakarta.

  She had a girlfriend living in Kuta who hadn’t been laid in four months, and we decided to hook Darren up with this girl. He had been dry since the beginning of his trip. It was time to see if my constantly being a pick-up drill sergeant had worked. Donna said that her friend had a car and we would drive around Bali a bit. So in the morning we went in the car and drove around to see all the sights and a couple of beaches.

  Bonita was around the same age as Donna, about nine years older than Darren. She had a cute face and a set of thick legs with a round booty. I wouldn’t say no to booty like that but Darren was hesitant.

  The first night she stayed with him in his room but he didn’t do anything more than watch a movie with her and sleep in separate beds. Of course when I found out, I went mental on him.

  I ranted at him and asked if I had to come in his room and fuck her right in front of him to show him how it’s done. I went too far and we got into an argument. We’d already been hanging out for four weeks and were starting to get on each other nerves. Still, he banged Bonita that night and I gave him a proud fist bump the next day.

  Two days later Donna went back to work in Jakarta and I promised her I would visit her again. We had been on a bang-a-thon for three days and I needed to rest my balls a bit. I left the fancy hotel room the same day and went to another, cheaper hotel nearby, though not the same one Darren and I had stayed in at first. That one was too noisy in the morning. I found a nice double room with bathroom and stayed there for the remainder of my time in K
uta.

  Darren stayed with Bonita for several days but I had the feeling that I had pushed him too hard. He said that he was not that attracted to her and that they had didn’t have much to talk about. According to him the age difference was quite annoying too. I was a bit angry with him because he didn’t really want to do much during the day. I wanted to go to the beach but not alone; it made me feel awkward to be on my own with large groups of people around me. I met Lilly again and hooked up with her, which may seem like a dick move towards Darren but he had a girlfriend now, and had only kissed Lilly twice anyway.

  She said that she’d wanted to get together with me that night on the beach, but I was with her girlfriend Lenny then. I didn’t know how much I could believe her, because I heard from Darren that she was still sending him texts sometimes. I of course had kissed her one friend and banged the other so I couldn’t say much about it.

  We had a lot of fun and went out together almost every night. Lilly was a sweet and smart girl with a great tiny body. She was quite shy and careful between the sheets but soon became much wilder when the orgasms came, something she had never experienced in her previous marriage with some local dickhead who beat her from time to time.

  Lilly owned a small business so she had to go into the office every day. At night she would sleep in my room. I was bored as fuck during the day and when she couldn’t go out one night I went out alone – going dolo, as it’s called in pick-up terms.

  In Club Bounty I saw a tall muscular blonde girl who looked Russian standing next to a pillar. I walked up to her and asked her if she indeed was Russian. Her eyes widened and she stumbled: “How do you know?” I told her about my two months travelling in Russia and she obviously liked to hear that. I went with her and her girlfriend to the beach the next day. Vicki was muscular and when I asked about it she said she’d been arm-wrestling for many years on a student team. She had a great lean body and a firm butt. I couldn’t get far with her beyond one make-out that night.