Born of Woman

by Wendy Perriam

  ‘I’ll be back as soon as possible, I promise, but it may not be till …’

  ‘But where are you going?’

  ‘S … Southwark.’

  ‘Whatever for? You don’t know anyone at Southwark.’

  ‘It’s Susie. She’s … Oh, Lyn—it’s all such a muddle.’ Jennifer sank down on the stairs, kicked off her sandals. Lyn took her in his arms, slipped a hand inside her tee-shirt.

  ‘Lyn, don’t—not now. I’m in such a state. Matthew phoned yesterday to say he and Anne are catching the overnight flight tomorrow and will be here first thing Sunday morning.’

  ‘They can’t be. They’ve got at least another week in Japan. Even two. I remember Matthew telling me he had to …’

  ‘No. He’s decided to cut it short. The Australian trip was a great success, apparently, but the man he wanted to see in Japan was rushed into hospital the day before he arrived there. Then Anne got ill and he’s worried about some trouble in the office, so he’s decided to cut his losses and come back.’

  ‘Oh, I see. I’m … sorry,’ Lyn tried to concentrate. The stir of his naked prick beneath the towel kept distracting him, Jennifer’s long freckled legs barely covered by her flimsy skirt. ‘But that still doesn’t explain why you’re rushing off to Southwark.’

  ‘No. Well, yes, it does. We’ve got to get Susie out, you see, before they return. Matthew mustn’t see she’s pregnant. You know how puritanical he is. The baby hardly shows at all yet, but it will do soon. So we made up this story about Susie’s mother having had a stroke or something—all very sudden—and Susie as eldest child has to go back and hold the fort. Of course, she can’t go home really. Her father would be even more shocked than Matthew, and her mother’s no use at all, and she’s no other relations and hardly any money and … Oh, Lyn, I’ve been so frantic. You see, we thought we had nearly a whole fortnight to sort things out, find her a room, or a friend who’d let her stay or … But then Matthew phoned, and we had just a couple of days to get her off the premises. I asked Mrs Briggs to take the boys—told her Susie’s mother was seriously ill and she had to go back and nurse her. The boys all believe it, of course, and they’re upset and … I loathe all this lying, but what else could I do, Lyn? Anyway, we spent all day yesterday searching for a bed-sit. They’re all so expensive and slummy and … We didn’t find a thing until this morning. It’s a horrid gloomy basement in one of the grottiest parts of Southwark, but we were so desperate, we had to take it. At least the woman said Susie could move in straight away. The trouble is, she hates it. She’s in a dreadful state. That’s why I’ve got to go. I left her there, you see—in tears. She said she refused to stop without me. So I agreed to stay the first night with her, just to get her settled in—or till we thought of something else. I came back to get my night things and …’

  The flood of words had suddenly petered out. Lyn tried to make his own voice calm and reasonable. ‘So you’re spending the night with Susie in a Southwark bed-sit?’

  ‘Well, yes. No … I mean, I didn’t know you’d be here, Lyn. You hadn’t phoned or … I’m sorry, but it’s all been such a panic and …’

  Her voice ran dry again. Lyn didn’t answer, just gripped her hand, interlaced their fingers. ‘I love you,’ he said, at last. He had to fill the silence.

  ‘Oh, Lyn, I’m so glad you understand. I mean, if Susie wasn’t pregnant, it would be different, but it’s bad for the baby for her to get in such a state and …’

  ‘Come … upstairs. Just for a moment, Snookie.’

  ‘Darling, I can’t. Susie’s almost hysterical. I promised I’d come straight here and straight back. In fact, I don’t know how I’m going to manage. I ought to clean the house and get some food in and … The place looks like a pigsty, and if Anne’s unwell, she’ll hardly want to …’ Jennifer was buckling back her sandals, starting towards the kitchen.

  Lyn pulled her down again. ‘Listen, Jennifer, we’ve got to get out of here. Not just Susie—all of us. I don’t want you cleaning Matthew’s house, as if you’re his … galley-slave or something. I’m going to take a stand—demand that money he owes us, and get the hell out. While I was away, I suddenly realised how … wrongly we’re both living. That book has ruined everything and we’ve got to put a stop to it.’

  ‘Oh, Lyn.’ She was hugging him now. ‘I never thought you’d say that. I feel just the same myself. When I was up in Newcastle, I had a chance to think a bit, and it just seemed so … ridiculous to be living on top of Matthew when we could have Hernhope to ourselves and a life of our own and … I tried to phone you and discuss it. I wanted just to run away, there and then, like you do now. Look, let me just get Susie over this crisis, and then we’ll leave. Oh, darling—I can’t wait to see that house again. It’ll be elbow-deep in dust, of course, but once we’ve …’

  ‘Look, I … didn’t mean … there. Not Hernhope.’

  ‘Why not? What did you mean? I don’t understand. I …’

  ‘Somewhere … else. Somewhere smaller.’

  ‘But why, Lyn? Why bother with another place when Hernhope’s there and waiting?’

  ‘It’s … not.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Nothing. There’s … er … just a bit of a … legal problem still.’

  ‘There can’t be! Anyway, does it really matter? Can’t we just ignore it? Molly says …’

  ‘No, we can’t ignore it, Jennifer’

  ‘Well, let’s get some proper advice, then. Hire a lawyer or a …? I mean, surely someone can settle it after all this time?’

  ‘Well … maybe soon. But not soon enough for me. I’ve got to act immediately, while I’ve got the courage. I feel changed now, stronger. I’ve been steeling myself all week, working myself up to it. If I don’t stand up to Matthew now, I never shall. Don’t you see that, Jennifer? The minute he comes back, I’m going to put it to him, ask him for that money. I won’t take ‘‘no’’ this time.’

  ‘Oh, Lyn, I’m so relieved. I’ve been worried sick about the money side myself. I mean, I didn’t mind until this Susie thing cropped up, but I can’t pay rent out of air. As it was, I had to borrow from Anne’s emergency fund and I’ve been lying awake at night worrying about how on earth I’d find the money every week. But if Matthew pays our royalties, then … You won’t let him talk you out of it. You will be strong and …?’

  ‘I’ve said that, haven’t I?’

  ‘You’re marvellous, darling. I love you. When d’ you think we can leave?’

  ‘As soon as you like. As soon as we’ve found a pad.’

  ‘We can have a garden, can’t we? Just a little one.’

  ‘Course.’

  ‘We’ll plant bulbs and things. A whole lawnful of daffodils.’

  ‘No, crocuses.’

  ‘Daffodils and crocuses.’

  ‘How about a rock garden?’

  ‘Oh, yes. All those lovely Alpine plants …’

  ‘Gentians. .’

  ‘Dianthus. .’

  ‘Yes and lots more crocuses. Those Cloth of Gold ones with the tiny browny stripes.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Kiss me.’

  ‘Yes.’

  It was a long, slow, careful, probing kiss. Jennifer pulled away, reluctantly. ‘I’m sorry, darling, but I must go back to Susie. She’ll be wondering where on earth I am. I won’t stay long, I promise—not all night. Not now. I’m sure she’ll understand. I’ll just go and explain what’s happened and calm her down and then come back and …’ Jennifer scooped the car keys off the floor, retrieved her handbag, made towards the door—paused—edged back again.

  ‘Lyn. .’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Could … Susie come?’

  ‘Come where?’

  ‘Well, with us. To our new place. Oh, I know I shouldn’t ask you, but it would be a solution. I mean, not for long. Just until she’s had the baby. That’s only five months now—less than half a year. We could get rid of that dreadful hole in So
uthwark, then. Or just keep it for a month or two, until we’ve got our own place. Susie wouldn’t mind so much if she knew it was only temporary. We could move her in with us as soon as possible and keep her sort of … in hiding until … Oh, I know it’s a bit of a cheek, darling, when you’ve quarrelled with her and … everything. I wouldn’t even suggest it, if I wasn’t so worried about her. But what else can we do? I mean it would be different if she had money or a decent stable family. Even her boyfriend’s left her, or she’s left him, and she doesn’t seem to have a …’

  Lyn grabbed the bannister. There wasn’t room for Susie. It would be only a tiny house—all three crammed together—hot dangerous bodies touching. Four including the baby. More than four. The hall was filling now with writhing shadowy figures. Susannah Jane screaming and bloody in childbirth. Edward Arthur James snatching Hernhope like a toy and tossing it across the globe until it hit New Zealand. A two-year-old with ringlets and a smile. Susie with a smile. Susie’s mouth opening wider wider wider, splitting like a cunt. He might split her even further if she lived with them—harm the baby, smash Susannah …

  ‘Lyn, what d’you think, darling? I mean, if I went and told Susie now, it would cheer her up no end. Give her something to hang on to.’

  ‘Y … yes,’ Lyn said. ‘All right.’ He couldn’t shout or scream. He had returned to be a loving giving husband. He could feel himself shrivelling everywhere. Susie would make him a nun again. If he seized her, she would only laugh. Watch his grab turning limp and weak and stupid. She and Jennifer giggling at his impotence, whispering in corners, sharing confidences, shutting him out, betraying him.

  ‘I’d … er … better have my bath.’

  ‘Yes, you do that. I’ll be as quick as I can, I promise. You are a darling, to be so understanding. Give me a kiss before I go.’

  ‘No. I …’

  ‘All right, keep it for me. I’ll be back to claim it. ‘Bye, sweetheart.’

  Sweetheart. She hadn’t called him that for months. Only said it now because she was thrilled about the thought of Susie living with them. She laughed with Susie—never laughed with him. Susie had giggled when he kissed her. Supposing he kissed her again? Threw her on the bed, made her a Susannah? He couldn’t live with Susie. Too dangerous, too confusing. Susie swollen with another Edward, pushing him out of the nest, snatching his wife away when he had already lost his mother. All his fears returning. Jennifer returning. Dashing across the hall again. What did she want now? Come to ask if Susie could share their bed? He heaved up from the stairs.

  ‘Lyn, Lyn! It’s Matthew. He’s back. He’s here—just outside with Anne. They’re paying off the taxi. What shall we do?

  ‘Matthew?’ Lyn clawed at the wall to steady himself. ‘But … but you said he was flying back tomorrow—overnight.’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. He wasn’t due to arrive till first thing Sunday morning. I was going to meet their plane.—6.05. Terminal 3. It was all arranged.’

  ‘Quick! Let’s get out, then. Slip out of the back while they come in the front. I can’t face Matthew now.’

  ‘But you’re not dressed, Lyn. You can’t go out in a towel. Look, grab a mac or something, to …’

  ‘No, don’t. They’re coming. Hide!’

  ‘Jennifer! Hallo, my dear. Where are you dashing off to? Sorry to surprise you like this, but Anne took a turn for the worse, so we managed to change our tickets and come home earlier.’ Matthew swept through the door, a suitcase in each hand, Anne pale and stooping behind him. ‘Though I don’t know why we bothered, there were so many delays. We should have been in hours ago, but these airlines are totally inefficient.’ He put the cases down, kissed Jennifer on the cheek. ‘You look extremely well yourself, I’m glad to say. It is nice to be back. Everything all right?’

  ‘Er … yes. Fine. Welcome back. H … how was the … trip?’

  ‘Good and bad. Australia was wonderful. A triumph, you might say. They were eating out of my hand by the time we left. Japan less so. We ran into a few problems there, unfortunately. Ah, Lyn—hallo. Been hiding, have you? I’m not sure I approve of the South Seas style of dress.’

  ‘Sorry. Just had a … bath.’ Lyn clutched the towel around him, bolted upstairs.

  Jennifer longed to dash after him, smiled at Anne instead. ‘Look, let me take those bags from you. You don’t look well at all. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Rotten, I’m afraid. I’ve had some stupid bug for the last three weeks. It spoilt more than half of the trip, and even now, I can’t seem to shake it off.’

  ‘What a shame. I’m sorry. Why don’t you go straight upstairs to bed? I’ll sort out the cases.’

  ‘Good idea, Anne.’ Matthew removed his jacket. ‘You go up and rest.’

  ‘No, I’d rather see the boys first. I’ve missed them terribly. Where are they? Out with Susie?’

  ‘They … er … won’t be long. Let me make you a cup of tea or something. You must be exhausted after the journey.’

  ‘That would be nice. I’ve been longing for some proper English tea. How is Susie, by the way? I hope she’s been some use.’ Anne had followed Jennifer into the kitchen and was glancing around at the pile of dirty dishes, the cooker splashed with grease.

  ‘Oh, yes. A great help.’

  ‘Where’s she taken the boys?’

  ‘She … er … hasn’t.’

  ‘Where is she, then?’

  ‘I’m afraid she’s … Well, she … I mean, she had to … leave. This morning.’

  ‘Leave?’ Matthew had swooped into the kitchen. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It’s her … mother. She was taken ill. A stroke. It was all quite unexpected. The … er … father phoned and said Susie had to return immediately.’

  ‘Oh dear, I am sorry.’ Anne sat down, her face ashen beside Matthew’s sallow one.

  ‘Look, you ought to go to bed, Anne. You look awfully pale, you know. I’ll bring your tea up.’

  ‘No, really, thanks. I’d rather have it here. I want to know what’s going on. When did all this happen?’

  ‘Just this morning. About … ten o’clock Susie had the call, and she was on the train by lunchtime.’

  ‘Poor girl. What a shock for her. Did she have enough money for the fare? It’s quite a distance, isn’t it, Great Yarmouth?’

  ‘Yes. We … er … took it from your emergency fund. I hope you don’t mind. It was all such a rush, you see, and …’

  ‘No, that’s quite all right. That’s what it’s there for. Is her mother expected to …? I mean, d’you think there’s any chance of Susie coming back here?’

  ‘Well, not for a … while, I shouldn’t think. I mean, there’s all the other children to look after, all younger, and …’

  Matthew was pacing up and down in front of the window, blocking out the light. ‘Well, it is most unfortunate. I mean, to lose er at this time—with Anne unwell and the boys needing all their school things sorting out. Where are they, did you say?’

  ‘At … er … Mrs Briggs.’

  ‘Mrs Briggs? We never let them go there! Charlie Briggs’s language leaves a lot to be desired, and Mrs Briggs may call herself a cleaner, but her own house doesn’t show much sign of it. She doesn’t appear to have done much here, in fact.’

  ‘No. Well—I … let her have some time off. She kept complaining that …’

  ‘I decide her holidays, Jennifer, if you don’t mind. She’s a born complainer. What you should have done was …’

  Lyn had slipped into the kitchen, now dressed in corduroys and a shirt. ‘Look here, Matthew, Jennifer’s worked bloody hard all summer. Taken the boys out, mended and cooked and cleaned for them, done the garden, dealt with Mrs Briggs, and all you can do is start …’

  Anne got up. ‘We’re very grateful, Lyn. Of course, we are. We couldn’t have managed without you both.’ She reeled, clutched the table. ‘Oh dear, I do feel dizzy. I think I’d better go and rest.’

  She closed the door. Matthew frowned. ‘I’m g
oing to phone the doctor in the morning. Make sure she has a really thorough check-up. We only saw some … quack out there, who seems to have made her worse. She’s missed the boys, of course. She’s never left them so long before and I think it’s been upsetting her. They’re all well, I hope?’

  ‘Oh, yes. Thriving. Look, I’ll go and fetch them shall I? It might cheer her up to see them.’

  ‘That is kind, Jennifer. Thank you.’

  Lyn saw her to the car. ‘Listen,’ she whispered to him. ‘I only said I’d go so I’d have an excuse to call on Susie. I’ll race to Southwark first and warn her what’s happened, then go and fetch the boys. You keep Matthew happy. If he wonders why I‘m gone so long, make up some excuse. All right?’

  Lyn nodded, walked slowly back to the kitchen. Matthew had gone upstairs to Anne. He picked up Jennifer’s cup, sipped her tea. He must imbibe her strength, her resourcefulness. This could be their last month in Matthew’s house, the end of Matthew‘s tutelage, if only he didn’t weaken.

  Matthew was standing at the door. ‘Anne’s half asleep already. I’m afraid this trip’s exhausted her. I like to keep up the pace, but she’s less used to it, especially in the heat. You look well, Lyn. You’ve caught the sun, I see.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Everything all right in the office?’

  ‘More or less, I think. I … er … haven’t been there for a week or so. I took some … leave, as you suggested.’

  ‘Good, good. You’ll be nicely rested for our next project. I’ve got some very exciting plans. Born With The Century has really taken off in Australia and they’re talking about a sequel. Something built round Jennifer, this time, rather than Hester. A sort of self-sufficiency book for the modern woman. There’s a lot of interest in Jennifer, you know. In fact, I’m hoping to take her with me on another foreign tour. I had a long talk with the publicity man at …’

  ‘No.’ Lyn said. Jennifer’s tea was only dregs now. He could see half a face in the tea-leaves. A battered face.

  ‘Now, be a good chap, Lyn. You mustn’t stand in Jennifer’s way, you know.’

  ‘She doesn’t want it herself—never did.’

  ‘This is completely different. A chance to see the world, broaden her horizons. We can keep her schedule very undemanding, if that’s what you …’