Snap Shot (Cayuga Cougars Book 1)

by V. L. Locey

  “Nope,” the kid said, popping the P strongly. Off he went.

  I spun a chair around, threw a leg over the seat, then deposited my weary ass onto it.

  Langley glowered at me as I crossed my arms over the back of my chair.

  “You sure you want to do this in front of all these people?” I looked around at the quickly filling hall. “I’m fine with airing our dirty laundry here, because I’m not ashamed of your mother, myself, or what we share. I’m also kind of used to acting out in front of crowds, so yeah, I’ll rest my ass here and we’ll kick back and discuss why you up and left without a word to your mother or me about this trip. We’ll also talk about how you paid for a bus ticket here when you don’t have a job. I suspect some thievery, or at the least using a credit card without proper authorization. Then, after that, we’ll get into some really juicy shit about our unique family dynamic and—”

  “I swear, I hate you.” The kid shot to his sneakers and thundered out of the hall.

  I slowly rose, pressed some wrinkles out of my kilt, and followed Langley. I caught up with him beside a booth extolling some alien-filled video game. A guy with bright yellow hair hurried over to us as Langley and I faced off. I gave him a long, lethal look. Canary Head spun on his heel and went back to dusting off a life-sized alien replica.

  “Why don’t we go across the street to this little pub to talk things out?” I asked, and got the stink-eye.

  “Why don’t you just go the fuck away? What is your deal? Why do you keep fucking hounding me?” Langley threw his hands into the air as he spoke. Lila could also be very animated when she talked while upset.

  “Answer to question number one is because I don’t want to and you can’t make me. Answer to question number two is that my deal is keeping your mother happy and you safe, you rock-headed eejit. Answer to question number three is that I hound you because I care about you and don’t want to see you end up in prison.” I crossed my arms over my chest. The verbal ball was in his court.

  “You’re so full of shit,” he spat as his hands flew around in the air. “You never wanted me to come live with her, so why are you pretending like you give two shits where I end up?”

  “You’re right – at first I didn’t want anything to do with you. I kind of liked the set-up your mother and I had, but a funny thing happened. The more time I spent around you, the more I liked you. Maybe I can see your mother in you, or maybe you’re just an okay kid when you’re not working so hard to be a major pain in everyone’s ass.”

  He rolled his eyes and tossed his head so dramatically he should have been in one of those old silent movies. Must be that drama ran in his genes.

  “Yeah, right,” he replied as someone in a pink robe carrying a purple hippo in her arms sashayed past. We both watched her boobs threatening to spill out of her tight pink robe as she jiggled by. When she was gone, Langley slowly met my gaze. “Here’s the thing, Mario. I know exactly how this whole thing will end. You’ll walk away. Mom will get tired of playing Mommy and I’ll be on my own again with a sick old woman who regrets ever taking me in. So why don’t you just do me a favor and fuck off now? Everyone leaves, man. So just do it now and get it over with.”

  No kidding, I had another one of those “I got nothing” moments. It was obvious the kid was scared of losing another adult in his life, and who could blame him? What would my father have done? Well, if memory served, he would have made some gruff reply about talking nonsense, then asked why, if he didn’t care, would he have been standing there nearly crying with relief? Then he’d have done the one thing that had always made me feel better.

  I grabbed Langley, pulled him to my chest, and held on tight.

  “Like I tell your mother, I ain’t going nowhere,” I murmured into wild black curls that stuck to my lips.

  Langley went as stiff as a fireplace poker. The kid gave me about two seconds of touchy-feely dad love before he pulled away. He glanced around nervously, his sight lingering on the people moving past with bags and collectables.

  “I mean it, Langley.”

  His gaze slowly flickered up to touch mine.

  “I know it seems like every adult you get close to leaves, but I’m sticking around.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Yeah, whatever works,” I sighed. “So, you want to head across the street to talk man to man? It would behoove you to say yeah, because it’s happening whether or not you want it to,” I informed him.

  His eyes narrowed and he made the mistake of beginning his reply with, “What about the panel?” in reply to which I laughed hard and long.

  “You can watch it on YouTube. Let’s go.”

  “Dick,” he muttered, then shoved his hands deeply into his saggy pants.

  “Get used to it. Oh, before we have our talk, let’s take a selfie.”

  I tugged the kid to my side, held up my phone, and snapped a couple of pictures before he wrested away from me, his face bright red.

  “You’re such an asshole!” Off he went in a proper teenage snit.

  Chuckling and sending a picture to Lila titled “Look what I found in the ‘destined to drive adults over the edge’ discount bin”, I followed Langley out to stand beside Arch Street.

  Lila replied with, “Praise Jesus. Come home to me safely. I miss my two men.”

  Her two men missed her as well, even if one would never admit it.

  I steered the pissy teenager into the warmth of the Black Haggis Bar and Grille with a firm hand to the back of his neck.

  “It reeks in here,” Langley mumbled as we proceeded to the booth under the heater vent.

  I released him and slid onto the bench I’d napped on a few hours ago. A little girl with big brown eyes, tight curly hair, and dressed in a tartan vest, white blouse and black skirt hurried up to the table.

  “Morning.” I smiled up at the attractive little thing. “We’ll have two of the lunch specials.”

  “I just made some fresh coffee,” she told me, but her eyes were on Langley. He was too busy staring at the placemat to notice, the dumbass.

  “Sounds good.”

  I craned my head around and found the stout redhead seated at the bar. She gave me a thumbs up when our gazes met. I inclined my head in thanks, then put all my attention on Langley after the server scampered off.

  “So, isn’t this cozy?”

  He snorted and slithered down in his seat.

  “I thought so too.”

  “Look, stop trying to make this some sort of sitcom shit. You, my mother, and me are about as far from a sitcom as possible,” he spat while coffee arrived.

  I thanked the girl; Langley continued to glower at the silverware.

  “Let’s clear a few things up,” I said after taking a sip of thick, strong coffee. “The next time I hear you toss that inflection on the word ‘mother’, I will make your life a living hell. Your mother is your mother. You’re lucky – most people only get one mom, you got two. Try to appreciate that fact.”

  He huffed but no words fell out of him.

  “I’ll take that grunt as meaning you understand and will comply.”

  “Whatever.”

  At that moment, I wanted to erase the word “whatever” from the English language.

  Deep breath, Mario.

  “Good, we’re making communication work. Since your mother gave me the yoke of parental responsibility for this little search-and-rescue mission, I’m going to lay down my punishment and she is going to happily go along with my decision.”

  That was an out-and-out lie. Lila would probably get pissed off about me laying down the law for her kid, but I’d deal with that later.

  “Did you steal money from your mother to pay for the ticket, or did you use one of her credit cards?”

  “Mumble, mumble, Mastercard.”

  Great, another August type to try to decipher. Lucky me.

  “That infraction gets you a month on the bench.”

  He stared at me with confusion.

&nb
sp; “That means you’re grounded without social media.”

  The kid looked like he’d taken a shot to the solar plexus from Evander Holyfield. No shit, he went as pale as a carp.

  “Onward to the next foul and penalty.” I smiled across the table at the waxy young man. “About you sneaking off and not telling your mom or me where you were going…”

  By the time our food arrived, Langley was looking at not seeing Facebook or YouTube again until after he graduated college. He was so mad he couldn’t even talk. That is until the platter of steaming haggis and mashed potatoes grabbed his attention.

  “What the hell is that?” He pointed at his meal.

  “It’s haggis,” the server explained.

  Langley blinked dully at her.

  “Stuffed sheep stomach,” the cute little gal said, smiled shyly at him, and then hustled off to seat a couple of new customers who had arrived.

  He glanced from his food to me, his color a little green. I picked up my fork and knife and inhaled the rich scent of onions and sage.

  “Dig in, laddie,” I grinned.

  He paled even more and I snorted. Oh yeah, this guiding-slash-parenting-slash-mentoring thing was going to be fun. If it didn’t kill me with worry first.

  “Baby, what does it say on the side of this box?”

  “Those are my good dishes,” Lila replied, hustling over to steer me, and her good dishes, in the general direction of the kitchen. “You can place them on the counter, Seamus.”

  The woman in the red dress with silver threads then hurried off to give more directions to her son, who was carrying in yet more of his mother’s clothes. Where she was going to put all her stuff was anyone’s guess. The closets in our new house were small. Maybe she’d have to rent one of those storage units and drive out in her sexy panties and bra to find a dress.

  “Fucking A, what the hell is in this one? Bricks?”

  I glanced over my shoulder to see Victor stumble into the huge kitchen carrying yet another box. I slid my load onto the smooth counter and turned to read my gal’s neat print on the box Vic was struggling with. We’d been shown great love by the majority of the Cougars, who’d showed up to help us move into our new place throughout the day. All except August, who still refused to talk to me other than work-related shit. That left a big hole in my heart, I’m not going to lie.

  “It says ‘Mama McGarrity’s Cook Books’,” I informed him.

  He grunted and heaved the box up to sit beside the one I’d just carried in. Lila and my mother had hit it off so well over our Thanksgiving trip that she’d given Lila all her old cookbooks and recipes. Thankfully, the Pride parade had been rescheduled until summer. I didn’t think I could handle another four hours out in the cold in a kilt after my Philly trip. Guess who were going to be the guests of honor at my hometown Pride parade? Yep, me and the ravishing Madame Lila.

  “I think I ruptured something. Feel this.” Vic lifted his striped shirt to show me his belly. I wrinkled my nose at the show of sickly white skin. He poked at his stomach and winced. “I think I herniated myself. Feel it and tell me if you think that’s my gut poking through my abdomen.”

  “No, I’m not fucking touching you or your gut,” I stated.

  “Language, Seamus,” floated into the kitchen along with Dan. Victor’s husband looked at the display of Polish flesh with an arched eyebrow.

  “He thinks he herniated himself. Just drop that chair by the table,” I told Arou.

  Dan placed the robust wooden chair by the heavy oak table that Lila had bought a week ago. She had worried her old table wouldn’t be “warm enough”, whatever that meant. Like I cared about the old table not being warm enough. I always figured as long as I didn’t have to sit on the floor to eat, I was good.

  I gestured to Vic’s exposed gut. “He wants someone to feel it.”

  “That’s a pretty weak come-on line, babe,” Dan said, then walked over to prod around looking for a tear in Victor’s stomach wall.

  And this right here was what Lila and I were headed into. One partner giving the other medical exams in a kitchen they didn’t even own. I was kind of excited about that prospect, to be honest.

  “Yeah, see that there. Push that back in,” Victor said with a wince.

  “There’s nothing to push back in. You’re always exaggerating,” Dan told him, then ran his flat palm over Vic’s stomach with a touch that did not look medical. Vic twitched and snorted. Dan pulled his spouse’s shirt down then grabbed a wet kiss.

  “Hey, hey,” I barked when things began to get a little too sloppy. “Rent a room and let us watch.”

  “Sorry,” Dan coughed as a light blush tinted his tan cheeks. “My folks have been down for the holidays and…well, yeah, thin walls.”

  “I’m going to take my old man out to the moving van as soon as Mike is done picking up the lamp he broke, and fuck him on your sofa,” Vic announced, then slid an arm around his significant other’s waist.

  “Language, Victor,” Lila chided as she glided into the kitchen in a cloud of sexy perfume.

  Vic mumbled an apology.

  “And you will not be partaking of any kind of carnal frivolity on my sofa.”

  “How about on the old blanket we covered the kitchen table with?” Vic enquired while holding his husband tight to his side.

  “You may use that for your fun times.” Lila laughed as she sailed by.

  I grabbed her hips and tugged her back against my chest. She began to wiggle.

  “Just let me hold you for a couple minutes, baby,” I whispered beside her ear, then lapped at the tiny gold hoop dangling from her sexy earlobe. “We haven’t had a minute to cuddle for days.”

  “I know, but this move the day before Christmas was your idea, Seamus,” she reminded me as she melted back into my arms.

  I glanced at Vic. He took off with Dan at his heels.

  I tongued Lila’s long, thick neck, tasting all the way from her ear to where shoulder becomes neck.

  “I wanted you and me to be living here before New Year’s. Sue me.” I nipped at her skin and she shuddered lightly. “As soon as Langley goes to bed, I’m going to lay you down in our bed in our new bedroom and remind you just how great it feels to be loved by a man in a kilt.”

  She wiggled her enticing ass. My dick twitched as those high, tight orbs ground against my pelvis.

  “I can barely wait,” she replied breathlessly, which sent a flood of blood to my cock.

  “Okay, I think I have all your clothes upstairs. Can I please try to get online for ten minutes to check to see if the dean of admissions got my payment?” Langley jogged into the kitchen, mouth flapping, then stopped so quickly his sneakers squeaked on the sparkling linoleum. “Ah, come on, really? There were two gay guys sucking face out in the living room when I came down.”

  “I’m bi,” Victor shouted.

  I chuckled into Lila’s soft, dark neck but held her tight. Best the boy got used to seeing me and her hugging and kissing. That was what people in love did, and man was I in love with this woman.

  “Whatever!” Langley shouted back to Victor with a smile.

  The kid was coming around. He still had his moments, but now that he knew just what was what and who he could buffalo – not me – he was settling down a bit. He was crazy excited about starting his after-school bit at the art school when classes resumed after the Christmas break, which was another reason why I’d pushed this move along.

  Victor stuck his head around the doorframe. “Hey, we’re going to go get Mike out of the van and head home. Dan wants to poke me a little more. “The ass gave us a filthy wink, then disappeared, calling out that when it snowed next he expected Langley at his door with a smile and a snow shovel in hand. Since his and Dan’s house was a block over that shouldn’t be a problem for the kid.

  “You all know you’re too old to be this horny all the time, right?” Langley tossed out while grabbing a can of grape soda from the fridge. Lila and I both snickered at the young g
oof, then resumed necking. That sent his skinny ass out of the room at a dead run.

  “Damn kids think they got rights on being frisky,” I murmured into her ear, then cupped her breasts. She placed her hands over mine and we both squeezed. My dick was now hard and throbbing.

  “I hope he’s tired and falls asleep quickly,” my gal purred in that deep, throaty way that always made me half-crazy with need. “I’m feeling a need to pull out a toy or two.”

  “Oh damn,” I growled, and began chewing playfully on her ear.

  Things were going well until someone rang the doorbell.

  “If that’s the welcome wagon, tell them to come back tomorrow,” I huffed after my woman slipped away from me.

  “Perhaps Victor and Daniel forgot something,” Lila commented.

  She ran her hands down her sides to straighten her dress, then strutted out of the kitchen. The need to follow her like a hound on the trail of a hot bitch was strong, but I tamped it down. Didn’t want to have the new neighbors see me trailing after my gal with a raging boner.

  “I’m going to get online for only as long as it takes to check my email,” Langley bellowed down the stairs.

  Right. And I was the NHL Commissioner. Lila and I would have to check when we went up. I knew he’d sneak online time at school when he started at Cayuga Heights High School in a couple of weeks. Probably his mother would relent about the internet ban soon.

  She and I had come to a tender kind of detente about punishment and who meted it out. I was generally called in when the big guns were needed, and that was okay. I remembered it had been that way in my house before my father had died. Besides, I wasn’t home much due to hockey, so she handled most of it. Thankfully, not much had been required of late. It’s hard to get into trouble when you’re not allowed out among the masses until you turn thirty.

  I tugged open the fridge to cool down the area under my kilt and grab a can of soda. I spied a bowl of Lila’s leftover taco dip and removed that as well. When I turned around, Lila was standing in the doorway smiling in a silly sort of way.