The Pet Factor

by Judy Brown

  Archie took a plaster cast and a small electric motor out of the bag he was carrying. He attached the motor to the back axle of the wheelchair and sat down. He closed the plaster cast over his leg. And put on a baseball cap.

  ‘I love the plaster cast!’ said Anya. ‘Very convincing.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Archie. ‘We raided the art room last night. I hope nobody notices. Now, let’s power this up.’ He opened a small panel on his belly and plugged the motor into a power socket. There was a quiet ‘hum’ as the motor came to life. ‘Here, Jack, this is for you. It’s pretty obvious what you have to do.’

  Jack looked at the control box that Archie had handed him. It had two buttons – one said ‘start’, one said ‘stop’.

  ‘I think even I can handle that!’ he said.

  ‘Just don’t forget to steer,’ added Archie. ‘That’s down to you.’ Jack pressed ‘start’ and the wheelchair moved off smoothly.

  Sparky zipped up and settled into Archie’s lap.

  ‘See you at the theatre, everybody!’ said Flo and took to the sky.

  Anya was right about how busy it was going to be. When they got to the theatre, there was quite a queue. The group could see Sophie and her mum near the front, though.

  ‘Wow!’ said Anya. ‘You wouldn’t think that there would be this many talented pets.’

  Flo was perched on the roof of the theatre. When she saw Archie and the children arrive, she realised that she was probably just within range of Archie’s intercom.

  ‘Hi, Archie, can you hear me?’ she asked.

  ‘Loud and clear,’ Archie answered. ‘You made it okay, then?’

  ‘Easy-peasy!’ said Flo. ‘I’m going inside now.’

  ‘Take care,’ Archie told her. ‘And keep out of sight.’

  ‘I intend to,’ she replied. ‘Over and out.’

  Flo flew around the top floor of the building, looking for a sensible way in. She spotted a little window and prised it open with her powered beak and hopped inside.

  ‘Great! No one around,’ she said to herself and flew down the hallway. She found herself at the very top of the theatre, above the stage. ‘Perfect! Bird’s-eye view.’ She flew over, found the best place to perch, and settled down on the lighting rig.

  Back in the queue, it occurred to Jack that he hadn’t really prepared Buster’s ‘act’. He had been rather caught up in the excitement of it all.

  ‘I thought you said he was going to sing,’ said Anya.

  ‘Yes, but he won’t sing unless I do and I didn’t bring anything to sing along to,’ Jack complained. ‘Anya, I don’t suppose that you’d …’

  ‘Oh, no you don’t, you’re not getting me up on the stage, I wouldn’t do it even if you paid me!’ she warned him.

  Jack began to feel a little sick. As usual, he hadn’t really thought things through.

  ‘But I can’t sing,’ he said glumly.

  ‘I’m sure there’s something you can sing,’ said Anya. ‘Anyway, as long as we get in, that’s what matters.

  They were right at the front of the queue now and Jack was wishing he’d come up with a completely different plan. One that didn’t involve Buster.

  ‘Next please!’ bellowed an incredibly cheery lady at the registration desk. Anya stood to one side with Archie in the wheelchair while Jack handed in his application. ‘And who do we have here?’ said the lady, who was wearing a badge that said ‘Mindy’.

  ‘This is Buster and I’m Jack.’

  ‘And what is Buster going to do for us today, Jack?’

  ‘Er, he’s going to sing.’

  ‘Sing!’ exclaimed Mindy. ‘What a clever-wevver little doggy.’

  Archie wondered if she was speaking some strange language that the Professor hadn’t included in his database… He’d never heard the word ‘wevver’ in his life.

  ‘Well, here’s your number. Aren’t you just a wuvvley bundle of fluffy woof-woof?’ said Mindy.

  Archie began to think she was deranged.

  ‘Aw, look at his ickle-wickle face.’ She handed Jack a large piece of paper with ‘52’ printed on it and noticed Anya standing nearby with Archie and his ‘broken’ leg. ‘Oh dear, you’ve been in the wars, haven’t you? Whatever happened, you poor little sausage?’

  ‘Er, yes,’ said Archie using his digital sampler to imitate Jack’s voice, but pitching it slightly higher to sound younger, ‘I hurt it playing football,’ which was sort of true in a very roundabout way.

  ‘Aww, blesss ’ooo!’ Mindy said, but then she started to look at him a little too closely.

  Archie shrank down into his hoody and pulled his cap down lower.

  ‘He’s a bit shy,’ said Jack, grabbing the number.

  ‘Bless his little cotton socks,’ said Mindy. ‘Follow the signs to the main auditorium where you can find somewhere to sit. Best of luck, my lovelies. Next please!’

  Chapter 4

  Charlie’s Debut

  Anya peeked into the main auditorium. It was full of a strange assortment of pets of all shapes and sizes. She could see Sophie and her mum but they were clearly engrossed in getting their extremely large black-and-white cat Charlie ready for the audition, brushing him all over.

  ‘It’s pretty packed in there,’ said Anya. ‘I’m not sure it’s the place for an excitable Buster. Maybe we should go upstairs where it’s quieter?’

  They wheeled Archie over to the lift and pressed the button for the first floor. When the doors opened upstairs, Jack and Anya wheeled Archie down the aisle to where the balcony overlooked the stage. There were only a few people dotted about upstairs and they made themselves comfortable next to a short row of four seats right at the front.

  ‘Are you there, Flo?’ Archie asked through their intercom.

  ‘Archie! You’re in!’ she scanned the theatre below and spotted them instantly. ‘Hi, Sparky. I’m up here,’ she said, ‘in the lighting rig.’

  Archie zoomed in on her and raised a metal paw in greeting. Sparky bounced up and down happily on the ledge of the balcony.

  Archie looked down and saw that in front of the stage was a big desk with four judges sitting in a row. They each had a star that could light up in front of them, and over the stage were four ‘yes’ and ‘no’ lights. He wondered what they would make of Charlie … and Buster.

  A stage manager called out, ‘Number fifteen, can we have number fifteen on stage, please?’

  A teenage boy with long hair and dressed all in black like a Goth, skateboarded slowly onto the stage. He had another, smaller skateboard under one arm and was followed by a scruffy little dog.

  ‘Welcome, welcome!’ said the presenter, who introduced himself as Phil. Phil was part of the reason the show was so popular, but he’d never presented an animal version of this show before and he wasn’t sure he would want to again. There had been some rather unpleasant smells to deal with and he’d found that the animals and their owners could be completely unpredictable – not always in a good way. ‘Who are you and who have you brought with you?’

  ‘Hi, I’m Damien and this is my dog, Dracula.’

  Archie giggled. ‘That’s probably the least vampire-like dog I’ve ever seen.’

  ‘And what does Dracula do?’ asked Phil. It seemed like a silly question to ask.

  Damien leant into the microphone and said, ‘He can skateboard.’

  The audience of fellow pet owners and their friends clapped and cheered and the row of judges look impressed.

  ‘Well, Damien and Dracula,’ said Phil, ‘off you go!’

  Some heavy metal music started to play and Damien slowly skateboarded around the stage as Dracula sat and watched. Then Damien placed the small skateboard on the stage and Dracula climbed on it.

  Damien had a lead attached to the front of Dracula’s skateboard to help steer it around the stage. He skated and pulled Dracula along. It all went quite well to begin with and the audience cheered loudly.

  ‘He’s really good,’ said Jack, worrying about
how not-good he and Buster were likely to be.

  ‘I’m impressed,’ said Archie. ‘He’s not bad at all.’

  Sparky, forgetting where he was, went backwards and forwards along the balcony until Archie put a gentle paw on top of him to make him stay put, before someone noticed that there was a small metal mouse whizzing around.

  The applause, however, began to go to Damien’s head and he started to go faster and faster. Too fast, in fact. The lead got tangled in the wheels of his skateboard, and Dracula went flying off his skateboard into the audience, narrowly missing one of the judges, who ducked just in time.

  Poor Damien looked quite dejected when he didn’t go through to the live TV show on Saturday, but the judges kindly suggested that he should practise more and try again next year.

  Next up was a group of performing pigeons. Flo was thrilled.

  ‘Hey, Archie, they look like me!’ she said. ‘But with real feathers, not metal ones.’

  The act was a pigeon circus! Four of them rode on a roundabout, another two went on a swing boat, which they powered by pulling a string. But the best bit as far as Flo was concerned was the tightrope-walker pigeon, which did pirouettes on one leg all along the wire.

  ‘Awesome,’ she said.

  Needless to say, the pigeon circus got four yeses from the judges. As the birds and their owner came off the stage, a little old lady with a clipboard approached them and chatted with the owner for a while, asking him questions and filling in a form.

  The pigeon circus was followed by a footballing pig, which dribbled a ball into a special little goal. Then came two performing goats that jumped through hoops and walked on barrels.

  Flo and Sparky were thoroughly enjoying themselves, as was Archie.

  ‘I must admit,’ Archie said, ‘it’s even better than I thought it would be. I wonder when Sophie and Charlie will be on.’

  ‘I’ll go and find out,’ said Anya. She ran off and reappeared downstairs, weaving her way through the people and pets to where Sophie and her mum were. Jack saw her pointing up at them and she held up her number – 23.

  ‘We’re on number twenty at the moment,’ said Jack, who was watching another performing dog. This one could balance things on its nose – it wasn’t making him feel any better about auditioning with Buster. ‘Only two more and then it’s Sophie! I bet she’s nervous,’ he said sympathetically, feeling butterflies in his own stomach.

  As if she could hear what he’d said, Sophie mimed biting her nails when he waved and showed her his number. Jack mimed a fainting fit in reply, which made the girls laugh.

  Anya came back upstairs, just as the following act, a monkey who could paint, was being dragged off the stage, rejected by the judges, having gone a bit wild with his paintbrush. Act 22, the one before Sophie and Charlie, was a troupe of performing mice.

  Sparky, as you could imagine, was fascinated by this and sat almost motionless, except for his twitching whiskers, as he watched the display of basketball-playing, ball-balancing, flag-raising mice.

  ‘I hope you’re not getting any wild ideas about doing this at home,’ said Archie, knowing that’s exactly what Sparky was planning.

  Sophie and Charlie were waiting in the wings when their number was called. Charlie, calmness personified until now, had spotted the bright lights of the stage and decided not to budge any further.

  Sophie tugged at the lead attached to his collar. ‘Come on, Charlie,’ she pleaded, ‘it’s our turn.’

  He looked up at her unimpressed and unmoved.

  ‘Contestant number twenty-three,’ said Phil, ‘please join us on stage.’

  Sophie tugged again. Charlie dug his claws in.

  There was nothing for it, so Sophie picked up the big lump of a cat and walked unsteadily onto the stage, hoping that once they were sitting at the piano he’d be more co-operative than he was being now.

  ‘Welcome, young lady, who are you and who do we have here?’

  ‘I’m Sophie,’ said Sophie, ‘and this is my cat, Charlie. He plays piano.’ There was a huge cheer and a murmur of anticipation from the audience. The loudest cheers came from Anya, Jack and the Petbots. Sparky span excitedly in a circle.

  ‘Good luck,’ whispered Flo, crossing her feathers.

  Charlie was certainly a big cat and his fluffy coat made him look even bigger. It was a relief when Sophie could put him down on the piano stool next to her. Then she began to play. She’d thought a lot about what tune she should play and had decided on something easy so that she didn’t make any mistakes. ‘Three Blind Mice’ seemed appropriate – her only worry was that Charlie wouldn’t play along. But Charlie was a natural: Sophie had barely got to ‘see how they run’ and Charlie had started pressing keys.

  The audience loved it, clapping and cheering enthusiastically.

  ‘Well done, Charlie!’ shouted Archie.

  Charlie seemed spurred on by the cheering and stood on the piano with all four paws to play more notes. The cheering got louder.

  ‘They love it!’ cheered Anya. She felt really proud of Sophie and Charlie. She almost began to get teary.

  Then Charlie walked up and down the keyboard as Sophie carried on playing the tune. The place was in uproar.

  ‘Hooray!’ shouted Jack. ‘More! More!’

  The judges were all thrilled and four green ‘YES’ votes lit up. Charlie and Sophie were through to the live semi-final on Saturday!

  Chapter 5

  Funny Farm

  ‘Way to go, Sophie!’ said Jack. He and Anya did a high five.

  ‘And Charlie!’ said Archie.

  ‘Of course,’ said Anya. ‘What a team. I think they’ve really got a chance.’

  Above the stage, Flo was flapping her wings so excitedly that she nearly fell off her perch.

  Sophie gathered Charlie up in her arms and walked off the stage with him, beaming happily. The little old lady with the clipboard approached her.

  ‘That was marvellous, dear,’ she said, ‘you must be so proud.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Sophie politely and cuddled Charlie, who nuzzled her back.

  ‘I just need to take a few details,’ the lady went on. ‘What’s your address, dear, are you local?’

  ‘My mum already filled in an audition form, I think,’ Sophie said.

  ‘Ah yes, I know, dear,’ she said, going to stroke Charlie’s head but he backed away nervously and swiped at her with his paw, ‘this is for our local newsletter, and maybe even the newspaper.’

  ‘Oh, okay!’ said Sophie, feeling important.

  When the lady had asked her a few more questions, Sophie went back to her seat where her mum was waiting. Anya had run down to join them and there were hugs all round.

  ‘Come and see Jack and Ar— er … Buster,’ said Anya. ‘They’re upstairs.’

  ‘Is it okay, Mum?’ asked Sophie.

  ‘Yes, of course,’ said her mum, ‘but then I think we’d better be off, Charlie’s probably had enough for one day.’ Sure enough, their big old cat had crawled back into the pet carrier and fallen fast asleep.

  Charlie wasn’t the only one asleep. Buster was worn out by all the excitement and was having a puppy nap, wagging his tail in his sleep.

  ‘He doesn’t look much like he wants to go on stage,’ laughed Sophie.

  ‘I know! Not like you, Sophie. You and Charlie were awesome,’ said Jack. He was beginning to feel physically sick at the idea of performing.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Sophie, blushing slightly. ‘It was all Charlie, really.’

  Sparky whizzed up and perched on her shoulder.

  ‘Did you like it, Archie?’

  ‘It was very good, but maybe you should teach him to play proper notes,’ Archie said helpfully.

  ‘I tried that once but he just got bored. What are you and Buster going to sing, Jack?’ Sophie asked.

  ‘I have no idea,’ he said, turning a little green. ‘What number are we up to now?’

  ‘This is number forty,’ Archie repl
ied. ‘More performing pooches.’ He was beginning to get a little bored.

  They carried on watching for a while, but when contestant number forty-eight came onto the stage, Jack was experiencing a fairly severe case of stage fright.

  ‘Time to get ready,’ said Anya. She gave Buster a nudge. He was still sound asleep.

  ‘I don’t think I can do it!’ said Jack, a look of blind panic on his face. Anya only needed to take one look at him to see he was deadly serious.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said sympathetically. ‘We’ll tell them you’re ill or something. Are you sure you don’t want to go on?’

  ‘Positive!’ Jack had never been so sure of anything in his life! ‘Come on, Buster,’ said Jack, anxious to get going.

  Buster yawned and stretched.

  ‘Where am I?’ he thought sleepily, then he remembered and got all excited. He jumped around the seats, full of energy. Jack grabbed his lead and dragged him over to the stairs.

  ‘Flo,’ said Archie, ‘we’re off. Jack and Buster aren’t ready for their stage debut. Are you coming?’

  ‘I’ll stay and watch a bit more if that’s okay,’ said Flo. ‘I know the way back.’

  ‘Okay, see you back at home,’ said Archie.

  Unfortunately, Jack had underestimated how long it would take to get the wheelchair back downstairs and out of the building. First they had to wait for the lift to come back up, and then there was a queue of people and pets waiting to use it. By the time everybody in front had climbed in, there was barely room for them.