by Jenn Hype
That didn’t keep me from dating. Nope, I just had a tendency to date guys I had absolutely no interest in. Didn’t matter if they were boring or ugly or stupid, it only mattered that they meant nothing to me. They couldn’t hurt me if they meant nothing.
The same went when it came to having friends. Girls play head games. They are cruel and vicious and I had no desire to be a victim to the crap that went down between two girl friends.
No, I wasn’t a loner. I had friends, but the same concept as dating applied. They were boring and homely looking, not even the least bit interesting. But they were kind and weren’t judgmental and I knew they wouldn’t turn on me just because one of the popular girls started talking to them. Because the popular girls didn’t even look at them. It was hard to see them with their noses so high up in the air.
I never really fit in anywhere. I just kind of…existed. No one picked on me, and once my senior year of high school came, everyone had lost interest in me entirely.
Now, it wasn’t like I walked around feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t hang my head in shame or avoid eye contact. I was perfectly happy with how things were in my life. I was pretty and smart and probably could have fit in just about anywhere if I had actually cared enough to try, but I didn’t. It wasn’t worth all the effort. Everyone who purposely ‘fit in’ with a certain crowd had to constantly work at it. I simply didn’t care enough to live every second of my life trying to make someone else happy, just to end up getting hurt in the long run.
So anyway, here I was at eleven o’clock on a Friday night, tossing dozens of wadded up sketches into the trashcan. I was determined not to leave this place until I had something I was happy with. I only had a week to come up with an idea to pitch to Ian, and if he liked it, we would pitch it to the sister company who was making the bottles.
I decided I need a break. Some caffeine, preferably. So I grabbed my drawing pad and slipped my flats back on to my feet and headed out to the kitchen in the break room. There were generally still several other employees here at this time of night, even on a Friday, but they were all out at some convention. I had decided not to go, wanting to take the opportunity of uninterrupted time to focus on my sketches.
As I grabbed a Red Bull and went to close the fridge, Ian’s face appeared, inches from mine.
“Holy shit, Ian, you scared me.”
Chapter 21
Ian
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I didn’t realize anyone was still here.”
I reached down and picked up her sketch pad that she dropped when I startled her.
“What’s this?” I asked, gesturing at the page that had fell open with the book.
“Ummm…that’s just a doodle. I haven’t been happy with anything I’ve drafted yet and sometimes when my mind wanders I just doodle. I honestly don’t even remember drawing that,” she chuckled as she took the sketch pad out of my hands.
“Well your doodles are amazing. Instead of calling them doodles you should probably call them masterpieces.”
Her blush was adorable. I’d been trying to give her space since she started, letting her get acclimated and get to know everyone. Standing this close to her, looking at her beautiful face, I had to wonder what the hell had given me the bright idea to stay away.
“It’s getting late. Are you planning on leaving soon?” I was probably here for the night, trying to meet a deadline for a new client. I secretly hoped Adalyn would say she’s staying longer. Just knowing she’s somewhere near me, even if I can’t see her, made my body and mind more relaxed.
“I don’t know. I was actually thinking of making some popcorn and watching a movie in the theater room. I’m too wired to relax right now, but I need to get my mind off this project for a bit. Is that okay?” She was looking down and fidgeting with her hands. I’d noticed she did that when she was nervous. Every time I saw her doing it, it took everything in me not to put my hands over hers to calm her.
“You don’t have to ask my permission to do anything here, Adalyn. Consider this your second home. There are no rules here.” She just nodded, mumbling an apology. This shy, insecure version of her was a sight to be seen. As much as I hated her doubting herself like this, and as much as I loved strong, confident Adalyn, I couldn’t help my fascination. I found myself wondering how many people had been witness to this side of her. I also found myself hoping that it hadn’t been very many. That I was special to her in some way.
“Okay, great, well…I guess I’ll head over there. Have a good night,” she said as she waved awkwardly. I had to bite my lip to keep from grinning at her obvious discomfort. “Unless…”
“Unless, what?”
“Unless…you want to watch a movie with me? I mean, I’m sure you’re really busy. Never mind, of course you’re busy. Plus it’s late. Sorry, I don’t know what I…anyway, have a good night.”
She tried to run off, but I grabbed her by the elbow. I waited until she turned to look at me before I moved. Then in one swift step toward her, I brought my face inches from hers and looked into her dark, beautiful brown eyes. I heard her breath catch and her body stiffened. All I would have to do is lean a fraction in her direction and our mouths would touch. She was staring at my lips and I could tell she was anticipating me to do just that. So I leaned in close enough so that she could feel a ghost of my lips across hers, breathing into her parted lips as I whispered, “I’d love to watch a movie, but I get to pick it.”
Then I took off running towards the theater, leaving a stunned Adalyn in the dust. Glancing back at her, I saw a slow smile creep across her face. And then she was running after me.
The theater room was essentially a small movie theater. Maybe like the quarter of the size of a normal one. There were three rows of plush, reclining chairs. Then a row of couches made of the same materials, and then another three rows of chairs. They were all extremely comfortable. I would know - I’d fallen asleep in them many times.
I wasn’t tired tonight though. I had let Adalyn pick the seats since I got to pick the movie, and much to my surprise and delight, she had chosen one of the couches. We were sharing a bucket of popcorn, so despite the size of the couch, her body was right up next to mine.
“This movie is so stupid,” she scoffed, right as one of the actors got massacred.
“What are you talking about? Quentin Tarantino is a genius. This movie is awesome.”
“Some of his films are, but this one’s just dumb,” she laughed as I threw popcorn at her face. It caught in her hair and I leaned over to pull it out, letting my fingers linger a little longer than necessary, enjoying the softness of her long, dark hair.
The air between us seemed to thin and suddenly felt electrified. We had been joking at laughing at all the cheesy parts of the movie, completely relaxed, and I was truly enjoying myself. The moment was there again, she wanted me to kiss her. Her breathing picked up and she stared at my lips. I leaned toward her, easing my body against hers and she went with it, lowering her back to the couch.
When she was laying flat and I was hovering over her, I reached my hand towards her face and her eyes closed in anticipation of my touch. But I didn’t stop, I kept going, and grabbed her sketch book off the seat. She opened her eyes, looking confused and surprised, as I sat up and started flipping through the book.
“Hey, those are private! You can’t see those until I’m ready. Give it back.”
Oh, this flirty, cat-and-mouse game we had going on was such a turn on. Knowing how much she wanted me to make a move only encouraged me to prolong the anticipation. I wanted to get her to the point of needing me so badly that she was begging. If I could hold on that long, because right now she was reaching her whole body against mine, reaching for the sketch pad I was holding above my head.
Yep, I was twelve again. I may as well pull her pigtails while I’m at it. I couldn’t help it though. She was giggling and rubbing her stomach and breasts against me as she continue to grab for her drawings. It was a
half assed effort, she could have grabbed it ten times by now. No, she was enjoying this as much as I was, and I was not about to stop her.
I lost my balance and fell back a little and her body moved with mine, causing her to be practically on top of me. Her eyes went dark and I felt my pants tighten from my arousal. I saw the moment she felt it, a myriad of emotions crossed her face and she pulled away quickly. She cleared her throat and mumbled something about using the restroom.
Sitting up, running my hands through my hair, I was mentally kicking myself for not kissing her when I had the chance. I just hoped I would get another opportunity. And soon.
Adalyn never came back to the theater. I waited thirty minutes before I went looking for her. I found her huddled in a far corner of the break room, her knees pulled up to her chest as she looked far off, lost in thought. As I approached her she looked up to me, and I could see her body shaking slightly as if she were on the verge of crying.
I sat down next to her and placed my hand gently on her knee. “What’s wrong, Adalyn?” I said a silent prayer in that moment that this wasn’t because of our flirting. The thought of her closing up on me again made my chest tighten.
“I just don’t want to mess up, Ian,” she whispered as she looked away. I pulled her chin up to face me so I could look in her eyes, my confusion apparent. “I…I’m happy here. I actually really want to be here. I want to do well. For the first time in maybe my entire life, I actually want to try and it scares me to death. I just…I don’t want to mess up.”
And I knew what she was talking about. She wasn’t talking about the job, she was talking about me. About us. Whatever was happening between us, she felt it too, and she was afraid it would jeopardize her job here.
I could have assured her that it wouldn’t. I could have pleaded with her to trust me and to not fight the inevitable, but words didn’t go far with Adalyn. I had learned that the hard way. No, the only way to get through to her would be to give her space as she needed it and show her that I wasn’t going anywhere. That she could feel safe here. With her job, and with me.
So as much as it pained me to do so, I pulled my hand away from hers and nodded. “I understand, Adalyn. I think you’re doing great and you will go far with this company. I appreciate your dedication and I’ll let you get back to it. Have a great night,” I said, giving her a tight smile. It was forced and not at all believable, but the effort I was making didn’t go unnoticed. She returned my smile with a forced smile of her own, and I couldn’t help but notice her body relax the further I got from her. All the way to my office I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t killing me that distance was what she needed from me.
No, that didn’t hurt at all.
Chapter 22
Adalyn
The next few weeks of work passed in pretty much the same fashion as the first two. I didn’t see much of Ian after that night. The night of the movie. Of the almost kisses. Of the long, focused gazes into each other’s eyes. You know…that night.
He was giving me space. He had understood what I was asking of him loud and clear, without me having to voice it, and I would be eternally grateful to him for that. Ian had been more than respectful since the day I’d met him, so why did I feel so disappointed from him giving me what I wanted?
It was what I wanted, wasn’t it? Yes, it’s what I wanted. What I needed. For the first time in my life I was enjoying my job, giving it my all and actually succeeding. I couldn’t jeopardize that just to satisfy my sexual urges. Even without my job being a complication, there was also the matter of him being Stacy’s friend. No matter how I played out the situation in my head, sleeping with Ian would ultimately be a mistake.
Especially considering the fact that my feelings were bordering on becoming more than just sexual.
He was so devastatingly sexy that when I was near him it was like my brain was completely clouded in a lust induced haze. But every so often, when the fog would lift and I could truly see the man before me, my heart would soften just a little bit more. Ian was gradually working his way into my life in ways I hadn’t let anyone be a part of for a very long time. It was terrifying, but I couldn’t deny how much I also desperately wanted that with him.
I wanted him to see me, to know me, to understand me. It was all more than I could dare to hope for, so as much as I wished I could have an intimate relationship with Ian, I had to accept it would never happen. It couldn’t happen. I didn’t have a choice.
Unfortunately, no matter how many times I told myself that, practically keeping it on loop in my head 24/7, it couldn’t prevent all the things I shouldn’t feel from rising up whenever he was near.
Tonight, especially, would be extraordinarily difficult.
Our company was hosting a large charity event. Ian had founded the charity, and it was to raise awareness to school bullying. Obviously, an issue near to his heart. His involvement in the organization was touching, as he didn’t just donate money but also his time. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he sat patiently at a table full of children, probably middle school aged. It was so bizarre seeing him in a tux, sitting so casually with a group of kids, listening intently as they rambled on excitedly. It was endearing, and I felt myself wanting to swoon.
Ugh, I’ve got it bad.
At that moment, Carrie entered my line of vision, glaring at me like I was something she had drug in on the bottom of her shoe. I’d been doing a fantastic job of avoiding her at work. The place was large enough and with no one having set work hours, running into her didn’t happen often. When it did happen, she would just stare at me and grumble under her breath. Usually my entering a room was her cue to exit. Not tonight, apparently.
“What, Carrie? What do you want?” My feet were killing me in these ridiculously high stilettos, and I’d been in my gown for so long that I was desperately yearning for a pair of sweatpants. I’d grown so accustomed to dressing casually every day at work that having to dress this way tonight was even more uncomfortable than usual. Although, I had to admit that I looked pretty fantastic in my dress. The long, purple silk of my gown clung to my body in all the right places and the delicate beading that spanned the dress in a beautiful design sparkled under the lights. I felt a little bit like a princess.
“Quit staring at my brother.”
That got my attention. “What?” I snapped at her. “First of all, I’m not staring at your brother. Second of all, maybe you should mind your own damn business.”
She snorted at the same time as rolling her eyes. Is she seriously my age? She behaves more like she belongs over at that table with the rest of the kids.
“Deny it all you want, Adalyn, but I’m not blind. You’re fooling yourself if you think anything will ever happen between the two of you.”
“I’m not thinking anything of the sort, not that it’s any of your business. And I’m pretty sure your brother is a grown ass man and can handle himself. Tell me, Carrie, how would Ian feel about you coming over here and spitting your hatefulness in my face on his behalf?”
Her face fell and the arms she’d had crossed over her chest fell slack to her sides. Her eyes widened just a fraction, then narrowed, returning to stone.
“Just stay away, Adalyn. I mean it.”
Then she was gone. Good riddance. Even if I was thinking of trying to date Ian, his crazy sister would be enough to talk me out of it. But I wasn’t thinking of dating him. Not at all. Nope.
Ugh, screw it, I needed a glass of wine. I hadn’t driven, so what was the harm, right? Pretending to not have feelings for Ian was really wearing me down. I just needed a brief reprieve. As I approached the bar, Ian slid in next to me, sitting on a vacant stool.
“Is there something about my presence that leads you to drinking?” Ian teased, nudging my arm with his.
If only he knew just how true that was.
“I just don’t do well in these situations, the dressing up and stuff atmosphere. It’s not really my scene,” I shrugged as I took a sip o
f the wine the bartender had just handed me.
“Yeah, me either. I was actually thinking of heading out and grabbing a bite to eat. The food here was disgusting and I’m starving.” Ian scrunched up his nose and made a face over the food. He was so cute like this, I couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped my lips. A real giggle. I was officially pathetic.
“That actually sounds great. Can we swing by the office first though? I’ve got a change of clothes there and I’m dying to get out of these shoes.” Ian stood and placed his hand on the small of my back. I pretended to not notice the flutters it was causing in my stomach. I didn’t miss, however, the glare coming from Carrie as we headed towards the door. So I winked. I couldn’t help myself, she just got under my skin.
To my surprise, Ian had driven himself. I had expected him to ride in a limo or some extravagant town car. In the least, I thought he would be driving an Aston Martin or some other ridiculously expensive car. Instead, he was driving an old trans am. It was in great condition, but it wasn’t at all what I would picture Ian driving. I had to admit that he looked sexy in his tux driving a vintage car though.
The ride to the office and up the elevators to our floor was filled with comfortable small talk and laughter. Ian was so easy to talk to and was such a great listener. The more time we spent together, the more difficult it became to deny the feelings I was having towards him. The sexual attraction had always been there, but those feelings were never hard for me to ignore. The constant urge to hold his hand, reach out and touch his face or just lean into his body with my head on his chest…those feelings were impossible to ignore. They were so foreign that I didn’t even know how to begin fighting them.
When the elevators opened to our floor, Ian and I were still laughing over a story he was telling about the time he hacked into the school’s database and got the answers to a test, when we heard muffled sounds coming from down the hall. It wouldn’t be unusual for someone to be working at this time of night, even on a weekend, but the sounds definitely did not sound normal.